Perhaps I Should Save This For The Therapist and The New Shirt Picture!
I spent most of the day alone with my thoughts. I'm not complaining, sometimes it's nice to just think and think some more without any interaction. As I try to find the positive in this, because really---I can't stand being alone, I try to focus on the positive choices and plans that will take me where I want to go. The possibilities for me at this point have never been better or more exciting. 2010 is going to be a really good year, I mean incredible.
As positive as I try to be, it's easy to allow negative or depressing thoughts to filter into my little happy thoughts party. Being alone for me is like walking a tight rope of thoughts, attitudes, and emotions. I have to be real careful not to focus on the negative changes or I'll fall. A friend recently said “Sean, you have to look at these “negatives” as positives!” That's so true, but sometimes easier said than done. The crazy irony for me is this: The biggest motivator for me to get started on this road was to save my marriage and family. I'll never forget the night of September 13th, 2008. I could clearly see how my dangerous weight was scaring my wife and family and threatening our existence as one family unit. And now---even though I've been wildly successful at losing weight by getting to the roots of it all and digging my way out, our existence as a family is forever altered anyway.
Perhaps I should save this for the therapist. But this blog has been an amazing therapy for me. I've worked through some lifelong issues with food and obesity one day at a time. I've broken it down into very simple terms while weaving my way through extremely complex psychological exercises. Has it all been correct? Who knows, I'm not a medical doctor, or a psychiatrist—I'm just a professional announcer, morning personality, a radio commercial copy writer, a communicator. In my search to find the right words to convey the emotion and mental process of losing a lifetime of morbid obesity, maybe I've stumbled upon some universal keys to success. But still, some things are harder to figure out. I've always been so focused on the positive aspects of losing the weight, I didn't pay much attention to the possible negative affects of such a drastic, dramatic transformation. The problem is, I can only cut through, or attempt to cut through my own issues. I can't completely understand or cut through issues others might have or had through it all. And that is exactly where most of my frustrated thoughts live. But you know something? If this is the price of being free of morbid obesity, free of the psychological, emotional, and physical limitations of weighing over 500 pounds---then OK. I didn't realize the price could be so high, but I'm pot committed win or lose, there's no turning back. The turn was tough, but the river holds promise. We're going to be just fine.
I found it very tough to pull myself out of the recliner today to walk the twenty steps to the fitness room. I just didn't want to do anything. Some days are like that. But I couldn't allow myself to wallow in that place---I had to move. I walked into the fitness room with the intentions of doing a 5K---but I just wasn't in the mood. I hit the two mile mark and hit the stop button. I need to take a workout partner with me every time, I swear. Because sometimes, especially when you're alone, it's too easy to be lax. I quickly returned to the apartment and felt the renewal of a refreshing shower. I really felt better after that shower. I felt invigorated. I almost felt like going back to the fitness room, but I didn't.
Courtney called from her mom's house and invited me shopping. The Christmas Eve blizzard kept her from shopping for me prior to Christmas, so she wanted to buy me something nice. She knows that clothes are something I always need. She decided to buy me a shirt! I told her to save her money, but she wouldn't hear of it! She's so generous. It was fun shopping, it really was. I tried on several shirts. One style in 2X was too big! Can you believe that? The regular X-Large was perfect. Very strange feeling indeed. It felt amazing. It's moments like this when I'm completely convinced I'm doing this, I'm really doing this! We found an amazing sale on a Polo pullover. Half price, and then when you buy one—you get the next item of equal or lessor value for a dollar! I had never stepped foot in this clothing store before today, I never belonged here---but I do now. They had stuff that was too big for me!! I still can't get over that. Very cool. Pictures of this wonderful gift below!
I enjoyed a wonderful movie with my daughters tonight. We watched Wall-E. Amber loves this film, especially the unspoken social commentary that is constantly running throughout the story. It was a really good film indeed. I thought it was interesting how everyone is morbidly obese in the future because everything is done for them, all they have to do is ride around in their reclining seats. Hmmm.
Thank you for reading. Amber is staying until Tuesday, and I'm off work until Wednesday, perfect. I plan on hitting the YMCA on Monday for some racquetball and weights. I'll let you know how that goes, I'm sure it will rock! Goodnight and...
The side view in the new shirt. Once dreaded, not so much anymore. I'm cool with the side view these days. Thank you for the shirt Courtney!
Horrible side view. Oh my...did not like this one one tiny bit. None of us did. But---it certainly serves as a wonderful reminder of how far we've come.
From Thanksgiving 2009.
Amber and me tonight.