Friday, July 17, 2009

Day 306 A Walking Confidence and I Was Missing Many Things Including The Real Me

Day 306

A Walking Confidence and I Was Missing Many Things Including The Real Me

I had a vacation day today. I didn't do my radio show or any production, but I did end up doing a remote broadcast on a last minute fill-in type deal. Good thing we didn't leave town! The one thing I noticed today was how I completely have this confident spring in my step. It's a walking confidence I never had at over 500 pounds. It's hard to describe really, but I'll try: It goes beyond feeling lighter on my feet. It goes deep into my brain. I still may be slightly self conscious about my appearance, but nothing like I was at my heaviest. Not even close. I dreaded running into people I knew back then, now I hope I run into people I know. Walking across a big parking lot and not even feeling the slightest bit winded is a huge thing. The way I feel now makes me think I could do anything. Before at 505, I wasn't sure about a single thing. Today I was wearing my shades, you know the ones, and I like them. I really like them. I was going in and out of the store during the broadcast, and I just left the glasses on even inside the store. One of the employees of the place, one that knows nothing about me or my journey, commented “his future is so bright, he has to wear shades even indoors.” It was a pointed comment, but I just kept thinking she has no earthly idea just how bright a future I have in front of me...No idea how accidentally correct her pointed comment was.

I had a wonderful walk tonight. I power walked for forty-seven minutes, a 5K I'm sure---But it wasn't at the trail. It was throughout my neighborhood. It was a nice change of scenery, very nice. I need to add more scenic walks to my workout plan. Seriously, it was nice. Very nice.

After my walk I made dinner. It was a pasta dish with beef and mushrooms in a tomato sauce over rigatoni. I remember how scared I was of pasta in the beginning, I just couldn't imagine eating a normal portion and being satisfied. When we fixed pasta, we always fixed way too much and we rarely threw any away. We might have leftovers, but they eventually would be scarfed—usually late at night. Tonight I calculated a serving to be 350 calories. I had A serving. I enjoyed it slowly. It was delicious, completely delicious and satisfying. I didn't go back for seconds or thirds like I always had to do with pasta. I'm not afraid of pasta anymore. I understand why I was, but I'm in control now. I'm the one who decides how much I eat. It's my choice and nothing is off limits when a normal responsible portion is the rule.

I still have a wonderful ways to go before hitting my goal. And the rewards along the way just keep getting better and better. The way I feel has been a blessing. This is what I was missing all those years. I was missing me, the real me. When I think about all of the years behind me, when I was covered in over 500 pounds of life suffocating obesity, I get really sad at all I've missed. My girls aren't little girls anymore. I missed a lot of wonderful things during their young years. But then I think about the future and I get happy again. I can't wait to enjoy so many wonderful things with them now, now that I can enjoy them, instead of being a walking giant of misery. This journey has brought my family closer than ever before. It's a wonderful gift that I truly cherish. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

13 comments:

  1. 'I still have a wonderful ways to go before hitting my goal.'

    You really hit the mark with that one Sean. I feel that way too. I'm not miserable, struggling with temptation, afraid I'll fail any moment. I never thought losing weight could be so fun. Why do your posts always hit the spot?!

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  2. It reminds of being a Christian--hang on--I will explain. People think that being a Christian is no fun, that is all about saying "no" to things. That just isn't true. We have so much fun we're silly and having our faith is like gravy! This weight loss thing you started (and inspired so many) is the same thing. It's not all about saying no to everything--it is about doing what is right, limiting our calories, and exercising more. I don't feel deprived or punished. I haven't had chocolate in over two weeks--not a problem. Walking without pain or without being winded is better than any chocolate I ever ate! Love it! Have a great rest of the weekend! Hope Irene is feeling better. Blessings--Bonnie

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  3. I know what you mean about that spring in your step - I think of it as a confident stride. It feels great.

    Those "I can't do it" days are gone - hurrah to the "yes, I can" mindset.

    I swear, I am going to have to start wearing shades in order to read your blog soon, LOL!

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  4. I'm so glad you're reaping the benefits now from making up your mind to get things right with yourself and lose the weight for good. When I read stuff like this, a little well of hope springs forth and let's me know that I too will be experiencing these same things soon. Can I borrow your shades? :) Have a great weekend Hottie.

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  5. The rewards along the way just keep getting better and better. Isn't that the truth!!

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  6. I was reading an article yesterday that was about "breaking generational curses" and it was talking about passing along bad things. I was thinking about obesity. My parents were obese, I am obese and my son is obese. I hope to break that cycle. I thought about you and your daughters---------your chain is broken!!!

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  7. I love how much you enjoy the journey. Instead of just focusing on the end number, you are finding so much joy every single step of the way! Have a great weekend (:

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  8. I think I proved my point

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  9. I bet that "bright future" comment made you smile just a bit, and probably made the person who said it wonder what you were up to!

    I am glad you have learned to "handle" pasta. It gets a bad rap from the low-carb dieters, but can actually be very healthy. Portion control is the key, as you know.

    Though you may have "lost" time with your daughters, just remember the journey you are on with them now will increase time at the other end, and will be a very memorable trip for all of you.

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  10. I'm starting to get that swagger back, too. To me, that's one of the most rewarding aspects of dropping the weight. And it pays off in so many ways...

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  11. Debbie from Myspace CommentsJuly 18, 2009 at 11:19 PM

    Do you wear your sunglasses at night? lol I'm really happy for you....and you might have missed out on some things when your girls were growing up, but you have so much to look forward to....walking them down the aisle...the father/daughter dance....grandchildren....that's where your biggest joy will come. There's nothing like watching your grandchildren and seeing your own kids in them.........it's totally awesome!!! I'm proud of you. Love ya, Cuz

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  12. Wendy from Myspace CommentsJuly 18, 2009 at 11:20 PM

    Not only can you move forward to enjoy the girls now but someday you'll have grandkids and
    you can be the cool grandpa that goes to the park, the pool or whatever with them! You'll enjoy
    it even more to know how lucky you are! Have a great weekend.

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  13. Pasta is one of those foods that made me fat. No, I made myself fat by eating too much pasta. Definitely a trigger food.

    I still eat it on occasion, but I do eat it in portions. I had some the day of my surgery--slipping into comfort foods, only because hubby bought it for me.

    I still make too much pasta. Now I either freeze it or throw it out. It's still hard for me to judge.

    Last week I walked in one of the oldest neighborhoods in my town. It was heavenly. I loved the change of scenery, the old houses. It's definitely a good thing to change things up!

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