June 28th, 2014 Outside Food: The Lunch Experience

June 28th, 2014 Outside Food: The Lunch Experience

It was tough to get out of bed this morning after last night's late on-air weather coverage. I was getting up early to help some friends load their moving truck. I'm so glad I did because it felt good to help and it was one of the best workouts I've had in years. I made sure to take time for breakfast preparation and preparing a sack lunch for the inevitable lunch time break.

Lunch ideas were tossed around. Fried chicken? BBQ? Pizzas? It didn't matter to me, I had planned, prepared and packed my lunch.  I was hoping they would order out and everyone eat at their house, but the decision was made: The lunch break would be at the pizza buffet place.

At first I agreed to go too, taking my food with me. Then suddenly I started worrying about what might happen if I took my outside food into this restaurant. Would I be told I couldn't by the manager? Would people look at me in a strange way? Everyone was already in their vehicles when I decided I just couldn't do it. I asked my friend, "Do you mind if I stay here and eat my lunch? You guys go ahead and enjoy, I don't mind. I just didn't want to take my lunch into the restaurant."  He understood and said he didn't mind and we parted ways. I decided to drive home and eat lunch. I was almost to my apartment when I had a revelation.

I'm going to the pizza buffet place!!! I'm going to enjoy lunch and conversation with my friends. Part of the freedom included in the epiphanies discussed in the May 15th post involve caring much less about what others think of me. I'm confident in who I am. There was a respectful way to handle this restaurant situation without creating stories in my head about how the management and diners would react to me bringing in my own food. Who cares? If it's an issue, I'll leave, I thought.

After accepting then abruptly declining the lunch invitation, then having a sudden change of heart and going anyway, I kind of felt like I was in the middle of an internal tug of war.  But now I felt empowered and determined to enjoy my lunch while visiting with everyone else. I pulled into the parking lot, grabbed my lunch bag and without hesitation, headed for the door. Instead of sitting down and feeling like I had to conceal my "outside food" that was possibly breaking a common policy many restaurants maintain, I went straight to the counter. I was greeted by a very nice lady, I asked if she was the manager--she said yes, and then I explained what I wanted.

I opened with a compliment: "I love how you've remodeled the place! I'm with the party of eight in the room over there, but I'm on a special food plan. Would it be okay if I eat the food I brought while they eat your buffet?" She replied with a smile: "That's fine!" Okay, that went way better than I imagined. I added, "do you mind if I use a plate and order a water? I'll be sure to tip!" Again, "that's fine, no problem." 

I immediately walked past the hot buffet line full of almost every kind of pizza you can imagine. Hot pastas full of sauce and cheese, garlic bread--they had it all. I grabbed my plate and headed to the table where I assembled my sandwich, logged the food in MyFitnessPal, took a picture and sent the Tweet:

Roast beef w/2 LC light creamy Swiss wedges spread onto a Joseph's Pita. Pineapple (13 oz) & Beanitos chips. 572 cal. pic.twitter.com/fByaQLvmyO
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2014

I didn't make a big deal about it. I didn't talk about my food until someone at out table asked me to describe what was on my plate. Honestly, I don't think anyone else away from our table even noticed. I quietly took care of me, doing my thing as everyone enjoyed wonderful lunch conversation. I participated in the fantastic conversation too and as I did, I couldn't help but smile inside because I felt wonderful about my decision to join the group for lunch. And to think, I almost didn't because I was allowing my imagination and fear to mix into an unrealistic expectation. There wasn't a stern manager telling me to leave...I didn't get strange looks at me or my food...just a wonderful lunch experience with some of the best people I know.

What also stood out in a profound way, was how content I was. There wasn't a struggle passing by the above described buffet line. My mouth wasn't watering at the site of other people's food. I didn't feel deprived in the least. It wasn't will power. Will power is when we're exerting a large amount of energy in an effort to keep ourselves from doing or having something we really want. It didn't require will power because I didn't want. That's a big difference. The key to this difference is found in focusing on the perspective that says, isn't it nice to have such a wonderful visit with friends? Isn't this lunch delicious and satisfying? And not: I can't have what they're having. Because clearly, I could--and for free, my friend's were picking up the tab.

And that's an important distinction. It wasn't that I couldn't eat what they were eating, I could have easily. I didn't want to for very good reasons. Just to clarify, had it been a restaurant with items I could order and feel good about, then I might have returned my prepared lunch to the fridge, saving it for later. My recovery from food addiction is something I take very seriously and if I'm ever in doubt about what's available where I'm headed, then I'll always be sure to bring something with me or wait until I have access to something I can accept. I had no idea of the lunch plans today, so I adequately prepared myself, and it paid off handsomely.

I managed my calories with intention and deliberateness today. I did well. My workout was the moving experience. I prepared a very nice Tilapia loin dinner with asparagus, zucchini, pear and fresh strawberries and I enjoyed a wonderful visit tonight with my oldest daughter Amber at her place across town. Her and I have some pretty powerful conversations! Both of my wonderful daughters remind me of me in various ways.

I even took some time during a break in the move to tweet some humor:

I'm wearing my new "World's Greatest Grandpa" t-shirt. I was hesitant at first because it's a few sizes too old for me.
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2014

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

June 18th, 2014 My Food Philosophy

June 18th, 2014 My Food Philosophy

Today was one of those rare days where I didn't snack. I'm getting away from the "snack because it's time to snack" mentality. If I'm hungry, I have something prepared and ready. My snack bag remained untouched today. I'll have something small before bed as my #lastfoodofday, but really, if I'm satisfied and not hungry, why would I eat? My three meals today were enough.

2 eggs w/mushrms & swiss + a wedge of Laughing Cow light white cheddar on Jos. Pita. Strawberries & a pear. 381 cal. pic.twitter.com/VPGPW1rwB1
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2014

6 oz lean sirloin, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, red seedless grapes. 510 cal. pic.twitter.com/RAOKS8WPbZ
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2014

Bean tostadas w/swiss, salsa lettuce and light sr crm. Homemade guac. On a bed of lettuce with rice chips. 686 cal. pic.twitter.com/nVOxugpHK0
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 19, 2014

I rarely have cravings but today I did. For some reason, I was craving fresh homemade guacamole. I was thinking about it on the elliptical at the Y. I decided, okay--guacamole it is! Since I started weighing and measuring everything, I'm a little less apprehensive about calorie dense foods--and guac can get that way quickly. Taking the guess work out of the equation has helped me expand my food variety.

I've mentioned it before but it's important to point out again: I eat what I like. And the choices I'm making are made because it's where I am, now. I previously lost 275 pounds eating much differently. It wasn't right or wrong then and my eating habits are not right or wrong now. They're simply reflective of where I am today. I like what I'm doing. It's working for me.

And that's key, in my opinion--finding what works for you. Discovering what you can do, what you like and how you like it. I don't like labeling anything "right or wrong-good or bad." Food is food. When someone asks me for advice on what they should eat as they get started along this road, I always tell them the same thing: Eat what you like, just set a budget and consistently stay within the budget. Trust that your choices will evolve in time. 

If you've been a regular reader of this blog from back in the middle of my initial weight loss, you might remember days where a Snickers Bar, Ice cream, fried mushrooms, cake, fast food cheeseburgers and Taco Bell all made their way into my budget. I don't look back on that time and think, wow--I didn't eat very well. I look back and think, that's where I was and needed to be at that time. Having been 500 pounds for so long, I instinctively knew that I wasn't going to change a lifetime of habits overnight. And I felt like if I tried, it would end up another failed attempt. In my opinion, the "nothing is off limits" philosophy is still valid and important, because it allows us to be where we are, be ourselves--growing and developing in a naturally organic way.

We learn about ourselves along the way. I've learned that I can't do sugar. It took until just recently to arrive at a place of acceptance with this personal truth and for me, it's made a profound difference. But not everybody is a food addict or addicted to sugar, so giving up sugar may not be what's right for you.

The main reason why I've always been a proponent of simplicity when it comes to food is because along this road it's about so much more than food and exercise. The mental/emotional/psychological elements in play are all bigger and more challenging than "what should I eat?" In my opinion, if the greater focus is placed on the food and exercise instead of the mental/emotional/psychological dynamics--then we end up facing the biggest elements unprepared.  If you've ever heard someone say (or said it yourself): "I don't know what happened--I was eating as clean as possible and working out twice a day and I just crashed." It's my experience and opinion, a misaligned focus is to blame.

There are no right or wrong foods. Eat what you like and allow yourself a natural evolution of good choices along the way. The practice of maintaining the integrity of a calorie budget can have a powerful impact on this evolution because we're trying to get the most value for our calories.

And never compare what you're eating to someone else's food. Remember, we're all different. And sometimes the biggest mental hurdles come when we compare what we're eating to our own expectations or what we perceive to be what we should be eating. My best advice is to let it go. Just be you and give yourself room to grow and develop.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

June 9th, 2014 A Very Special Request From Mom

June 9th, 2014 A Very Special Request From Mom

It feels really good to wake up the day after a stressful day and realize I made it through. It strengthens my resolve and reminds me of some powerful truths. Today was a great day in many ways. My one and only snack today ended up being my #lastfoodofday.  I just didn't feel like snacking in between meals. I wasn't hungry and the next meal never seemed too far away.  I was prepared though, just in case. My apple and orange snack sack sits in the fridge, cooling off after a long day in my man bag.

I'm looking forward to weigh day on Wednesday. I'm trying hard not to elevate my expectations. I'm keenly aware of the emotional toll the scale can take if we allow. This awareness is precisely why I will only weigh every three weeks. During my initial weight loss, it was every two. Three works better for me, I believe. I've resisted taking a little peek along the way, even though I see a perfectly good scale every time I visit the YMCA. Three weeks is a good amount of time to level off the fluctuations of water weight, at least that's my theory. Still, I'll be prepared if I step on the scale Wednesday and it doesn't register whatever number I feel I deserve. Truth is, it doesn't matter. I'm going to keep on keeping on regardless. If I need to tweak my approach, I will. But I'll not tweak it in haste or in an extreme way. Time doesn't matter. Taking the best care each day, one day at a time, does. I will add this: I can see it and feel it. I'm almost certain it's a loss. The question is, how much? Oh the suspense!!

My mom made a special request of me a while back. She wanted me to find the man she married on June 8th, 1963. They weren't married long and she hasn't laid eyes on him in over 50 years. Still, he weighs heavy on her heart and mind. I never realized mom was holding onto and caring for such heartbreak. I've had many conversations with her about this man and I know it would mean the world to her if I could find him. She understands that he may very well be deceased or living happily with a family of his own. Her desire isn't a rekindling of a 51 year old romance, she just wants to see him again, one more time. If I can locate him I will ask if he's okay with a meeting. If he is, I would very much like to take mom to reunite. Even if it's just for a day or an hour, a conversation--some kind of closure for her heavy heart. It breaks my heart to know that she's been longing to see him again for over half-a-century. I love my dear mother and I would do anything for her within my power, but I've come up short on this one. I don't want to lose my mom some day without knowing I tried everything I could to fulfill her request. Mom isn't adept at social media but she knows I'm well connected through Facebook and this blog and she's hoping my social media friends might be able to help.  I've shared it on my facebook page. If you could go there and re-share, that would be much appreciated. Thank you! (I've edited this post, removing his personal information)

UPDATE!!!! The facebook post went nuts in the most wonderful way. I was connected to a private investigator in California. She said she thought she may have found him...but she wasn't 100%. Then, she told me to ask mom his birth date and if it matched, then we have our man. I immediately called mom and asked if she remembered his birthdate. She did---and I got goosebumps all over my body when it matched. I can't call him this late, but I have a few numbers to call tomorrow and I'll report an update tomorrow night. I'm being rather vague with the information because I wouldn't want anyone to contact him before I have the chance. After I make positive contact, I'll reveal how it all came together so quickly. How fascinating!!

UPDATE 2: Update on the search started last evening: First of all, I want to thank everyone for your help. From those of you who clicked the share button to those of you who spent your time and energy actively searching, all of the efforts came together as one--resulting in 5 positive ID's. Thank you. I spoke with mom and she sincerely thanks you too. She expressed appreciation for such an enormous outpouring of love and support via these efforts. The investigator known as "Sherlock" who resides in California, gave me a few phone numbers. The man we were looking for answered my very first call. Unfortunately, a reunion of sorts will not take place. I apologized to him for the intrusion and I told him I completely understood. I may follow up with a brief note in the mail, again apologizing for the intrusion of his privacy, and putting the issue to rest...And it is okay. I will give a lot of thought to whether or not to write, and if I do, will approach it so carefully, as to not cause any further discomfort. It was a shot in the dark. And as much as I was looking forward to driving mom to this unlikely reunion, I must respect the man's privacy and his right to not revisit the past, however benign the intention. I've had a good conversation with mom and we've agreed to discuss this more on my next visit. Thank you again.

I was speaking to a friend of mine today who was enjoying some fried mushrooms for lunch. I LOVE good fried mushrooms. I immediately thought, I'm going to find a way to make my own--and bake them! First of all, I'll admit--my attempt at baked faux fried mushrooms was a big fail! I used baby mushrooms, dipped them into egg white, then I rolled them in some corn meal and spices. I used olive oil spray for the baking sheet and added a few sprays directly to the mushrooms to aid in browning. They were edible. But nothing like I envisioned for my little kitchen experiment! It was fun trying! Do you have any ideas?

I had a great workout at the YMCA this afternoon. My food was spot on and my resolve is solid and determined. I pray it stays this way.

Tomorrow afternoon/evening the broadcasting company I work for is hosting a party for chamber of commerce members. It will be a big to-do complete with all kinds of food and drinks of all sorts. I will reserve special attention for what I need and don't need during this event. I'll be leaving a little early in order to make it home in time for my weekly support group call. I'm confident I'll be fine.

Thank you for reading and for your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

May 18th, 2014 Sean 1, Buffet 0

May 18th, 2014 Sean 1, Buffet 0

I remember not too long ago when I felt so far removed from any semblance of control. In that place it seems so hopeless and scary.  I'm grateful to be where I am today.  I feel strong and determined, like in the beginning of this blog.  It's a new day and I deserve to feel great.  You do too.

I visited mom this evening and we dined at a buffet. I wasn't the least bit inclined to do anything other than stick to the plan.  I selected a small lean sirloin, one slice of turkey breast, green beans, sauteed mushrooms, fresh strawberries, pear slices and a serving of cottage cheese with two crackers.  My meal checked in at 559 calories. I added 15 calories for a non dairy creamer cup for my after dinner coffee and conversation with mom and my aunt Kelli and her husband Tim. Kelli has lost 50 pounds in the last year by simply eliminating sugary soft drinks. Way to go Kelli!

I picked up some fruit and eggs from the grocery department at Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Store on the way home, then stopped at Walgreens for some paper towels. Both of these places have been my "dealer" at one time or another.  It feels good to walk in, buy what I'm after and be proud of my choices for a change. I'm sure it's confusing for some of the regular employees, "No ice cream tonight?"  No thank you, I got what I want and need.

I came home and decided to walk around my apartment community for a half hour. The weather has been beautiful here--perfectly cool for a nice neighborhood stroll.

I did a little cleaning tonight, planned out some food for tomorrow and I'm headed to bed!

Good day!  By the way, I've explained the recent identity/self love revelation to a couple of people over the weekend and they related to it in a powerful way too.  Lord knows it isn't something "new," but truly understanding how it works--experiencing the "click," after not properly understanding this my entire life has left me feeling renewed and even more empowered.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

Taking Good Care

Taking Good Care

I've been using a borrowed cpap machine post sleep study while I wait for the results and new prescription best for me. I do not recommend this to anyone. A CPAP is specifically set for each person and using one with a high setting if you don't need a high setting could be very dangerous. The only reason I'm okay with doing this is the pressure setting on the borrowed machine is 7, which is relatively low. It's not the higher level of pressure I need, but it's something. The very dear friend who loaned me the machine has recently lost a considerable amount of weight and lucky for him, he seems to be relieved of the disorder. His machine wasn't in use and hadn't been for some time, so out of desperation I gladly accepted his offer to let me borrow. The first night wasn't good because I wasn't accustomed to this type of continuous positive pressure. After learning what little I did from the sleep technician (about the absence of central apnea episodes) there wasn't anyway I was strapping the bipap to my head again. Not wanting to go without something to encourage breathing, I'm using this machine until I get my own with the custom settings.  My rest has improved each night as I adjust to a different kind of air pressure flowing through the tube. I even made it through an entire work day without needing to take an extended nap break! It isn't perfect, I'm still tired but I'm not body breaking down exhausted, and that's a very nice improvement.

Taking good care takes constant effort and awareness. It also takes reaching out to people for support. It's a powerful thing, the role support plays in this journey. At some point I think I resigned myself to the belief that it was just too hard to care anymore, given the circumstances. But honestly, that's baloney, and further--it's a very counterproductive attitude and perspective to adopt.

With support coming in from all sides of the social media universe and the tremendous support from close friends far and near, I've successfully made it two weeks without a binge. I've drawn on my own spirituality many times during this period and that's having a giant impact too. I'm also not giving in or sacrificing what I need and what's best for me in order to be more available or pleasing to anyone else. That last sentence is a biggie because my very nature is to be a people-pleaser, at all costs. And what happens when I sacrifice what's best for me today, right now--in this moment...is, no matter how small, the start of an unraveling of sorts. This focus or "obsession" as I've heard it called, is paramount to my success at this juncture. My health and well being is at stake and I'm getting all sorts of "obsessed" about taking care of me.

When it comes to what I'm eating, I'm a little more selective than when I started losing weight over 5 years ago.  I find myself naturally staying away from simple sugars and eating more fruits. I'm eating more protein most of the time, at least according to the nutrition breakdown on My Fitness Pal. I'm a creature of habit too. My breakfast is most always the same and I have other staples I rely on throughout each day and evening. I'm fairly careful with my calorie investments because when the 1700 in the bank is depleted, I'm done.

There is a mountain of research information about nutrition and so much I don't know or haven't taken the time to understand.  After all I've learned along this road, I'm still very much in the "lower calories-more movement" equals weight loss. And I'm there despite the fact that perhaps with a few tweaks here and there, I could fine tune and manipulate how my body burns fat; how the metabolism operates. I'm still learning and most importantly, my mind is open to learning. Although I'm very careful not to take too much in at once or else I'll get overwhelmed and that could lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy...neither good for me at this point.

My first official weigh-in will be February 11th at my doctors visit.  I have a complete fasting blood lab scheduled for the 7th and the follow up appointment is the 11th. I'm fine with this lengthy time between weigh-ins. I've talked about and written extensively about the psychological power the scale seems to wield, especially when weight isn't coming off as quickly as we had hoped. It's also powerful when it does and when a big loss is recorded it sets the expectation bar really high and when results slow, it can be very disappointing.  So a relaxed weighing schedule is okay for me, perhaps monthly. Yeah..once a month at my doctors office, same scale...I can do that easily.

I've recently strapped on my "I'm Choosing Change" leather bracelet and I'm wearing it proudly. I hadn't sold one in so long, I think my manufacturer/supplier had given up on me. Then, out of the blue I received an order from Mona. I immediately sent Mona a message explaining I was out of stock and it might be a few weeks for me to have more of these custom made bracelets produced.  She was fine with this, so I called the supplier. The minimum I can have produced at one time is 20.  So I ordered the minimum. Yesterday I decided to offer up these 19 additional bracelets on facebook and the response was phenomenal. If you were one of the people ordering, thank you! Within hours the 19 were sold out. Then I received a few more orders. I will ship the first 20 orders and have an additional 20 manufactured next week. If you haven't bought yours, maybe now's the time! Once again, I'll have a surplus of 17!

I'm not a very good salesman, I'll admit. I never "push" anything really. This blog isn't a platform for sales, never has been. But I would like to move these additional bracelets.

If you would like to order one, simply click this link http://www.transformationroad.com/505store.html scroll to the bottom of the page and you'll see pictures of this fantastic bracelet! The $18.00 price includes shipping anywhere in the world.  The international rates are a little pricey, but that's okay--I'd love you to have one regardless of where you are. The "add to cart" button takes you to a secure PayPal site for your purchase.

Thank you for reading and your support.  I sincerely appreciate every single well wish and prayer. I'm doing my best to read as many blogs and postings of others and offering my support as I can. I'm also loving the tight support offered in My Fitness Pal. My social media network includes Facebook, Twitter, this blog of course and My Fitness Pal. You can also reach me by email anytime.

My best always,
Strength,
Sean

A Hard Rock Experience

A Hard Rock Experience

The more speaking events I do, the better I feel.  I must do more!  Identifying the things bringing us joy, things in line with our passions, and doing more of those things, is critical to our well being and success.  Staying within my calorie budget and exercising brings me joy too, gives me confidence--and when we're drenched in the positive, joy-giving good choices--it creates momentum, making it a little easier for more good to come; another vital weapon against the powerful inclinations running contrary to our best interest.

This journey is a balance of emotions.  We make the imperative effort to separate our negative emotions from our behaviors with food and we invite positive emotions to help propel us toward the best choices.  To me, it's like separating emotions into two boxes--One containing emotions and issues we must meet and deal with directly and another containing loads of positive reinforcement for the road ahead.  The first box can't be ignored for too long, or it overflows and has the potential to become overwhelming.  For someone like me, with a lifetime history of emotional eating--I speak from experience...And as my recent struggles have proven, even hitting goal and maintaining for a year and a half doesn't exclude me from this powerful truth.  A balance of emotions is the pursuit--and maintaining this balance is crucial to maintaining everything else.

The event at The Hard Rock-Tulsa was awesome.  I honestly didn't know how big the place was until I arrived.  I didn't do a search or any research prior.  I knew about the Toby Keith restaurant, I didn't realize they had several other choices too.

Since I already committed to challenging the Toby Keith restaurant in my blog and via twitter, I decided to stick with the decision and Toby Keith's place Friday night and trust me, it was a challenge.  I've yet to find a restaurant where I couldn't find something reasonable.  After a few minutes scanning the menu here, I quickly zeroed in on the only option to my liking.  If you're a fan of salads, you would be fine simply ordering one to your specifications regarding toppings and dressings.  I don't like salads, I've never ordered one--and I'll probably not start anytime soon.  I was left with one fairly decent choice for my taste and preference.  The six ounce sirloin.  I was looking at 450 calories had it not been so well trimmed--it was very lean.  A 6 ounce lean sirloin according to my calorie counter checks in at 350.  Brushed and grilled with butter (it was shiny--you could tell), I was comfortable assigning a count of 375 to the steak. 

The list of sides, to me, was as undesirable and limited as the menu--speaking from a calorie budget perspective.  I've recently made a point to cut down on potatoes.  It's not an outright ban for me--but simply a realization that I wouldn't really miss it if I cut down, and then my calories could be better spent in other ways.  Still, considering the options--the two most obvious choices were the green beans and baked potato--ordered with the "loaded" stuff on the side.  I enjoyed half the dry potato with a tablespoon of sour cream, salt and pepper.  The green beans were cooked in bacon fat and onions.  You would think this southern style preparation would be right up my alley, but no.  Not even 500 pound Sean liked such a method (500 pound Sean preferred his green beans covered in melted cheese).  I'm now perfectly content with green beans being simply, green beans.  The wild card--and nowhere on the menu was it mentioned or mentioned by the server--was the jalapeno cornbread slice accompanying every dinner.  Just because something is on the plate doesn't mean I have to eat it, I realize this--but a choice was made to at least have half...I ended up eating 2/3 of the piece.  My best educated guesstimates for the sides: 160 for the 1/2 baked potato with a tablespoon of sour cream, 75 for the small dish of bacon soaked green beans and a whopping 175 for the 2/3 piece of corn bread.  Thank goodness I always order water with my meal--because I didn't have room for any other calories the rest of the evening.  A count of 785 was only 25 calories shy of the 810 I had remaining for the day.  Normally, I would have had dinner and enough left over for a small snack later--not tonight.  I was okay with the experience.  I could have made it a better count by placing the bread on the far end of the table in an imaginary "do not eat" zone.  I could have shaved a few calories by requesting the steak not to be brushed in butter while cooking--and if I were a little less stubborn about my vegetable selection--I could have picked a side salad instead.  For me and my tastes--I did good.  The final count was a little higher than I like to have for a meal, but again--it fit the budget for this day.

I was up early Saturday morning and looking for coffee by 6am.  I took the elevator down to the first floor, still groggy and with my bed head hair as tamed as could be, but still looking like I just woke up, because I had.  The elevator doors opened and I was immediately faced with hard rock and roll music... naturally, because this is the Hard Rock Hotel, where rock and roll lives 24/7, I get it... But geez...I guess my age is showing in my displeasure.  I was fine with the music the night before--I loved it, actually, but 6am--no. My suggestion to the Hard Rock involves a name change from 5am-10am each day-- Make it "The Soft Rock Hotel."  Coming off the elevator to the soothing sounds of Seals and Crofts, rather than AC/DC--would have been a little more soothing.  I thought about the guy working the coffee bar--everyday he arrives at work in the 5am hour and is constantly surrounded by rock and roll...and actually, he seemed pretty upbeat...so maybe it was a good thing for him.  Maybe I needed to get into the rock and roll spirit or something... Maybe I just needed coffee.  Yeah, I just needed coffee.

I spent the morning enjoying coffee and an egg white and veggie scramble for breakfast while preparing for the speaking portion of this trip.  The audience would be very different than previous talks.  I was the 10am speaker for the Oklahoma Osteopath Association's Winter Conference, "The Ravages of Obesity."  The room was 98% doctors.  More doctors in one place than I'd ever seen.  It's funny--when I was over 500 pounds, I avoided doctors as much as I could--and now I'm speaking to a room full of them.  It was good.

I told of my experiences as a 500 pound man--moved into the weight loss portion, then the after-effects, the returning struggle--and finally my opinion on what can be done to help people like me.  I was once anti-medicine, anti-surgery--anti anything different than what I was doing.  My mind has been expanded--opened and has a much better perspective today.  I've grown and after four years of examining my own path and witnessing (through email communications and various correspondence) others with similar and all different paths to freedom, I've come to a very good place in this mix of options. Whatever works for the individual with a single caveat: I firmly believe, no matter what  path is chosen--if the person doesn't deal with the underlying issues--acknowledging and embracing their responsibility to self--then any solution and success, mine included, becomes a temporary diversion.  In my experience, there simply isn't a substitute for this inner work we must do in our effort to change our behaviors to ones best suited for long term results.  My point was, my morbid obesity was a side effect of my emotional eating/food addiction behaviors.  Treating the side effects without acknowledging the underlying cause is like calling a cleanup crew to a sewer line break but not calling a plumber.

The question and answer portion of the program was a great experience too.  I can always tell how well received my talk has been by the number of good questions following.  This incredible group of medical professionals had a bunch of questions.  I fielded each one--making points and examples along the way and then suddenly came a question that not only stumped me--forcing me to admit I didn't know the answer, but it also created a slight disagreement between two attending doctors.

The question was:  (this isn't a quote--I'm paraphrasing--but this was the essence of the question)
How can we help kids understand the complexities of recovery and making behavioral changes that go beyond the physical weight loss and into the most important elements needed for balance with emotional eating/food addiction recovery, thus bringing them sustainable results?

The doctor added, "How could you have been reached as a 13 year old and 100 pounds overweight?"

"By example" was my best answer, my first thought, but saying that seemed too easy.  It isn't that easy--example isn't the be all/end all solution in my opinion. Explaining--clearly describing to a developing child the mental and emotional side of this road isn't an easy undertaking in my opinion.  Kids are developing--often wrapped up in the issues of their youth--the very dynamics combining and lending to the adult they'll become.  Could it be explained and explored in a way that's productive, positive and life changing?  Could it be received in the same way?  It depends on the child, I suppose.  Would it be a welcomed interruption--a needed understanding forever changing the course of their development? Or could it be misunderstood and a negative experience, adding so many new concepts to the whirlpool of growth they're experiencing at that age.  Ultimately, I simply said "I don't know."

I was 100 pounds overweight at 13 and I'm not certain how best I could've been reached.  I'm not saying there isn't hope for the childhood obesity epidemic, I'm simply saying it's a little more complicated when we're dealing with adolescents who haven't fully developed the mental/emotional skills of an experienced adult.  We must try to reach them, by first putting more thought into the methods used to make "consumption" of the dynamics involved easier to understand.  It was a tough question.

One doctor put it all on the parents, 100%.  Another, through personal experience, contended that even a household with better than average eating habits, good choices surrounding--and an upbringing that promotes healthy choices in eating, still isn't immune to having obese children.  Kids can have a great example in front of them and still be drawn to all kinds of foods outside of the home.  Add emotional eating, food addiction and of course, lack of activity--and even parents setting great examples can and do have obese children.  It's a discussion we could talk about for hours, I'm sure.  It's an important discussion for sure.  And in my opinion, it's one that doesn't have a straight-up easy answer/solution.

I signed books afterward and enjoyed further discussion with several attendees in the lobby of the conference center.  I couldn't have imagined it unfolding better than it did.  I packed up my displays and hit the road feeling refreshed from the entire experience.  It was needed.  A big thank you to the Oklahoma Osteopath Association for inviting me to speak!

Thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


Here's a picture of the above described Toby Keith dinner.

Our Most Powerful Thoughts

Our Most Powerful Thoughts

I've spent a bunch of time in the past day or so catching up on emails and messages.  I sincerely appreciate the amazing outpouring of support.  Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to write me a message.  One of the biggest questions I've received lately is "How do I get back/find the mindset I need?"

When I started struggling again seven months ago---It terrified me. I started focusing on so many negative thoughts... "I can't gain back weight" "If I continue this destruction I'm nothing but a fraud" "I can't seem to regulate my emotional eating anymore" "I know exactly what I need to do but I still choose not to do it..."

Our thoughts and feelings become our reality. Even when our thoughts and feelings are pleading to run contrary to the negative--the negative reinforcement is powerful.... and if we're not careful and mindful---These self-defeating thoughts will take us back to places we once thought were forever in the past.

Making it a priority to re-frame our thoughts into positive affirmations is paramount to regaining control. The most powerful advice I can give has little to do with food and exercise and everything to do with our thoughts.  What messages are we feeding ourselves? Are they positive and empowering or fearful and defeating?

We get back whatever we choose to focus on the most.  You've heard "You get what you give," and believe me, it's very true.

My little brother Shane was terrified of walking on ice covered sidewalks. He was so focused on his fear of falling, he actually attracted more falls. He would fall with every attempt. It came to a point that, if there was ice on the sidewalks, he was inside until it was gone completely. One day Shane and I planned to go out for lunch. I knew there was ice on the ground---but I decided to help him as much as possible, and take as long as we needed to get him in the car. I had ice melt ready to spread in front of his every step. When I pulled up--my phone rang and I answered.  It was work calling, and I was distracted... As I continued my conversation, I witnessed Shane do something miraculous... 

He walked with confidence from his front door to the car, opened the door and got inside the car without any hesitation or help from me.  He didn't realize we received a coating of ice overnight. He thought it was simply wet. His mind was convinced this was just a wet sidewalk--not a sheet of ice. His focus was unimpeded.  His intention was to get into the car, and he walked without fear and did just that.  I was stunned. And when I told Shane what he had done, he was stunned too. I walked ahead of Shane the rest of the day, spreading ice melt wherever he stepped.  But I'll never forget the powerful lesson he taught me. 

The law of attraction is real and powerful. And you can use it to your advantage. The mindset you're looking for exists inside you.  This is the biggest battle.  It's us--our thoughts and feelings. 

The sacredness of the limits you set...The "no-excuses" workout policy...All is affected by the thoughts we're allowing. 

For me, I know emotional eating and how it can snowball.  And if I allow, it's devastating to everything I hold precious.

Food's job isn't to comfort me and my emotions.  I must deal directly with my emotions instead of stuffing them away with a temporary escape.

I am once again dealing with my emotions differently. My desires, my dreams, my losing this extra weight I've gained back--It's all a matter of time now.  I've decided and it's happening. 

And I know--Choosing what will be my dominant thoughts is just as important as choosing what I'll eat and how I'll exercise today. 

Thank you for reading.  Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

That's The Cough Syrup Talking

That's The Cough Syrup Talking

Me: I haven't been sick like this in years.  I can't remember the last time.

Long time friend:  This is like "fat Sean sick."

Me: Yeah, it's been that long, sure has.

This conversation has been on my mind all day.  And it's not what I want on my mind.  And still, I've chosen to allow it to bother me.  Has gaining back nearly 60 pounds weakened my immune system?  Do you see what I do to myself?  I know it's raised my blood pressure.  At and around 230--for a year and a half--never sick.  Gain nearly 60, sick twice in the last couple months.  You know what?  This isn't productive, this train of thought.  There's silver linings and a wonderful future to think about.  Like "fat Sean sick," I keep thinking about it. He (my friend) didn't mean anything bad by it, it was simply an observation.  500 pound Sean was sick all the time.  500 pound Sean probably missed a month or more of work a year.  If not a month, pretty close I'm sure.  Anyway... What about those silver linings...

Enough of that garbage.

The good news is, I feel better.  The 2nd trip to the doctor was a great idea.  Oh--I didn't share that here did I?  Yes, Wednesday I made it to work--and made it home even worse than before.  I tried to nap Wednesday afternoon but the throat pain accompanied by headache and nausea wasn't letting me sleep.  My over the counter plan (suggested at my first doctors visit) wasn't working.  Late afternoon (Wednesday) I decided to return to the doctor.  This time it was a different doctor, a PA actually.  She was good--she immediately recognized a sinus infection and seemed to understand exactly what I needed. I needed my throat to stop hurting.  Hurting to swallow is expected with a sore throat, but hurting to breathe and laugh?  That's super sore.  She prescribed an antibiotic, a steroid and the best--worst tasting prescription strength cough syrup with narcotic pain killer in the mix.  Three prescriptions later and I'm doing much better.  My throat pain is gone.  And that's a big one for me.

It's a good thing I'm hardly ever sick, because I'll admit--I'm a BIG BABY. 

Let's discuss healthy stuff, like exercise...

The Sean that's super hard on himself: You realize you haven't had a good workout all week?

Me: I've been sick?

The Sean that's super hard on himself: Yeah yeah, whatever...And you wonder why you've only lost one pound in recent weeks.

Me: I hadn't mentioned that yet.

The Sean that's super hard on himself: Well, what are you waiting for?

Me: I was getting to it.  I thought I would talk about my walk tonight first.

The Sean that's super hard on himself: You mean that little two mile stroll in the park?

Me: You're not good for me.  It wasn't little.  I've been sick.  Two miles outside was enough tonight. It's cold and damp out there...honestly, I shouldn't have been out there to begin with...

Okay--enough of that nonsense.

It was a conversation like this that led me to the trail tonight in the first place.  I made it a couple miles and called it good.  It wasn't my best, but I'm not feeling my best.  It was good for me, right now.  Good for me tonight.

Yesterday at 5:40am I was standing on the scale inside the locker room at our local YMCA.  It's one of those balance scales. I know these are supposed to be the best, but I prefer a digital readout.  I'm seriously contemplating driving every two weeks to the health department in Stillwater just for the trusty digital scales I used during the first three quarters of my initial weight loss.  I'm not complaining because I lost 1 pound.  I'll take it.  I'm okay.  I was expecting a few more actually--and I'll get them, they're coming off.  No worries. For now, at this moment--I weigh 288.  I don't like that at all.

I stopped at the post office today to ship a few orders from my website and I ran into someone who's known me for some time.  She asked how I was doing--and of course I immediately thought she had recognized weight gain--and so naturally I start explaining---"well, yeah---I've gained some, 59 pounds and..." And she interrupted me and asked... "Really?  I hadn't noticed. You still look great."  Now--I'm not sure if she was being nice or if she just didn't pay close enough attention before...or maybe I feel and notice it more than anyone.  There's a noticeable difference.  I've had a couple people come right out and say it... So I know it's noticeable.  59 pounds--well, now 58...Is noticeable.  I'm lucky I'm 6'3 and carry my weight as well as I do.  By the way-- I did say thank you to the nice lady at the post office. (even if I didn't fully believe her)

Tomorrow I'll be doing what I love to do: Speaking to a group of people about weight loss and all of the dynamics I've discovered and continue to discover along the way.  I'll be speaking of success, struggle and the balance we find along the way.  I'll be speaking of this blog and my book too and how sharing my life so openly has helped me while at the same time, challenged me.

Next Saturday I'll be traveling to a speaking event at the Hard Rock Hotel in Tulsa where I'll be speaking to a conference of doctors.  I'll be giving them my experience, philosophies and insight on obesity and weight loss.  It'll be an interesting experience, I'm sure!  I'm truly honored to be invited to their big conference!

I haven't been doing my metabolism any favors the last several days.  I've come in under budget because I simply haven't felt like eating. Lots of eggs, soup and jello.  Easy stuff.  I'll be back to feeling like me again 100% in a day or two, maybe three tops as I continue to take this arsenal of medication. 

I better call it a night.  Thank you for reading...goodnight and,  (if you think this post is loopy--I blame the cough syrup)

Good Choices,
Sean

My Happiness and Well Being Isn't Found In Food

My Happiness and Well Being Isn't Found In Food

It took me all of four days to miss posting about a day.  I could write it and back date it, but no--I'll simply move forward.  The challenges I'm facing are crucial for me to process and fully appreciate.  And believe me, I'm processing and appreciating everything. I haven't gone off the deep end.  I'm staying in shallow water where it's relatively safe.  I'm also keeping in mind that it's possible to drown in shallow water if one isn't careful.  I'm being very careful.

My encounter with pizza on Friday really left me feeling horrible.  I'm okay.  It's over.  I'm moving forward.  There isn't an excuse to justify reaching for a slice.  Could an alcoholic say, "well, I was tired--exhausted really, and I didn't bring any water or tea, so I just didn't feel like resisting the vodka?"  No.

Janis nailed it in the comment section:


"I'm ready to say you need to ditch pizza for the foreseeable future, just to make things easier on yourself. If you don't currently feel up to making the judgment calls necessary to handle it wisely, then go easy on yourself and step away for a bit.  And don't rationalize it with "but I need to prove to myself that I'm in control" or any of that b*llsh*t, either. That's not you, that's the monkey on your back trying to talk you into a game of chicken that you'll lose. Coping with pizza in moderation worked for you for a while, but it's not working now so I'd recommend you just say "no" and put in on the shelf. Maybe after you get a handle on the sleep sitch you can, but clearly now is not that time."

I agree Janis, 100%

The rules have changed for me.

When I was over 500 pounds I received a bunch of advise about what I needed to do to lose weight.  Changing everything overnight was a popular suggestion.  I instinctively knew it would have been a temporary diversion from who I am--changing the outside actions, without changing the inner workings. I couldn't see myself waking up one morning and being something I'd never known. The inside stuff is most important and the route I chose was one that would "simplify the process--giving me time to work on the mental aspects--the inside stuff." 

The approach I found success with, was one of moderation, where "nothing was off limits" as long as it fit into my calorie bank.  I took great pride in declaring things like "I had ice cream and lasagna today and I'm losing weight!"  And the focus was clearly on the mental dynamics backed up with tremendous support online and all around me. I threw away the rule book and boldly proceeded and succeeded despite making choices with only one qualifier: Does it fit into my budget?

I found success.  And then I started hearing from a bunch of others who were having similar success with their own Calorie Bank and Trust.  Steel Curtain Zones started going up and there wasn't anything stopping us! 100 pounds lost, 200 pounds--it was thrilling...I was so happy for them.  Then, occasionally--I would receive emails from people who experienced tremendous success and then lost the control, and eventually regained the weight.  Some didn't gain it all back, others did and more.  I would be supportive, saying things like-- "You can do this--get back to the basics, set your budget--make it life or death, because it is...and don't give up, okay?  Never give up."  

It wasn't until I started struggling seven months ago that I fully realized and appreciated what was happening. After hitting goal, I started to maintain by simply being reasonable with my portions, continuing to exercise and staying as mentally strong as possible.  I no longer maintained a strict calorie budget, opting instead to eyeball with reason and experience.  As long as I kept myself surrounded with people and in a positive mindset, I was fine.  But then I started hitting walls emotionally...

The self-destruct mode, the one I thought was put to rest with my "steel curtain zone" and arsenal of new "mix tapes," came roaring back.  Soon, through my own actions, I found myself alone and depressed.  I was listening to all kinds of horrible things about myself...thoughts I created, were constantly playing. This wasn't how it was supposed to go!  If we become our predominant thoughts, and we do--I was in serious trouble.  I was. Suddenly, once again I was medicating my emotions with food.  Now, even more challenging--was constantly trying to pull myself out of the slide because, "I'm Sean Anderson, dang it, I can't do this!"  I would experience a few good days followed by several horrible days, then good---then bad again. Well, I am Sean Anderson.  And I'm human.  And I'm a food addict.  And yes I can slide.  I'm not immune from anything.  How incredibly ridiculous of me to consider otherwise.

For someone who truly isn't a food addict, the Calorie Bank and Trust really doesn't need any modification when combined with the natural desire to eat better, more wholesome foods along the way.  After all, it's simply portion control.  For someone like me, it does need modifications.

I've often talked about and written about how we have to learn about ourselves along the way.  As I lost weight I experienced new tastes emerging and desires of old fading.  Suddenly certain fast food smells were enough to make me sick.  Suddenly I started eating veggies I once wouldn't give a chance.  But I needed to study a little closer.

Certain foods must be off limits for me.  I didn't learn this while losing and maintaining, I learned this in my struggles. When I stripped the boundaries of reason and good choices away I discovered things about me and certain foods, I hadn't considered.

So now I know.  Good. 

I can still utilize my Calorie Bank and Trust, just not the "nothing is off limits" version.  I know what's off limits for me.  It's different for each of us, I'm sure.  Similar, but different.  How will this affect my life?

Isn't that the root of anxiety when it comes to saying something is off limits?  Like we're not complete without certain things.  Like we'll be living a deprived life? Baloney.  Truth is, my life will be full and joyous even if I never again eat pizza from a box or deep fried Chinese chicken. 

My happiness and well being isn't found in food.  It's found in living a life more in tune spiritually, emotionally and physically.  And those three things are all inside me, waiting to be fully explored and experienced.  That is my mission. To practice these things.  To understand more.  To be okay.  To encourage others by sharing the experience.   

Because there's hope for us. Never give up.  I'm not.

Thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Each Choice Affects The Next or The Pizza Rules

Each Choice Affects The Next or The Pizza Rules

I've shared about my struggles with sleep apnea and most recently with what seems to be central apnea.  I'm learning through trial and error, ways that I can improve my quality of sleep despite the condition.  Cutting out caffeine several hours before bed and simple breathing exercises before closing my eyes have helped considerably.  Still, occasionally I have a night where I feel little rest.  Thursday night was one of those nights.  It made for a very challenging Friday.  Feeling rested is a critical element to being my best.  When I'm exhausted, all I can think about is wanting and needing sleep.  In order to maintain the integrity of my calorie budget, I have to give extra special effort on a day like this.

I was a big mess after my radio show Friday morning.  I sat in the production studio and stared blankly at my list of things I needed to accomplish, then I laid my head down and drifted off for a quick 10 minute nap.  If I was to be productive in the least, the nap was necessary. I entertained the idea of going home and sleeping longer; better, then coming back to finish my workday.  It was about this time I discovered I had a remote broadcast appearance scheduled from noon to two pm.  I needed to make it several more hours before sleep was possible.  I hurried home and somehow made myself presentable.

This broadcast came complete with free pizza to anyone and everyone.  It was TOUGH.  Had I felt better rested I would have had a much easier time resisting the free pizza.  Had I planned better by bringing my own lunch, I would have had an easier time.  The choices I made in my personal care were now affecting the food choices directly in front of me.  I have certain rules about pizza: I don't eat it alone. I only eat thin crust veggie pizza.  I don't seek out pizza.  I only occasionally eat it as part of a social gathering of some kind.  In other words: Devouring a pan pizza while alone in my apartment is NEVER acceptable.  However, a piece or two of thin crust veggie among family, friends and/or colleagues, for me, is usually safe.  Although I must admit, it's not very satisfying in the "calorie value" department.  My best pizza experience is when I make my own low calorie pita pizzas at home.  You probably know where I'm going with this...

I grabbed a piece of thin crust pepperoni and picked off the pepperonis.  There was nothing even remotely satisfying about this choice.  It didn't taste good because instead of fresh veggies it was topped with grease.  But the worst part about this choice didn't have anything to do with the taste or calories spent.  It was the psychological element of feeling defeated by the attraction, even when it honestly wasn't good.

I walked away from the broadcast analyzing my state of mind and the elements contributing to the choice.  I wasn't being hard on myself at all.  (I counted the small slice as 250 calories) I was simply acknowledging the influence of my choices going into the broadcast and how it affected my choice during.  A few minor changes in preparation and I would have made the kind of choices empowering and propelling me toward success.  Had I took the time to at least prepare a baggie of apple slices and baby carrots, enough to hold me over until later, I would have been better equipped to handle the temptation.  Had I completely resisted the pizza table, the triumphant feeling of victory would have felt better than any pizza has ever tasted in my life.

It's okay.  I'm okay.

I slept beautifully later in the afternoon before jumping up and joining Amber for her 23rd birthday party at her mom's house.  I can't believe she's 23. Time passes so quickly. 

The party presented more challenges as I relied more on portion control than careful selection.  I'm still very much learning how to handle myself at gatherings where I'm not the one preparing the food. 

By the time I made it back home I was once again exhausted.  It was a very tough day.  And the joy I wrote about in the January 3rd post was sacrificed a little bit tonight, as I opted for bed instead of writing and getting a workout complete.

I'm happy with myself though.  I'm feeling a peace I haven't felt for some time.  I'm confident in my abilities and the road ahead.

I'm okay.  And I'm starting to better understand exactly what it means to be "okay."

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

A Day All About Living

A Day All About Living

It's hard to believe this is my fifth Thanksgiving since starting along this road.  I started with a 5K at the stroke of midnight and I'll do another late afternoon in between dinners.  Yes, dinners. I'm traveling to Stillwater with my daughters for a mid-day dinner with mom and family, then back to Ponca City for an evening version with my daughters at their mom's house.  There will be food.  Plenty of food.

How does this food addict make it through Thanksgiving without spiraling into a months long bender?

Knowing my limits is key.  In weight loss mode or maintenance mode, I must have a limit.  I'll allow 2500 calories, if needed.  I say " if needed" because I remember a few years ago getting late in the evening and eating more simply for the sake of hitting 2500.  That's silly.  I'm in weight loss mode and much less likely to be silly this year.

I'll still avoid certain high-calorie, high-fat and super sweet things, like pecan pie and, uh...pecan pie.  In all fairness to pecan pie, it is delicious indeed.  The first four Thanksgivings along this road, I thought I was avoiding pecan pie based on caloric value alone.  I now understand there's more to it than that.  I'm avoiding it this year for the calorie value reason, plus--with its super rich sugar content, I'm confident it's one of my trigger foods.

I'll eat reasonably and my plate(s) will be an example of what doesn't trigger my urge to binge. I'll have some turkey breast, a normal size portion of mashed potatoes, a small portion of dressing, some vegetables and even a slice of pumpkin pie.  Maybe a roll, maybe not.  I've never been a big bread person. 

We're all different.  What doesn't trigger me may send you reeling.  Noticing, being aware and honestly assessing our individual limits is paramount to our success. 

The conditioning that Thanksgiving must be a holiday where everyone gets stuffed beyond reason is ridiculous to me now.  It is traditionally centered around food, but that doesn't mean I have to conform to tradition.  I will keep my focus on the best parts of Thanksgiving--the family, the love and the many blessings in my life.  The food will take a back seat, a minor role.  The food will be good, no doubt, but I will not make it a day all about food.  I will make it a day all about living.

If you're celebrating Thanksgiving today, make it one to remember for all the best reasons.  I'll do the same!

Thank you for reading, Happy Thanksgiving and...

Good Choices,
Sean

This picture is from last holiday season.  I had been at goal for just over a year.  I look at this picture and realize getting back there isn't really that far down the road physically.  It is worlds away mentally when compared to the struggles of the last six months.  I'm so thankful today for the hands extended me while reaching out recently.  With strength from above and amazing support from so many, I'm choosing change.  And I'm doing it with new information about my strengths and weaknesses.  A life forever free from the chains of obesity was once just a dream.  I'm wide awake now and learning what it takes for the forever part. 

Day 1,253 Really-It's Not About The Food: A Blog Post All About Food

Day 1,253

Really-It's Not About The Food: A Blog Post All About Food

It's completely natural for some to inquire of me about the food I eat. I've said countless times, "it's not about the food" and it isn't. The successful formula for me involved shifting a major portion of my focus from the food and exercise and squarely on me and my behaviors, compulsions, and downright abuse of food--and as a result, myself.

I knew I needed better eating habits. I knew I needed to make better choices. But had I decided to make all of those changes on Day 1, the natural evolution of good choices wouldn't have occurred.

Instead, I would have been struggling from the start, trying to be something I wasn't: A responsible eater who doesn't try to medicate and comfort emotions with food. A person who eats normal portions at appropriate times for acceptable reasons (Because I'm hungry and it's time to eat).

My focus was 80% on the mental dynamics and 20% on the food and exercise. This was an important ratio and difference maker. Taming and training me to be my own best friend instead of my own worst enemy meant getting tough with myself in regards to excuses and rationalizations for bad choices. My Calorie Bank and Trust required me to eat everyday within the bounds of my budget. The focus wasn't on what made up those calories, it was all about keeping myself honest in my calories "spent." The CB&T couldn't do its job without rigorous self-honesty about my consumption.

What happened along the way wasn't premeditated. I truly stumbled onto a dynamic that turned into a powerful blessing I would eventually recognize, analyze, and understand. In an effort to get the most value for my calories available--I had to make better choices along the way. My approach with food became fun. As I would find lower calorie ways to enjoy the foods I loved, I also discovered wonderful choices I wouldn't have considered trying, ever.

And so began this gradual evolution of good choices. My eating habits today are worlds apart from where they were on Day 1. And the most important thing to consider is this: The choices I made and make, work for me--based on what I know about me.

You see--The greatest education we gain along this road isn't really about food and different exercises. That stuff is awesome knowledge to pick up as we go--But the most important--the critical elements involve learning about ourselves. What can we eat? Are we diabetic or allergic to gluten? And what about the very real physiological reactions certain foods create within us? Yes, oh yes---I'm talking about (cue the ominous music), trigger foods.

What I've learned and continue learning about me and food is exclusive to me. You must learn what you can and can't allow within your own limits. And if you do this self-study, while focusing on the mental dynamics keeping you consistent in your journey, then you too will develop an amazing understanding unlike any previous weight loss attempt.

Do I have trigger foods? Of course!!! We all do, don't we? I've learned of a list, exclusive to me--and it's a developing list, and I'm ready to add to it at anytime. This is what I know about my trigger foods:

A jar of peanut butter requires an enormous struggle within me to keep from eating hundreds of calories worth of its creamy delicious goodness. I don't buy it for me. And if a jar is in my house, I'm aware of where it is at all times--and I know, if I want to lose control--All I need to do is grab a spoon and unscrew the cap. The only way I can safely enjoy peanut butter is in a pre-portioned single serve package.

I refuse to ever allow a large carton of ice cream in my freezer. Could my resolve to be a normal portion-responsible eater really be strong enough to dip out a serving into a bowl--put the carton back in the freezer--and enjoy a serving of this amazing stuff? Probably. But I'm not taking any chances. Once the spoon digs in--with this stuff, I temporarily go insane. I would certainly snap back only after the damage was done. And the least of the damage would be physical--in fact, I likely wouldn't notice a physical difference from one single ice cream meltdown--But oh my--the mental damage is too much. I can't trust myself around it, so I don't allow it, period. I do enjoy single serving Skinny Cow products from time to time--and I'm still a big proponent of the low-fat vanilla soft serve cone and the junior size low fat frozen yogurt twist on a cake cone at my local ice cream and dairy store. But these are the limits I must set and strictly abide--for me. Because I know me very well.

Cottage cheese. Oh my--I love this stuff. I occasionally buy a carton and I occasionally eat too much of it. I once (in the last six months) consumed over 500 calories worth in one sitting. I think that was the last time I bought a carton. For me--it's best I enjoy a small serving included with my meal in a controlled setting.

Do I have other trigger foods? Yep--I'm sure...And again, I'm always learning about what I can and can't do with regards to food.

My main point to this: My choices can't be anyone's but mine. When someone request a menu from me or mentions simply eating exactly what I did along the way--I try to nicely relate this truth.

If what is wanted is a temporary solution to our weight and food issues--then, perfect--I'll send over 1500 calorie menus right away (not really)...But if we want true and lasting change--not found overnight, but developed in a very natural way over time--with our unique requirements and limitations considered, then we don't need a special menu plan--we simply need to take the time to get to know ourselves better.

Remember--"Good Choices" doesn't mean perfect choices. "Good Choices" evolve in the direction of your effort and attention, slow and steady---and then one day you look back and realize---Your habits and behaviors with food have dramatically changed in the most natural and least struggling kind of way. And they did--because you allowed it to happen naturally over time with what's right and good for you. And these changes are now, so rock solid--It feels almost impossible to ever go back. In fact, it is possible to relapse, of course--as it is with any addiction. But these changes in mentality can be so strong that, the old way of using and abusing food in a reckless self-destructive manner seems as foreign as not breathing. And why are they so strong? Like a craftsman who builds an amazing piece one painstaking move at a time to assure quality craftsmanship in his work--these changes you're making have been and continue to be, just as important. It's this kind of attention making your transformation deep and very special, one of a kind.

You're a craftsman of the you you've always dreamed. Take great pride in your work. You deserve it, my friend.

The following is a bunch of pictures of food I've recently enjoyed. Again--it's not about the food. I offer these pictures as a way to compare what's possible along this road. Just as we look at "before" pictures and appreciate the contrast from today--these "in progress" food pictures represent a giant contrast from the many full plates of the days leading up to today and a sharper contrast from my morbidly obese five hundred pound past.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean


A typical weekend breakfast these days. When I have a little more time to prepare--scrambled eggs (with some whole eggs and egg whites used), turkey bacon, some red potatoes, and a 45 calorie slice of wheat toast. Comes in at right around 350 calories.



If I'm allowing a little more calories for breakfast, like I occasionally do on weekends--I'll sometimes make something like this--A cheese and turkey bacon egg white omelet with mushrooms. Even with the added cheeses (three kinds), the calorie count of this amazing omelet (thanks to the egg whites) is only 275 calories.



These egg white low calorie pita "breakfast tacos" are amazing. And for me--very convenient when I'm in a rush to get to the studio. And best of all--they're adjustable. If I want one for 125 calories--I can do it with three egg whites, some mushrooms, and a 60 calorie Joseph's pita. If I want to bulk it up like the top picture here--I can do four egg whites and add a 50 calorie slice of mozzarella. Even "bulked up," we're still talking just under 200 calories. The filling protein of this breakfast creation keeps me full the entire morning.




Having several snacks ready to go for later in the day is a habit I've developed over the course of my transformation. These pictures represent staples for me: Baby carrots, apple slices, bananas, yogurt--and yes, the occasional--but rare serving of baked nacho cheese Doritos...Oh my--they're so tasty.


One of the biggest changes in my natural food selection is my acceptance and willingness to try vegetables I spent a lifetime avoiding for no good reason--other than, they weren't pizza and cheeseburgers. This loaded grill--full of veggie kabobs was amazing. And the calorie count was astonishingly low!! If you consumed every veggie pictured on this grill--You would have a hard time exceeding 200 calories. That's cool.



Did somebody say PIZZA!!! Oh yes---I've been occasionally enjoying these pizzas made with Joseph's Pitas all along this transformation road. I love pizza. Let me say that again: I LOVE PIZZA...and this low calorie alternative is delicious and well within the bounds of any calorie budget. And like everything else--completely adjustable to my liking and calorie budget limitations. Pictured here is dinner one night--Kelly reminded me I hadn't made her one of my signature pita pizzas--so I did...I made her two and me two. And using veggies and one 50 calorie slice of mozzarella on each, the plate with the pieces all cut up---checks in at 275 calories TOTAL. I occasional dine out on pizza---when I do, I simply insist on thin crust for me and I stick to veggie toppings. This strategy is still more calories than making them at home--but it works for me in the situation. Funny thing is: Even at my heaviest, my favorite pizza out was thin crust-veggie.


This is two ounces of whole wheat pasta and a single serving of sauce. It looks like a bunch--and it was a bunch---and still amazingly under 300 calories.


A serving is two ounces. This was the weighed portion for the two of us recently.



This is Olive Garden. I recently made a business trip to Tulsa with Kelly where we dined reasonably and responsibly. The trick here is asking for the Garden Fare Menu. You must ask for it--and they'll bring you the calorie count for almost everything. This beautiful pasta dish is 310 calories. It was the lunch portion of Linguini Ala Marinara. The stuffed mushrooms were 280 for the whole order--140 each. And the famous Olive Garden Breadsticks? Not pictured, but I had a half of one for 75 calories. (I think it's very interesting that an Olive Garden Breadstick and a Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuit both have the same calorie count--150.) I also enjoyed a few croutons (50 calories) picked from the salad and some minestrone soup (100 calories). By the way--if you're allergic to gluten--they have gluten free selection on the garden fare menu!!


I love beef tacos. I found these amazing little taco shells for 35 calories each. They're made with white corn from La Tiara. They're gluten free, only 4 carbs, and 35 calories each. With the meat lettuce, cheese and olives---we're talking an entire taco for about 100 calorie a piece. I can handle that! And they're so incredibly delicious!!


Kelly prepared this amazing meal recently for me, mom, Courtney, and Bradley. It's the most incredible Turkey meatloaf with roasted red potatoes and asparagus---all cooked outside on the grill!


One of my favorite things is chicken pot pie. I've largely stayed away out of concern for poor calorie values. Kelly understood my concerns and prepared a wonderful, filling, and delicious pot pie that wasn't loaded with extra calories. The potatoes and crust were the most (and still not too bad at all)--but the veggie filling and "sauce" (97% fat free cream of chicken soup) made it absolutely enjoyable in a portioned way!


Surf and Turf! Shrimp is an amazing calorie value!!!! This is a serving and a half of shrimp for a measly 52.5 calories. The top sirloin was one steak--prepared and cut into 4 ounce portions for 220 calories. I added another ounce to my plate, as you can see. With the half a small baked potato--and the grill roasted veggies---this entire dinner still came in at right about 450 calories!!! And since there was only one steak to buy (splitting!)--it's cheaper than the occasional steak dinner treats of the past--where I probably would have put away 16 ounces, easy. I enjoyed this plate immensely and felt amazing about it and myself, afterward.


Dessert. This is my favorite. Fresh strawberries over a sugar-free angel food cake with a serving (or two) of Redi-Whip real whipped cream. This is deceivingly low in calories....It looks like a couple hundred or more---But the entire thing sits at a wonderful 100 calories. That's amazing and delicious and FUN!

I hope you've enjoyed the tour of recent food selections around here. And I wish you the best in your quest for your very own gradual evolution of good choices. Yours based on your likes, dislikes, required restrictions, possible allergies, trigger foods, and anything else you must learn about you and your relationship with food. Because we're all very different. And we all have the power to choose change, regardless of those differences.

I hope you'll friend me on my personal facebook page: www.facebook.com/seananderson505
And also on the facebook page for my book: www.facebook.com/transformationroad

If you haven't bought your copy of Transformation Road-My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back--I would love to personally sign and ship your copy! You can by yours on my website:
www.transformationroad.com
The book is also available wherever books are sold (if not in stock--they can order it for you) and at amazon.com You'll find it available for Kindle, Nook, Sony Ereaders, KOBO, and iPad iBooks.

Plus--coming soon---Transformation Road--The audio version!!! I'm thrilled to be voicing the audio version---and I must admit--It's a bunch more work than I imagined. I can't wait to finish it!!!