June 16th, 2014 Sean 1 and Sean 2
I had an interesting realization today. It required thinking of myself as two different people. First, there's the me in my deepest, darkest spiral, where the pounds came on easy and the quick fixes were easy to obtain in the numerous drive throughs less than a mile from my apartment. Second, there's me now--taking care, making things important like exercise and planning my food, and cooking and staying consistent AND losing weight.
We'll call them Sean 1 and Sean 2.
If these two could have a conversation--It might go something like:
(Sean 1 is annoyed by Sean 2.)
Sean 1: (mockingly) "Look at you and your blog and twitter, I swear if I see one more food picture from you... You don't get where I am, I mean seriously--you're not dealing with what I deal with everyday. And you're just so, on--always on---can you not turn it down a few notches...geez... I get it, you're logging, tweeting, blogging--doing what you do...spewing words of encouragement... Oh, and claiming that giving up nearly all sugar has given you a peace, where you're not compelled to binge--yeah, whatever--I don't believe that craziness. You can keep talking Mr. Anderson, it's still not helping me!"
Sean 2: If you only realized how thin the separation is between where I am now and where I was...it's paper thin. I get it, I was there and I could be there again in a flash. And I take no offense from your attitude and feelings toward me because they don't reflect me, they reflect you. When I was in the same mental place--it was never about "them," it was always about me--and my perspective. How I chose to receive the world determined how I viewed the world and everyone in it. Don't let the emotions of hopelessness fool you into believing there isn't hope. Sean 1, I'm talking to you--please don't shut me out--give me a few more minutes of your attention. Where you are is okay. You're not a bad person, you're not hopeless--you are stubborn, I will give you that. Stop fighting and...
Sean 1: "Now hold on right there, you Joseph's Pita eating son..."
Sean 2: Uh Uh...no name calling.
Sean 1: "I'm not a quitter. I'll never stop fighting."
Sean 2: That's not what I meant. Stop fighting against yourself and start standing up for yourself. You don't need to be perfect. Start small. Give yourself some thought and careful consideration. What do you need right now? For me, the first thing I had to do was get some help with my sleep apnea issues. I did that--and was still struggling...but that's okay, because I was slowly but surely gravitating away from the darkness. When you reach a point of surrender and your internal conversation turns spiritual, in whatever way that means to you--then you're really making some headway. Now, define some boundaries for yourself. If you're going to do this, there must be some personal boundaries in place. Decide on these and make sure these are things you can do. What works for me, may not work for you. Create your own unique plan. And recognize how this effort is a fantastic gift you're giving yourself--because you're worth it in every way. Then, make a commitment--a vow to yourself--an iron-clad decision that this is it...like no other time...you're deciding to choose change...
Sean 1: "...before change chooses me, yeah--I heard you the first 900 times you said that phrase..."
Sean 2: Why don't you come back when you're ready to really hear me.
Sean 1: "Relax, Mr. Serious...geez...I was just giving you a hard time..."
Sean 2: I don't need a hard time. I've been really good at giving myself a hard time for a very long time, I don't need help in that department. Listen, what I'm doing now is what works for me. It's subject to change. And most importantly, it's not guaranteed. The best I can tell from studying others with long term successful maintenance is--I must keep a close guard--and stay diligent in my practice. It's paper thin, this difference between you and me--and if I ever decide to get careless and cavalier, I'll break through and be right back where you are now. This takes work. And I'm okay with that. Are you?
Sean 1: "Why do you even care about me enough to share this?"
Sean: 2: Because we share this road. And even though we may have very different circumstances and challenges, we have much more in common than not. We can learn from one another in wonderful ways. I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to truly understand, that if I can do this--you can too. There's hope, Sean 1--there's hope. Change your perspective and change your life, my friend. That's what I'm working on everyday, one day at a time.
------------------------------------------------
Today was a solid day. I had a great workout at the Y followed by a fabulous home cooked dinner with Amber, her boyfriend KL and a good friend of mine. I stayed within my calorie budget. I'm hitting the pillow tonight with gratitude for another good day. I'll wake in the morning with a prayer for another.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Monday, June 16, 2014
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
June 10th, 2014 It's Amazing What A Shift in Perspective Can Do
June 10th, 2014 It's Amazing What A Shift in Perspective Can Do
The search that started and successfully ended last night, thanks to the power of Facebook actually started several months ago. I visit with my mom on a regular basis and when I'm with her I rarely talk about me. I want to know how she's doing, mentally and emotionally. How she feels is important to me, not at all unlike the concern most of us have for a loved one, or several. You see, being raised by her, loved, nurtured, protected and seeing her in the most honest light, I've come to believe she is one of the most loving people on this earth. Proud son talking about his momma? Perhaps. But seriously...
Throughout the history of my entire life, I can count on one hand how many times I've heard her speak in a severely negative way about anyone. The only time I've ever witnessed her show any semblance of anger and rage was when I was challenging her to the extreme as a kid or when she was standing up for me. Her being the mother of a special needs son, I watched her patience spread thin with my little brother, but never breaking, always loving--always caring, always protective. I would do anything for her.
It was sometime last fall while we were having dinner and coffee at our favorite diner when mom asked me a favor. "What is it, mom?" I knew something was on her mind and she was hesitant to ask. I encouraged her and eventually she asked, "Will you find him for me?" (I've replaced his name with the pronoun in an effort to respect his privacy--after brazenly disrespecting it last night). I immediately asked "why?"
"I just want to see him one more time and say a few words," she said. "How would I find him?" "You have a lot of friends on facebook, maybe they could help."
I tried a few general searches using the information she gave me and came up empty every time. I was kind of hoping mom would forget this idea, but with every visit, his name would come up. "Mom, you realize he could be dead or happily married with a family. How would he react to this some 50 years later?" At this point mom would usually drop the subject. But it became more and more clear to me that this was something very important to her. What if something happened to her and I didn't at least give it 100% effort? She's never asked me for much, so why not give it a try?
I posted about this on facebook last night in the best way I knew how. The response was overwhelming. Thank you if you were one who participated. After over 200 shares and numerous comments, it was clear this search had immediately turned into a massive group effort. Less than three hours later I was on the phone with an investigator in California who specializes in finding people, mainly for class reunions. I had all of the details I needed to make contact. He was alive and well. Since that conversation, four others have correctly ID'd the person of interest.
He answered the first number I called today. I spoke to him for one minute and thirty-six seconds. I was apologetic for bothering him, identified myself and my mother. I asked if he remembered the name and he confirmed he did remember. I then proceeded to tell him why I was calling. "The intention isn't to try to rekindle or revisit something from a half century ago. I just wanted to know if you would remotely consider a short visit, even if it's just an hour over lunch?" There was a slight pause and then, "No, no I would not."
I immediately apologized for bothering him, told him I completely understood and then apologized again for the contact. And that was it.
Afterward I sat alone in my studio pondering this whole situation. And after some counsel from the very wise investigator known as "Sherlock" in California, I realized it was okay. Unleashing a social media storm in an effort to find him was certainly effective but it wasn't necessarily fair to him. Out of respect for him, his family and their privacy, we're going to leave this be once and for all.
I spoke with mom not long after and her first words were filled with gratitude for everyone who helped me fulfill this request of hers. She seemed upbeat and positive, despite the news. And we had a wonderful conversation about how and why this response was normal and okay. And a deeper conversation about the importance of focusing on the future instead of the past. Mom is a young 68. She's in relatively good health, considering--with a few treatable ailments. And God willing, she has a lot of life ahead of her. I love her dearly and I so badly wanted this to turn out differently. But honestly, it may have turned out the best possible way, anyhow. I plan on visiting mom this weekend and once again we'll discuss things important to us both. I feel good in knowing that this is one subject we can let rest...just let it be, let it go and be okay. And we can learn from it in wonderful ways.
--------------------------------------------
I planned and prepared my food today as always and that's good, because that was one less thing to think about today. We had a big party hosted by the broadcasting company I work for and the invite list including every member of the local chamber of commerce. This event is an annual thing. A few years ago, at goal, I donned a tuxedo at this event. Last year, I donned a noticeably larger tuxedo and this year, no tuxedo. I was just casually and wonderfully me. Not once did I fret over seeing some of these people I hadn't for over a year. I confidently shook hands and smiled and made my way around the room talking to as many as I could. It's amazing what a shift in perspective can do.
If this event would have happened two months ago, I would have come up with some reason to duck out or not show up at all. The interesting revelation is...
What would have kept me from enjoying myself had this event happened two months ago? It really wouldn't have been the fear of what people would think of me after weight gain, it would have been the self-punishment found in projecting how I feel about myself onto others, without their knowledge. Let that marinate for a minute.
How we feel about ourselves is a very powerful thing. For someone as sensitive as me, projecting how I feel about myself onto others, without their knowledge, has been a source of a lot of needless shame, embarrassment and guilt. Newsflash: We're all human! The great news is, it works both ways. I projected a genuine feeling of peace and confidence this evening and I projected it toward everyone around me. Not once did I feel the negative emotions that once upon a time came so easily. I pray this feeling stays with me forever. I will continue doing the inside work needed to maintain this non-physical part of my transformation.
I did leave the party slightly early in order to make my 7pm Tuesday night group conference call. It was once again a great experience. Afterward, I cooked dinner, enjoyed it and then headed for a late workout at the YMCA.
Tomorrow is weigh day! I can't wait to report the number I find. I'm keeping a very level head about whatever the scale says tomorrow. Regardless of the number, I'm not stopping this positive momentum I'm building. If the number is a big loss, I must remind myself to keep my feet on the ground. If it's small or a gain, I'll do the same--with a little help from my friends. Taking back the emotional effects of the scale is important. The numbers don't define who we are. It's for statistical purposes only. And perhaps those statistics can occasionally help inspire small tweaks here and there if needed.
You're welcome to check out my Live-Tweet Twitter feed of all my food and exercise. Also, if you have MyFitnessPal, friend me if you wish, my username is SeanAAnderson.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
The search that started and successfully ended last night, thanks to the power of Facebook actually started several months ago. I visit with my mom on a regular basis and when I'm with her I rarely talk about me. I want to know how she's doing, mentally and emotionally. How she feels is important to me, not at all unlike the concern most of us have for a loved one, or several. You see, being raised by her, loved, nurtured, protected and seeing her in the most honest light, I've come to believe she is one of the most loving people on this earth. Proud son talking about his momma? Perhaps. But seriously...
Throughout the history of my entire life, I can count on one hand how many times I've heard her speak in a severely negative way about anyone. The only time I've ever witnessed her show any semblance of anger and rage was when I was challenging her to the extreme as a kid or when she was standing up for me. Her being the mother of a special needs son, I watched her patience spread thin with my little brother, but never breaking, always loving--always caring, always protective. I would do anything for her.
It was sometime last fall while we were having dinner and coffee at our favorite diner when mom asked me a favor. "What is it, mom?" I knew something was on her mind and she was hesitant to ask. I encouraged her and eventually she asked, "Will you find him for me?" (I've replaced his name with the pronoun in an effort to respect his privacy--after brazenly disrespecting it last night). I immediately asked "why?"
"I just want to see him one more time and say a few words," she said. "How would I find him?" "You have a lot of friends on facebook, maybe they could help."
I tried a few general searches using the information she gave me and came up empty every time. I was kind of hoping mom would forget this idea, but with every visit, his name would come up. "Mom, you realize he could be dead or happily married with a family. How would he react to this some 50 years later?" At this point mom would usually drop the subject. But it became more and more clear to me that this was something very important to her. What if something happened to her and I didn't at least give it 100% effort? She's never asked me for much, so why not give it a try?
I posted about this on facebook last night in the best way I knew how. The response was overwhelming. Thank you if you were one who participated. After over 200 shares and numerous comments, it was clear this search had immediately turned into a massive group effort. Less than three hours later I was on the phone with an investigator in California who specializes in finding people, mainly for class reunions. I had all of the details I needed to make contact. He was alive and well. Since that conversation, four others have correctly ID'd the person of interest.
He answered the first number I called today. I spoke to him for one minute and thirty-six seconds. I was apologetic for bothering him, identified myself and my mother. I asked if he remembered the name and he confirmed he did remember. I then proceeded to tell him why I was calling. "The intention isn't to try to rekindle or revisit something from a half century ago. I just wanted to know if you would remotely consider a short visit, even if it's just an hour over lunch?" There was a slight pause and then, "No, no I would not."
I immediately apologized for bothering him, told him I completely understood and then apologized again for the contact. And that was it.
Afterward I sat alone in my studio pondering this whole situation. And after some counsel from the very wise investigator known as "Sherlock" in California, I realized it was okay. Unleashing a social media storm in an effort to find him was certainly effective but it wasn't necessarily fair to him. Out of respect for him, his family and their privacy, we're going to leave this be once and for all.
I spoke with mom not long after and her first words were filled with gratitude for everyone who helped me fulfill this request of hers. She seemed upbeat and positive, despite the news. And we had a wonderful conversation about how and why this response was normal and okay. And a deeper conversation about the importance of focusing on the future instead of the past. Mom is a young 68. She's in relatively good health, considering--with a few treatable ailments. And God willing, she has a lot of life ahead of her. I love her dearly and I so badly wanted this to turn out differently. But honestly, it may have turned out the best possible way, anyhow. I plan on visiting mom this weekend and once again we'll discuss things important to us both. I feel good in knowing that this is one subject we can let rest...just let it be, let it go and be okay. And we can learn from it in wonderful ways.
--------------------------------------------
I planned and prepared my food today as always and that's good, because that was one less thing to think about today. We had a big party hosted by the broadcasting company I work for and the invite list including every member of the local chamber of commerce. This event is an annual thing. A few years ago, at goal, I donned a tuxedo at this event. Last year, I donned a noticeably larger tuxedo and this year, no tuxedo. I was just casually and wonderfully me. Not once did I fret over seeing some of these people I hadn't for over a year. I confidently shook hands and smiled and made my way around the room talking to as many as I could. It's amazing what a shift in perspective can do.
If this event would have happened two months ago, I would have come up with some reason to duck out or not show up at all. The interesting revelation is...
What would have kept me from enjoying myself had this event happened two months ago? It really wouldn't have been the fear of what people would think of me after weight gain, it would have been the self-punishment found in projecting how I feel about myself onto others, without their knowledge. Let that marinate for a minute.
How we feel about ourselves is a very powerful thing. For someone as sensitive as me, projecting how I feel about myself onto others, without their knowledge, has been a source of a lot of needless shame, embarrassment and guilt. Newsflash: We're all human! The great news is, it works both ways. I projected a genuine feeling of peace and confidence this evening and I projected it toward everyone around me. Not once did I feel the negative emotions that once upon a time came so easily. I pray this feeling stays with me forever. I will continue doing the inside work needed to maintain this non-physical part of my transformation.
I did leave the party slightly early in order to make my 7pm Tuesday night group conference call. It was once again a great experience. Afterward, I cooked dinner, enjoyed it and then headed for a late workout at the YMCA.
Tomorrow is weigh day! I can't wait to report the number I find. I'm keeping a very level head about whatever the scale says tomorrow. Regardless of the number, I'm not stopping this positive momentum I'm building. If the number is a big loss, I must remind myself to keep my feet on the ground. If it's small or a gain, I'll do the same--with a little help from my friends. Taking back the emotional effects of the scale is important. The numbers don't define who we are. It's for statistical purposes only. And perhaps those statistics can occasionally help inspire small tweaks here and there if needed.
You're welcome to check out my Live-Tweet Twitter feed of all my food and exercise. Also, if you have MyFitnessPal, friend me if you wish, my username is SeanAAnderson.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
May 13th, 2014 It's Time To Feel Good
May 13th, 2014 It's Time To Feel Good
The young man I wrote about in last night's blog did a fantastic job on the air this morning. Anyone who listened had to agree. He called at precisely 6:40am to the second and I went straight to air with his call. No pre-air chat prior and he handled it like a pro. If he was nervous, I couldn't tell. I can't count how many people I've tried to interview, most of them about their own business--and they can't do it. The thought of broadcasting live over the air and knowing people are listening is too much for some to handle. But not this young man, not this morning. He was on. And he was awesome.
By the way, if you're not local to me and you want to listen to my morning show, you can online and even on your smart phone. The phone app is called FreeStreams...download it, then search for 100.7FM KPNC. On your PC or Tablet, visit www.poncacitynow.com and click the "listen live" drop down menu, then select KPNC. I should have included that in last night's post.
The way I've felt lately reminds me of the very early days of this blog. The level of determination to reclaim my healthiest weight is very much iron clad. What's great about this time around is understanding myself so much better than before.
I'm also of the mindset, I'd like to have a do-over on being at a healthy weight. I wasn't equipped to properly handle it before. I was dealing with so many new experiences and emotions I didn't expect while I was living at goal. In some ways, I felt like a stranger to myself. When I started to regain, it was almost like an attempt to get back to the place where I was most comfortable emotionally. Not physically, of course, but emotionally. Anyone who's lost a "looks like a completely different person" amount of weight knows what I'm talking about when I say it felt strange to look in the mirror or at pictures...is that really me? I don't see myself like that when I close my eyes. I don't remember having a dream where I was at a healthy weight. I was still a morbidly obese person in my dreams. It was as if my brain was rejecting the new me. This isn't an excuse of any kind, it's simply an interesting dynamic. I quickly realized all of my problems didn't magically go away because I was physically different at 230 pounds. I was so disappointed. I often talked and wrote about this other work involved, but clearly I was hoping it would be far less work.
What it says to me is this: The inside work is just as crucial as the food and exercise. And ultimately, the inside work will not be denied. If it's ignored, it will assert itself in whatever way it needs to get the attention and care it demands and rightly deserves. Failed relationships? Did it. Self-destructive behaviors? Yep. Gaining back over half the weight I lost despite having so many wonderful reasons to take the best care? Of course.
The goal now is a more balanced approach. It's an approach where I pay just as much attention to what I need emotionally and spiritually, as I do to what I need physically. I want to speak to a group someday, just as Phil Werdell did last week, and talk about my 27 years of recovery and maintenance. Or as Gerri does all over the world with her 21 years of maintenance.
What's the best thing about feeling the way I do right now, today? It's discovering that the horribly hopeless thoughts I had while in free fall were all lies. It ISN'T impossible to reclaim the resolve and peace we once enjoyed. I know how it feels to be so out of control, in such a cold dark place---where thought after thought is diametrically opposed to what's better and you feel compelled, like your choices are not your own, as if you're possessed and being taken for a ride you'd rather not take...but you can't get it to stop. Or so it seems. If that's where you are, please believe me--it's not what it seems. There is hope. Don't give up, okay?? Please don't.
The truth is, you may not be a food addict. Seriously! You may be an emotional/stress eater, but not a food addict. Or maybe you're both, like me. If you want to get a better idea, visit foodaddiction.com where you'll find some key questions to ask yourself, questions that can help you have a better understanding one way or the other.
My Calorie Bank and Trust was solid today. I had a craving for chili dogs yesterday so I grabbed some 98% fat free turkey dogs, some turkey chili and some swiss, among several other things. I put together a couple of Turkey Swiss Chili Dogs for dinner tonight--and oh wow, only 190 calories each. It'll be a long while before I want those again, but I'll claim a victory in finding a way to change the errant, once in a blue moon chili dog thought, into something I could easily fit into my budget. I also cut up a small sweet potato and baked 'em into homemade sweet potato fries. The pictures are all on my Twitter feed.
I had a good, sweaty, wonderful workout on the orange trimmed elliptical at the YMCA tonight. Thank you Katrina and The Waves for the boost. I agree, it's time to feel good.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
The young man I wrote about in last night's blog did a fantastic job on the air this morning. Anyone who listened had to agree. He called at precisely 6:40am to the second and I went straight to air with his call. No pre-air chat prior and he handled it like a pro. If he was nervous, I couldn't tell. I can't count how many people I've tried to interview, most of them about their own business--and they can't do it. The thought of broadcasting live over the air and knowing people are listening is too much for some to handle. But not this young man, not this morning. He was on. And he was awesome.
By the way, if you're not local to me and you want to listen to my morning show, you can online and even on your smart phone. The phone app is called FreeStreams...download it, then search for 100.7FM KPNC. On your PC or Tablet, visit www.poncacitynow.com and click the "listen live" drop down menu, then select KPNC. I should have included that in last night's post.
The way I've felt lately reminds me of the very early days of this blog. The level of determination to reclaim my healthiest weight is very much iron clad. What's great about this time around is understanding myself so much better than before.
I'm also of the mindset, I'd like to have a do-over on being at a healthy weight. I wasn't equipped to properly handle it before. I was dealing with so many new experiences and emotions I didn't expect while I was living at goal. In some ways, I felt like a stranger to myself. When I started to regain, it was almost like an attempt to get back to the place where I was most comfortable emotionally. Not physically, of course, but emotionally. Anyone who's lost a "looks like a completely different person" amount of weight knows what I'm talking about when I say it felt strange to look in the mirror or at pictures...is that really me? I don't see myself like that when I close my eyes. I don't remember having a dream where I was at a healthy weight. I was still a morbidly obese person in my dreams. It was as if my brain was rejecting the new me. This isn't an excuse of any kind, it's simply an interesting dynamic. I quickly realized all of my problems didn't magically go away because I was physically different at 230 pounds. I was so disappointed. I often talked and wrote about this other work involved, but clearly I was hoping it would be far less work.
What it says to me is this: The inside work is just as crucial as the food and exercise. And ultimately, the inside work will not be denied. If it's ignored, it will assert itself in whatever way it needs to get the attention and care it demands and rightly deserves. Failed relationships? Did it. Self-destructive behaviors? Yep. Gaining back over half the weight I lost despite having so many wonderful reasons to take the best care? Of course.
The goal now is a more balanced approach. It's an approach where I pay just as much attention to what I need emotionally and spiritually, as I do to what I need physically. I want to speak to a group someday, just as Phil Werdell did last week, and talk about my 27 years of recovery and maintenance. Or as Gerri does all over the world with her 21 years of maintenance.
What's the best thing about feeling the way I do right now, today? It's discovering that the horribly hopeless thoughts I had while in free fall were all lies. It ISN'T impossible to reclaim the resolve and peace we once enjoyed. I know how it feels to be so out of control, in such a cold dark place---where thought after thought is diametrically opposed to what's better and you feel compelled, like your choices are not your own, as if you're possessed and being taken for a ride you'd rather not take...but you can't get it to stop. Or so it seems. If that's where you are, please believe me--it's not what it seems. There is hope. Don't give up, okay?? Please don't.
The truth is, you may not be a food addict. Seriously! You may be an emotional/stress eater, but not a food addict. Or maybe you're both, like me. If you want to get a better idea, visit foodaddiction.com where you'll find some key questions to ask yourself, questions that can help you have a better understanding one way or the other.
My Calorie Bank and Trust was solid today. I had a craving for chili dogs yesterday so I grabbed some 98% fat free turkey dogs, some turkey chili and some swiss, among several other things. I put together a couple of Turkey Swiss Chili Dogs for dinner tonight--and oh wow, only 190 calories each. It'll be a long while before I want those again, but I'll claim a victory in finding a way to change the errant, once in a blue moon chili dog thought, into something I could easily fit into my budget. I also cut up a small sweet potato and baked 'em into homemade sweet potato fries. The pictures are all on my Twitter feed.
I had a good, sweaty, wonderful workout on the orange trimmed elliptical at the YMCA tonight. Thank you Katrina and The Waves for the boost. I agree, it's time to feel good.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
Sunday, March 2, 2014
The Thing About Focus
The Thing About Focus
I'm ready to amp this amp as I head into March. I've been rocking my Calorie Bank and Trust to the tune of 1700 or a little less each day. I haven't fully committed to an exercise schedule and it's okay, but that's about to change! My goals for the upcoming week include being better prepared for lunches at work, exercising of some kind each day, increased writing and more water! I can do this. These are things in need of my focus. And when I apply myself toward this positive focus, incredible results follow.
A very important element for me and any of us, is to be very careful of the thoughts and things we lend our focus. I'm a huge believer in the law of attraction. Basically, what we focus on the most is what we get more of along the way. I have numerous things in my life where I can dissect the dynamics and follow it back to where my focus was strongest. Most times, a negative focus is grounded in fear.
Fear of regaining can be paralyzing. And when you're in the middle of regaining it feels like the focus is hijacked into a very negative and dark place where nothing is working anymore. I had "505" tattooed on my arm as a reminder of where I've been and a nod to never go back. BUT... if I could go back in time, I would change the number to 230. And I may still have "-275=230" added. Why? Because as I was losing and after hitting goal, I spent a whole lot of focus on the number 505. I named my start up "505 Industries," the tattoo of course and several other thoughts and practices were centered around that number. It got to the point to where I started seeing 505 everywhere. My purchase at the store would come up $5.05, I would notice the clock at 5:05 all the time and when the security code on one of my cards showed up 505, I smiled and thought, "How perfect?"
But how could I break away from this five hundred pound identity if I'm choosing to constantly focus on the number 505? I can tell you with absolute certainty, had it not been for the support of people like you--I'd be back to 505 or beyond. Changing our focus isn't easy. And changing our deep seeded identity is where it gets extremely challenging.
In my opinion, in order for us to eventually, slowly but surely, accept a new identity--we must focus on where we are and where we're headed, not where we've been. You've heard people say "never look back" and I agree. Then someone pops up with, "Don't ever forget where you came from!" And then what? Well, we don't have to forget where we came from and we likely couldn't if we tried, but we can keep that identity from being our main focus.
This focus on where we're headed puts the law of attraction to the test. Long before I watched "The Secret" documentary on Netflix, I experienced this powerful dynamic. As I started losing weight back in 2008, I employed the law of attraction without realizing what I was doing. Everyday I would look in the mirror and smile at myself. I was complimenting myself for doing a great job and then I would intensely focus on where I was headed. I would envision how my appearance would change. And no, simply doing this isn't the only thing needed---but what happened was, it affected every choice I made. I was locked into my transformation. I was focused on the positive changes coming my way in regards to physical and mental health and of course, appearance. I was imagining the possibilities and with each passing day, week and month--those possibilities were happening.
An entire book could be written about this topic of focusing and then another book could be written on the effects of the transformation as it applies to our identity and how it affects our relationships with others and more importantly, how it affects our relationship with self. I imagine if I search a little, I could find some good books already written on these topics!
I'll tell you right now, the big guy in some of the photos below--I never properly dealt with losing him. The truth is, I never lost him--it's me, but the identity and all of the personality and heart invested in that existence was transformed right along with my body and wardrobe. It felt like "old Sean" died. It wasn't until the last year or so that I fully understood why my ex-sister in-law cried the first time she saw me after hitting goal. She was mourning the loss of "old Sean." I did recognize this then, but I didn't fully get it until about a year ago. So the work continues.
For me to understand that the positive effects of being at a healthy body weight far outweigh the attachment to my old identity, takes a committed and consistent focus.
I want to live as long as God plans for me to live. I want to be healthy and experience life to the fullest. And doing this means letting go and allowing myself to transform without focusing on negative emotions tied to my previous normal. There were many positive and wonderful qualities in that guy, but the lifestyle was one that isn't conducive to longevity. Instead of focusing on a perceived "loss," I must continue to focus on a hybrid version of me--one that combines the positive qualities of the past with the lifestyle and focus of today, giving me the best shot at a longer and healthier life.
Where is the focus? That's a question I must keep on the top of my mind. As long as I remain attentive and aware of this focus, I can continue making positive strides toward my goals.
Join me on facebook at www.facebook.com/seananderson505 (notice the 505) and on twitter @SeanAAnderson and My Fitness Pal: SeanAAnderson.
Tuesday evening starts the 6 week group teleconference coaching sessions with my good friend Life Coach Gerri Helms. Gerri has maintained her 100 pound weight loss for 21 years and has helped countless people identify and reach their goals in weight loss and other areas of life. The 6 week session is $60 dollars and includes the weekly call, additional text support when needed, a private Facebook group for conference members only and an incredible chemistry for support from the group. For an average of only $10 per week, it's a bargain! If you're interested in signing up, it's not too late! We keep the group small, so space is limited. Send an email to me right away to sean@transformationroad.com and I'll reply with a link for you to click and register.
I've included several pictures below. I am focusing on where I'm headed, not where I've been. I am focused on a future where I speak and write for a living and one where I experience the positive effects of living at a healthier weight everyday.
Attitude. Perspective. Focus. It's powerful, my friend.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
big face
Stand-up comedy head shot and stage profile shot
This idea of focus, attention and the law of attraction, has me questioning if I should ditch the before picture and old size 64's for future speaking engagements.
I'm ready to amp this amp as I head into March. I've been rocking my Calorie Bank and Trust to the tune of 1700 or a little less each day. I haven't fully committed to an exercise schedule and it's okay, but that's about to change! My goals for the upcoming week include being better prepared for lunches at work, exercising of some kind each day, increased writing and more water! I can do this. These are things in need of my focus. And when I apply myself toward this positive focus, incredible results follow.
A very important element for me and any of us, is to be very careful of the thoughts and things we lend our focus. I'm a huge believer in the law of attraction. Basically, what we focus on the most is what we get more of along the way. I have numerous things in my life where I can dissect the dynamics and follow it back to where my focus was strongest. Most times, a negative focus is grounded in fear.
Fear of regaining can be paralyzing. And when you're in the middle of regaining it feels like the focus is hijacked into a very negative and dark place where nothing is working anymore. I had "505" tattooed on my arm as a reminder of where I've been and a nod to never go back. BUT... if I could go back in time, I would change the number to 230. And I may still have "-275=230" added. Why? Because as I was losing and after hitting goal, I spent a whole lot of focus on the number 505. I named my start up "505 Industries," the tattoo of course and several other thoughts and practices were centered around that number. It got to the point to where I started seeing 505 everywhere. My purchase at the store would come up $5.05, I would notice the clock at 5:05 all the time and when the security code on one of my cards showed up 505, I smiled and thought, "How perfect?"
But how could I break away from this five hundred pound identity if I'm choosing to constantly focus on the number 505? I can tell you with absolute certainty, had it not been for the support of people like you--I'd be back to 505 or beyond. Changing our focus isn't easy. And changing our deep seeded identity is where it gets extremely challenging.
In my opinion, in order for us to eventually, slowly but surely, accept a new identity--we must focus on where we are and where we're headed, not where we've been. You've heard people say "never look back" and I agree. Then someone pops up with, "Don't ever forget where you came from!" And then what? Well, we don't have to forget where we came from and we likely couldn't if we tried, but we can keep that identity from being our main focus.
This focus on where we're headed puts the law of attraction to the test. Long before I watched "The Secret" documentary on Netflix, I experienced this powerful dynamic. As I started losing weight back in 2008, I employed the law of attraction without realizing what I was doing. Everyday I would look in the mirror and smile at myself. I was complimenting myself for doing a great job and then I would intensely focus on where I was headed. I would envision how my appearance would change. And no, simply doing this isn't the only thing needed---but what happened was, it affected every choice I made. I was locked into my transformation. I was focused on the positive changes coming my way in regards to physical and mental health and of course, appearance. I was imagining the possibilities and with each passing day, week and month--those possibilities were happening.
An entire book could be written about this topic of focusing and then another book could be written on the effects of the transformation as it applies to our identity and how it affects our relationships with others and more importantly, how it affects our relationship with self. I imagine if I search a little, I could find some good books already written on these topics!
I'll tell you right now, the big guy in some of the photos below--I never properly dealt with losing him. The truth is, I never lost him--it's me, but the identity and all of the personality and heart invested in that existence was transformed right along with my body and wardrobe. It felt like "old Sean" died. It wasn't until the last year or so that I fully understood why my ex-sister in-law cried the first time she saw me after hitting goal. She was mourning the loss of "old Sean." I did recognize this then, but I didn't fully get it until about a year ago. So the work continues.
For me to understand that the positive effects of being at a healthy body weight far outweigh the attachment to my old identity, takes a committed and consistent focus.
I want to live as long as God plans for me to live. I want to be healthy and experience life to the fullest. And doing this means letting go and allowing myself to transform without focusing on negative emotions tied to my previous normal. There were many positive and wonderful qualities in that guy, but the lifestyle was one that isn't conducive to longevity. Instead of focusing on a perceived "loss," I must continue to focus on a hybrid version of me--one that combines the positive qualities of the past with the lifestyle and focus of today, giving me the best shot at a longer and healthier life.
Where is the focus? That's a question I must keep on the top of my mind. As long as I remain attentive and aware of this focus, I can continue making positive strides toward my goals.
Join me on facebook at www.facebook.com/seananderson505 (notice the 505) and on twitter @SeanAAnderson and My Fitness Pal: SeanAAnderson.
Tuesday evening starts the 6 week group teleconference coaching sessions with my good friend Life Coach Gerri Helms. Gerri has maintained her 100 pound weight loss for 21 years and has helped countless people identify and reach their goals in weight loss and other areas of life. The 6 week session is $60 dollars and includes the weekly call, additional text support when needed, a private Facebook group for conference members only and an incredible chemistry for support from the group. For an average of only $10 per week, it's a bargain! If you're interested in signing up, it's not too late! We keep the group small, so space is limited. Send an email to me right away to sean@transformationroad.com and I'll reply with a link for you to click and register.
I've included several pictures below. I am focusing on where I'm headed, not where I've been. I am focused on a future where I speak and write for a living and one where I experience the positive effects of living at a healthier weight everyday.
Attitude. Perspective. Focus. It's powerful, my friend.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
big face
Stand-up comedy head shot and stage profile shot
This idea of focus, attention and the law of attraction, has me questioning if I should ditch the before picture and old size 64's for future speaking engagements.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A Familiar Feeling
A Familiar Feeling
This feeling is familiar. It's a good feeling. It's familiar because it's the same I felt when I first started losing weight successfully. It makes me smile before I go to sleep and it wakes me with an empowering attitude to do it again and again. This feeling only comes when I can honestly look myself in the mirror and know without doubt, I had a good day with food and exercise.
The element of experience has changed my personal rules and expectations, yet the feeling remains the same. It's the type of joy that transcends temporary negative circumstances while it magnifies my gratitude for the blessings all around me. Sure, I was in tooth pain...didn't matter, still joyous. Sure, my vehicle sits in a parking lot across town in need of repair, waiting for a mechanic to give me the price to ride again...doesn't matter, still joyous. Job stress, financial stress, relationship issues, spirituality challenges, all of these are no match for the joy and gratitude that becomes me when I'm walking the walk I talk.
And when I'm experiencing this feeling, it allows me to envision my spiritual, health, business and personal relationship dreams ten times easier. And you know, if we can see it, we can achieve it. When I first started losing weight I closed my eyes and envisioned my success all the time. There was rarely a day that passed that I didn't turn on the projector in my mind, revealing my ultimate goals in Technicolor-like detail. I honestly didn't do this with intent of it helping me do anything other than become more excited in the moment. I blindly stumbled upon the power of visualization.
I mentioned how my experiences have shaped and changed my personal rules and expectations, here's an example: I made an unexpected trip to one of our sister radio stations this morning. It was approaching 11am when I made the delivery and I was ready to return home. My breakfast was wearing off quickly by this point and I started to ponder my options. I entertained the idea of "grabbing something" in a drive-through. I know from experience that I could have found something to fit into my calorie budget, sure...But my personal rules and expectations have changed.
What was once acceptable for me, isn't anymore. Grabbing some fast food and eating it while driving isn't the quality experience I want. It worked for me before. I stayed within my calorie budget and I exercised, and despite my choices, the weight loss success happened. After watching several documentaries, including my favorite "Hungry For Change," I find myself desiring a cleaner way of eating. I'm not perfect and that's not the pursuit, really. I just want to feel better about my choices by assigning a value that goes beyond the calorie count.
I still stand behind my "nothing is off limits" approach from the early days of my transformation because had I tried to change everything overnight, I would have been overwhelmed quickly, setting myself up for failure. All good things in time. This awakening of late is part of my gradual evolution of good choices. I've said many times, the definition of "good choices" is different for each one of us and it changes as we change; as we evolve.
Social media helped me fight off the temptation of the drive-through today. I immediately sent my challenge out on Twitter with a declaration of resistance. It worked. The accountability factor strengthened my resolve instantly and I confidently drove away from Stillwater without a hand full of drive-through fare. Thank you for your support!
I stopped at a grocery store on my way back into town and grabbed some fresh fruit and some sliced chicken breast. I felt good about my choices. I was victorious. I was joyous.
I had a great workout tonight at the YMCA. Playing racquetball against the wall was reminiscent of my early days. Tackling the elliptical gave me a wonderful reminder of how easily our endurance can fade when we're not active. At one time, an hour on the elliptical wasn't a big deal. Tonight I was hurting at 20 minutes. I'll be back again and again, no worries.
I enjoyed a couple of 93% lean turkey burgers with sliced tomatoes placed atop a Joseph's Pita with mozzarella and a salsa/low fat sour cream sauce for dinner. It was right at 500 calories for the plate. I had planned on sharing the pictures but my time is up!
I'll share some over the next few days.
By the way, I separated my Twitter feed from my facebook. My three pronged social media approach each comes with different content style. I use facebook for "micro-blogging," Twitter for "in the moment" type stuff and this blog for an overview of the experiences and insights along the way.
Getting back to goal is a matter of time. It looks awesome by the way...because I've envisioned it and more.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
This feeling is familiar. It's a good feeling. It's familiar because it's the same I felt when I first started losing weight successfully. It makes me smile before I go to sleep and it wakes me with an empowering attitude to do it again and again. This feeling only comes when I can honestly look myself in the mirror and know without doubt, I had a good day with food and exercise.
The element of experience has changed my personal rules and expectations, yet the feeling remains the same. It's the type of joy that transcends temporary negative circumstances while it magnifies my gratitude for the blessings all around me. Sure, I was in tooth pain...didn't matter, still joyous. Sure, my vehicle sits in a parking lot across town in need of repair, waiting for a mechanic to give me the price to ride again...doesn't matter, still joyous. Job stress, financial stress, relationship issues, spirituality challenges, all of these are no match for the joy and gratitude that becomes me when I'm walking the walk I talk.
And when I'm experiencing this feeling, it allows me to envision my spiritual, health, business and personal relationship dreams ten times easier. And you know, if we can see it, we can achieve it. When I first started losing weight I closed my eyes and envisioned my success all the time. There was rarely a day that passed that I didn't turn on the projector in my mind, revealing my ultimate goals in Technicolor-like detail. I honestly didn't do this with intent of it helping me do anything other than become more excited in the moment. I blindly stumbled upon the power of visualization.
I mentioned how my experiences have shaped and changed my personal rules and expectations, here's an example: I made an unexpected trip to one of our sister radio stations this morning. It was approaching 11am when I made the delivery and I was ready to return home. My breakfast was wearing off quickly by this point and I started to ponder my options. I entertained the idea of "grabbing something" in a drive-through. I know from experience that I could have found something to fit into my calorie budget, sure...But my personal rules and expectations have changed.
What was once acceptable for me, isn't anymore. Grabbing some fast food and eating it while driving isn't the quality experience I want. It worked for me before. I stayed within my calorie budget and I exercised, and despite my choices, the weight loss success happened. After watching several documentaries, including my favorite "Hungry For Change," I find myself desiring a cleaner way of eating. I'm not perfect and that's not the pursuit, really. I just want to feel better about my choices by assigning a value that goes beyond the calorie count.
I still stand behind my "nothing is off limits" approach from the early days of my transformation because had I tried to change everything overnight, I would have been overwhelmed quickly, setting myself up for failure. All good things in time. This awakening of late is part of my gradual evolution of good choices. I've said many times, the definition of "good choices" is different for each one of us and it changes as we change; as we evolve.
Social media helped me fight off the temptation of the drive-through today. I immediately sent my challenge out on Twitter with a declaration of resistance. It worked. The accountability factor strengthened my resolve instantly and I confidently drove away from Stillwater without a hand full of drive-through fare. Thank you for your support!
I stopped at a grocery store on my way back into town and grabbed some fresh fruit and some sliced chicken breast. I felt good about my choices. I was victorious. I was joyous.
I had a great workout tonight at the YMCA. Playing racquetball against the wall was reminiscent of my early days. Tackling the elliptical gave me a wonderful reminder of how easily our endurance can fade when we're not active. At one time, an hour on the elliptical wasn't a big deal. Tonight I was hurting at 20 minutes. I'll be back again and again, no worries.
I enjoyed a couple of 93% lean turkey burgers with sliced tomatoes placed atop a Joseph's Pita with mozzarella and a salsa/low fat sour cream sauce for dinner. It was right at 500 calories for the plate. I had planned on sharing the pictures but my time is up!
I'll share some over the next few days.
By the way, I separated my Twitter feed from my facebook. My three pronged social media approach each comes with different content style. I use facebook for "micro-blogging," Twitter for "in the moment" type stuff and this blog for an overview of the experiences and insights along the way.
Getting back to goal is a matter of time. It looks awesome by the way...because I've envisioned it and more.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Let's Get This Thing To 88 Miles Per Hour
Let's Get This Thing To 88 Miles Per Hour
Here we are. 2014!
I'm in the best shape and health of my life. What I've done in 2013 has elevated everything to another level. I'm stronger than ever before. I've lost fat and gained muscle. My clothes fit better than ever. I'm rested, I feel incredible and the difference my commitment has made in every facet of my life, is astonishing. I look in the mirror and I see the results of consistency.
My list of spiritual, personal and business accomplishments--the ones I envisioned and wrote down on January 1st, 2013, and then posted them where I could see and read everyday---this visionary list is my reality today. I'll show you a picture of it when we return to this date through the natural course of time.
I had tasted freedom before. Now I'm feasting on it.
2013 was an amazing year.
Imagine. Envision. See. Believe. Commit. Accomplish. Repeat.
We are powerful people, my friends.
Okay--I must get back. I have a life to live!
Good Choices,
Sean
Here we are. 2014!
I'm in the best shape and health of my life. What I've done in 2013 has elevated everything to another level. I'm stronger than ever before. I've lost fat and gained muscle. My clothes fit better than ever. I'm rested, I feel incredible and the difference my commitment has made in every facet of my life, is astonishing. I look in the mirror and I see the results of consistency.
My list of spiritual, personal and business accomplishments--the ones I envisioned and wrote down on January 1st, 2013, and then posted them where I could see and read everyday---this visionary list is my reality today. I'll show you a picture of it when we return to this date through the natural course of time.
I had tasted freedom before. Now I'm feasting on it.
2013 was an amazing year.
Imagine. Envision. See. Believe. Commit. Accomplish. Repeat.
We are powerful people, my friends.
Okay--I must get back. I have a life to live!
Good Choices,
Sean
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