Saturday, July 4, 2009

Day 292 My Brain Is Still Trying To Catch Up With My Success

Day 292

My Brain Is Still Trying To Catch Up With My Success

This morning started too early for me! OK, that doesn't sound right, considering I usually start my Friday mornings at 4:45am. But 8:30 am was early for me today. After delivering Courtney to the radio station for her job duties, I headed home to get ready for the day as the MC for the big casino Independence Day Weekend Celebration. First thing: Breakfast. I enjoyed a two egg ham and cheese omelet for only 220 calories! I still haven't let go of my whole eggs. I know the benefits of switching to egg whites only, and I'm sure I'll make that progression, but right now...I'm good. I also completely recommend steel cut oats for breakfast, but as you can see, I don't always have them. I'm currently out of 'em, I need to buy some more! The benefits of steel cut oats are amazing. I've written about them many times. The omelet this morning was amazing and such a lighter version than what I use to eat. I imagine I use to prepare 500 to 600 calorie omelets, easy. This 220 calorie version was perfect. Very filling, very satisfying, and very calorie friendly.

When I arrived at the event I was immediately issued an event t-shirt. Since they're paying me to be there, mine said “casino staff” below the logo. It was a 3xl by the way. I made my way to the bathroom to change. I know some guys would just change right outside in front of everyone without giving it a second thought, but I'm not like most guys. The insecurities that have smothered me my entire life are still present and obvious in my clothing selection and styling. I put on the t-shirt, checked myself in the mirror, took notice of my considerably smaller size, and then made my way out to the festivities. Irene was on duty and right after I changed, I passed her on the casino floor. She said the shirt looked great, but she says that about anything that fits me correctly—meaning it's not two or three sizes too big just for the sake of baggy comfort. I guess I should just trust her compliment, but it's hard. I walked out into the sunshine knowing that I looked like a completely different person, but still worried that I didn't look right in the t-shirt. My sister in law came up to me with a shocked look on her face, she was blown away by my dramatic changes. She only lives twenty-five minutes from us, but our schedules and lives keep us from ever seeing each other. She just stood there giving me this wide eyed look of total dis-belief. I just smiled from ear to ear. But even still, I was constantly obsessing over wearing just the t-shirt. I needed an “over-shirt.” A button down that I could leave unbuttoned that would completely restore my confidence and get me through the day. I knew I had one in the van, I'd just changed out of it, but I really didn't want to give in to this. I wish I could say that this was a story of triumph over my insecurities, but it isn't. I did give in, made my way to the vehicle, and put on my security blanket in the form of a very nice over-shirt. Never mind that the amazing artwork on the back of the shirt was now completely covered. The front upper left logo was still visible, as was the words “casino staff.” Good thing I'm not an actual employee, because I would have been breaking the dress code. But I was a guest, the MC, I was hired for my personality and professional announcing abilities...I was allowed to be different. Good thing, because my brain isn't completely caught up with my dramatic changes in appearance just yet. It will get there. I will. Over the course of losing the last 92 pounds, plus the eventual definition and benefits of weight training, well...there will come a time when I'll be completely free from appearance insecurities. I've actually come a long way already. I mean a really long way!

I didn't have a problem getting enough water today. I consumed several bottles in that 100 degree Oklahoma heat. Wait a second, considering the heat, maybe I still didn't get enough, but I was constantly drinking. I enjoyed a very nice buffalo burger patty with mustard for lunch. Buffalo or Bison, is like beef—-only leaner. The taste is slightly stronger but very good! I enjoyed the burger. I had enough calories to have the bun too, but it was a big bun...maybe a 250 calorie bun, so I decided to wisely budget my calories and skip the bun. Gayle Williams, a radio co-worker of mine, was right beside me. She was there to do the remote radio broadcast for the event. She enjoyed a traditional Indian Taco. It looked good with all that meat and cheese covering a large piece of fry bread, but I just couldn't justify the calories it would have required to enjoy one. Gayle did break off a piece of the fry bread for me. It was incredible!

I haven't had much of a chance to reply to very many e-mails or leave too many comments on other weight loss blogs today. I'll have more time later in the weekend. Tomorrow is another busy day announcing at the casino. I'll be ready to hit the microphone at 9am! It's another all day event tomorrow, with a car show and several contest. I'll have plenty of things to announce! I hope you're having a safe and wonderful Independence Day weekend. For readers outside of the United States, have a safe and wonderful weekend too! Thank you for reading everyday. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

9 comments:

  1. I think it takes a while before every aspect of our being is on the same page! It's better for the brain to be lagging behind, than running out in front. Some people lose 10 pounds off a 300 pound body and start wearing totally inappropriate clothing as if they're thin already! Good job on the eating!

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  2. Have fun this weekend! And yep, it takes the mind a while to catch up. I'm still working on that :)

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  3. I get it, wanting the over-shirt. T-shirts aren't the most flattering on big people, which is why I only wear them in my home. I bet you really did look fantastic, though. I think your brain will catch up to your size soon. Put your t-shirt on, stare at yourself in the mirror, and admire what you see. =)

    I haven't had buffalo in a long time. We lived in South Dakota for several years and it was easy to come by. I thought it was a touch dryer, but still very good.

    Happy 4th!

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  4. I'd say 80% of my outfits comprise of a undershirt and and overshirt *sigh*. I'd love to FEEL and BE presentable without that! Someday! Eventually!
    Oh yes, I'd say those indian tacos are calorie killers!
    YOu did great! Be careful in the heat today and keep up with the water comsumption!

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  5. Happy 4th of July Sean,

    Hope you and your lovely ladies have a great weekend.

    Keep drinking the water, especially in that heat.

    I am still catching up on your blog, it is great reading, inspirational, emotional and so honest, when are you going to turn it into a book? It would be a bestseller.

    xxxx

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  6. Indian tacos, one of my true loves. Take a lard filled bread and deep fry it. Oh my, someone hold me back. Good choice on not eating them. Good thing they don't serve any that are decent in Las Vegas too!

    The mindset thing is hard. When I lost all my weight the last time, I thought I was still fat. Probably why gaining back wasn't a big deal...Here's what you do. Take off your overshirt and have someone take a picture. Then put your overshirt back on if you want. Take the picture home and compare to other before pics. Keep looking at it. Over and over. Drill it into your head.

    Will you still want the overshirt? Maybe. But at least you will know exactly what you look like.

    Happy 4th to you and your family.

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  7. You're gonna be in the regular XLs before you turn around twice. How freaky-deaky is that gonna be?

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  8. buffalo burgers! i had one when i was in south dakota a few years ago. def a better choice than a regular burger.

    i know about the overshirt. i am the queen of cargigans. i cant say if the need for one will ever go away, but you will get used to not wearing them in time. but you might still feel like you want to wear one, at least in your head. agree with the above poster about comparing pics. try that.

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  9. The shirt thing. Yeah. I have invested in every color of the rainbow on these under-tank things that keep the skin covered if my shirt slips up above the belt line. I have worn them from about 250 to 365 and now back down into the 280's. I wanted to protect people from seeing my stomach skin, and also to ease the celulite showing through whatever I was wearing. Good stuff. I will get to that point someday soon- I think it will be nice and breezy to be wearing only one shirt during the summer!!

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