Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Day 106 Physical And Emotional Health-Both Important!

Day 106

Physical And Emotional Health-Both Important!

Courtney is starting to see and feel results too! She just came in and announced that she discovered her collar bone! Yes! You see, to me, my family's success is more important than mine. We've spent years setting a horrible example, now it feels great to set a new and improved example and have them follow our lead. It's really a great feeling. I'm very proud of Irene, Courtney, and Amber! They're all doing great. I'm cruising right along too. The eighty-two pounds I've lost so far has made such an incredible difference in so many things. I read over a few early editions of this blog this evening. I try to do that at least once a week. It's important to remember the foundation of this journey and remind myself of all the valuable things I've learned along the way. When I go back and realize how far I've come in 106 days, it gets me really excited for the changes to come in the next 106 days.

Today I did something that's very important to my emotional growth. And although it may not seem like it would make a difference on this journey, it does. This journey is about getting a complete understanding of everything that has made me who I am. To be the best person I can be inside and out, I need to fill some voids that have been with me way too long. It's a very long story, and extremely personal, but I'll try to give a quick abbreviated version. The relationship between my Mom and Dad never survived long enough to see my birth on October 23rd 1971. My father was not a part of my life ever. As a kid, my mom would show me a picture of a man in uniform that “looked like” my dad. So at 19 I decided to find him. Armed with a couple of clues and a telephone, I found him within 45 minutes alive and well in Arab, Alabama. Any resentment and hard feelings over his absence in my life completely disappeared the moment he spoke. It was the most awkward moment of my life. What do you say to your father for the first time in your life at 19? I said “Whatever you do, don't hang up!” “I'm your son.” Well, he didn't hang up and we talked for a really long time that night. We exchanged pictures and phone calls several times over the course of a few months, then we planned a meeting. My first trip to Alabama was too much to handle. We turned around after coming within 150 miles of his house. It wasn't until a couple of years or more later that we made the trip. We spent two weeks in Alabama and met almost the entire family. It turned out I had an aunt living in Midwest City, so we also visited her family down there. It was a wonderful experience, but still I just wasn't emotionally ready to handle it in a positive way. After that trip, I completely fell out of touch, and haven't really pursued contact since. I've never met my two half brothers, and that's something that I really want and need to do. As for a relationship with my father? I'd really like to at least talk occasionally. I don't want to someday find his obituary on the internet, and realize I don't have another chance to know him in some way. That happened recently when my dad's mom passed away, my grandmother, whom I only spent a very short two weeks of my life around. I hear she was an amazing woman and someone I would have really liked to have known better. Today I talked with my aunt and a cousin on my dad's side, and soon I hope to talk with the brothers I've never met. It's important to me, because it's a part of who I am. One of the very important aspects of this journey to a new me is understanding my past and coming to terms with all that has made me who I am. It sounds very deep and it is really, but I approach it with an open mind, a smile, and a positive attitude. Just as my physical health is important, so is my emotional health. And this was a positive thing to do today. I feel great about it.

Staying on track has been a breeze today. My mind has been so focused on losing weight, that making good choices is almost automatic. Notice I said “almost.” Yesterday I had twice as many chips as I planned, and it cut my calories short early. Making the good choices is something that I have to work on everyday. It's the good choices that make this as easy as it has become over the last 106 days. The bad choices have tested me and my calorie budget several times. One bad choice can lead to an evening without any calories left at all. So that's why I went back and read “Calorie Budgeting” from an earlier edition of this blog. I've never claimed to be perfect, Lord knows I'm no where near that, but I try to learn everyday, even if it means going back and learning from my own writings. Call it an attempt to always practice what I preach. Good night and...

Good Choices,

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