Thursday, February 11, 2010

Day 514 Things You Can No Longer Do Weight Chart and I Don't Mind Getting Beat

Day 514

Things You Can No Longer Do Weight Chart and I Don’t Mind Getting Beat

As I enjoy the freedom that my 236 pound loss affords me, I easily drop back into the thoughts of what I couldn’t do before. The reminders come frequently, often in the middle of experiencing something that before I could only dream of doing. I re-read Day 149 today and found the “Things You Can No Longer Do-Weight Chart,” It was a personal writing exercise from exactly one year ago today:

There are so many things that I've let my weight stand in the way of enjoying. Either because I couldn't physically do it or I was too embarrassed to do it. I've always been extremely aware of these potentially embarrassing situations and avoided them completely. It's something that gradually happens. If only I would have had a chart as I gained that told me at what weight I could no longer enjoy things.

The chart would be written to reflect my height and build, plus take into account my insecurities and crazy hang-ups. Somewhere between 275 and 325 that chart would have read “You can no longer ride a bike, jump a rope, comfortably jog, or sit on wicker furniture.”

Then between 320 and 370, “You can no longer comfortably wear shorts in public, nor should you even think about squeezing into a two seater, and don't even try using a regular bathroom scale, you might break it.”

Between 370 and 420: “You can no longer enjoy an amusement park with your children, so just settle on being that fat guy that waddles around watching everyone else have a blast, and if you need any clothing, you'll have to drive to the nearest major city with a real big and tall store, and just accept that the only thing you're going to do at any swimming pool is drop off the kids, oh, and remember actually being able to see certain areas of your body in the shower? Relax, they're still there, but you'll have to feel your way around to get to them.”

Between 420 and 470 the chart would get much worse: “Clicking the seat belt might give you a hernia, close to 470? Don't even worry about it, because it's not clicking. Ok, your marriage will now suffer serious intimacy issues, because you're just too dang big. You can no longer fit comfortably in most chairs with arms. Don't try to ride in any car but your own big vehicle, because you probably wouldn't fit, and might break something if you tried. Go ahead and buy two seats for that flight, one for each half. You better check the sturdiness of any chair before you sit down, and stop flopping on the couch, you're gonna break it down! Buy some better shoes, because you're going through them like crazy. You can no longer hurry anywhere on foot, not even a little bit. If you ever need to run for your life, say from a wild bear, or crazed gunman, don't bother, just enjoy the last few seconds of your life without killing yourself.”

And finally between 470 and 510: “You can't walk down the hall without breathing heavy. You will worry everyday about suddenly dying. While visiting at a friends house, a good friend will always point out the sturdiest place to sit. You can't even fit in some of the largest sizes at the big and tall store, better start thinking about having all of your clothes custom made. Have you pre-arranged your funeral? Just checking...you might want to think about that.”

I know I'm missing a bunch of stuff that could have fit real well on that chart, and a couple of things up there are probably TMI, but certainly makes me think about things. I could have checked the chart everyday to see where I stood, but would it have stopped me? I seriously can't say.

I slept a little too late this morning. It wasn’t “late for work” late, but it was “no time for even a mini-workout” late. I had to seriously rush. I jumped up, showered, and quickly scrambled a couple of whole eggs with some skinless grilled chicken breast chunks---all wrapped up into a Flat-Out flat bread wrap. I didn’t have time to eat at home, I saved it instead for my show. I must have needed the extra hour of sleep, because I just took it. I didn’t consciously decide to sleep late, I was in a deep sleep—and the alarm wasn’t loud enough this time. I hope my neighbors are cool and they like KPNC, it was blaring for a while.

I planned to play racquetball with the morning personality down the hall as soon as our shows ended at 9am, but we quickly changed that to 6pm. More on that interesting experience later.

I shared some passionate, very ambitious dreams yesterday. And I kind of wish I wouldn’t have said anything. I’ve talked about my desire to someday be a weight loss motivational speaker full time, but I boldly went a little further yesterday. Why does that bother me? Well, this whole journey has been about doing it and not talking about it. I believe that less talk, more action is something very important. Don’t tell me what you plan to do, show me as you go. Just know that Sean here is a very level headed/realistic individual. I have a wonderful idea of the work I have ahead of me to reach that magical potential. So until I’m ready for those major progressions along this road, I’ll keep doing what I know. I’ll keep losing fat and gaining muscle, I’ll continue this transformation in grand style, I'll keep learning, and I’ll keep writing this blog every single day along the way. Don’t be surprised when some of those dreams are realized and announced right here, because they will be. We’re headed in a most wonderful direction my friend.

Even though I grabbed an extra hour of sleep this morning, I was still tired enough for a refresher nap before my 6pm workout. I woke up late again, right before 6pm, called Dave to inform him I would be five minutes or so behind, but I was coming with my racquet ready for victory! Yeah, I was pretty confident that my losing streak in the racquetball court would come to an end tonight. Dave weighs a considerable amount more than me right now and he’s starting to get back on the right path, but there was no way my agile, cheetah-like body, would lose a game. OK—maybe not cheetah-like, more like fast buffalo-like, anyway---hey, bison are typically lean animals! I learned it’s not the size or the quickness that matters. It was technique and consistency that won Dave three games in a row. He has some really solid racquetball skills. I was beaten badly. Thanks for the workout Dave! You see what happens when I get over confident? I went into that court worried that Dave might collapse in the middle of our match and I would have to save his life. I quickly started worrying if I would ever get to serve. His serve is killer. Dave is going to lose this weight again, he really is…and this time will be the last time! I’m sincerely happy for him.

I hit the weight room for a good workout before hitting the road. I left feeling good about this YMCA trip. It’s not about winning the matches or lifting the most. It’s about getting a good workout for my body and ability. Consistency builds performance. Everyday that I walk into that place, I remember the word: Consistency. I’m on my way!

I stopped by and had a quick visit with Irene and Courtney tonight. They’re both doing well. Then I stopped at the grocery store for some steel cut oats, eggs, mozzarella, and water. I should have grabbed some fresh fruits and veggies. I’ll have to go again soon.

I arrived back at the apartment at 8:40pm and immediately started cooking dinner. It was late, but I was eating light tonight. I enjoyed a chicken and mushroom pita pizza. I love these things, I do! I only used 60 calories worth of cheese---and my entire plate checked in at 270 calories. I was so satisfied, I was! It’s amazing how much I used to eat before. Shifting my attitude and relationship with food has really helped me appreciate a tasty--low calorie dinner like this. I’ve slowed down and realized that it doesn’t take that much to satisfy me after all.

Thank you very much for reading! Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

9 comments:

  1. That is a pretty confronting chart Sean. A lot of the things on it apply to my husband. I wish he would read your blog. But as we all know motivation has to come from within! He doesn't even read my weight loss blog!
    This week I have been reminded by my body how much it prefers my thai beef mango salad to a pizza. Just proves how much this is a mental journey! Our bodies are on the side of health and fitness!

    ReplyDelete
  2. My heart bleeds for the old Sean. Amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You have done it BEFORE you even DREAMED of talking about it, your story will hold credibility for those who are so large they look at personal trainers and gyms and figure they have just gone too far up in weight already and there is no road back.

    You, Sean, ARE their road marker their BEACON, their reassurance that it IS POSSIBLE and maybe the day after seeing or talking with you, they will take their first walk up and down the block and start paying attention to the foods they are choosing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was laughing out loud about him beating you on the court, lol. Glad you got in a good workout! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great post Sean. Many of the things that were on the 500+ lb Sean's list are on my list. I was closing in on the rest. I'm so glad I am turning it around before I get there. I am looking forward to the day(s) when the others are finally off my list.

    Thanks for showing me that it IS possible. Words can't express how much that means every single day when I read your post.

    P.S. I'll be one of the first in line to buy your book(s)

    ReplyDelete
  6. nothing, nothing, nothing wrong with posting your possibilities on your blog.
    I used tobe afraid to say anything...but putting it out there creates it's own energy.
    You WILL do this.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sean, I think your chart is an amazing tool for going in the right direction. I'm fighting to get on the right track, and most of the things you listed have just been random thoughts. I can see how powerful it would be to put them in writing, so I have a visual reminder everyday.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sean, as I read all of the things that are realities at each weight level I remembered each of them like I had written those words. The pain and struggles of us fat people (not gonna sugar coat it, fat is fat right?)is definitely universal and I am happy for both you and me (and ANYONE that decides to live) that a decision was made to do something about it before the issue did something to us that was irreversible. great post.

    As Ever
    Me

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow, that was really interesting to read, awesome post.

    ReplyDelete

I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for your support!






Copyright © 2008-2017 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.