Today was difficult. I don't plan on this being too long of a post. The topics I've wanted to explore a little deeper will wait another day. But I realize, if I do a tweets only post, you're only getting half the story of that day. And not even half, really.
The live-Tweet feed shows the food/water/exercise of my fundamental elements stream, but it doesn't show the most important parts of the fundamental elements. It doesn't show the short meditation or the prayer and it doesn't show the support call and support text messages that play an important role always, especially on a day like today.
My life stream was giving me its best today. And by best, I mean not so good sides. I was challenged with high stress in a few different areas. When the stress level goes up, I get emotional--add being tired to the mix, and it makes for a very unpleasant experience. Instability was at every turn today.
And I know food doesn't fix these things. It can't. That's not food's job. But those thoughts creep into my head just like always. I know it's critical when I start assessing the potential damage of an all out crash and burn.
Isn't that interesting? Even though it's not a feeling, it's indeed a fact that crashing and burning, landing face first in a binge, wouldn't solve or make better one single thing...and further--even though I'm experienced enough along this road to know full well that not only is excess food incapable of helping me--only distracting me, it actually will do the opposite of help. And the depth of damage mentally and emotionally--not to mention bio-chemically, is potentially staggering. I still flirt with those thoughts. Maybe interesting isn't the word. More like scary or sobering. If you think this is a flare of over-dramatics, think about this...
My 164 pound regain started with a single binge.
I've said it time and time again--and I will write it time and time again, none of us--not me, not you--not a single one of us is immune from relapse/regain. Not a single one of us ever has this "figured out." This isn't something "we got."
It is only something we practice.
In this application, practice doesn't make perfect. I don't believe in perfect. I've often said, striving for perfection is the quickest detour to disappointment. It's a practice that elevates awareness each day. Our awareness can give us pause in critical situations. And in that pause we decide which way to turn.
I was looking the other way for a few. Yeah--I remember those streets of carelessness. And sometimes the most attractive thing isn't the food, it's the carelessness--it's the allure of "I don't care anymore." But I know I do care. And really, if you're caving to that allure, make darn sure you really don't care, or the mental and emotional consequences are super rough. I do care. A lot.
I turned in the right direction today. Thank God.
I interspersed my crazy busy-stressful day with support texts and a support call. I grabbed a late afternoon nap because I needed to close my eyes and relax. I woke up and immediately was faced with another stressful situation...as if it were waiting at the foot of my bed, patiently, for me to wake--so it could pounce. I fought back with good support, some deep breaths--good coffee, and really immersing myself in the preparation of a great meal. I followed that up with a wonderful workout and a late night grocery run for some fantastic on-sale produce items.
I thought about another fast Tweets-Only post tonight. But, I can sleep in as late as I need in the morning, and a Tweets-Only post, although occasionally necessary for time and rest considerations, doesn't really tell the tale of the day very well. It is indicative of the outcome, but it fails to mention the challenges faced, met and handled, that helped make another day a successful day.
And that's all I want, just one more day of maintaining. I don't mean maintaining my weight. One more day of maintaining the balance and separation between my life stream and my fundamental elements stream. One more day of honoring my commitments and maintaining the integrity of my food plan. Because if I maintain those things, the weight loss maintenance will continue to take care of itself. I am not a servant to the scale, I'm a servant of my recovery.
My Tweets Today:
It's Friday! Medium roast with two tablespoons half & half X 2.5 (3 tablespoons in to-go cup). 100 cal. pic.twitter.com/BGfNFNdVJ0— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 15, 2016
Breakfast in MFP... pic.twitter.com/bPiWmmLe7m— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 15, 2016
3 cheese w/3 whts-1 whl egg & 1 each: provolone, swiss & muenster. 5.6oz apple, 3.8oz orange & 5.2oz banana. 525 cal pic.twitter.com/uT69FND4PP— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 15, 2016
Lunch appetizer. 12 chips and fresh salsa. 170 cal. pic.twitter.com/HIXWVfGLt5— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 15, 2016
Lunch in MFP... pic.twitter.com/sYyrAOM6Bc— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 15, 2016
Steak fajita tacos w/approx.6oz beef, approx.3 tablespoons sour cream, lettuce & approx.14g cheese. 570 cal. pic.twitter.com/IglOvK6nDZ— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 15, 2016
After lunch dark roast coffee. Back to work! Three tablespoons half & half. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/oRla1iW0OO— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 15, 2016
Medium roast coffee with two tablespoons half & half. 40 cal. pic.twitter.com/brx6EMmXSG— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 16, 2016
I enjoy preparing a good meal. The extra care & attention is a way for me to honor my commitments. #feelsgood pic.twitter.com/qIJB3XiV4I— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 16, 2016
Dinner in MFP... pic.twitter.com/iKH4RFRt7K— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 16, 2016
8.2oz chicken, 259g red pot.w/15g sr crm, 2 tblspns half&half & 1 slice muenster. Asparagus & mini ear corn. 655 cal pic.twitter.com/THoWwDDcSe— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 16, 2016
After dinner cup of coffee with two tablespoons half & half. 40 cal. pic.twitter.com/xHTpRGjVNR— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 16, 2016
Workout time. 3 cups water exceeds #watergoal elliptical and some strength training. pic.twitter.com/ix3Hba11kJ— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 16, 2016
Great workout tonight. Level 20-30 min on elliptical followed by push-ups, lat pull downs, jumping squats & stepups. pic.twitter.com/zivNXCJstW— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 16, 2016
I used to make fast food runs. Now I make fast fruit runs. ;) pic.twitter.com/RaTLhSyw1e— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) January 16, 2016
Thank you for reading and your continued support,