Thursday, July 31, 2014

July 31st, 2014 That's The Truth

July 31st, 2014 That's The Truth

Sharing my challenge on last night's post took me from scared to fairly confident pretty quickly. Thank you for the tremendous support. I wasn't going to share it but I'm glad I did. It's a very real thing--a powerful thing and why wouldn't I share it here? I've received several messages today from wonderful people who felt every single word as if it were their own story, because it is. If you were one of those sending me a message today, thank you. When we relate with one another like that--it feels good, because we realize we're not alone. 

My one time roommate in L.A., who is a very successful comic, never had these issues. And if he did, he never let them stop him from enjoying life to the fullest. When I was roommates with him and his girlfriend (now his wife), he topped around 600 pounds, while I was around 500. (I think he's now around 350! Good for him!) The two of us couldn't have been more different from one another. His decisions were never affected by what will they think of me type thoughts. He once stripped down in front of the entire cast and crew of a show he was on--and jumped into the swimming pool---while the cameras were rolling. He just couldn't care less what anyone thought of him, ever. His weight never stopped his physicality or his opinionated comic perspective and he's reaped wonderful rewards because of this genuineness. I would lay in bed at night in our South Central apartment and dream of having an ounce of his courageous attitude.

He helped me get in the door at the Kimmel show and was astonished when I turned down a decent paycheck when an initial offer came my way for an appearance. I wrote about it in my book. The Kimmel segment producer wanted me to dress as cupid on their Valentines Day show 2003. I turned it down immediately in the name of self-respect--which is a perfectly legitimate decline. Honestly, I needed the money--badly. It's VERY expensive to live in L.A., not to mention I had a young family back in Oklahoma needing my support. And had I not been so hung up with body issues, I would have done it with a smile. That's the truth.

Thank goodness getting in the pool Monday (that's the day I've chosen) will not be nationally televised. It'll be me and whomever else is enjoying the fantastic exercise of a good swim. And despite what my brain says--there will not be anyone saying anything derogatory toward me or about me, if anything--it'll be supportive and encouraging. That's also the truth.

I bought a bathing suit today. I'm taking small steps--actions that support my ultimate goal of getting in the pool. I shared the challenge with you in last night's post and now I've bought swim trunks. Monday will be here before I know it and then the real test happens. I'm looking forward to sharing it on this blog and if you relate to this struggle, maybe we'll both find some semblance of peace through the experience.

I planned on inviting both of my daughters to join me for lunch today at the studio. Courtney was busy taking my grandson to the doctor for an ear infection and then she had to get to work--so it was just Amber and me, visiting--laughing and enjoying our lunch together. One of the big "side effects" of feeling better in every way is enjoying the company of the ones you love on a much deeper level than before, when the preoccupation with feeling like crud took too much head space. If you asked those whom I care about, I'm confident they've noticed the dramatic difference. I'm a much better listener when the noise is turned down.

I turned the resistance up to six on the elliptical tonight and it was like a brand new workout. I was challenged. It's so easy to get in a groove and keep the resistance level the same--but our bodies are smart and adaptable--and our muscles learn quickly how to manage repetitive motions. I gave my body a curve ball tonight and it was incredible.

My meal Tweets and a few others today:












Thank you for reading and for your awesome support,
Strength,
Sean

17 comments:

  1. Sean, your personal pool challenge reminds me of another blog I read about a year ago, when I was using My Fitness Pal. There is an older woman on there-- older than me, even!-- who hadn't been in a pool or worn a swimsuit in 50 years. Her husband was trying to get her to come to the pool with him, and she kept resisting... until, like you, she got an overwhelming wave of support from people who told her to get past the fear and do it anyway, that she would probably love it! She had bad knees and many people commented that being in the water would help her feel lighter, as at that point she still had quite a bit to lose.

    I'm going to put a link below for that blog post from last year. Since that time, she has gone on to lose a lot more weight and is now almost at her goal.

    Live your life with joy!

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Hanfordrose/view/so-what-can-happen-in-2-weeks-547260

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    1. Thank you Becky for sharing this! I look forward to checking it out later this evening!

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  2. Sean, I recently found your blog and have been reading from both beginnings...here and from the first blog. I'm only up to Mar 10, 2010, but have appreciated all your honesty and real life experiences. I just wanted to say that a couple days ago, I took the plunge, too. I'm 70 and finally making strides in my weight loss, but also fighting the demons of body image, etc. On my drive to the pool at the Y I kept telling myself "I am brave. I am confident. I can do this." It was hard, but I did it. And, as you said...no one there cared two hoots about what I looked like! I'm going back today. I wish you well. Every hurdle we clear is easier the next time. That's what I'm telling myself this morning. I'm sorry for the long post. It's my first.
    Jean

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    1. Jean, bravo, my friend! I'm so thrilled for you. You're doing something incredibly powerful. Do you realize how inspiring you are? "I am brave, I am confident, I can do this" will be my mantra Monday. Thank you again, Jean.

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  3. Baby steps sometimes turn out to be giant leaps, my friend. This one is a biggie.

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    1. It really is, Gerri! Thank you for taking our group in the direction you did, in order to spark that inspiration!

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  4. I read your book, so I know the comic/roommate that you are speaking of and think he is hilarious. My husband's cousin is a large woman (but still 100 lbs less than me) with a larger than life personality. She doesn't let her weight stop her from living a full happy life. Each day I read her posts and see her photos on Facebook displaying all the activity and fun she is having with her vast group of friends, and I will admit I am envious. I have closed myself off from a lot of what life has to offer, because I am embarrassed of how I look. I know I need to work on this and I will. It's all part of the journey. Please enjoy the swim on Monday for the both of us. I have many other steps to work through before I am ready to disrobe. You are strong and I know Monday night I will be reading how you conquered this challenge and are looking forward to your next swim. Have a great weekend.

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    1. Oh, my friend--thank you---i will do it for the two of us! I understand what you're describing here--I too have limited myself and my life because of these self-image hangups...It's a monumental thing to overcome, isn't it? Yet--for people like Ralphie and your cousin in law-- it seems as natural as breathing. Have a wonderful weekend, too! I like forward to reading your blog later tonight!

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  5. The AuthenticSelf is FEARLESS!!!

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    1. Yes!!! YES. Nice. Thank you Jae. Very. Much.

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  6. Glad you made a firm date with the pool on Monday. I have this quote on my destop as a reminder to never let fear rule my life: "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."-Eleanor Roosevelt

    Pistachios are my "crack". Cashews and peanuts battle for 2nd place. Had to cut them out as they are too triggering for me. Yes, they drive me nuts :p

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    1. Love the quote!! Thank you! I can handle Pistachios in moderation. I CAN'T HANDLE peanuts and cashews--or almonds, or mixed nuts--just cannot. Triggering, indeed. I might be able to handle some almonds in pre-portioned 100 calorie packs--but I don't like the idea of paying 5 times the price for the handy packaging. I almost bought a giant thing of raw almonds recently-- thinking I could divide it up into my own 100 calorie packs...but I knew better--I decided against it before they ever reached my shopping cart. Some things, for me, are better left alone!! ;) Nice pun! Nuts...I get it. LOL

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  7. I'm still here reading Sean and doing ok :) look forward to hearing about the pool :) I went to an amusement park this week and went down many water slides, that feeling so alive you could burst from joy took away any feelings of worry I had. Just focus on your happy thoughts :)

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    1. So good to see you! Wow--water slides! I bet you felt so free and wonderful!! That's awesome. I will do, happy thoughts! Glad you're doing well and so good to hear from you!

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  8. At my top weight, I signed up for WW and also water aerobics and my sweet boss, who is small, signed up too, to support and encourage me. I was terrified to put on a suit and go out there but I was encouraged to do it, no matter what the reaction was, I would be "old news" after the first time. When I was putting my suit on in the dressing room, there was a tiny, very fit lady about 70 who was getting dressed also. She said "Is this your first class, you look nervous." I laughed and said "Yes, I am because I have not had a bathing suit on in years and don't know what the reaction will be." She shared something that helped me so much that day. She said "The reaction from most people and the people that really matter, will be respect that you are doing something about your weight problem and facing it head on. You will be astounded by the support and encouragement you will receive, and if there is someone who doesn't, their opinion does not matter. I am thankful you are here, and you inspire me this morning." I went out and got into the pool and had to remind myself to breathe but went the class started, within 5 minutes I was having the time of my life and no one was paying attention to me at all and were there for the same reason as me...to improve their health. The water felt wonderful and it felt like a gift I was giving myself. Hope Monday is life-changing for you Sean. Shirley from TN

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    1. Shirley--thank you so much for sharing that experience. Wow. The advice you were given makes the most sense--so true, so real-- reality! Very different from the product of fear and imagination. I think it will be transformative on Monday, I really do. Thank you, again.

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  9. Shirley--thank you so much for sharing that experience. Wow. The advice you were given makes the most sense--so true, so real-- reality! Very different from the product of fear and imagination. I think it will be transformative on Monday, I really do. Thank you, again.

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