Saturday, December 20, 2008

Day 96 My Dirty Little Not So Secret

Day 96

My Dirty Little Not So Secret

This blog has always been about losing weight while counting calories and exercising and all of the mental aspects that go along the way. It's been about humorous experiences and serious decisions too. When I say “good choices” I'm talking about food and exercise choices. With that said, there's one thing I've never talked about in the previous 95 days worth of blogs. I make nearly forty, sometimes more bad choices every day. I sometimes make the bad choice without even thinking, I just do it. I smoke cigarettes. I have since I was 17 years old. How am I not dead yet? A twenty year smoker with a top weight of over 500 pounds? That's committing slow suicide my friend. And yet, as I've grabbed control over my weight loss world, I've allowed the smoking to continue without regard to the possible consequences. How is it that I can completely get in the zone and re-teach myself how to eat and exercise to lose weight, but I can't seem to go too long without lighting a nasty cigarette. I'm completely addicted to nicotine, but that's not a valid excuse...I've been completely addicted to over-eating too. I have to say that losing weight is much easier than giving up the smokes. A doctor once told me to quit smoking first, then worry about the weight. The exact opposite of what I've been doing. It was the exact opposite of what I thought he'd say. I was sure he would say lose the weight now, quit smoking as soon as you can. That's pretty scary when a doctor feels it's safer to be nearly 300 pounds overweight than to smoke. I haven't addressed this topic out of shame. Although many people who read this and know me already know I smoke. And even though losing weight and quiting smoking are two different things, I still have felt like a hypocrite. I've alluded to the smoking before, but I've never come right out and admitted or talked about it. I've talked about “other habits” that I need to work on. But this blog isn't about hidden messages and dirty little secrets. It's about being honest with myself and the reader everyday. It's about being 100% accountable. That's why it's worked so well. But how can I continue to talk about making good choices when I make a bad one every time I light up? Well, up until now this blog has been all about losing weight. I can and do make good choices everyday along those lines. But from here on out, I plan on also making an effort to drastically cut down on my smoking and eventually quit completely. If I can learn to apply the same determined principals I've applied to losing weight the past 96 days, then I should be able to do it without any problems. This blog is still all about losing weight and getting in shape, but occasionally I'll write a paragraph or two about my progress in giving up tobacco. You would think it would be easier to quit smoking than lose weight. I mean, really, I love food, but I really hate cigarettes. I hate the way they stink up a room, I hate the money wasted to buy them, I hate the stigma that's attached to being a smoker, I can't stand these nasty little killers, and yet I find it so hard to lay them down. I almost tackled both addictions at the same time when I started this journey, but then decided that might be setting myself up for failure. That's been my excuse so far. I'm losing weight, that's what I'm doing. I'll ignore my nasty smoking habit until later. But I can't continue thinking that way. I must grab control of this now with the same rugged determination and spirit I have with losing weight. So if you didn't know already, there you go... “Mr Good Choices” smokes. Completely stupid, I know. I gave up coffee! Why wasn't that a problem? Oh yeah, because I get my caffeine from other sources. I could go with the gum or patches, but a part of me inside says to “man up” and lay 'em down. The same attitude that keeps me from buying “magic pills” to lose weight, keeps me from buying patches and nicotine gum. I know several people that have just laid them down one day and never returned. They did it with 100% will power. They made a decision, an iron-clad promise to themselves to quit smoking. Sound familiar? So I will begin immediately incorporating my philosophies and attitude toward losing weight into my efforts to eliminate smoking all together. I can do it. It's just a decision right?

The company breakfast was really good this morning. I had a small serving of the breakfast casserole, and after taking into account the ingredients, I made an educated guess of 250 calories. 250 was probably a little high, it was more like 200, but I always make sure that if I'm wrong, It's because I over calculated, not under. I did avoid the mini turnovers on the table. They looked all good and flaky but I resisted without any problems.

The one thing I haven't done yet tonight is work out. I'm getting ready to throw on the shoes and head out for a late night walk. I need to do at least 40 minutes worth. That's at least two miles. I'll feel good about myself if I do at least that tonight. I better get out there. Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

1 comment:

  1. Wow, Sean. I never would have guessed the smoking secret. Because this was written in 2008, I'm guessing you've quit since then. I too have this dirty secret. I have quit 2-3 times in the last 4 years, and each time, I gained more weight. I'm terrified of quitting again for that reason and because I always feel depressed and lost and empty without the cigarettes (as stupid as that sounds, it's true). I used to be pretty open about my habit, but I've become more secretive and shameful since those last few quit attempts. Thanks for your honesty. I look forward to reading more about how you were able to deal with 2 addictions that I also have. Thanks again.

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