Sunday, February 28, 2016

February 28th, 2016 Letting It Go

February 28th, 2016 Letting It Go

The combination of over-confidence in my abilities and the nervousness of a live performance led to a couple of miscues on my part this afternoon. One miscue got me out of sync and led to the other. I've been trying to let it go the rest of the day. It was still, very much, an amazing production. I'm sure there were people in attendance who didn't even notice my couple of stumbles. The choir, the musicians, the composer/conductor--all, just amazing. Several offered the same to me, afterward. And I sincerely appreciate it, but still--my brain keeps obsessing over the two parts where I wasn't spot-on.

I'm human. I'm far from perfect. And in the spirit of the program presented, I must forgive myself and move forward. "Our Father, A Journey Through The Lord's Prayer" by Pepper Choplin was an exceptionally moving cantata. The music, lyrics and arrangement was an emotional magnet.

I'll move on now.

But you know what I mean? It was one performance--no do-overs, no second performance--live, in front of a packed audience.

Okay, seriously now--I'll move on.

I came home late afternoon and prepared a nice lunch. I finally pulled out a Joseph's 60 cal pita I've had in the freezer for some time. It was the perfect foundation for a turkey and swiss melt thingy.

It wasn't long after lunch when I decided a nap was in order. Before hitting the pillow, I reached out for support from a fellow performer whom I knew would offer some positive perspective. He offered, "get over it, it happens. And it's never as big and dramatic as we make it in our own heads."  I totally agree with this--so true.

Okay, this time, for real--moving forward, now...

I enjoyed a nice dinner date with Kristin followed by coffee and watching the latter part of the Oscars. It was a very enjoyable evening. Kristin was at the cantata today. She endured me constantly bringing up the two instances where I wasn't on point. I appreciated her calm, sensible perspective and positive reassurance.

I'm hopeless on this thing!

But you know what's the best part as it applies to my continued recovery and maintenance? After all, this is what this blog is about...

The best part is, I experienced it--and I wasn't happy with my performance despite the positive feedback from so many people--yet, I allowed myself to feel it--to process it, to ultimately be somewhat okay with it (really, I am)---and I didn't stuff it down with food. I didn't retreat into the inviting allure of distraction, distance and emotional numbness of a binge.

I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained firmly abstinent from refined sugar, I utilized strong support connections and I made my minimum water goal of 64oz. That is a successful day for me.

I'll do my best to do it again, tomorrow.

By the way, thank you to everyone who has asked about JoEllen and her progress and offered prayers. She's still in the hospital and has a long road of physical and speech therapy ahead of her, but she's doing remarkably well considering what happened to her is something that usually doesn't turn out this way.

 photo Before the performance_zpsxcarccvn.jpg
My brain still--still, after all this time, doesn't quite process and recognize my smaller size. One acquaintance of mine asked, "you're not still losing are you?" No, I'm doing my best to maintain, now. "Oh good, because you don't need to lose another pound." His phrasing reminded me of my late grandma's constant directive: "Don't you lose another pound!"  I feel great right where I am. Any more weight loss certainly wouldn't be intentional.

 photo performace_zpsrzq9bhwt.jpg
During the cantata. It was truly a blessing and an honor to be a part of this performance.

My Tweets Today:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

5 comments:

  1. Looking smashing Sean
    Sounds like a awesome day all round

    Bet you someone in the choir went flat in a note .... Did you notice it??

    I am sure your "mistake" was un noticed too

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for the compliment! You're right, truly. I'm sure my mistake (at least one of them) was noticed--but it didn't really take away from the power of the program. My brain tried to convince me it did--but honestly, it didn't. It was an amazing production. :)

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  2. I do the same thing. Torment myself to death. Maybe we should stop feeling so important and realize the earth did continue to spin....lol. Glad to hear the sister in law is doing better. How unexpected.

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    Replies
    1. Robin, yep-- it's a hard habit to break, this inward tormenting thing... But-- I'm much much better tonight. And as I mentioned in the above reply, my miscues didn't take away from the power of the program. My brain tried to make it 10 times bigger than what it was. It was fine.
      Yes--JoEllen is doing remarkably better considering the seriousness of the situation, initially. Anytime they attempt brain surgery--it's monumentally critical. She's a survivor, for sure!

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  3. Great post Sean,
    I very agree with you at this point: It was one performance--no do-overs, no second performance--live, in front of a packed audience.

    ReplyDelete

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