A Real Good Day
Friday was a great day. It was non-stop busy and at the same time awesome. The medicines prescribed me have made a major difference, mostly good, some not so good. The steroid pill, I'm pretty sure was the culprit in keeping me awake Thursday night. Even the cough syrup couldn't counteract the effect of the steroid pill. Despite only four and a half hours sleep, I made Friday fabulous.
I had a speaking event at 12:30pm for a local community service civic organization. The room was packed and although I carried some nerves into the event (I always do), it turned out to be a wonderful experience. It was shorter than usual, only 20 minutes plus Q&A after, followed by signing books. Every time I do one of these events, the passion is refreshed within me. And although I've talked about my life and transformation to groups of people numerous times, I still get a touch emotional in the same places along the way. An additional element of the presentation has included my recent struggles and re-gaining. After the event, after books were signed and everyone was leaving--I was approached by one of the attendees who asked "How have you stopped the slide?"
I told her about the incredible support system of friends far and near, like you--reading this post. I told her about how once you've reached a point of truth so deep into recovery, it's simply impossible to forget. Obviously it's not impossible to ignore, to stray--but the universal truths never change. And understanding that getting realigned with the truth is truly a matter of life and death, it becomes a priority again. And then I told her about some of the powerful messages I've received and continue to receive from people far and near. I told her how these messages touch me, how I understand what they're going through and how deeply moved I am when they express gratitude to me for helping them in some way. It's an awesome responsibility and one that I cherish always--and although I'm taking care for my own personal health and well being, doing this for me--I also do this for others. That's important to me. I want to be another positive example (and there have been many before me), a resource of hope and inspiration to anyone dreaming of a life free from the mental and physical restraints of morbid obesity. Returning to 500 pounds would only be an option if I didn't care about anything or anyone, or did care but chose to ignore and suppress the feelings all the way back up the scale. I care. I refuse to ignore or suppress this feeling. And I can't turn it off. This is what I was meant to do with my life and I fully believe this to be my personal truth.
I made my way back to the studio after the event and finished my broadcasting duties. It was getting late in the afternoon and I was getting hungry. I had a filling breakfast and a small lunch, so when I pulled away from work I was immediately thinking about dinner. I had to go grocery shopping. And I was going to do it while hungry. That's usually not a very good idea.
One of the things I noticed about this day is how the errant thoughts--you know, the ones suggesting choices better left ignored, were totally gone. Battling these type of negative-bad-choice loaded thoughts is something I've had to do a bunch over the last seven months and of course, as you know--I've lost some battles along the way. But on this day, it was as if those thoughts surrendered, taking with them one of the most challenging aspects of my recovery. I'm not saying they're gone for good, I'd be a fool to believe that, but I can say I felt incredibly empowered, overwhelmed with a sense of purpose, pride and passion.
Back at the store parking lot and feeling hungry, I approached with caution. Not letting my guard down, I made a strategic grocery shopping decision: I would hand-carry my selections. I was simply after ingredients for dinner and Saturday morning breakfast, both meals for one--just me. There wasn't a reason good enough to convince me I needed a basket. The items are pictured below. The best photo wasn't snapped--it would have been of me trying to keep everything from crashing to the floor. This strategy worked very well. There wasn't anything I grabbed that I didn't need. I made it out of there safely and feeling even better about this state of mind dominating my Friday.
I've had moments the last seven months, so off, so dark--that now that I'm emerging from the darkness, so to speak, I still question the origins of the good. I felt positively high on life. Was it the medicine? The steroids are messing with me, huh? Or is it simply a renewed confidence, a refreshed perspective and a re-framing of where I've been and where I'm headed?
I'm getting comfortable again with my food choices. I have learned a lot about myself along this road and some of them I've talked about from the very beginning. Like one of my most important goals: To become someone who eats normal portions at appropriate times. To become someone who doesn't automatically turn to food for comfort and numbing of emotions. These goals have evolved to include becoming someone who eats better, healthier selections at all times, regardless of circumstances and the issues of the day. This isn't a temporary deal. This is for life. My pursuit isn't about perfection, it's about making the choices best for me at any given time with special consideration and attention on my personal food profile, if you will.
I'm looking forward to the coming days as I return to 100% health wise. I also look forward to once again watching the scale go back down with consistency. I'll be weighing every two weeks, just as I did originally--and of course I'll be sharing those numbers along the way.
Thank you for reading and for your support. Goodnight and...
Some pictures from Friday and Saturday morning:
The single green apple almost threw it all out of balance. The eggs--I clutched them like a football player with a ball. I wasn't losing the eggs!
This isn't a recipe of any sort--Just an experiment. And it was okay, very good actually--even though it didn't come out looking like I had envisioned...
Saturday morning breakfast. I love making a giant omelet and then marveling at the calorie value. I used mushrooms, red onions and green peppers--one whole egg and three egg whites for a big, filling breakfast and still, the entire omelet checked in at a low 140. I didn't use cheese this time, that helped keep it low. The green apple and some left over pineapple chunks rounded out this wonderful breakfast!