I ate two brownies today.
My friend is a professional baker at the most popular bakery in the entire area. It is popular because she's extremely talented in creating some of the most decadent sweet creations in the world. She knows I'm sugar free and she's very supportive of the importance level I apply to my abstinence. When she sent me a text saying she had baked me some sugar free brownies, I was thrilled! I mean really, how often do I eat brownies? As long as they're sugar free, I can probably fit one into my calorie budget. She cut them into small 60 calorie squares. Perfect.
The first brownie was consumed as dessert, after lunch, with confident intention. The second brownie was consumed after an hour of obsessive thoughts about wanting another.
I dropped the support ball. The first thing I needed to do, as soon as those obsessive thoughts started, was pick up the phone and reach out for support. It would have worked--completely shutting down those obsessive thoughts. I did share it with my support group after the 2nd brownie. I suppose that was my way of "picking up the fumble." After receiving fantastic supportive feedback, I was able to successfully shut down the brownie cheering section in my brain. Go team!
Life Coach Gerri has a knack for getting to the point with the least amount of words. Her reaction in support of me today: "Some foods just have 'more' written all over them. When we discover those foods, best to put them on the 'no, thank you' list."
When Gerri speaks, I listen and learn. She has 22 years of weight maintenance and abstinence from sugar. She's the Yoda to my Luke Skywalker.
I haven't consumed refined sugar in over a year. I'm very proud and protective of my abstinence. I've made a point on several occasions to write about the profound positive effect this decision has made in my life.
Here's the deal: Almost anything with sugar can be made without. I've looked at eating sugar-free versions of normally sugar-loaded things as a kind of novelty. An illusion of sorts. A big magic trick... Like, hey--check this out, I'm eating a brownie, a cupcake or a pie, a cookie!!--or a roll...
I ordered cupcakes for my birthday last October, dinner rolls and a peach pie for Thanksgiving and I consumed a lemon pie at Christmas. I've even had a cookie or two along the way.
Today's "episode" of instability really demanded I consider something other than the bio-chemical effects of refined sugar. Perhaps it's time for me to admit that artificial sweeteners, including natural stevia, affect me in similar ways. My support buddy Jon in Wisconsin is going to LOVE that last sentence.
On top of and aside from the artificial sweetener issue, I believe it truly comes down to exactly what Gerri wrote: "Some foods just have 'more' written all over them..."
You could say, Geez, Sean--really? Get over it, it was an extra 60 calories, big deal!
The extra 60 calories wasn't the point of concern. It was knowing, had I not reached out for support by sharing the situation and struggle, I could have easily finished the rest of the platter.
Instead, I offered them to my colleagues. Then, after a little while longer, I tossed the remaining brownies in the trash can atop some really disgusting stuff.
Why did I make a point to pile them into the nastiest part of the trash? Because I've consumed pie after retrieving it from a trash can. It was circa 2005, I was at my heaviest, but yeah--that happened and my studio mates caught me doing it--and yes, they remember it to this day. And No, I will never live it down.
I communicated with my pro baker friend and thanked her for thinking of me. I also explained how and why I must politely decline these things moving forward. She totally understood.
I forgot to post a "throw back Thursday" picture yesterday, so I put together a photo of various before, during and recent images.
I recovered this evening, nicely. I was activated for severe weather coverage for the third time in as many days and decided to wait it out for a late dinner. I'm exceptionally tired today, so I've opted for a rest day instead of hitting the trail for a good walk. I plan on getting into the YMCA tomorrow before the expected severe weather starts firing again.
I learned some valuable things and was reminded of the importance of certain things. Just because something is sugar free, doesn't mean it can't set me off. And utilizing a good support system is critical to success.
We don't do this deal alone. We're never alone.
My Tweets Today:
It's Friday! Good morning! Dark roast with sugar free hazelnut creamer (1tblspn per cup) 2 cups. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/LNxebU27yh— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 8, 2015
Avocado omelet w/3whites-1whole egg, 98g avocado w/salt&pepper, strawberries (101g) & golden delicious apple. 390 cal pic.twitter.com/wKd1HMv5fS— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 8, 2015
Fajita chicken (8oz) & zucchini crispy tacos with lettuce and sour cream (30g). 495 cal. pic.twitter.com/IgcPlKJjSG— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 8, 2015
Dessert! A friend of mine is a professional baker. Thank you for the sugar free brownies w/pecans! Wow. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/v2u8pwAGph— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 8, 2015
I shared the SF brownies on the conference table at work. They taste amazing. Not taking them home! SF or not, not certain I could resist!— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 8, 2015
Geez... Sugar free and still irresistible. Keeping it within my budget. Still... Sugar free brownie w/pecans. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/uNg5ncVjMM— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 8, 2015
Afternoon delight. Dark roast with SF hazelnut creamer. I should have saved the brownies until now! 1 cup. 30 cal. pic.twitter.com/h0x06ZKF3T— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 8, 2015
Surf & turf. Tilapia loins (8oz), small beef filet (4oz), fresh cut & baked sweet potato fries (185g). 477 cal. pic.twitter.com/rEbEBMSU2l— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 9, 2015
Thank you for reading and your continued support,