Friday, December 18, 2009

Day 459 I Want It So Bad For Them and Choosing Change Before Change Chooses You

Day 459

I Want It So Bad For Them and Choosing Change Before Change Chooses You

I’ve been thinking a bunch lately about friends and family that I dearly care about who are struggling with this battle. I often wish there was a way to transfer what it feels like to be free, to be so close to goal that the major effects of obesity no longer control your life. It’s a beautiful experience. And I remember how hopeless I once was. I remember feeling like the only way out was a tragic end that I honestly didn’t want, but felt powerless to steer clear from that horrible end. I can remember eating in bed and literally bursting into tears because the thought of what I thought it would take to really do this was just too overwhelming for me. Every now and then I randomly select a day from the archives to read. It serves as a reminder of where I’ve been and gives me determination and strength to continue along this wonderful road. Today I read Day 25 and it fit my thoughts so precisely. Here’s an excerpt:

I've learned that not everyone has arrived at the proper place mentally to take on this challenge. They know that they need to, they understand the deadly effects of not doing it, they understand the wonderful benefits of doing it. But like me in that doctors office back on June 10th, they're just not ready. I know I've talked about how easy this is, and in the proper mindset it does get real easy, but I also understand that if a person isn't ready to accept and adapt to a major lifestyle change, then it's nearly impossible. I once thought that the only way I would ever do this would be to go into a hospital like setting, where everything is done for you. A place where they control everything...what you eat, drink, sleep, exercise...The schedule and food is all handled by someone else. I really didn't know if such a place existed until just recently. I was watching Discovery Health or some channel like that. The program featured people that were much bigger than me. People that had to be rescued and put into a hospital under strict supervision. It was their only way out of certain and very soon death. It was very sad to watch and know that for some, the right mindset never happens. I have to thank God everyday that I have been given the strength to get into the right mindset and stay true to this mission to the very end goal. I'm one of the lucky ones. It's amazing how when you think you're the only one, when you feel like you have it the worst, and you feel completely hopeless to change, you're shown somebody who can only dream of being in your present condition. I'm very blessed and I can't forget that. I had an opportunity to choose change before the changes chose me. I'm forever grateful for that strength. I pray that others will also find that strength. And it certainly doesn't come from reading this blog, it comes from a very deep and personal place within each of us. And once the decision is made to change, then perhaps this blog can be a daily booster. It's certainly helping me.

“Choose change before the changes chose me,” hit me particularly hard in regard to my desires for my morbidly obese friends and family. I so desperately want it to happen for so many others. I want them to choose change before change chooses them. No matter how difficult change can be to accept, I think we would all agree that it’s much easier on our own terms, right?

I put the steel cut oats in the crock-pot on low last night. The plan was to shut them off around 2:30am when I typically wake for a run to the restroom. I didn’t wake until 4am and by that time the steel cut oats were in really bad shape. Five hours is way too long, even on low! Oh well, I made some egg whites and mushroom---then grabbed a yogurt on my way to the studio. I was also content that I had fresh fruit waiting at the studio courtesy of a nice gift earlier in the week. I love fresh pears! Oh my! The best 120 calories I’ve had in a long time, I must buy some of these soon! Oh so good.

Amber and her boyfriend KL arrived this afternoon for the Christmas break. They’re both so relieved that the semester is over! Amber made all A’s and one B---and an amazing A on an in-depth ten page essay on the Beatles. She’s rocking her grades! I’m so proud. Courtney absolutely aced three of her five finals so far; she’s wrapping up finals today. Courtney is on track to continue her nearly 4.0 gpa with all A's except one B too!! I have to give thanks for being blessed with two beautiful and smart daughters. They’re so well balanced!

Amber wanted to rent a movie tonight and have us all watch it together. She picked up the Disney/Pixar release “Up.” Is was wonderful! I decided to wait to workout tonight and write this edition until in the morning---the time spent with my girls was well worth it!

It was a good plan and then I overslept horribly! 5:10am left no time for working out or writing the Friday morning!! That’s the risk of waiting until the next morning. I’m OK with it all. I’ll be getting in a great workout Friday with Amber, KL, and Courtney! We’ve all decided to hit the fitness room together before they spend the night with their mom Friday night.

Thank you for reading. If you’ve just discovered this blog I want you to understand that all of this is very new to me. And there is nothing that I’m doing or have done that isn’t within your reach. You can do this. I was so hopeless for so long, I really was…or at least I thought I was. You’re not hopeless either. I recommend you go back into the archives and read from Day 1. That’ll give you the best perspective of this most wonderful journey that makes me beam with pride. Can you tell how proud? Goodnight and…

Good Choices,


  1. First of all I love the phone interviews on your blog! Secondly this post is so true in the sense that sometimes people are just not capable of goin it on their own. That is so sad and my heart goes out to them. We all struggle every day and there are ALWAY CHALLENGES thrown our way, we now have a new found approach of saying NO you will not get me this time! Keep it up you are great and I look forward to more :)

  2. Hi Sean. Porridge cooks in about 4 minutes on the stove top or in the microwave, depending on the type of oats you have. Is a crock pot a slow cooker (as we would call it)? If so then you could put a timer switch on it.

    I have often thought over the last couple of years that I would need help to control my eating and make me exercise. Most people do find this thing very difficult. To succeed makes you one of the few. You are definitely one of the few!

    Bearfriend xx

  3. I posted a link to your blog for this specific post. I hope that is ok.

  4. I felt every single word of that post. I, too, felt hopeless in every sense of the word, two years ago. And like you, I believe that it takes something very powerful inside of you to make change. Once it happened - there was no looking back. Not even once. I am deeply thankful every day for being able to do this and I, too, wish heartily that I could find what it was that turned me around and give it to other people. You are true in saying that others dont know what it truly feels like to be free, until they are. You are gorgeous, by the way. I wish you the best. -Ann

  5. Well hey there "gorgeous", lol. I know that last comment made you smile, as it should. :) Glad you had some good family time with the girls. I love that you posted that excerpt...I've been struggling lately, as you know, trying to get a good, solid grip. This really helped me a lot. I know I have it in me to turn this gain around and get back on the road to freedom...thank you for reminding me that I do have it in me.


I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for your support!

Copyright © 2008-2020 Sean A. Anderson

The Daily Diary of a Winning Loser. All rights reserved.