Showing posts with label proper perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label proper perspective. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

November 5th, 2014 Weigh Day Edition

November 5th, 2014 Weigh Day Edition

I honestly didn't know what to expect today. I know my food has been and continues to be on plan and consistent, so that was working in my favor. My uncertainty was in the exercise department. Up until this three week period, I would allow one rest day per week. The past three weeks it's been more. Perhaps I'm being a little hard on myself, after all--some of the busy days where I didn't do an intentional workout, I was up, out and about--moving and exercising naturally. And that obviously counts. I was very pleased to step on my doctor's office scale today and find this number staring back at me:
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This represents another 8 pounds down over the last three weeks. I crossed over the 100 pounds barrier, too, bringing my 28 week total to 105 pounds. I'm now only 59 pounds from being back at what I once considered my healthiest weight. I don't know if it will be my healthiest weight this time. I'm starting to do strength training and this could affect what my healthiest weight will be someday. It doesn't matter to me. To be fit at a healthy weight, that's my goal--whatever that turns out to be, who knows?

My good friend, Jon Ludtke in Wisconsin, shared with me a fabulous perspective. He said, "We're spending a short amount of time getting to a healthy weight as compared to the years we hope to stay at a healthy weight." This perspective reminds me to not get impatient and to just take the best care possible with my food, exercise and abstinence from sugar, one day at a time--and allow time to do its thing. It reminds me the most important and truest test will be maintaining, not getting to a certain number. There isn't a "finish line." I'm not doing what I do each day as a temporary means to an end. I'm training to make taking extraordinary care a way of life, the rest of my life.

I fully expect a slow down or dare I say a "plateau" one of these weigh days. When that time comes, I'll need to lean on support to handle it mentally and make some adjustments to handle it physically.

I must tell you, doing this--for me, requires a lot of commitment. If I wasn't fully committed to logging everything in MyFitnessPal and Tweeting everything I eat, everyday--as I have for the past 28 weeks--I likely wouldn't be experiencing this success right now. If I didn't make reaching out for support important and maintaining this blog on a daily basis a personal requirement, I cannot say I would still be going strong. If I somehow started believing I was invincible and had it all figured out-- I would once again be humbled, and quickly, with a monumental fall. 

I interviewed Charlie Daniels on my show Monday morning. I asked him if he ever gets tired of playing his biggest hits (I know--very softball question) and his reply was wonderful. He said, "I don't get tired of them because I've never once played them perfect. It's a challenge each night and each night I try to play it better than the night before."  

Echoing this living legend's philosophy and practice: I'm not perfect along this road and I wouldn't ever want to be. That would be boring, unrealistic and I would tire easily along the way. Each day is a challenge and my goal is to try my best to do better than the day before. I'll not hit it some days and that's okay, as long as I never give up. I must always keep an open mind, allowing myself to learn and grow as I go. This approach brings me a level of peace and happiness I didn't have before.  

My Tweets today:




















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

October 14th, 2014 I Believe In Me

October 14th, 2014 I Believe In Me

I believe in me. What does that mean? To say "I believe in me" means the goals, hopes and dreams we hold are no longer long-shot possibilities, because we truly believe we're capable of achieving each and every one. We can see where we're headed. We can envision a future where we're living out the beautiful consequences of the choices and steps we're taking today. I believe in me.

I believe I can reach my healthiest weight and take extraordinary care with food and exercise long after reaching whatever weight is my healthiest. I believe I can successfully maintain for as long as I am willing to hold important the fundamentals of my recovery.

I believe I can write my second book and I believe it can be my best work. I believe I can successfully transition into a future where I'm a full time writer and speaker. I believe I can write, voice and produce an audio project that offers a unique type of support for anyone along this road, called "Sean's Weight Loss Meditations." <<< That's happening sooner than later and I'm excited about it to no end!

I believe I deserve the wonderful, balanced and healthy relationship I'm experiencing with my sweetheart, Heather. I believe I can learn and grow and not sabotage it simply because it is something good. Too many times I've found a way to self-destruct when something feels right and good, because somewhere deep inside there was a powerful feeling of unworthiness. I believe that nagging notion has been mostly eradicated from me in a profound way. The remnants left behind are easily recognizable and acknowledged as baloney whenever their effects try to influence today.

When the harshness of self-criticism is softened from abusive to a healthy and constructive place and we realize we're not so bad after-all, suddenly we obtain a clearer perspective on reality. We're incredible people, you and I. We're capable of anything and everything we make important. When we believe, the object of our desires becomes a part of us, in faith, hope and small steps, the part of us where this lives, grows...and soon, it just is, us. 

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In broadcasting, a day is never busier than one where your company is hosting a signature annual event. All of the planning, the meetings--everything comes together, culminating in an extra long day--but a good day. That was my day, today.

Ladies Night Out is an annual event our company started ten years ago. It's a night of free wine, free food, shopping and prize giveaways! Of course it's successful! I mean, really--what's not to love? Free-free-free! 

Attendees who never miss this event have witnessed me at my heaviest, my healthiest, somewhere along my regain weight and where I'm found today. The compliments on my appearance this evening were numerous. I took each one with grace and a very simple, "thank you." I remind myself constantly, that I mustn't mistake the pleasure of these compliments as a measure of happiness. My happiness isn't dependent on my weight or appearance. Does it feel wonderful to hear the kind words? Absolutely--and as long as I keep the proper perspective, it's a fantastic part of this road we travel.

Proper perspective confirms my happiness is powerful, real and ready to be experienced whenever I decide, at any weight. Outward appearance is superficial and can be fun, sure. I mean, really--who doesn't love a dramatic "before and after?" The certainty of our continued happiness isn't found out there, it's found in here (points to heart) and here (points to head), not here (points to rear end).

The owner of our broadcasting company bought us all dinner after the event tonight. I resisted the goodies catered for our attendees quite easily. I had plans to grab some Hawaiian Fajita Tacos or something else equally good as soon as I left--but this company paid dinner at the restaurant down the hall from the ballroom housing our event, was a good one.

I left the venue shortly after 9pm and had just enough time to race into the Y, change into my workout clothes and ride the elliptical to a wonderful 30 minute workout on level 11. I closed 'em down tonight. I was very tired and honestly, I didn't feel like working out. I almost decided to go home--write a short post and hit the pillow. That decision wouldn't have been bad or incorrect--but I'm glad I chose the Y, a 30 minute workout--then home. I needed a good workout.

Tomorrow is weigh day! I have every reason to believe it will be a weigh day that tests me in many ways. I haven't had the solid day in and day out certainty of previous three week periods. My food has remained good. But my workouts have been lacking in the last few weeks. I haven't been getting as much water as I need or enough rest and I've eaten out a record number of times lately. Whatever the scale gives me, I'll remember to be grateful and give thanks. I will be ready to adjust my perspective and approach as needed. And I'm sure it will be needed!  

My Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and your incredible support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, July 4, 2014

July 4th, 2014 Independence Day and The Brotherhood of The Traveling Pants

July 4th, 2014 Independence Day and The Brotherhood of The Traveling Pants

Sleeping in has been a wonderful thing the past couple of days. It feels awesome to sleep "until I'm done," but it also has some drawbacks. It tilts my day, pushes everything back and I'm fairly good at adjusting as needed, but at a certain point I'd like to apply a little more focus on maintaining a better schedule. I'm okay right now. I say that in a self-compassionate kind of way because I'm doing quite a bit lately to change for the better and it's okay if I don't correct everything all at once. You know what I mean?

Letting go of the pursuit of perfection, instead aiming for consistency--has been a fantastic perspective to embrace. Did you know I've gone over my calorie budget a couple times recently? Granted, it hasn't been by much--but there was a point in my initial weight loss where I would have been wrought with self-loathing and personal disappointment. And for what? Because I "broke the bank" by a handful of calories? Allowing myself to be okay today and more than okay--to still feel fabulous about myself while being perfectly imperfect is a wonderful thing.

I couldn't be more thrilled with how things are going these days. The weigh day Wednesday was amazing for me. 51 pounds in 10 weeks is exceptional. I know this average cannot sustain itself indefinitely and I'm okay with this truth. I actually found myself looking at a calendar, projecting an average loss of 3 pounds per week (which shouldn't be expected) and was slightly disappointed to discover that even at that unrealistic loss rate, it'll take me approximately 9 more months to get back to what I considered a healthy weight once upon a time. April 2015! I was so focused; zeroed in on this 9 months thing--and that's assuming I remain consistent--and it's not even taking into account the very real dynamic of plateaus...Then I had to STOP. Was I forgetting some valuable epiphanies I discovered along the way during my initial weight loss?? I wrote this on Day 189:

"Time doesn't really care what we do. Time keeps moving right along like clockwork, uh, it is clockwork. No matter what we do in the next twelve months, good or bad, it's still going to be March 22, 2010 in one year. Time is a constant, that's a pretty simple statement. But it's one I really had to wrap myself around. I had to dig deep to battle my impatient personality. I finally realized that I really needed to forget about time. Time doesn't need me to worry about it, it'll keep moving right along without any help or hindrance. Instead of focusing on how much time it's going to take, I had to focus on what I needed to do each day to succeed. And then when I do take the time to notice the time, I'm happy with the progress I've made and continue to make. It's day 189 by golly, 189! I've lost over 131 pounds! That's almost three quarters of a pound a day! You can tell that I don't really pay much attention to time because on March 15th's blog I didn't mention the fact that it was exactly the sixth month mark of this journey. It totally escaped me. Will it take a year total to reach my goal? Maybe it takes another year from now? Who cares! I'll be there when I get there, then I'll look at the clock and marvel at how far I've come in such a relatively short time. I didn't grow to over 500 pounds in a year or a year and a half, but I can get to my ideal weight in that time? I guess time really is on my side huh? We've all been in a situation where we were watching the seconds tick by on a clock conveniently positioned near our face. Maybe you were in class, or in a doctors office, or at work. When you constantly focus on the clock it can feel like forever! That's why I don't. Time will do it's thing, and I'll do mine, we'll meet up later in a triumphant celebration of accomplishment."

  Okay, I'm better now. The thing I must remember is, the time required to get myself back to a healthy weight isn't a deal breaker here. It seriously doesn't apply. What I'm doing in taking better care of me is something I will do for the rest of my life, however much time that is.  I mean, really...what can I do? To be discouraged about the length of time needed to do something like many of us are doing here, suggests a misaligned perspective. What I'm doing isn't a means to an end, it's a means to a better life, forever. I've written extensively about having a "confident patience" along the way. A confident patience is all about doing the best we can today and letting our focus stay on today...and understanding that time and our consistency will eventually meet up with the goals we've established.

I bought a new pair of jeans a few weeks ago. At my highest "regain weight" (394) I was uncomfortably squeezing into size 50's. This new pair is size 46. I was slightly disappointed three weeks ago when I got them home and they didn't fit. I laid them aside and reminded myself it was simply a matter of time and they would fit. And today they did, comfortably.

It felt amazing to button and zip these jeans today. It was an NSV (non-scale victory) and it came at the perfect time.

It was Independence Day here in America. It's a day when we celebrate our nation's birthday and we give thanks for the freedoms we enjoy. The broadcasting company I work for is the official station for the choreographed fireworks music at the big Ponca City Oklahoma display. We set up hours before, broadcasting all evening leading up to the actual fireworks. My plan was to get my exercise in tonight by walking around the lake. I did this and did it without needing to constantly pull up the bigger jeans. This new pair was a wonderful confidence booster.

A couple of months ago, you might remember, I made a special trip to Wichita to buy some clothes. I hated to spend money on clothes I wouldn't be able to wear very long--but it was absolutely necessary. I couldn't squeeze into the size 50's any longer. I bought a brand new pair of Levi's relaxed fit, size 52's. They've been worn all of two times.  If you want them, and you can wear these--I'll send them to you. Simply send an email to transformation.road@gmail.com with your mailing address. I'll ship them right away.  First request gets them, so don't hesitate! You do not need to compensate me for shipping. I'm paying it forward. A fellow blogger once shipped me a giant box full of his old jeans. We'll call this "The Brotherhood of The Traveling Pants." 

I planned well tonight, packing a "sack dinner" for my broadcast. I declined three offers for free food at the broadcast, two of which came from the same group of wonderful listeners who were set up not far from our broadcast vehicle. "Hey, we've got plenty of food over there: Hamburgers, bratwurst--more than we can eat, help yourself!" Learning how to politely decline is critical for someone like me. I've always been someone who often accommodates even at his own expense. Will they be upset with me if I say no thank you? Will they think I'm being stuck up if I don't accept their invitation? It's all baloney!! My response: "I sincerely appreciate the offer, but I have all I'll need tonight. Thank you though!" Easy. No further explanation needed. It doesn't matter what they walked away thinking because it wouldn't be a reflection of me, only of them--if they indeed took my decline personally. I was direct and polite. That's good enough for me.

Working with the City of Ponca City, the pyrotechnics crew and a producer back in the studio, this year's choreographed display went off without a hitch. I was so relieved! My daughter Amber and her boyfriend joined me for the display. Courtney thought about coming and bringing my adorable grandson Noah, but stayed home in fear the loudness might frighten the little man. Considering his grandpa (me) cried at large fireworks displays until he was almost four years old, it was probably a well measured decision. :)

It's exceptionally late. I spent some time visiting with Amber after the event, exchanged some weight loss support text messages, enjoyed my #lastfoodofday (apple and Laughing Cow Light Creamy Swiss) and surfed the net for a little while before writing tonight's edition. Tomorrow is another day where I can sleep in as late as I desire. When 4:30am Monday rolls around, I need to be ready to take my schedule off of "tilt!" I may need to consider this a little more carefully tomorrow night.

If you're interested in following my Twitter account, simply visit www.twitter.com/seanaanderson It's basically me Live-Tweeting my food and exercise each day, complete with photos of everything I eat, including calorie counts. It's simply an accountability tool for me. It's not meant to be an example or suggestion. It simply is what it is--and what it's been to me is fun!

Thank you for reading and for your incredible support,
Strength,
Sean  
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Thursday, June 12, 2014

June 12th, 2014 Not My First Rodeo

June 12th, 2014 Not My First Rodeo

My decision to come home last night and nap turned out to be a very good one. I headed to the studio not long after posting last night's edition and didn't get in bed until after 3:30am. I was back up at 5am nursing a cup of coffee and reassuring myself I would return immediately after my morning show for a much needed extended nap. I still prepared a good breakfast, even though--honestly, I didn't feel like doing anything other than sleep. I had a good show despite little sleep. It's strange, unless I'm "body breaking down" tired, I can turn it on when the On-Air light is lit.

Several months ago when my sleep apnea situation was at its worse, I was losing my ability to hide the effects on-air. Aside from the obvious negative physical and mental effects of exhaustion, the worsening of my voice and on air demeanor was one of the big wake up calls urging me to seek help quickly. I had numerous mornings back then when I'd wake up after several hours with a racing heartbeat, headache from oxygen deprivation and a feeling like I had been fighting for my life all night long. No wonder I didn't feel like taking care of myself in other ways. Eating well and exercising regularly was pretty far down the list of priorities. Possibly having a heart attack in the middle of the night suddenly became something I worried about all the time. When I finally said, "I can't do this anymore" and sought help, that's when this turnaround started. Granted, I wasn't back immediately--it did take some time, But wow---it feels amazing to be back where I am now after sliding so far down.

These days when my schedule turns horrible like it did last night and today, a good-quality nap gives me more energy than any amount of sleep back then. It was never the quantity, always the quality.

I wasn't able to get away from the studio until 10:30am. I came home, prepared a light snack and tried to settle down enough for sleep. It took me a little while, but I was finally able to get a solid 2.5 hour nap before preparing and packing a lunch and returning for a full afternoon in the production studio. I finished my production at 5:30pm then raced down the street to exchange my personal vehicle for the station vehicle in preparation for my location broadcast at the 101 Wild West Rodeo from 6-8pm. Time was tight. I still had to hurry home, change clothes, prepare a snack to hold me until a late dinner, then get to the arena by 6pm.

I cruised onto the rodeo grounds right on time as if I had casually made my way out. I literally had to stop and catch my breath at one point. Tonight was the opening night and it's marked by the opening night free rodeo barbecue. Here we are with the free food opportunities again! I didn't go near the tent housing the free food. And better than that, it wasn't a struggle to avoid. I had my plan in place. I brought some fruit and I knew a dinner I'd feel good about was waiting for me back at home. I remember last year...oh my...two people brought free barbecue sandwiches to the broadcast vehicle. I quietly ate one and a half of them last year. Nobody brought me sandwiches this year or maybe they did, but I was moving all around the arena, interviewing people and being active. Perhaps I missed the free food givers. Darn.

I wouldn't have taken a bite, not one. This clarity and focus, and bigger--this peace I'm feeling is something I don't ever want to lose. I could easily throw it away at anytime if I'm not doing the work needed to take the best care I can. This is a major difference for me. During my initial weight loss, I reached a point where I kind of felt invincible. It was a foolish belief and after walking that tight rope for longer than I should have, I did eventually fall. I don't feel invincible now. My attitude and perspective has shifted dramatically, but still--I have a much greater respect for the overall power of this thing. I seem to be doing what is working well for me today. And I pray I'll approach each day as one, and do those things again and again. Honestly, regaining a considerable amount of my initial loss is proving to be exactly what I needed, when I needed it.

My shoes were all muddy after trekking all over the outdoor arena and my plan to workout at the Y tonight looked as if it would be preceded by a good shoe washing and scrubbing. Or, I could go buy a new pair of shoes. I've needed a new pair for a while but I always hesitate to buy things even when I know I need them. Thank you muddy arena for pushing me toward doing something nice for myself!

I bought my shoes and headed home to change for the YMCA. I was feeling slightly hungry, like my metabolism burned up the fruit snack and was demanding something more. I prepared some fat/sugar free refried beans with a little green chili sauce and used Beanitos all natural pinto bean chips as the vehicle to get the dip into my face. Yes...I used beans to eat my beans. Interesting. It was delicious and exactly the protein I needed to get through my workout and home for dinner.

All of my food pictures and exercise excursions along with some occasionally humorous tweets, can be found and followed (if you're into that type of thing) by visiting www.twitter.com/seanaanderson  You do not need a twitter account to view my page and tweets.

Also, if you use MyFitnessPal like I do, then you're welcome to friend me there too! My food diary is set to public.

It's been a long day and even though I have another location broadcast at the rodeo tomorrow night and Saturday's location broadcast schedule runs 11am-8pm, I'm confident I'll stay prepared and ready for whatever comes along. The good news is, we're not expecting severe storms for a couple of days, so no sudden and complete wrecking of my sleep schedule! Now, if I can just get everything in that I want to do daily and still get to bed at a decent time. That remains one of my biggest challenges lately.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, June 5, 2014

June 5th, 2014 The Different One In The Room

June 5th, 2014 The Different One In The Room

Planning equals preparedness and today was a perfect example for me. I had a midday two hour lunch workshop from 11:30 to 1:30. The organization hosting this event provided a free lunch to all attendees. Before I found out about the menu, I already knew what was on mine. I'm planning for success and not taking any chances. The lunch fare was Dominos Pizza. This was the lunch I prepared and packed:




I didn't allow any hesitation or feelings of awkwardness either. I walked in, took out my press and seal firmly wrapped and fully loaded plate and proceeded to enjoy lunch, surrounded by everyone else eating pizza on paper plates. Nobody said a word. There were a couple of looks, like what does he have there? Hey, is there fresh melon somewhere around here? It just wasn't a big deal. And that was nice. There was a time (not too long ago) I would have gone with the current and thought, free lunch, why not? And I would have had a couple slices and counted the 600 plus calories and been okay. But I'm not doing that anymore. Had I indulged in the pizza, I could have used the excuse--What was I supposed to do? I had to eat--it was two hours!  Now I understand what I'm supposed to do for me, I'm supposed to prepare and plan. The benefits go far beyond a good lunch. The positive mental effects of feeling good about my lunch and how I handled the situation, gives me a positive brain boost. And I'm patting myself on the back for not abandoning the plan because it might feel a little awkward. It wasn't an issue for me today, but had it been an issue, I would have asked myself a simple question: What's worse? Feeling a little awkward and different, but having a good lunch or doing what everyone else is doing and feeling horrible about my choice the rest of the day? This falls into the category of worrying less about what people think of me and just being me. An ironic twist to this story is, I've voiced commercials for Dominos Pizza in this area for years. Still do, in fact. ;)

I've had two long workdays in a row. I had a choice to make when I left the studio today. Workout now or later? I chose later. I wanted a light snack and a nap and that's exactly what I did. I'm very particular about the factors going into this decision. If I'm not too tired and just feeling lazy, I must admit it, get over it and hit the Y. If I genuinely feel like I need to rest and workout later, then I believe my body without question or negative mental noise.  I needed to rest this afternoon. After picking up a refill of my blood pressure medication, I did just that.

I was excited about preparing dinner all day long. A friend of mine brought in some fresh water bass her husband had caught at one of our area lakes. I hadn't tried bass, so I was thrilled to try something new.




I baked it with spices I had in the cupboard then topped it with a salsa/light sour cream mixture I call "Pink Sauce." really, it didn't need the sauce. It was out of this world good. I cooked and plated a full 12 ounces, 330 calories worth of hearty fish. I baked some fresh pineapple topped with a sprinkle of cinnamon, added some Foreman grilled asparagus and threw together a new discovery--- cinnamon baked pear!! I sliced a small pear, placed it flesh side up in a baking dish and sprinkled it with cinnamon and an all natural stevia packet. It was like candy. I couldn't believe how good the pear turned out, it was fabulously gourmet and seemed indulgently delicious. My appetizer going into this meal was a 1/2 serving of Beanito chips and pink sauce. Beanito chips are a recent find. These chips are made from 100% pinto beans. Gluten free, sugar free and everything else free...except taste--they taste pretty good, especially with the low cal dip.

I read a few blogs before heading out for the YMCA and my elliptical workout. It was clouding up as I went inside the Y and by the time I was ready to leave, an all out thunderstorm had developed. It hadn't gone severe yet, but I knew my plan to stop by Irene's house to visit with my daughters afterward would have to wait for another night. I immediately headed to the studio to cover the developing weather. The storm eventually made it to severe status and later spawned a tornado warning about 25 miles southeast of this area. I suspended weather coverage and came home nearing midnight. I was slightly foolish in thinking I could wrangle my schedule enough to get to bed at a decent hour every night because I wasn't considering severe weather season. I can do it some nights though. I created and accepted a challenge in our Tuesday group meeting to be in bed by 10pm at least three nights before the next group. Hopefully Mother Nature won't interfere with my completion of the challenge.  But when it does, I'm prepared to listen to my body when I'm tired and then rest as soon as possible, even when it means postponing my workout until later.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, June 3, 2014

June 3rd, 2014 Never Say Never

June 3rd, 2014 Never Say Never

The title of yesterday's blog "Free From All That Noise," was a celebration of sorts for walking into the YMCA yesterday afternoon with a positive/determined spirit. This attitude and perspective being a complete 180 from a Y trip not too long ago. Last night I declared "That breakthrough Y trip a while back literally set me free from all that noise."  I said it with a firm belief, 100% conviction, very similar, in fact--to the declarations I made while initially losing my weight. Remember, "I'll never see 400 pounds again," and "I'll never see 300 pounds again," and my favorite, "275 pounds gone forever!"  To say "never" suggests an all-knowing certainty. And let's be honest, none of us mere mortals possess that kind of power. I start tonight's edition with this as a way to say thank you to Janis, a reader of this blog with much appreciated insights, for challenging me to examine it further. And also because it's an important point to share.

Her comment on the June 2nd post:
"One quick comment -- glad to see you back, BTW -- about your experience at the Y. You may walk in one day in the future and for whatever reason feel insecure or nervous about being there. Don't be surprised or punked by this, just ride it out. The comment you made -- "That breakthrough Y trip a while back literally set me free from all that noise" -- indicates that you may still be thinking of these challenges as things that you can solve once and then be fine forever after. Unfortunately, all people tend to hit walls repeatedly. A problem that you think has been solved will probably rear its head again at some point in the future. It doesn't mean you failed, it doesn't mean that you're no good, and it doesn't mean that the original epiphany was worthless. It just means that, like all challenges, they're never fully solved.

So this is just a quick word of warning. You've already realized this about your relationship with food, but you may find it popping up regarding exercise as well. Be wary of thinking that any problem is solved once and then it never arises again. If you fall prey to that thinking, then when the problem arises again -- as it inevitably will -- you may end up thinking that the world is coming to an end when it's not. :-)"

I kind of felt like she was speaking to me from the future, like she could see it happening and was coming back here to warn me. It was a wonderful, extremely insightful, much appreciated and spot on analysis from her. 
Janis, sincerely, thank you.

I walked into the Y this afternoon, fresh from an internal struggle. I made light of it on Twitter, but it was a serious little tug of war in my head. One thought wanted to go straight home, relax, maybe take a short nap and postpone my workout until after my conference call support group tonight. The other thought was more concerned about time management and getting to bed at a decent hour for a change, insisting on getting in there and getting a nice workout in the books. The 2nd thought won out. I walked in to the Y feeling the same confidence and determination I did yesterday. I pray that I always feel this way and when I don't, I pray I'll remember Janis's wise words, "It doesn't mean you failed, it doesn't mean that you're no good, and it doesn't mean that the original epiphany was worthless. It just means that, like all challenges, they're never fully solved...you may end up thinking that the world is coming to an end when it's not."

I'm immensely grateful for the support I receive. It means the world to me.

As this blog progresses, some days are more average than others--and as much as I enjoy exploring things on a deep and personal level, some days will be just short recaps of the days events. This post isn't one of those, however--on days like that, I plan on adding a feature called The DDWL AMA (ask me anything).

I spend a good amount of time thoroughly answering email questions. I've decided to occasionally feature a question and answer from my email sean@transformationroad.com. I'll always ask permission to use the email question and at least the first name of the person asking the question.

I've written quite a bit lately about my near 100% abstinence from sugar and how it's affected me over the course of the last 40 plus days. Colleen asked a question recently and I replied with a long answer and a short answer:    

 Hi Sean,

 I love reading your blog every day!  Also your food always looks delicious!  I am also addicted to sugar and have one question. Will you ever go back to eating ice cream, cake, desserts ever again?

 Thanks, 
Colleen

My reply:

Thank you for your readership and support!! Great question.  Short answer at the end. But brevity has never been my strong suit... so...

This was one of the biggest points of contention for me since I started losing weight in 2008.
I lost 275 pounds eating cake, ice cream and desserts--all within reasonable portions at appropriate times.
Using prior success as a reference, It made it very hard to get to a place of acceptance for abstinence, where I am now.

How did I stay consistent for as long as I did, despite all the sugary foods in moderation?
In hindsight, I clearly see how my support and accountability system importance level was set so high, I didn't dare give in to the struggle, temptation and the obsessive like attraction to "getting more." There were a lot of prayers and meditation--surrounding myself with people, instead of isolating--and connecting as much as possible with a variety of support sources.

When I basically abandoned almost every support and accountability component I had leaned on for so long--then it was a very different dynamic. Suddenly I was dramatically weakened.
When the bio-chemical reactions of sugar addiction swirled through my brain, I followed it's lead without question--as if possessed. I traded one struggle for another. Instead of struggling against the compulsions to binge, I gave in--then struggled with the regret, shame and embarrassment associated with weight gain and the guilt associated with doing the very things I wanted to be diametrically opposed to. 

I was very much NOT wanting to let go of the sugar or, the option to enjoy it occasionally in portioned doses... My denial was slowly revealed and chipped away by learning. What ended up happening is, I kept researching the effects of sugar, specifically the addictive nature of it, and then as if I was destined to hear--I kept having conversations with people in recovery from food addiction---people who have what I want--years of maintenance behind them--and 100% of them said the same thing in relation to sugar and how it creates a bio-chemical reaction in our pleasure sensors---and then sets off the addictive cycle of, "I gotta have more and NOW!!!!" 

I can't say I'm 100% sugar free, because of my non-flavored plain coffee creamer. The tiny amount doesn't seem to have the same effect as larger more obvious amounts. I'm sugar free enough to experience the most amazing benefits I once thought were impossible to find for me. No binges and no urges to binge. So many people described their experience to me--and they described this feeling--but still, until I actually committed to the effort needed to personally "test" it, it was like they were speaking of some mythical fantasy. I do recognize that I have a similar and many ways stronger support and accountability system in place now--but even still--I'm not fighting to maintain control. There's a peace and calm about my approach that I'm absolutely in love with.  If trading the occasional sugar for this feeling is the deal...then I'll sign a lifetime contract. That's the long answer to my perspective.

Will I ever go back to eating ice cream, cakes and other sugar laden things? I pray I never do. My short answer is no, I don't plan on ever going back. I now know, understand and appreciate what I must do in order to stay abstinent.  I also know that if I ever decide to abandon the principles and practices of my personal recovery, I'll surely go straight back to the very familiar reality of an unmanageable and chaotic existence.

It's important to note that fortunately, not everyone is a food and/or sugar addict. For some, the basic fundamentals of eating less, exercising more and developing an "in moderation" approach to food is the answer. I wanted it to be my answer. And as much as I wanted to wish it into being--summoning the law of attraction and constantly telling myself I was someone who could be okay with a non-addict approach to recovery--I finally realized it wasn't me. And it's okay. I'm okay. And I have a wonderful, rich and fulfilling life ahead of me without sugar.

The acceptance of and fully embracing my personal truth of addiction, along with some life changing epiphanies about identity and self-worth, have sent me straight to a very positive place. I love this feeling and I wouldn't trade it for all the Snickers Bars and mint chocolate chip shakes in the world.  Truth is, all it takes for that transaction to happen is one Snickers or shake. 

I'm happily abstinent from sugar.

I hope all that was of help to you Colleen,
My best always,
Sean

 If you have a question to submit for The DDWL AMA, send it to Sean@transformationroad.com I'll do my best to answer it honestly and openly.

 I suppose I should have ended that reply with "I'm happily 97% abstinent from sugar." It certainly seems to be working for me. And I'm very happy it is...My goodness, it was getting pretty dark. Now it seems much brighter; better.

 After my workout I made a quick trip to the store for more pineapple (found it on sale again--this time $1.29 each! That's ridiculously cheap for a whole pineapple!), some chicken breasts, asparagus and grapes. I'm trying to ensure that I'm getting enough variety in the foods I enjoy. The 1700 calorie bank I'm allowing seems to be plenty. In fact, some days I'm falling a little short.

I came home and made "oven-fried" chicken breast (coated with water, dry potato flakes and seasonings), asparagus, red roasted potatoes topped with salt/pepper, garlic powder and mozzarella, plus a side of pineapple. It was an amazing dinner and definitely something different! I did learn something good to know... When I checked the calorie count and serving information on the bag of red potatoes it said the serving size was approximately 4 potatoes or 148g for 100 calories. Good thing I weigh and measure everything. I started to weigh 4 small potatoes and realized it was double the serving size. Two potatoes, not four as suggested by the "serving size," checked in at just under the 148g's. I've discovered this same discrepancy on a few other things. Now, I never go by their "approximate" anything--I weigh it for either ounces or grams depending on the item.

We had a fantastic group support conference call this evening. It felt wonderful to start another six week group! If you're ever interested in being involved, send me an email and I'll make sure you're notified of upcoming groups.

I'm hitting the pillow tonight feeling great about this day.  I'm reminding myself--stay calm and carry on one day at a time.  As the one and only Jack Sh*t recently commented, "Now you just need to keep on keeping on keeping on."

Indeed Jack. Thank you.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
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