June 16th, 2014 Sean 1 and Sean 2

June 16th, 2014 Sean 1 and Sean 2

I had an interesting realization today. It required thinking of myself as two different people. First, there's the me in my deepest, darkest spiral, where the pounds came on easy and the quick fixes were easy to obtain in the numerous drive throughs less than a mile from my apartment. Second, there's me now--taking care, making things important like exercise and planning my food, and cooking and staying consistent AND losing weight.

We'll call them Sean 1 and Sean 2.

If these two could have a conversation--It might go something like:

(Sean 1 is annoyed by Sean 2.)

Sean 1:  (mockingly) "Look at you and your blog and twitter, I swear if I see one more food picture from you... You don't get where I am, I mean seriously--you're not dealing with what I deal with everyday. And you're  just so, on--always on---can you not turn it down a few notches...geez... I get it, you're logging, tweeting, blogging--doing what you do...spewing words of encouragement... Oh, and claiming that giving up nearly all sugar has given you a peace, where you're not compelled to binge--yeah, whatever--I don't believe that craziness. You can keep talking Mr. Anderson, it's still not helping me!"

Sean 2: If you only realized how thin the separation is between where I am now and where I was...it's paper thin. I get it, I was there and I could be there again in a flash. And I take no offense from your attitude and feelings toward me because they don't reflect me, they reflect you. When I was in the same mental place--it was never about "them," it was always about me--and my perspective. How I chose to receive the world determined how I viewed the world and everyone in it. Don't let the emotions of hopelessness fool you into believing there isn't hope. Sean 1, I'm talking to you--please don't shut me out--give me a few more minutes of your attention. Where you are is okay. You're not a bad person, you're not hopeless--you are stubborn, I will give you that. Stop fighting and...

Sean 1: "Now hold on right there, you Joseph's Pita eating son..."

Sean 2: Uh Uh...no name calling.

Sean 1: "I'm not a quitter. I'll never stop fighting."

Sean 2: That's not what I meant. Stop fighting against yourself and start standing up for yourself. You don't need to be perfect. Start small. Give yourself some thought and careful consideration. What do you need right now? For me, the first thing I had to do was get some help with my sleep apnea issues. I did that--and was still struggling...but that's okay, because I was slowly but surely gravitating away from the darkness. When you reach a point of surrender and your internal conversation turns spiritual, in whatever way that means to you--then you're really making some headway. Now, define some boundaries for yourself. If you're going to do this, there must be some personal boundaries in place. Decide on these and make sure these are things you can do. What works for me, may not work for you. Create your own unique plan. And recognize how this effort is a fantastic gift you're giving yourself--because you're worth it in every way. Then, make a commitment--a vow to yourself--an iron-clad decision that this is it...like no other time...you're deciding to choose change...

Sean 1:  "...before change chooses me, yeah--I heard you the first 900 times you said that phrase..."

Sean 2: Why don't you come back when you're ready to really hear me.

Sean 1: "Relax, Mr. Serious...geez...I was just giving you a hard time..."

Sean 2: I don't need a hard time. I've been really good at giving myself a hard time for a very long time, I don't need help in that department. Listen, what I'm doing now is what works for me. It's subject to change. And most importantly, it's not guaranteed.  The best I can tell from studying others with long term successful maintenance is--I must keep a close guard--and stay diligent in my practice. It's paper thin, this difference between you and me--and if I ever decide to get careless and cavalier, I'll break through and be right back where you are now. This takes work. And I'm okay with that. Are you?

Sean 1: "Why do you even care about me enough to share this?"

Sean: 2:  Because we share this road. And even though we may have very different circumstances and challenges, we have much more in common than not. We can learn from one another in wonderful ways. I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to truly understand, that if I can do this--you can too. There's hope, Sean 1--there's hope.  Change your perspective and change your life, my friend. That's what I'm working on everyday, one day at a time.

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Today was a solid day. I had a great workout at the Y followed by a fabulous home cooked dinner with Amber, her boyfriend KL and a good friend of mine. I stayed within my calorie budget. I'm hitting the pillow tonight with gratitude for another good day. I'll wake in the morning with a prayer for another.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

April 26th and 27th, 2014 Riding My Wild Schedule

April 26th and 27th, 2014 Riding My Wild Schedule

I've never been the best planner or the best routine/schedule keeper. My schedule often takes on the personality of a bull or wild bucking horse with me holding on for dear life. Taking better control over my schedule, or at least taming the beast enough for a smoother ride is something in need of my focus.

This time of year is wild for my professional schedule. With warmer weather comes more remote broadcasts on the weekends and of course we're diving into severe weather season, when our broadcast schedule is affected by the natural whims of Mother Nature. Both of these elements factored into my Saturday ride.

Writing and sharing about how I felt out in public after gaining weight was a great idea because it attracted exactly the kind of support I needed, encouraging me to shift my perspective and hold my head a little higher. The stories I create in my head during these public situations are just that, stories. And they're not accurate, serving absolutely no positive purpose.

I started my Saturday with a good breakfast and a 9am broadcast start at the YMCA. There was one person in particular whom I haven't seen in a long time and who I look up to immensely—and because my first interview choice wasn't immediately available, I interviewed him. He's the nicest guy you'll ever meet. As the director of the local YMCA, he's witnessed my weight loss attempt in 2004 and of course my Transformation Road starting in 2008. I look up to him because physically, he's what I desire for me. I don't know him well enough to say whether or not he battles weight issues—or more specifically, food addiction, but my best guess is he doesn't. But again, I have no business committing that guess to fact. Even still, he's so incredibly compassionate and welcoming—encouraging and positive—not a negative vibe from him at all, and he conveys all of that with a simple smile and warm greeting. I was at ease. I did my best to quiet the voices inside my brain telling me how disappointed he must have been to notice my obvious weight gain. I had to deliberately remind myself that I'm on the right track and I'm okay. I'm fine. No, really—I'm okay, I'm pointed in the right direction and that's a comforting fact. Besides, I haven't any business deciding what other people are thinking about me. And honestly—what many have pointed out, and it's so true: People aren't as focused on us as our brains would have us believe—they're mostly focused on themselves...and that's good.

My next stop was a museum and that was easy. The next three remotes scheduled all revolved around food: A smoked turkey leg fundraiser, The Big Battle of The Burger Cook-Off at Lake Ponca benefiting the Mission and a Dutch Oven Gathering of World Champion dutch oven cooks raising money for the Red Cross. I declined to be the talent for all three, passing them off to a co-worker and opting for the final broadcast of the day at a casino grand prize giveaway.

The time off between broadcasts gave me time to grocery shop, prepare a nice lunch at home and grab a nap before the final broadcast of the day.

The threat of severe weather was looming and looking likely after midnight and when severe weather threatens our broadcast area, I go to the studio to report the information. Instead of heading to the trail for exercise and sitting down to write this post, I headed to bed for a nap in order to be prepared for the overnight storm threat. And we did have some storms. By 1:30am, I was on my way to the studio.

Good thing this isn't a typical day's schedule. It's very important for me to do three things each day: Maintain the integrity of my calorie budget, complete some form of exercise and write in this blog. Those three things are of utmost importance. When I consistently journal in this blog, I become much more consistent with everything else.

My Sunday was interrupted by my Saturday schedule, simply because I didn't get to bed until morning and I slept until almost 1pm. It was mid afternoon before I had my first bite of anything.

A friend suggested a late lunch out at a restaurant. I've often taken great pride in my ability to navigate pretty much any menu of any restaurant and do okay. But right now, as I am today—no. I'm too fragile and I must stick with what's safe. I declined the suggested restaurant.

I planned on spending some time at Irene's house this evening with both of my daughters and my grandson Noah. They were planning a meal that sounded delicious but again—it wasn't what I wanted or needed right now. So I packed my own dinner and took it over! It worked out great!

That's just how important this is to me. I'm planning to win.

It's now late on Sunday evening and I'm ready to hit the pillow knowing that I did well today. And considering the craziness of my schedule this weekend, that's a pretty good victory.

I've decided to leave the food listing to MyFitness Pal. I'll still occasionally get specific—but for a complete peek into my daily food diary, friend me on MyFitnessPal –My user name is SeanAAnderson

I occasionally tweet food pictures on Twitter too—User name @SeanAAnderson

As some good friends have reminded me lately, it's one day at a time and sometimes, one hour at a time.

Thank you for reading,

Strength,

Sean 

Being Happy Today

Being Happy Today

I'm not a fan of long lists of excuses for why I haven't been posting regularly.  Any excuse I might offer, although a valid and true circumstance, isn't the fault or reason.  If circumstances kept me from succeeding I would have never lost 275 pounds in the first place.  Often, the circumstances become convenient places to rest the responsibility I have to take good care of myself. I detach these circumstances from me and they become a place where I can point and say "See, it's not my fault."  I'm too much of a realist to accept this victim minded thought pattern.  Self-honesty about my food addiction and emotional/compulsive eating makes it very difficult to feed myself anything other than the real truth.

I've obviously struggled recently but not in the same way as before.  It's been a long time since a "run and hide" binge around here.  That's good, sure, but there hasn't been dramatic movement in a positive direction either. 

My personal struggles involve faith in myself and my abilities to effectively succeed in the way I envision. When this introspective examination weighs heavy, it suppresses my enthusiasm for good eating and exercise choices. And that's where we have a serious issue.  Realizing my dreams sit atop a foundation secured by my commitment to take care of my body, mind and soul, I've decided backing away and examining what I truly want in life is paramount at this time.

What do I want in life?

Peace. Inner-peace. I want to be out of debt. I want to better appreciate the love and family I already have. I want to help people better understand their unique path to freedom from obesity. I want to explore my passion, my mission, my dreams and I want to get in the best shape of my life while doing it all. 

I've spent my life struggling to succeed while at the same time displaying enormous potential to excel at whatever I choose.  It started in grade school when a teacher told my mom "Sean has the potential to be a straight A student if he chooses to apply himself."  This "potential" theme has permeated through everything I've ever set out to accomplish.  It was found in my stand-up comedy, in broadcasting and now in my public speaking.

There are two angles here: If I'm constantly reaching for some future "success" to finally "put me together," then I'm missing an opportunity to be content and happy in the success of here and now.  It doesn't mean I settle.  It means I allow myself to be happy today.  And my happiness flows from my actions.  And the actions lead to accomplishment naturally; organically.  This is far better than sitting around trying to reason for or against myself.

So, enough of this introspective examination stuff.  A good friend recently shared this thought with me: Enlightenment and faith comes after action, never before.  I didn't know how I was going to lose 275 pounds before I took that first step, but I took action and along the way I became full of faith and enlightenment about my weight loss. Any doubts I had going in were quickly negated by the fruits of my positive actions/choices.

The secret to my success isn't as complicated as I make it.  It requires me to choose to be happy today while doing the actions supporting my happiness tomorrow.  In other words, I just need to chill out and move along.

I must work the proven steps of recovery, walk straight, smile and embrace the fundamentals that have brought me to this place in time.

I'll save the promises for regular postings here and I'll make the most important promise to myself: I will take pride in my actions and choices from this point forward.  The fruits of my promise will be strongly evident and real, instead of flimsy words and wishes.

I've upped the ante on my accountability factor by joining MyFitnessPal and making my food and exercise diary public.  I invite you to join me!  My username is SeanAAnderson.  Visit www.myfitnesspal.com to find me.

There's so much more I'd like to write here--I could go deeper, but this is sufficient today.  I'm okay today.  I'm happy today.

My best to you always,
Good Choices,
Sean