I Believe I Can Fly, Someday Real Soon
After giving jogging a mild test run today at the YMCA, I've decided that perhaps I should wait a little bit before I get too adventurous. Deb left a good myspace comment on yesterdays blog, and she's absolutely right. I'm still over 400 pounds, I shouldn't try to push my self too far too soon. In the racquetball court today I tried jogging around a little mini-lap. I could do it, but I quickly realized that maybe I was trying to do too much at such a large weight. The really pumped up, trainer in the face, giving it all kind of workouts will come in time. I guess it all goes back to not being in a hurry. Taking one day at a time and not getting impatient. The weight is falling off. 75 pounds-plus so far is really a great thing. Eventually I'll be at a weight where I will not question my body's ability to handle the intensity. It's handled a bunch already! Every now and then I just get a burst of energy that makes me think I could run if I wanted. Every now and then I look in the mirror and I see an athletic build underneath. It excites me to think that someday I could be an athletic person. I've never been athletically active. I've discussed my ambitions before, like adult dodge ball, a softball team, and competing in an organized run. I'm neither the Old Sean or the New Sean yet. I'm somewhere in between. I'm developing, I'm evolving into what I will become. And that my friend is a healthy, active, neat looking, successful adult. I've been successful in some of the most important areas of life already, number one being my family and parenting. Now, as I continue to do my best in those areas, I want to achieve success in my body and health.
It's really hard to find success in some areas when you're burdened with morbid obesity. Being so grotesquely obese really holds you back mentally and physically. I'm not saying you can't be fat and successful in whatever it is you do, there are a lot of people who accomplish great things while being obese, I guess it comes down to the mental aspects. And that varies from individual to individual. Me? I've allowed my weight to make me lazy, to keep me tired, and to hold me back from my truest potential. That is why I must stay true everyday of this mission. I want to do what I know I'm capable of doing. And with me, it all starts with getting the weight gone. You see, it's not just about losing the weight and getting in shape, it's about all of the wonderful changes, opportunities, and possibilities it could make possible.
We had a great time last night with Rachel and Niel. I wasn't the least bit worried about the food or drink. I handled everything within my self-imposed limits and had a wonderful time. I think it all comes down to what we expect in certain situations. Before, I always expected to load up on all sorts of goodies at a special get together. I always made food one of the main focuses. In fact, it wasn't until we were finished with dinner last night that I realized we hadn't planned anything for desert! We could have had something, but we just didn't think about it. The old Sean would have had something really loaded waiting in the fridge. But that wasn't the most important thing. Enjoying our guest was. I've taken this approach several times throughout the last 91 days and it's never failed. The lessons I'm learning along the way of this journey are lessons that teach me how to handle food and portions in every situation. Over the next couple of weeks I know that I'm going to be in some festive situations were food will be available and encouraged. It's good to know that I have the power to set a limit and stick to it. It may mean making some educated guesses along the way, but that's alright, I've done it before. When someone makes a special dish, I don't expect them to calculate all of the calories for every ingredient. I may ask what it's made of, but from there I can come to a reasonably good conclusion to the serving size and calories. Some might think that I'm a walking-talking calorie count computer, but I'm not. I rely on nutrition labels, the Internet, and if I still don't have a calorie count I try to make an accurate assessment. I probably over estimate if anything. And if the ingredients are just way off the chart loaded, I have the power to pass.
The learning and losing continues as we quickly approach day 100. I'm really looking forward to a strong push before the end of the year. As of last Tuesdays weigh-in, I'm only 40 pounds shy of getting back to that 115 I lost in 2004. The next 40 pounds will be really nice to lose. Then every pound after that will be proof-positive that I'm making a permanent life change. Thank you for reading along my daily journey. Your support is imperative to my success. Good night and...