Monday, November 9, 2009

Day 420 The Hardest Blog Post To Write

Day 420

The Hardest Blog Post To Write

This weight loss journey has had so many ups and downs emotionally. I always said that I wasn’t sure I could ever really do this unless the stars aligned and provided a stress free-trouble free life for the duration. In understanding what I needed to do to become successful once and for all, I finally realized that I had to rise above whatever obstacles or emotions threatened. I had to learn how to NOT use food for emotional comfort. I had to understand the “importance level” of this journey was just too high to be jeopardized by the rollercoaster of emotions that is often times our life.

Separating emotions and troublesome circumstances from my eating habits isn’t easy, but it had to be done in order for me to succeed. It’s certainly taken a lot of concentration and self-talk to keep me from turning to food, but so far I’ve been strong. I think about all we’ve been through in the last 420 days—and I’m proud of how we’ve handled everything without completely crashing.

Now we face some of the toughest times emotionally. And here’s why: Irene and I will divorce soon. This isn’t something that I wanted to happen ever. Irene has made a couple of really bad choices in the last six months that has brought this situation to a head. This isn’t because of the weight loss we’ve experienced, it goes much deeper. We have both caused each other great pain and sacrifice over the last 22 years, and we’re realizing now that the damage is just too deep. In order for our family to grow and move forward, we must divorce and move on. Irene and I still love each other deeply, and some would say that’s all we need to keep it together. But the trust is completely gone. And without trust, it can’t work.

Irene is an amazing mother and she’s been an incredible wife. We’re all going to work through this situation with class and civility. Our daughters are 100% supportive of this decision and have actually encouraged us, as painful as it is, to do this for the betterment of us all. These two girls of ours are the most incredibly mature and smart young ladies. They want us all to be happy.

I felt that I had to share this news with you because this blog has been such a personal family journey. Together we’ve lost nearly 500 pounds as a family, and that’s incredible. And if you’ve read every single day, then I don’t think it would be right to withhold this information. But one thing I cannot stress enough: This isn’t about the weight loss and this isn’t something I ever wanted to happen. I will not go into detail about the circumstances that brought us to this point, that wouldn’t be appropriate.

I will not make excuses for Irene. But I will say that we both have a better understanding of our relationship and how it’s evolved from a fifteen-year old high school romance to a twenty-year marriage. Over the years, our youthful maturity and lack of any kind of independent growth have caused us to emotionally and mentally hurt each other horribly and perhaps those old scars have contributed to bad choices that have been made by her in the last six months. We really thought we could work it all out, but the damage is too deep.

We will always love and care for each other in a very special way. We will have plenty of special occasions together in our future—graduations, marriages, grandkids, holidays, and more. We’re both broken hearted over this entire situation. I can’t believe this has happened. But we will survive, we will move on, we will be successful independent of each other, and who knows what the future will hold. Maybe after we both move on, we can find a place of maturity and understanding that could enable us to grow old together after all---just like we always talked about.

What a horrible blog posting to write. But I felt it necessary. And please understand that I only explained as much as I did because it’s very important to us that you the reader understand: This isn’t about two people losing a bunch of weight and then dumping each other. If you think that, you’re completely wrong. Those family and friends that know us personally, they fully understand that this isn’t about the weight, good or bad.

I will still include occasional updates on Irene in these writings and soon she will update her blog. I will not make this blog all about our separation and divorce. This is a weight loss blog and it will continue to be a weight loss blog. We all have more work to do. Our stories do not end here. We’ll get to our happy endings fully supporting each other and understanding the ups and downs along the way.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

43 comments:

  1. I'm proud of your bravery for sharing this...I know how tough and painful it was to write. I'll pray that each member of your family gets the healing that they need.

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  2. All I can say is: Hugs to you both.

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  3. Sean, big hugs to you and your whole family. I have immense respect for the fact that you are staying accountable to your weight-loss journey while dealing with this upheaval in your family life.

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  4. Having gone through something very similar 15 years ago all I can say is regular visits to a psychologist really helped me forgive and become a stronger parent to my 2 kids and have a better understanding of my 20 year relationship with my ex ... keep your chin up!

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  5. I've been reading for a while and never commented but I'd like to send you all my best wishes during what must be a very difficult time.

    I'm full of admiration for the way you have dealt with your weight loss and I'm sure your inner strength will get you through this too.

    Sebbie

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  6. So sad to hear this news Sean, you are very brave insharing this.

    Love and prayers for the whole family.

    Big Hugs

    Sheilagh

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  7. Sad to hear this news Sean, and wow for you for sharing this with so many people. Tough times ahead but you have proven already you will make it just fine.

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  8. I'm sorry to hear this, but it sounds like the right thing for you and your family.

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  9. Sean I really really understand. I am so so sorry.

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  10. I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. It can't be anything other than a horribly painful time for the whole family, but I'm sure you are doing the right thing for everybody and things will get better eventually

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  11. Sean I am deeply sorry to hear this, but I understand it. I am a child whose parents were much like you and Irene and sometimes we are all just better people when we do not live in the same house or in a relationship with one another. I wish you both the best of luck and hope you can both find the happyness you are looking for.

    Vic

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  12. Sean ... I am so sorry to hear this news. Last night when I read your blog I just knew that this was going to be the news. I am so sorry. I hope that you can all pull together and stay strong through this difficult and emotional time. Keep the faith and you will survive this. God Bless!

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  13. So sorry to hear that Sean. I can't even imagine how hard it was to write this post. I have been following your blog for a while and find you to be so inspiring.
    i really don't know what to say other than I hope everything works out in the end for both of you.

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  14. Add me to those who are saddened by the news and for you. My prayers are with you all as you make your way through these next days, weeks and months, as they will no doubt be some of the hardest you ever had. But...I know you will be happy again.

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  15. Good things are ahead, so sorry for the current situation. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

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  16. I am totally at a loss for words... just know that I will pray for you, Irene and your daughters. Thank you for letting us know.
    {{{healing hugs for you all}}}
    Loretta

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  17. My best, warmest thoughts go out to you, Irene and the girls during this terribly hard time.

    I deeply admire you for telling your readers what is going on. You are very brave.

    {{{hugs}}} from a loyal reader

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  18. Dear Sean, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Good that you have your daughters and family to support you at this time.

    I hope that both you and Irene are able to find happiness in the future.

    Thanks for your honesty, and I know you'll keep going on the path to health and the body you dream of having whatever the emotional upheavals ahead.

    Best wishes to all of you,
    Bearfriend xx

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  19. Sean I am so so sorry. You have no idea how quick my jaw dropped to the floor.

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  20. Sorry to read about this, but I am very glad it is amicable.

    Hang in there.

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  21. Sean--you are a brave man, a devoted father, and a good friend. I know that if anyone can get through this with patience, dignity, and grace it is you. Don't stop going to counseling just because you have made this decision and continue to work on the spiritual component of your life changing activities. One day at a time brother! If you need a break, Andy says you are welcome any time. We love you and we are praying for you, the girls, and Irene. Blessings--Bonnie and Andy

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  22. your going to get thru this with the positive attitude you have had all along..we will always be here to help you all thru this new change..we loveyou all
    your family..

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  23. Sorry to hear yur news Sean , I am sure you have thought this through. Best wishes to you both

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  24. I am so very sorry that you are both going through this. Not only both of you but the entire family.
    Just know that we are all here to support you.
    "hugs"

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  25. I am so so sorry to hear this :( I'll be praying for y'all.

    love,
    val

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  26. I don't know what to say other than I know how difficult it is when a marriage ends. But it is a blessing for all of you that you still have a deep love for each other and your daughters and that you are all supportive of one another. Irene is a special part of our family and always will be. She's not only been in the family for all these years, but she's been my daughters best friend all along as well. Our love for her will never change. She will always be family. I love you all and I'm proud of you all for the way you are able to handle this in the least hurtful way and still remain a family, even though you wont be in the same home. It will make you all better for it. I'm sorry this is happening, but know you are all loved and I'm here for each one of you anytime...you know how to reach me. Prayer, faith and counseling is key in dealing with this. It's the only thing that got me through it. You're all in my prayers. And kudo's for being able to share such a personal thing with your hundreds of followers. Stay focused and don't let raw emotions get you off track. Use it to your advantage instead...use that emotion to step up your workouts. I love you, Cousin

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  27. I have been following your blog from the beginning. I'm really terribly sorry to hear this news. Peace and blessings to your family.

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  28. I'm sorry to hear you and Irene are splitting up. It is obvious there is lots of love between the two of you but sometimes the healthiest thing to do is split up no matter how much love you still have in your heart.

    I'm still with the guy I feel in love with when I was 15 years old and it is hard to continue to grow with each other instead of growing apart.

    I'm keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers and hope you get through this difficult time without too much damage to your hearts.

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  29. I have never seen such a hard post written with so much class.

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  30. I'm so sorry. What else can I say but I'll try to say a prayer for you and her and your family.

    I've had the loss of two different close friends passing away over the last six days. I can't say I really understand it, but I do have the faith to remind myself even when I don't have a clue that God is still in charge. But it still feels horrible.

    To have your life shaken to the foundations as you shake up your life on your own by this journey... gee, it must feel like you are a top... spinning wildly.

    Don't forget that food still can't fix anything. I let that emotional eating thing come over me this week and it just made more of a mess.

    I hope you can find your way in life soon. I guess we all get a bit lost along the way or that it is part of the journey too, but none of that stuff seems to convince me that it doesn't rot.

    I'll say a Rosary for you- Alan "Foolsfitness"

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  31. Sean, so sorry to hear about this. I think when we shed the lbs we also find other layers to ourselves. It's a road to self discovery and it's complicated and internally hard. I know for me without therapy I don't know where I would be. It has helped to keep me grounded and focused on bettering myself in all areas of my life. This whole journey has really been about learning to love myself.

    I also know sometimes love between two people isn't enough. I think a lot of this goes back to not really loving ourselves enough. But I'm happy to hear you all will be supportive and loving of each other during this really tough time in your lives. Maybe like you said at some point you could find your way back to each other, everything is possible.

    You've come so far and so has Irene and the girls. I know you won't let this derail you. You are all strong, wonderful. determined people.

    My prayers are with you, Irene and the girls through this hard time.

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  32. Sean I am so sorry to hear that you and Irene are getting divorced. I know this sounds bad but I could tell in some of the past blogs that things were rocky and I was afraid that after what you wrote about an announcement that divorce would be it. You all are such great people and you all deserve the best. I am so sorry your marriage didn't work out but keep putting one foot in front of the other and it will all work out in the end. You all are in my thoughts and prayers and I only wish you all the very best.

    Toby

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  33. I am so sorry to hear about these difficult times that you are facing, but you seem to be facing them with incredible strength and character. Don't let it deter you from reacing your personal goals, and hang in there.

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  34. Sean, I just don't understand why you don't separate and go to marriage counseling together. No matter what happened, don't you owe it to the girls to say we tried all avenues and worked very hard at saving our marriage just as we did with weight loss? Yes, you are different persons than when you met and married years ago, but change can be good and productive. Sorry I can't pat you on the back and say it's for the better. I don't even know you and I find it extremely sad.

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  35. It took courage to make such a thing public, but you did so elliquently and respectfully. I wish you (and your family) the best.

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  36. This goes to Nan...Sean is an amazing man, I'm by no means saying he is perfect but if it is one thing Sean has always done is put his family first. I am a friend and I know the story, so before you go telling him he that you can't pat him on the back you should know that he has been way more understanding and forgiving over the years than was needed. I'm sorry if this little post upsets you Nan because I have no idea who you are but I feel you should know that sometimes there is no fixing the problem. The best thing for Sean and his family is to say we gave it our best and move on. It is almost impossible to stay with the person you fell for at the age of 15, they grow up and more times than not they want different things from life. Sean is doing what is needed and I really just wanted you to know that.

    Sean,
    If this posting upsets you please delete it. I would never want offend you but being your friend I do want to defend you. You are a great man and I know that through this your Steel Curtain will remain in tact.

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  37. Well done Sean...You can always call on me to be there for you.

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  38. Oh... I am sorry of what I've read here! I hope everything will be fine after all. I'll pray for you.

    ----------------------------
    Fat Stomach

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  39. Sean... I'm so sorry to hear this news. But I know you will make it through this. You're strong. You've proven that SO many times on this blog. So hang in there and take care. Better days will surely come.

    Hugs,
    C.C.

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  40. good luck to you and your family...

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  41. I hope you will have a great christmas despite of everything! Good Luck!

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