Eye On The Future and Giant Jeans On The Wall
Thirty days ago I commented on how wonderful Day 50 looked, well Day 80 looks even better. It's hard to believe it's been 80 days since we started this journey. It's really gone by fast. Soon we'll hit 100! I enjoy communicating with you every night via this blog. It gives me a chance to reflect on the day and to evaluate my performance. Once again I had to re-schedule my appointment with the trainer at the Y. Some days our schedules get really crazy. Irene's schedule seems to change often, and now she's going in earlier than normal, which is good, because she gets home at a much better time, but we have to learn to adjust our early evening schedule to fit her new hours! I'll tell ya what, Courtney is blazing new trails at the YMCA, she did another four miles tonight. That girl is putting into high gear. It's really fun to watch her and Amber both as they discover clothes fitting a little more loose, the difference in the mirror, and how much better they feel. That's really the most important thing for Irene and me, getting those girls in the zone and keeping them there, our families future depends on it!
I've learned many things in the past 80 days. I've learned just how powerful food addiction can be. When I tell you about tough days and battling crazy urges and cravings, I mean it's downright horrible stuff! When feelings like that surface it's like a battle between good Sean and evil Sean. Talking myself out of bad choices is all a part of the learning process. I understand it more clearly today than I ever have. I've learned that over-confidence can sometimes blind me to learning new things. I've learned that no matter how bad you want someone to have success at the same time you're having it, if they're not ready, they're just not ready. All I can do is keep going and doing the best I can.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the future. And how the things we do and accomplish today drastically effects our future. It also works the other way...The things we don't do and we don't accomplish drastically effects our future. When I start adding up all of the positive life changing benefits of doing this, I'm amazed that it's taken me this long to come around. The mind is so powerful, it can hold us back forever, or it can set us free. But it will only set you free if you want freedom. Who doesn't want that? I mean, you have to fight for it every step of the way. One day at a time is all I can do, and sometimes that's really tough, because I'm kind of an impatient person. But I have to sit back and relax a little, I have to remind myself that my persistence plus time will equal an entirely better future for my whole family.
I'll tell ya what, I almost broke down today and made a pot of coffee. I haven't had a drip of coffee since I swore it off in this blog some time ago. Now I find myself thinking things like, “would decaf be OK”? I have to be honest, the green tea just isn't doing it for me. I may switch to regular hot tea. I didn't even make the green tea this morning. I guess I was having an internal fit of childishness “if I can't drink coffee, I don't want anything” type of attitude. If I could find a zero calorie creamer alternative, i would consider having decaf, but even the fat free variety is loaded. Ten calories a teaspoon doesn't sound like much, but when you're having two, three, sometimes four cups in a morning, and each cup has at least two or three or five teaspoons, that's some serious calories wasted! Like I've said many times before, I don't like to waste calories on liquids. If I do, it better be a juice of some sort, but I refuse to drink away hundreds of calories in pop and coffee creamer.
I'm quickly reaching the point that I'll have to buy some more jeans. I really wanted to wait a little longer. My jeans are baggy now, and as I've lost I've just tightened the belt to keep them up. But I have to say it's really becoming too baggy. I may have to get a couple new pair before Christmas, instead of at Christmas. I'll have to try them on, I have no idea what size I'll need. Oh, I have an idea I guess. At my top weight I needed size 60/30. Wow, that's horribly embarrassing to write. That's funny, I had no problem at all revealing my weight but somehow I'm embarrassed about my jean size. Well, I'd bet my bottom dollar that I can fit in a size 54/30. I say this because the jeans that I fit into back when I lost down to 385 in 2004, they are size 50/32...and I can get them on, just not buttoned. Not even laying down, believe me I tried. But at least I can pull them over my rump, right? It will not be long and they too will be to loose and baggy. Some might contend that loose and baggy is the fashion and style of the day, but I want the Levi's 501 Style I was grooving in the 80's. You dig? Cool. The only thing I hated about 501's was they always printed your waist size on the back sewed in tag. If you were a size 32, you wanted that thing to show, but if you were sportin' size 48 in 8th grade, you took a permanent black marker to those numbers as soon as you bought them. When I was a kid I remember going into Anthony's Clothing Store in Stillwater and seeing the biggest pair of jeans I'd ever laid eyes on. They had 'em tacked up to the wall like some kind of decoration. If I remember right, they were size seventy something, not too much bigger than my biggest. That's a little scary. I hope Irene will let me put up a pair on our bedroom wall to celebrate my loss and remind me of how far I've come. No wait! Better idea: A flag pole in the front yard flying a pair of my biggest jeans. What a reminder that would be! People could drive by and point, “Look at the giant jeans!” That would be hilarious. I might have my old jeans cut up and made into family jean jackets. That's not a bad idea either. I really don't know if I have enough jeans left to do that, because I usually wear them until they can't be worn anymore. Then I put them on and bust out of them like the Incredible Hulk. I'm easily entertained some times. Good night and...