A Walking Confidence and I Was Missing Many Things Including The Real Me
I had a vacation day today. I didn't do my radio show or any production, but I did end up doing a remote broadcast on a last minute fill-in type deal. Good thing we didn't leave town! The one thing I noticed today was how I completely have this confident spring in my step. It's a walking confidence I never had at over 500 pounds. It's hard to describe really, but I'll try: It goes beyond feeling lighter on my feet. It goes deep into my brain. I still may be slightly self conscious about my appearance, but nothing like I was at my heaviest. Not even close. I dreaded running into people I knew back then, now I hope I run into people I know. Walking across a big parking lot and not even feeling the slightest bit winded is a huge thing. The way I feel now makes me think I could do anything. Before at 505, I wasn't sure about a single thing. Today I was wearing my shades, you know the ones, and I like them. I really like them. I was going in and out of the store during the broadcast, and I just left the glasses on even inside the store. One of the employees of the place, one that knows nothing about me or my journey, commented “his future is so bright, he has to wear shades even indoors.” It was a pointed comment, but I just kept thinking she has no earthly idea just how bright a future I have in front of me...No idea how accidentally correct her pointed comment was.
I had a wonderful walk tonight. I power walked for forty-seven minutes, a 5K I'm sure---But it wasn't at the trail. It was throughout my neighborhood. It was a nice change of scenery, very nice. I need to add more scenic walks to my workout plan. Seriously, it was nice. Very nice.
After my walk I made dinner. It was a pasta dish with beef and mushrooms in a tomato sauce over rigatoni. I remember how scared I was of pasta in the beginning, I just couldn't imagine eating a normal portion and being satisfied. When we fixed pasta, we always fixed way too much and we rarely threw any away. We might have leftovers, but they eventually would be scarfed—usually late at night. Tonight I calculated a serving to be 350 calories. I had A serving. I enjoyed it slowly. It was delicious, completely delicious and satisfying. I didn't go back for seconds or thirds like I always had to do with pasta. I'm not afraid of pasta anymore. I understand why I was, but I'm in control now. I'm the one who decides how much I eat. It's my choice and nothing is off limits when a normal responsible portion is the rule.
I still have a wonderful ways to go before hitting my goal. And the rewards along the way just keep getting better and better. The way I feel has been a blessing. This is what I was missing all those years. I was missing me, the real me. When I think about all of the years behind me, when I was covered in over 500 pounds of life suffocating obesity, I get really sad at all I've missed. My girls aren't little girls anymore. I missed a lot of wonderful things during their young years. But then I think about the future and I get happy again. I can't wait to enjoy so many wonderful things with them now, now that I can enjoy them, instead of being a walking giant of misery. This journey has brought my family closer than ever before. It's a wonderful gift that I truly cherish. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...