Behind The Scenes and Changing Everything For The Better
I met with a surgeon today and of course that meant allowing myself to be “violated” once more. The surgeon quickly stopped as he discovered the problem. It wasn't hemorrhoids after all, well, not completely at least. It was shards of glass in my behind. Oh wait, that's what it feels like. No, it was a fissure, or fisher, or heck, I don't know how to spell it. Simply put: A tear down there. Ouch is right! The cause: Not enough fiber lead to “hard times,” and that coupled with my super human strength sphincter muscle led to rip city. I basically ripped myself a new one. Way to go Sean! The surgeon thinks we might be able to avoid the operating table, and since an operation would probably center around my behind perched up on a table with spotlights on it, in the middle of a crowded operating room, and my luck it would be medical school student field trip day, I think he's right. I actually survived the pains of a fissure once before. I healed it without any prescriptions of any kind. I simply went on a liquid fast for a week, and with no activity down south, it was able to heal naturally. The normal activity down there is what usually keeps a fissure from healing, and that's why surgery is normally the option selected. But if you can “stay smooth” and be cool, it's entirely possible to heal without surgery. He prescribed me a specially compounded ointment made with blood pressure medicine. This stuff must be good because it wasn't covered by insurance and was thirty-five dollars for a tiny bottle. Just for fun I thought about asking the prim and proper pharmacy tech to describe how I'm suppose to use the ointment, but thought nah, I've had enough fun for one day. I'm very thankful to find a surgeon that really doesn't want to operate if it isn't absolutely necessary. I'm going to follow his advice to the letter and avoid another fast. My metabolism would hate me if I did that. Don't worry Pokey, Seanboy isn't going to starve you! Uh, that was me talking to my metabolism, I call it Pokey. It's a name I came up with after a recent doctors visit.
My medical condition is perfect for friends who like to drop puns like hot potatoes. Very funny, I've heard 'em all. Did I mention laughing makes it hurt worse? I decided to allow myself an off night as far as a workout goes. I'm cool with that because this is really painful and I'm doing just fine staying in one decently comfortable position. I'll be back at 100% in no time. Until then I'll decide from day to day what I'll do based on my pain level. One thing I will definitely do from now on: Get more fiber! Even if it means drinking that gritty orange stuff we have in the cabinet. I wonder how many calories are in that orange gravel shake? I'll have to look.
Weigh day is fast approaching and I can't help but get excited. Will I be down into the 350's? It's entirely possible my friend! I've been revving up my metabolism every two to three hours, plus my workouts have rocked, so uh...yeah, I'm looking for a nice weigh-in on Wednesday. I'll tell you this, the 48's are fitting much more loose. It will not be long before a belt is called in for assistance in holding these jeans up. Maybe then I'll go buy a size 46. It's so fun to be on my way!
Every now and then I catch a glimpse of my face in the mirror, then I try to flashback to what my old face looked like. I mean, it's still my old face, just smaller. You know what I mean. The difference is so wonderfully dramatic. I sometimes can't believe how wonderful it feels to really do this, to really be committed to such a positive thing. My hopes and dreams have changed right along with my appearance, and my attitude and daily mood is most always upbeat. I look in the mirror and see a completely different human standing there. People say “well, it doesn't change who you are on the inside.” Yes it does! It makes it better! I'm a much better, more caring, more tolerant, more loving, more driven, more excited, happier person on the inside than I ever was at over five hundred pounds. The exciting thing about this journey is, it keeps getting better. I keep losing weight and my appearance transforms, my health improves, my attitude changes, I mean, really, what kept me fat for so long if this is what I had to look forward to? My brain, that's what. The mind is an amazingly complex thing, isn't it?
I'm going to go take some medicine and climb into bed early tonight. Thank you for reading. Good night and...