July 4th, 2014 Independence Day and The Brotherhood of The Traveling Pants
Sleeping in has been a wonderful thing the past couple of days. It feels awesome to sleep "until I'm done," but it also has some drawbacks. It tilts my day, pushes everything back and I'm fairly good at adjusting as needed, but at a certain point I'd like to apply a little more focus on maintaining a better schedule. I'm okay right now. I say that in a self-compassionate kind of way because I'm doing quite a bit lately to change for the better and it's okay if I don't correct everything all at once. You know what I mean?
Letting go of the pursuit of perfection, instead aiming for consistency--has been a fantastic perspective to embrace. Did you know I've gone over my calorie budget a couple times recently? Granted, it hasn't been by much--but there was a point in my initial weight loss where I would have been wrought with self-loathing and personal disappointment. And for what? Because I "broke the bank" by a handful of calories? Allowing myself to be okay today and more than okay--to still feel fabulous about myself while being perfectly imperfect is a wonderful thing.
I couldn't be more thrilled with how things are going these days. The weigh day Wednesday was amazing for me. 51 pounds in 10 weeks is exceptional. I know this average cannot sustain itself indefinitely and I'm okay with this truth. I actually found myself looking at a calendar, projecting an average loss of 3 pounds per week (which shouldn't be expected) and was slightly disappointed to discover that even at that unrealistic loss rate, it'll take me approximately 9 more months to get back to what I considered a healthy weight once upon a time. April 2015! I was so focused; zeroed in on this 9 months thing--and that's assuming I remain consistent--and it's not even taking into account the very real dynamic of plateaus...Then I had to STOP. Was I forgetting some valuable epiphanies I discovered along the way during my initial weight loss?? I wrote this on Day 189:
"Time doesn't really care what we do. Time keeps moving right along like clockwork, uh, it is clockwork. No matter what we do in the next twelve months, good or bad, it's still going to be March 22, 2010 in one year. Time is a constant, that's a pretty simple statement. But it's one I really had to wrap myself around. I had to dig deep to battle my impatient personality. I finally realized that I really needed to forget about time. Time doesn't need me to worry about it, it'll keep moving right along without any help or hindrance. Instead of focusing on how much time it's going to take, I had to focus on what I needed to do each day to succeed. And then when I do take the time to notice the time, I'm happy with the progress I've made and continue to make. It's day 189 by golly, 189! I've lost over 131 pounds! That's almost three quarters of a pound a day! You can tell that I don't really pay much attention to time because on March 15th's blog I didn't mention the fact that it was exactly the sixth month mark of this journey. It totally escaped me. Will it take a year total to reach my goal? Maybe it takes another year from now? Who cares! I'll be there when I get there, then I'll look at the clock and marvel at how far I've come in such a relatively short time. I didn't grow to over 500 pounds in a year or a year and a half, but I can get to my ideal weight in that time? I guess time really is on my side huh? We've all been in a situation where we were watching the seconds tick by on a clock conveniently positioned near our face. Maybe you were in class, or in a doctors office, or at work. When you constantly focus on the clock it can feel like forever! That's why I don't. Time will do it's thing, and I'll do mine, we'll meet up later in a triumphant celebration of accomplishment."
Okay, I'm better now. The thing I must remember is, the time required to get myself back to a healthy weight isn't a deal breaker here. It seriously doesn't apply. What I'm doing in taking better care of me is something I will do for the rest of my life, however much time that is. I mean, really...what can I do? To be discouraged about the length of time needed to do something like many of us are doing here, suggests a misaligned perspective. What I'm doing isn't a means to an end, it's a means to a better life, forever. I've written extensively about having a "confident patience" along the way. A confident patience is all about doing the best we can today and letting our focus stay on today...and understanding that time and our consistency will eventually meet up with the goals we've established.
I bought a new pair of jeans a few weeks ago. At my highest "regain weight" (394) I was uncomfortably squeezing into size 50's. This new pair is size 46. I was slightly disappointed three weeks ago when I got them home and they didn't fit. I laid them aside and reminded myself it was simply a matter of time and they would fit. And today they did, comfortably.
It felt amazing to button and zip these jeans today. It was an NSV (non-scale victory) and it came at the perfect time.
It was Independence Day here in America. It's a day when we celebrate our nation's birthday and we give thanks for the freedoms we enjoy. The broadcasting company I work for is the official station for the choreographed fireworks music at the big Ponca City Oklahoma display. We set up hours before, broadcasting all evening leading up to the actual fireworks. My plan was to get my exercise in tonight by walking around the lake. I did this and did it without needing to constantly pull up the bigger jeans. This new pair was a wonderful confidence booster.
A couple of months ago, you might remember, I made a special trip to Wichita to buy some clothes. I hated to spend money on clothes I wouldn't be able to wear very long--but it was absolutely necessary. I couldn't squeeze into the size 50's any longer. I bought a brand new pair of Levi's relaxed fit, size 52's. They've been worn all of two times. If you want them, and you can wear these--I'll send them to you. Simply send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with your mailing address. I'll ship them right away. First request gets them, so don't hesitate! You do not need to compensate me for shipping. I'm paying it forward. A fellow blogger once shipped me a giant box full of his old jeans. We'll call this "The Brotherhood of The Traveling Pants."
I planned well tonight, packing a "sack dinner" for my broadcast. I declined three offers for free food at the broadcast, two of which came from the same group of wonderful listeners who were set up not far from our broadcast vehicle. "Hey, we've got plenty of food over there: Hamburgers, bratwurst--more than we can eat, help yourself!" Learning how to politely decline is critical for someone like me. I've always been someone who often accommodates even at his own expense. Will they be upset with me if I say no thank you? Will they think I'm being stuck up if I don't accept their invitation? It's all baloney!! My response: "I sincerely appreciate the offer, but I have all I'll need tonight. Thank you though!" Easy. No further explanation needed. It doesn't matter what they walked away thinking because it wouldn't be a reflection of me, only of them--if they indeed took my decline personally. I was direct and polite. That's good enough for me.
Working with the City of Ponca City, the pyrotechnics crew and a producer back in the studio, this year's choreographed display went off without a hitch. I was so relieved! My daughter Amber and her boyfriend joined me for the display. Courtney thought about coming and bringing my adorable grandson Noah, but stayed home in fear the loudness might frighten the little man. Considering his grandpa (me) cried at large fireworks displays until he was almost four years old, it was probably a well measured decision. :)
It's exceptionally late. I spent some time visiting with Amber after the event, exchanged some weight loss support text messages, enjoyed my #lastfoodofday (apple and Laughing Cow Light Creamy Swiss) and surfed the net for a little while before writing tonight's edition. Tomorrow is another day where I can sleep in as late as I desire. When 4:30am Monday rolls around, I need to be ready to take my schedule off of "tilt!" I may need to consider this a little more carefully tomorrow night.
If you're interested in following my Twitter account, simply visit www.twitter.com/seanaanderson It's basically me Live-Tweeting my food and exercise each day, complete with photos of everything I eat, including calorie counts. It's simply an accountability tool for me. It's not meant to be an example or suggestion. It simply is what it is--and what it's been to me is fun!
Thank you for reading and for your incredible support,