Saturday, February 1, 2020

February 1st, 2020 Come What May

February 1st, 2020 Come What May

Since our last edition, I've maintained the integrity of my food plan boundaries, I've remained refined sugar-free, I've met or exceeded my daily water goal, and I've stayed well connected with exceptional support.

I called mom shortly after 6pm this evening. She's usually back in her room from dinner by that time. The phone kept ringing and ringing. I called the nursing home and explained how she wasn't answering and asked if someone could check on her. That's when I was informed mom had taken a fall. She was okay, but would likely be sore, I was told.

I headed mom's way and had a good meeting with two of her nurses before heading down the hall to mom's room. Her door was shut, which is very unusual for mom--she doesn't like her door shut, ever. She prefers to see people walking by; makes her feel less alone. I opened the door to find mom on the floor. She had fallen again while trying to make it to the bathroom. My heart just broke for her. I immediately summoned help, grabbed mom a blanket, and stood aside allowing the staff to do what they do in a fall situation. They have certain things they need to do in a situation like this.

After their assessment, it was determined that aside from a bump on the head--she was okay. No broken bones or anything like that. The nursing staff consulted with the director of nursing and it was decided mom will be on hand in hand care, meaning she'll not make any moves without assistance. She's simply too weak right now.

As far as her other medical situations--her confusion is much improved. Still some--but nothing like it was. This is obviously a direct reflection of the co2 level in her lungs since the digoxin toxicity and UTI situations have been handled. She's sleeping on her cpap machine and that'll continue helping to clear it out as much as possible.

Yesterday was a decent day for her. She got her hair fixed and had some family make the trip up from our hometown for a visit. She enjoyed that quite a lot. She's really wanting to get out for a trip to Stillwater soon--or even just to dinner and the store, but it'll be a little while before that type of activity resumes. She's just not in an "out and about" condition at the moment. 

I'm continuing to take care of my daily practice of things that help keep me well. I'm more connected than ever with fantastic support friends--and my mental/emotional/spiritual foundational routine each morning is in a really good practice of late. It truly sets the tone for the day, come what may.

My Aunt Kelli (mom's little sister) is the family photo historian. She recently found a picture of me at five years old in my baby book. Mom kept a fantastic baby book full of things, including some hair from my first haircut. I'm not sure if the hair is still in there or not. Kelli sent me the picture--and as I look at it, two things come to mind: It reminds me of my grandson Noah!! I suppose I might have passed along some genetics his way! And secondly, this was right at the beginning of my discovery of using food for something other than satisfying physical hunger and sustenance.

Mom took me to the Holiday Inn in 1976 where we met a traveling photographer who had set up a studio in a hotel room. Remember those? He had the backdrops and the props. I imagine he was like, "Hmmm, Oklahoma--I must pack a wagon wheel and a countryside backdrop with an old wooden fence."

How do I know this was the beginning of my food addiction behavior? Because this picture was snapped right about the time of massive changes in my little boy life. I remember, vividly, how I coped with those changes.

Our little apartment on 9th street burned down, we moved to the rougher projects south of town, I had to change kindergarten classes in a new school--and suddenly, for the first time, I encountered intense bullying. Mom was pregnant with my little brother Shane and I was also reaching an age where I started having questions about why it was just the two of us. Where was my dad? Timmy Mutz had a cool dad. Where was mine?? 

Once I discovered how I could temporarily alter my emotional state with food, the trajectory was determined. From that point on my emotional development would be hindered and complicated because I avoided feeling feelings as much as possible. As I grew older, the issues got bigger--but my solution remained the same: More food.

Allowing myself to feel feelings while honoring a daily set of intentional actions designed to help keep me well is a miraculously divine thing. It ain't me, I assure you because that isn't how I'm wired. I'm grateful for it all. I pray that I keep embracing this practice in recovery for the rest of my life, one day at a time. I'm immensely grateful for those who surround me in support--people who truly get it because they've lived it. It's a blessing to me. 

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and positive energy for my mom. You're appreciated.

Do you own an "I'm Choosing Change" wristband? I wear mine daily as a constant reminder of why my daily practice of things is important. I'm not alone, either. This powerful message is worn on the wrists of people in a dozen states, maybe more, I haven't counted--but it's up there!! From New York to California and from Canada all the way to Scotland, they're out there! For me, it's simply a daily reminder to be open, willing, mindful, to pause, and to be intentional. If I'm not those things, I get stuck at the line of least resistance and back there is where the old patterns and behaviors thrive. Your order includes priority shipping so you'll get it quickly! Here's the link to order yours right now:

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,

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  1. Aww. Your poor mama. My heart breaks for her and you because going through it and watching her fail is hard. Prayers to you and your mom.

    And for sure Noah LOOKS just like you!! As my daddy always said "Can't get pears from a cherry tree! " :)

  2. So sorry your mom is struggling. Falling is so scary. I'm sure the nurses will do all they can to keep her safe. It can be hard for people to understand that the restrictions are for their own protection.


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