Wednesday, December 9, 2015

December 9th, 2015 I Wouldn't Be Here

December 9th, 2015 I Wouldn't Be Here

If I heard it once, I heard it a thousand times, "you've got to do something you can do for the rest of your life." That phrase depressed me once upon a time. It was depressing because my perspective on weight loss was always centered around feeling deprived, eating things I couldn't stand and white knuckling along on sheer will power. Who wants a life like that??? Forever? I'd rather be morbidly obese and die young than lose weight at the price of being miserable for the rest of my life, I thought.

Discovering it didn't have to be a miserable experience, in fact, it could be quite enjoyable with the right perspective and practices, absolutely opened my eyes to the truest meaning of "...something you can do for the rest of your life." 

It's about finding a groove that works well for you. If I felt deprived, forced myself to choke down undesirable things and essentially felt like a tightrope walker every single day, I wouldn't be here, today.

Finding that groove can be a very tough search. Valuable things I needed to grasp and embrace didn't become evident in my search until I regained 164 pounds of my initial 275 pound weight loss. Never give up is the big takeaway there. Through our greatest struggles we find incredible opportunities to learn from and refine our approach. And it's all a part of finding the groove that works well.

I'm blessed and very grateful. When I express gratitude for where I am along this road, it includes being grateful for my relapse/regain period. It's strange really, because there was an avalanche of shame and guilt, a constantly crashing wave of negative energy during that time, and still, there's no doubt about its necessity for where I am today. It certainly makes a wonderful case for letting go of guilt and shame and taking time to open our minds, shift our perspectives enough to find the light--and explore in search of the groove we hope and pray is everlasting.

My exploration continues. And it does without feeling deprived, without forcing myself to eat things I can't stand and with very little willpower.

Yes, very little willpower. Willpower is resisting the urge to do something we really want to do. It doesn't take willpower to resist something we don't want. I don't want to go off the rails. What I do want in abundance is what my daily practices and disciplines bring--peace (spiritually, emotionally, mentally), calm, clarity, hope and joy--not to mention, good food and a freedom I once believed impossible for me.

It wasn't impossible for me. And it isn't impossible for you. I promise.

Today was maintenance weigh-in day at the doctor's office:
 photo 211.2 weigh day_zpshqbiklsd.jpg
This represents a 3.6 pound loss over the last two weeks. The previous two weigh-ins combined for a 1.6 pound gain, now the fluctuation goes back down a little bit. I'm pleased with this window of varying weights. I feel great where I am. And where I am is a pleasant embrace of the daily elements found in my recovery.

My plan is to keep on doing what I'm doing. My mind is always open to needed adjustments along the way. But right now, maintenance mode seems to be working well.

I took a rest day from working out, instead, I worked on material for a big private stand-up gig happening Saturday night. I also participated in some valuable support interactions and these are always win-wins.

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,

1 comment:

  1. I agree with everything you say but wow there's no way I could eat that much and maintain. Of course you're a foot taller than me and younger too.


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