June 9th, 2014 A Very Special Request From Mom
It feels really good to wake up the day after a stressful day and realize I made it through. It strengthens my resolve and reminds me of some powerful truths. Today was a great day in many ways. My one and only snack today ended up being my #lastfoodofday. I just didn't feel like snacking in between meals. I wasn't hungry and the next meal never seemed too far away. I was prepared though, just in case. My apple and orange snack sack sits in the fridge, cooling off after a long day in my man bag.
I'm looking forward to weigh day on Wednesday. I'm trying hard not to elevate my expectations. I'm keenly aware of the emotional toll the scale can take if we allow. This awareness is precisely why I will only weigh every three weeks. During my initial weight loss, it was every two. Three works better for me, I believe. I've resisted taking a little peek along the way, even though I see a perfectly good scale every time I visit the YMCA. Three weeks is a good amount of time to level off the fluctuations of water weight, at least that's my theory. Still, I'll be prepared if I step on the scale Wednesday and it doesn't register whatever number I feel I deserve. Truth is, it doesn't matter. I'm going to keep on keeping on regardless. If I need to tweak my approach, I will. But I'll not tweak it in haste or in an extreme way. Time doesn't matter. Taking the best care each day, one day at a time, does. I will add this: I can see it and feel it. I'm almost certain it's a loss. The question is, how much? Oh the suspense!!
My mom made a special request of me a while back. She wanted me to find the man she married on June 8th, 1963. They weren't married long and she hasn't laid eyes on him in over 50 years. Still, he weighs heavy on her heart and mind. I never realized mom was holding onto and caring for such heartbreak. I've had many conversations with her about this man and I know it would mean the world to her if I could find him. She understands that he may very well be deceased or living happily with a family of his own. Her desire isn't a rekindling of a 51 year old romance, she just wants to see him again, one more time. If I can locate him I will ask if he's okay with a meeting. If he is, I would very much like to take mom to reunite. Even if it's just for a day or an hour, a conversation--some kind of closure for her heavy heart. It breaks my heart to know that she's been longing to see him again for over half-a-century. I love my dear mother and I would do anything for her within my power, but I've come up short on this one. I don't want to lose my mom some day without knowing I tried everything I could to fulfill her request. Mom isn't adept at social media but she knows I'm well connected through Facebook and this blog and she's hoping my social media friends might be able to help. I've shared it on my facebook page. If you could go there and re-share, that would be much appreciated. Thank you! (I've edited this post, removing his personal information)
UPDATE!!!! The facebook post went nuts in the most wonderful way. I was connected to a private investigator in California. She said she thought she may have found him...but she wasn't 100%. Then, she told me to ask mom his birth date and if it matched, then we have our man. I immediately called mom and asked if she remembered his birthdate. She did---and I got goosebumps all over my body when it matched. I can't call him this late, but I have a few numbers to call tomorrow and I'll report an update tomorrow night. I'm being rather vague with the information because I wouldn't want anyone to contact him before I have the chance. After I make positive contact, I'll reveal how it all came together so quickly. How fascinating!!
UPDATE 2: Update on the search started last evening: First of all, I want to thank everyone for your help. From those of you who clicked the share button to those of you who spent your time and energy actively searching, all of the efforts came together as one--resulting in 5 positive ID's. Thank you. I spoke with mom and she sincerely thanks you too. She expressed appreciation for such an enormous outpouring of love and support via these efforts. The investigator known as "Sherlock" who resides in California, gave me a few phone numbers. The man we were looking for answered my very first call. Unfortunately, a reunion of sorts will not take place. I apologized to him for the intrusion and I told him I completely understood. I may follow up with a brief note in the mail, again apologizing for the intrusion of his privacy, and putting the issue to rest...And it is okay. I will give a lot of thought to whether or not to write, and if I do, will approach it so carefully, as to not cause any further discomfort. It was a shot in the dark. And as much as I was looking forward to driving mom to this unlikely reunion, I must respect the man's privacy and his right to not revisit the past, however benign the intention. I've had a good conversation with mom and we've agreed to discuss this more on my next visit. Thank you again.
I was speaking to a friend of mine today who was enjoying some fried mushrooms for lunch. I LOVE good fried mushrooms. I immediately thought, I'm going to find a way to make my own--and bake them! First of all, I'll admit--my attempt at baked faux fried mushrooms was a big fail! I used baby mushrooms, dipped them into egg white, then I rolled them in some corn meal and spices. I used olive oil spray for the baking sheet and added a few sprays directly to the mushrooms to aid in browning. They were edible. But nothing like I envisioned for my little kitchen experiment! It was fun trying! Do you have any ideas?
I had a great workout at the YMCA this afternoon. My food was spot on and my resolve is solid and determined. I pray it stays this way.
Tomorrow afternoon/evening the broadcasting company I work for is hosting a party for chamber of commerce members. It will be a big to-do complete with all kinds of food and drinks of all sorts. I will reserve special attention for what I need and don't need during this event. I'll be leaving a little early in order to make it home in time for my weekly support group call. I'm confident I'll be fine.
Thank you for reading and for your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Showing posts with label weighing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weighing. Show all posts
Monday, June 9, 2014
Saturday, June 7, 2014
June 7th, 2014 Not Leaving Things To Chance
June 7th, 2014 Not Leaving Things To Chance
I had an 11am-2pm broadcast at an auto dealership today. The owner of the dealership bought his staff lunch and extended the offer my way. Having brought my own, I declined. The free food opportunities have been numerous lately. I suppose it's that time of year. When everyone else started eating, I grabbed mine too. One of the sales associates noticed my lunch, walked over and said, "You're really serious about eating better, huh?" I replied, "It is one of my highest priorities, very important."
I'm not leaving things to chance. When a situation comes along (and it will) where I'm not prepared and find myself looking at a menu, I'm confident I'll navigate my order well. I've made it important to minimize those situations. I enjoy cooking, pure and simple. I never use recipes, I just jump in and throw things together, hoping for the best. I'm thankful for my natural culinary skills.
Having a Twitter account dedicated to tweeting pictures and calorie counts of everything I eat has been an unexpected blessing. It has slowed me down nicely and inspired me to take care in preparing and enjoying what I eat. I plan better too. And once I get an idea in my head, it's tough to change it. I've declined a couple of dinner invitations because, "I'm sorry, I already have dinner plans." I leave out the part about it being dinner for one at my place. I truly, for the first time in my life, actually enjoy spending time alone. This is a very recent development. Since the epiphanies of May 15th, I feel different in a wonderful way.
Never before has an epiphany had this powerful of an impact on me and everything I am, do, think, feel and say. It's inspired me to take better care. It's a beautiful thing. If you haven't read the May 15th post, you can find it here. Also check out a post from a few days later titled "The Secret To Happiness."
I had planned on a YMCA trip today before I discovered they close at 6pm on Saturday. I thought it was 7pm. I think it was at one point. Instead, I opted for a late night walk. It was shorter than normal because I'm a little tired today. My sleep has drastically improved but still, my schedule has been relentless lately and I think it's catching up to me.
I'm out of mind crazy excited about weigh day on Wednesday the 11th. I can feel and see the difference in fairly significant ways. My efforts are rewarding me and that feels fantastic.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
I had an 11am-2pm broadcast at an auto dealership today. The owner of the dealership bought his staff lunch and extended the offer my way. Having brought my own, I declined. The free food opportunities have been numerous lately. I suppose it's that time of year. When everyone else started eating, I grabbed mine too. One of the sales associates noticed my lunch, walked over and said, "You're really serious about eating better, huh?" I replied, "It is one of my highest priorities, very important."
I'm not leaving things to chance. When a situation comes along (and it will) where I'm not prepared and find myself looking at a menu, I'm confident I'll navigate my order well. I've made it important to minimize those situations. I enjoy cooking, pure and simple. I never use recipes, I just jump in and throw things together, hoping for the best. I'm thankful for my natural culinary skills.
Having a Twitter account dedicated to tweeting pictures and calorie counts of everything I eat has been an unexpected blessing. It has slowed me down nicely and inspired me to take care in preparing and enjoying what I eat. I plan better too. And once I get an idea in my head, it's tough to change it. I've declined a couple of dinner invitations because, "I'm sorry, I already have dinner plans." I leave out the part about it being dinner for one at my place. I truly, for the first time in my life, actually enjoy spending time alone. This is a very recent development. Since the epiphanies of May 15th, I feel different in a wonderful way.
Never before has an epiphany had this powerful of an impact on me and everything I am, do, think, feel and say. It's inspired me to take better care. It's a beautiful thing. If you haven't read the May 15th post, you can find it here. Also check out a post from a few days later titled "The Secret To Happiness."
I had planned on a YMCA trip today before I discovered they close at 6pm on Saturday. I thought it was 7pm. I think it was at one point. Instead, I opted for a late night walk. It was shorter than normal because I'm a little tired today. My sleep has drastically improved but still, my schedule has been relentless lately and I think it's catching up to me.
I'm out of mind crazy excited about weigh day on Wednesday the 11th. I can feel and see the difference in fairly significant ways. My efforts are rewarding me and that feels fantastic.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
May 21st, 2014 Weigh Day...But First Some Recent History
May 21st, 2014 Weigh Day...But First Some Recent History
When I stepped on the scale in January I was hoping the number attached to my obvious weight gain would immediately jolt me into action. The scales showed a 143 pound gain. There I was, 373 pounds, a weight I promised myself I would never see again. I made the same declaration at every major milestone. I remember crossing down into the 400's, 300's, 250--and every time "I'll never see that number again!"
What went wrong? A few things. I didn't give my food addiction the respect it deserved, certainly a form of denial. I honestly believed after maintaining my 275 pound loss for nearly a year and a half, perhaps I could be normal--completely normal with food. I adopted a cockiness about it, like hey, I got this! Then I experienced emotional turbulence and stress, succumbed to a heavy dose of depression brought on by a constant state of exhaustion from severe sleep apnea...and within a short amount of time I was medicating with food, coping with food--surviving with food, again and again, just like the old days.
During this downward spiral, the struggle seemed magnified between good and evil, between what I knew was right and everything else. Not only did I feel bad for how out of control I was--I felt worse because this wasn't supposed to be me.
After that sobering weigh-in, I did jump back on track for a little while. I managed to lose 10 pounds and I celebrated it as proof that I could still lose weight. I started writing more, I jumped back on the weekly conference call with Life Coach Gerri Helms where we discussed all of the issues included in weight loss with a wonderful group of participants. Make no mistake, even in times of my greatest struggle, I could relate and offer sound, quality advice. Talking the talk is one thing. I can sit down one on one with you and we could have the most inspiring-motivational discussion ever, and then as if possessed--I can go about doing the polar opposite for myself.
I had a few good days, then several bad, followed by a couple good--and so on. My writing became sporadic once again and I was clearly struggling. I was fighting. I was hurting. I just wanted to scream out to the heavens, "Why is this so hard this time??? Why???? Am I destined to go all the way back??"
The 143 pound gain and my constant attempts to get back on track seemed to be pushing me even further down. I felt horrible about myself with a long list of reasons why. The struggle continued and clearly I was gaining once again. The worst of it was running out of clothes. I wore the same outfit to work everyday for weeks on end because nothing I had in the closet fit anymore. Sometime in early April, I don't remember the date--I know it was a Saturday, I had a remote broadcast. I couldn't wear stretchy sweat pants to a public appearance, so I squeezed into the largest pair of pants I owned. The size 50's were a far cry from the 36's that felt so loose and wonderful at 230. And they didn't fit. I made them work for this broadcast. I was in pain the entire time. My right leg had recently started swelling again because of the dramatic weight gain and it pressed tightly against the pant leg of these jeans that were suffocating me. I spent the entire broadcast trying to conceal the obvious issue with my leg. I stood in strategic spots where I thought it would be less noticeable. I peeled them off when I got home and discovered I was bleeding from their tightness.
A few days after that painful experience, I walked into the doctors office and faced the scale once again. I just knew I had to have crossed back into the 400's again. I certainly felt like it. Maybe this time would be the dose of reality I needed. The scale shot back 394. I had put on 31 pounds in record time. I didn't tell a soul, I was too ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, sad and desperate. I eventually told my mom and a couple of others, in order to express how bad things had turned. Now what?
I was ready to throw in the towel. Even 394 staring back at me wasn't enough. I still struggled, still felt possessed and driven to self destruction via food. On one of my darkest nights, I emailed Marty Lerner, the director of Milestones In Recovery in Florida. Milestones is an in-patient food addiction treatment center. If you've read my book, you might remember Marty Lerner Ph.D., he wrote a fabulous review in the opening pages. I asked Marty about the costs of a 30 day in-patient stay at his facility in Florida. He was very nice in his reply, although the cost immediately disqualified it as an option.
Now what?
It was now or never in my mind. I started an intense prayer and meditation campaign. I spent time seeking council from my therapist. I sought advice from Life Coach Gerri Helms. I studied all I could online about recovery for someone like me and I reached some concrete conclusions and solutions. When I started struggling, one of the first things I did was stop writing on a regular schedule. I also stopped logging my food on MyFitnessPal. Getting those things back in order was paramount if I really wanted to recover. And as I did, I discovered an enormous amount of love and support waiting for me--and it was always there--even when I isolated and felt so alone, I wasn't alone.
I have enjoyed almost a month of daily writing on this blog. In committing to this writing schedule, I've kept in touch with my emotions--writing it out each night and learning more each day. Recently, I've experienced some groundbreaking personal epiphanies about my identity and self worth that are poised to have the most wonderful effect on me...they already have, actually. And I've shared it all right here in these pages.
I've maintained my food and exercise log in MyFitnessPal and as an added source of accountability, I started tweeting pictures of every single calorie I consume (And I'm having fun doing it!). I've committed to working out on a consistent schedule too.
This is how I'm recovering. I'm doing what works for me, what I need--the writing, the food pics, the regular contact with close supporters who have been here, like Gerri. I'm making my private spiritual side important too. I've offered support to others as best I can and I will continue to do more. All of this is a direct reflection of my importance level. It's turned all the way up.
Because I'm not giving up, ever.
Today was weigh day. And I will weigh every three weeks. The next weigh day is Wednesday June 11th.
I stepped on the scale today and discovered a 25 pound loss.
25 pounds!!!!!!!!!! From 394 to 369. Hang around a while because we're going to have some fun.
.JPG)
I haven't been this happy about weighing 369 since I first broke 370 during my initial 275 pound loss. And that's an important point. Because not only am I headed in the right direction physically, my perspective is also pointed in the right direction.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
When I stepped on the scale in January I was hoping the number attached to my obvious weight gain would immediately jolt me into action. The scales showed a 143 pound gain. There I was, 373 pounds, a weight I promised myself I would never see again. I made the same declaration at every major milestone. I remember crossing down into the 400's, 300's, 250--and every time "I'll never see that number again!"
What went wrong? A few things. I didn't give my food addiction the respect it deserved, certainly a form of denial. I honestly believed after maintaining my 275 pound loss for nearly a year and a half, perhaps I could be normal--completely normal with food. I adopted a cockiness about it, like hey, I got this! Then I experienced emotional turbulence and stress, succumbed to a heavy dose of depression brought on by a constant state of exhaustion from severe sleep apnea...and within a short amount of time I was medicating with food, coping with food--surviving with food, again and again, just like the old days.
During this downward spiral, the struggle seemed magnified between good and evil, between what I knew was right and everything else. Not only did I feel bad for how out of control I was--I felt worse because this wasn't supposed to be me.
After that sobering weigh-in, I did jump back on track for a little while. I managed to lose 10 pounds and I celebrated it as proof that I could still lose weight. I started writing more, I jumped back on the weekly conference call with Life Coach Gerri Helms where we discussed all of the issues included in weight loss with a wonderful group of participants. Make no mistake, even in times of my greatest struggle, I could relate and offer sound, quality advice. Talking the talk is one thing. I can sit down one on one with you and we could have the most inspiring-motivational discussion ever, and then as if possessed--I can go about doing the polar opposite for myself.
I had a few good days, then several bad, followed by a couple good--and so on. My writing became sporadic once again and I was clearly struggling. I was fighting. I was hurting. I just wanted to scream out to the heavens, "Why is this so hard this time??? Why???? Am I destined to go all the way back??"
The 143 pound gain and my constant attempts to get back on track seemed to be pushing me even further down. I felt horrible about myself with a long list of reasons why. The struggle continued and clearly I was gaining once again. The worst of it was running out of clothes. I wore the same outfit to work everyday for weeks on end because nothing I had in the closet fit anymore. Sometime in early April, I don't remember the date--I know it was a Saturday, I had a remote broadcast. I couldn't wear stretchy sweat pants to a public appearance, so I squeezed into the largest pair of pants I owned. The size 50's were a far cry from the 36's that felt so loose and wonderful at 230. And they didn't fit. I made them work for this broadcast. I was in pain the entire time. My right leg had recently started swelling again because of the dramatic weight gain and it pressed tightly against the pant leg of these jeans that were suffocating me. I spent the entire broadcast trying to conceal the obvious issue with my leg. I stood in strategic spots where I thought it would be less noticeable. I peeled them off when I got home and discovered I was bleeding from their tightness.
A few days after that painful experience, I walked into the doctors office and faced the scale once again. I just knew I had to have crossed back into the 400's again. I certainly felt like it. Maybe this time would be the dose of reality I needed. The scale shot back 394. I had put on 31 pounds in record time. I didn't tell a soul, I was too ashamed, embarrassed, guilty, sad and desperate. I eventually told my mom and a couple of others, in order to express how bad things had turned. Now what?
I was ready to throw in the towel. Even 394 staring back at me wasn't enough. I still struggled, still felt possessed and driven to self destruction via food. On one of my darkest nights, I emailed Marty Lerner, the director of Milestones In Recovery in Florida. Milestones is an in-patient food addiction treatment center. If you've read my book, you might remember Marty Lerner Ph.D., he wrote a fabulous review in the opening pages. I asked Marty about the costs of a 30 day in-patient stay at his facility in Florida. He was very nice in his reply, although the cost immediately disqualified it as an option.
Now what?
It was now or never in my mind. I started an intense prayer and meditation campaign. I spent time seeking council from my therapist. I sought advice from Life Coach Gerri Helms. I studied all I could online about recovery for someone like me and I reached some concrete conclusions and solutions. When I started struggling, one of the first things I did was stop writing on a regular schedule. I also stopped logging my food on MyFitnessPal. Getting those things back in order was paramount if I really wanted to recover. And as I did, I discovered an enormous amount of love and support waiting for me--and it was always there--even when I isolated and felt so alone, I wasn't alone.
I have enjoyed almost a month of daily writing on this blog. In committing to this writing schedule, I've kept in touch with my emotions--writing it out each night and learning more each day. Recently, I've experienced some groundbreaking personal epiphanies about my identity and self worth that are poised to have the most wonderful effect on me...they already have, actually. And I've shared it all right here in these pages.
I've maintained my food and exercise log in MyFitnessPal and as an added source of accountability, I started tweeting pictures of every single calorie I consume (And I'm having fun doing it!). I've committed to working out on a consistent schedule too.
This is how I'm recovering. I'm doing what works for me, what I need--the writing, the food pics, the regular contact with close supporters who have been here, like Gerri. I'm making my private spiritual side important too. I've offered support to others as best I can and I will continue to do more. All of this is a direct reflection of my importance level. It's turned all the way up.
Because I'm not giving up, ever.
Today was weigh day. And I will weigh every three weeks. The next weigh day is Wednesday June 11th.
I stepped on the scale today and discovered a 25 pound loss.
25 pounds!!!!!!!!!! From 394 to 369. Hang around a while because we're going to have some fun.
I haven't been this happy about weighing 369 since I first broke 370 during my initial 275 pound loss. And that's an important point. Because not only am I headed in the right direction physically, my perspective is also pointed in the right direction.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
Monday, February 17, 2014
The Numbers
The Numbers
What a wonderful feeling it is to be taking care of me. I'm taking good care. I'm being proactive, facing issues head on and getting results. My second sleep lab Friday night was very good. I didn't sleep as long as I wanted but I slept soundly and perfectly for the first time in over three years. It was only five and a half hours worth but it was quality. Again, no instances of central apnea. And now the doctors have the data they need to prescribe me a cpap setting for optimal rest. Yay!
Proper rest will make an incredible difference for me. I'm so excited, I can't even properly explain how much. The self-critical part of me really wants to berate me for waiting so long to fully address the issue. But I'm silencing that inner voice. Because really, inner voice, what good do you expect to accomplish by bringing that up? What's done is done. I've traveled this way for a reason. And now I'm getting back on the main road. I'm not lost anymore. After learning from the previous detours, the only things that matter now are the things ahead.
Today was my blood work follow up doctors appointment and weigh-in. I spent some time replying to a facebook message today concerning weighing and how the scale can affect our emotions. And these effects can be devastating if we allow. As I typed the message, I was also reminding myself to be okay with whatever the results show today. I've lost 10 pounds. Is it less than I thought? Yes. Am I okay with this pound every 3.5 day average? YES. And I'll tell you why I'm okay with it...
With my sleep situation in a critically severe state the last several months, it's taken all the energy I can muster to get back on solid ground with my food. Exhaustion can breed depression and it certainly has with me. I've allowed myself a very lax schedule as far as exercise is concerned. I would have to go back and count the days on my fitness pal, but I'm pretty sure I've purposely exercised maybe 6 times in the last five weeks. This has been an act of self-compassion, a temporary allowance if you will, while I get my sleep situation and food under control. And quite honestly, maintaining a 1700 calorie budget has been a big enough challenge, especially after being "off the rails" for a while. I'm proud of this 10 pounds. It proves that I can lose weight again!!!!
You know what I mean? When you're in the free-fall of spiraling weight gain it sometimes feels as if losing weight can't possibly happen again. Well, this is proof positive, I can lose weight again!!
I've been so sleep deprived, it's a wonder my metabolism still works at all. Apparently it does. Perhaps not optimally, but we're going to get there. One step at a time.
My blood work came back phenomenal. Glucose: 89. Total Cholesterol: 190 Triglycerides: 73 Bad cholesterol: 137 Good cholesterol: 38 Liver: Perfect. Kidneys: Perfect... Sean: Lucky; just flat out blessed.
It's genetics. It's gotta be genetics. I'm truly blessed to get back these kinds of numbers. Oh--and I almost forgot--my blood pressure was wayyyyyy better. Slightly elevated at 140/88, but a drastic improvement from my last appointment. It wasn't like last time when it was at an "Oh my, this is scary high" type level. Instead the doctor was happy to see it had improved. And it will continue to improve!
What's the plan now? I will continue to allow 1700 calories per day. I will gradually increase exercise (especially after I get the new sleep setting around the end of the week), I will increase my water consumption (something at which I've been notoriously inconsistent-even during my initial weight loss) and I will maintain my level of support through through all the channels I currently use.
Support is key. It's absolutely crucial. We don't have to attempt to do what we're doing alone. This isn't a solo deal. I'm using a wonderful social network of support via Facebook, Twitter, this blog and My Fitness Pal.
Starting March 4th I'll add to my support by being a co-facilitator/moderator on a weekly conference call support group. I'm once again partnering with professional life coach Gerri Helms. We still have five or six openings available if you're interested in being a part of this exciting group. The six week session cost $60 total. I can't wait to get into another 6 week session with the calls! It's Tuesday nights at 8 Eastern, 7 Central, 5pm Pacific. If you're interested, simply email me for more details: sean@transformationroad.com
Wow. What a good day. I really wanted at least 15 pounds, I did---I really did. But you know what? It's coming. It's straight ahead. And when you're feeling that feeling of determination mixed with a balanced control, the anxiety is lessened... There's peace. And all of the goals feel attainable once again because you know, aside from a few adjustments here and there, the only other variables you need are patience and time.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
What a wonderful feeling it is to be taking care of me. I'm taking good care. I'm being proactive, facing issues head on and getting results. My second sleep lab Friday night was very good. I didn't sleep as long as I wanted but I slept soundly and perfectly for the first time in over three years. It was only five and a half hours worth but it was quality. Again, no instances of central apnea. And now the doctors have the data they need to prescribe me a cpap setting for optimal rest. Yay!
Proper rest will make an incredible difference for me. I'm so excited, I can't even properly explain how much. The self-critical part of me really wants to berate me for waiting so long to fully address the issue. But I'm silencing that inner voice. Because really, inner voice, what good do you expect to accomplish by bringing that up? What's done is done. I've traveled this way for a reason. And now I'm getting back on the main road. I'm not lost anymore. After learning from the previous detours, the only things that matter now are the things ahead.
Today was my blood work follow up doctors appointment and weigh-in. I spent some time replying to a facebook message today concerning weighing and how the scale can affect our emotions. And these effects can be devastating if we allow. As I typed the message, I was also reminding myself to be okay with whatever the results show today. I've lost 10 pounds. Is it less than I thought? Yes. Am I okay with this pound every 3.5 day average? YES. And I'll tell you why I'm okay with it...
With my sleep situation in a critically severe state the last several months, it's taken all the energy I can muster to get back on solid ground with my food. Exhaustion can breed depression and it certainly has with me. I've allowed myself a very lax schedule as far as exercise is concerned. I would have to go back and count the days on my fitness pal, but I'm pretty sure I've purposely exercised maybe 6 times in the last five weeks. This has been an act of self-compassion, a temporary allowance if you will, while I get my sleep situation and food under control. And quite honestly, maintaining a 1700 calorie budget has been a big enough challenge, especially after being "off the rails" for a while. I'm proud of this 10 pounds. It proves that I can lose weight again!!!!
You know what I mean? When you're in the free-fall of spiraling weight gain it sometimes feels as if losing weight can't possibly happen again. Well, this is proof positive, I can lose weight again!!
I've been so sleep deprived, it's a wonder my metabolism still works at all. Apparently it does. Perhaps not optimally, but we're going to get there. One step at a time.
My blood work came back phenomenal. Glucose: 89. Total Cholesterol: 190 Triglycerides: 73 Bad cholesterol: 137 Good cholesterol: 38 Liver: Perfect. Kidneys: Perfect... Sean: Lucky; just flat out blessed.
It's genetics. It's gotta be genetics. I'm truly blessed to get back these kinds of numbers. Oh--and I almost forgot--my blood pressure was wayyyyyy better. Slightly elevated at 140/88, but a drastic improvement from my last appointment. It wasn't like last time when it was at an "Oh my, this is scary high" type level. Instead the doctor was happy to see it had improved. And it will continue to improve!
What's the plan now? I will continue to allow 1700 calories per day. I will gradually increase exercise (especially after I get the new sleep setting around the end of the week), I will increase my water consumption (something at which I've been notoriously inconsistent-even during my initial weight loss) and I will maintain my level of support through through all the channels I currently use.
Support is key. It's absolutely crucial. We don't have to attempt to do what we're doing alone. This isn't a solo deal. I'm using a wonderful social network of support via Facebook, Twitter, this blog and My Fitness Pal.
Starting March 4th I'll add to my support by being a co-facilitator/moderator on a weekly conference call support group. I'm once again partnering with professional life coach Gerri Helms. We still have five or six openings available if you're interested in being a part of this exciting group. The six week session cost $60 total. I can't wait to get into another 6 week session with the calls! It's Tuesday nights at 8 Eastern, 7 Central, 5pm Pacific. If you're interested, simply email me for more details: sean@transformationroad.com
Wow. What a good day. I really wanted at least 15 pounds, I did---I really did. But you know what? It's coming. It's straight ahead. And when you're feeling that feeling of determination mixed with a balanced control, the anxiety is lessened... There's peace. And all of the goals feel attainable once again because you know, aside from a few adjustments here and there, the only other variables you need are patience and time.
Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)