Saturday, October 27, 2018

October 27th, 2018 Of All Things

October 27th, 2018 Of All Things

Yesterday: I maintained the integrity of my reduced calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

It required a good measure of focus yesterday on the work tasks I needed to complete before yesterday's schedule of location broadcasts took me away from the studio for the day. I often pride myself on being a good multi-tasker but yesterday, I wasn't so much. I didn't plan my food schedule very well. I was on the way to my first of three location broadcasts when I realized I didn't have anything packed for lunch. Food would be available at the hospital location of the first two, but I didn't know what it might include--and I normally don't leave it up to chance. I've got to have a backup plan just in case. 

I stopped to grab a package of salted peanuts and some cheese. Not dry roasted, salted. Did you know the dry roasting process involves sugar? That's something I learned a while back while reading ingredients labels. Anyway-- so I grab the peanuts, cheese, and a water, and I was off. It was a good thing I did because due to HIPPA regulations we couldn't do our broadcast from the actual waiting room of the event (where the food was located). We were placed outside of the building--and that was fine, it worked. I didn't even see the food table until I made my way inside to thank the client before leaving.

They did have some decent choices--but I was okay. My peanuts, cheese, a bottle of water, and a Starbucks Pike roast with three tablespoons of half and half kept me just fine for those three hours. By the end of the next broadcast from a grocery store, no less, I was tired and really hungry. This is not a good combination for me. 

Tired and hungry. My lack of planning left me vulnerable.

Now, one might suggest grabbing a piece of fruit from the produce section or maybe some almonds--great suggestions, certainly--but in a state of tired and hungry, my brain doesn't work as efficiently. In this compromised state, my brain was absorbing and obviously being influenced by the marketing messages coming out of my mouth on-air, because I quickly became obsessed with chili-cheese dogs. I know, right?? Of all things.

I started reading ingredients lists in-between on-air breaks, like a madman. I couldn't find one brand of canned chili without sugar listed. Sure, I could make my own like I've done in the past--but in this state of mind, fast and easy seems to be part of the attraction. I made my way over to the hot dogs--an uncured, premium brand would work, I thought. I found one that didn't contain refined sugar in the ingredients list but that didn't really help without a refined sugar-free match in the chili department. And what about the bun? I didn't have a plan there. This store doesn't carry refined sugar-free/flour free Ezekiel bread--so the chance of finding a brand without those two ingredients was pretty much impossible.

At this point in my tired and hungry quest, I was adding frustration to the list of qualities that make me most vulnerable.

Tired, hungry, and frustrated. If I could've found a way to also feel angry and lonely, I might have found a tipping point toward the dark side.

Recounting the beats of yesterday's story is helping me have a clearer perspective on the elements that brought it about. It's certainly serious stuff for me, but as I read what I'm writing I can't help but laugh at myself. 

I had to dismiss the idea of chili dogs. That wasn't happening. Could it one day? Sure. I could make the chili at home without sugar, I could get those premium uncured dogs, and I could go pick up some kind of Ezekiel product that would work well for this messy mission. But that wasn't happening yesterday.

My immediate goal became: Get this broadcast finished and make it home without wrecking. Not my car, my food plan.

I needed a plan. I immediately connected via text with a support friend. I decided fast, simple, and satisfying was 100% necessary--and that brought me to the idea of an omelet for an early dinner. I texted my dinner plan--committed to it... and suddenly, I felt better. I had a plan. A better plan earlier would have prevented the need for this revised plan-but what happened, happened---and it's never too late to devise an exit strategy. What's the next right move?

I picked up a few things I needed for my dinner omelet, finished the broadcast, and made it home by 5:20pm. I didn't waste any time. I went straight to the kitchen and started preparing my meal.

I tweeted a pic of the meal too, as a bookend of sorts, sent a text, and sat there reflecting on the day as I enjoyed my early dinner. What an unnecessary adventure I created!

I watched some Netflix before falling asleep for a short while--then ran to the store for mom followed by a good visit with her later in the evening.

It was a good day because it reminded me--taught me again, that it's really easy to get a little too casual with my individual plan elements. In order for me to do well and be well, I must always make certain things important, regardless of the schedule or circumstance. And when I do get into a place like I did yesterday, it's important--critically important--for me to reach for support instead of the food.

I'm back at that same grocery store today for another big broadcast. I'll go into it having enjoyed a good breakfast--and it's only a two-hour broadcast schedule today--so it's super easy. I doubt I'll be bombarded by crazy food thoughts during this one.

Oh--I did score some 99cent a pound Zestar apples yesterday--oh my, they're amazing!! I might grab some more today. And last night, after my visit with mom, I made my way into another store for Ezekiel bread and ended up finding pears for 88cents a pound!! I'm stocked!

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,

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