Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Day 429 Why So Personal? and The Suggestive Seller

Day 429

Why So Personal? and The Suggestive Seller

Staying focused and strong in the face of any emotion, circumstance, or stressful trigger is something that is vital to my success. I simply refuse to allow my changing life to change my mind and my habits back to where they were. I know too much to ever go back. What does that mean? It means that I have a complete understanding of the patterns and behaviors that always kept me morbidly obese. I don’t understand how it all works and why, but I know enough to recognize when these triggers are trying to influence my decisions with food. It cannot, it will not steal this away from me. It’s too important. I’m completely honest with myself now; I can spot an excuse or a rationalization a mile away. Does this mean I don’t make any? No---But I call it like it is, I recognize them immediately. And if any of those sneaky excuses or “make myself feel better” rationalizations try to sneak into my day and negatively influence my decisions with food and exercise, I must squish it like a bug. This is too important.

I really wish I had never mentioned anything about our pending divorce. The anonymous comment on yesterday’s blog just grates at me. I can’t be specific about the events and happenings over the last twenty-two years that have led to where we are now. I refuse to say anything more about it. If you have a problem with how I’ve handled the situation, then you obviously do not fully understand the situation. Nor should you. I haven’t handled it as best I could have---but I sincerely tried to be respectful and appropriate, considering how personal this blog has been from Day 1. How could I not say anything about it? I had to explain why we were eventually living separately. This has been a family transformation from the beginning, and now we’re really transforming in a not so ideal way. I couldn’t just conveniently forget to mention that.

The reason this blog has always been very personal is simply explained. In order to really get to the bottom of the psychological and emotional issues that have kept us a morbidly obese family, I had to put it all out there and sort it out. What if it were simply an “eat less and exercise more” type blog? It would be a temporary success, that’s what. Make no mistake about it---this blog is the real deal. This battle with morbid obesity can be a real monster. Not focusing on every aspect, especially the vitally important personal and emotional aspects would have been pointless---Like fighting a dragon with a toothpick, this monster doesn’t die easily---you have to bring in the big guns and fight from every angle, especially the mental angle.

Courtney had to work tonight, so I was solo at the trail for a nice 5K walk. It was a cold one, but at least it wasn’t raining tonight. I put on the iPod and selected shuffle, encouraging my iPod to surprise me. I have no idea why I haven’t discovered the shuffle feature before. I’ve always just built playlist---but shuffle makes sense. If it’s in my iPod, I obviously like it---so why not just give me a random favorite over and over? It was nice. I miss getting lost in my music while working out, I haven’t done that much lately. I needed to tonight, and it was good.

I called Courtney and asked about her dinner plans. She already had dinner. She just grabbed a couple of tacos on the way to work. Irene was out with her sisters, so it was me solo. I could have just prepared something at the house, but I hate cooking for one, ya know? So I dined alone at KFC. With the new grilled chicken, it’s become one of my favorite choices for eating out. An entire meal at or under 500 calories is so easy at that place these days. You can also have a 2500 calorie meal at KFC, it’s up to you and your choices. I ordered a grilled breast for 170 calories, a grilled drumstick for 70, an individual mashed potato—no gravy for 110 (I could have had the gravy for an extra 30 calories, but decided against) and an order of kernel corn for 100. No biscuit—no butter---no honey. I ordered water to drink. My meal checked in at 450 calories. No problem! And it was so good. I can’t stand eating alone at a restaurant--I know that. I rarely ever do, it’s awkward, what---no conversation? Wow, the focus is only on the food when we’re alone, wow---I should have brought something to read or messed with my phone. Hmmm. I did ask Courtney and Irene about their dinner plans before going out, they both had plans…so it was what it was…OK.

The funniest thing about my KFC visit (yes something was funny about it) was how the guy taking my order was so determined to get me to upgrade. “For two bucks more we’ll give you an extra side, a 32 ounce soda, and some brownie bites.” I said “No thank you.” To which he replied, “These brownie bites are incredible, have you tried them?” Me: “Uh, no, no I haven’t—They look good, but I’ll pass, thank you.” Then I just about blew his mind when I requested “hold the biscuit.” He looked at me like I was the devil. “No biscuit? With butter and honey, man these things are incredible!” I said: “I know they’re good, I’ve had them many times, but not tonight.” And then he must have been required to ask: “you probably don’t want two fried apple pies for a dollar?” I’m pretty sure they don’t want you to word it that way when you’re suggestive selling. It was funny, and it totally made me smile. This guy had no idea the transformation I’m going through---Oh boy, if only he would have known me before---I would have bought everything he suggested.

This morning I was publicly offered the KPNC morning show. KPNC is the Team Radio flagship station, so I’m thrilled. KPNC is so rich in history, I can’t wait to dive in. It’s a country music format, and I like all kinds---so it will be a wonderful experience. I’ll sit in on the morning show tomorrow, then Thursday it'll be all me. I’m excited! I’m celebrating my new show Friday night by attending the John Conlee concert just ten minutes down the highway. “Rose Colored Glasses” is one of my favorite songs. Should we go to the lyrics? Uh, better not---once Axle Rose gets done suing me for yesterday’s post, there might not be anything left for Mr. Conlee. John Conlee was once a country music radio personality too, very true! We hope to get a meet and greet!

Thank you so much for reading and following along. I re-read Day 327 today. Oh my---it hits me so hard every time. If you haven’t read day 327, please do, I’m so proud of it’s message. Every day is archived along the left hand side of this page. Again, thank you for reading. Good night and…

Good Choices,


  1. We must have just missed each other...I was at the track at 7:00 and it was cold! Off to 327.

  2. I just love anonymous...one minute they are on someone's blog calling them an egomaniac, the next they are guestimating the demise of someone's marriage...
    anonymous anonymous....
    why are you such a hippo-

    I shall never be a poet.

  3. It's kind of a catch 22 for me; I was reading both your blogs and said to myself (a widow who was married 26 years before her husband died of a heart attack at age 47) that you and Irene seemed to be so happy and have a really good marriage. I remember reading a comment in her blog in October about renewing vows and you commented that this time you'd have a real honeymoon and how you two were headed to a wonderful place and wanted to get there hand in hand...so what I shock for me when I read divorce words... You're doing great with the weight loss and it sounds like you are really supporting your daughters in losing their weight too. I wish you all the best and it is true- no one else knows what goes on behind closed doors! That goes for food too; my mother was overweight but we never saw her eat much at all and wondered why she was fat! She was a secret eater and died way too early. PS- congratulations on the new job.

  4. Sean, I am sorry if I caused you distress yesterday. It is very hard to be criticized publicly and even worse when it is done anonymously. I have never posted on ANYONES blog before and don't really know what all the profile options mean so anyone who thinks they know who I am, I can assure them they do not. Marriages are complex and many run their course and considering how difficult a breakup can be, you did surprisingly well in saying as little as you did. My point only was to ask you to consider things from Irene's point of view. You got to the public first (and you have a huge following) and basically told us the marriage ending was her fault. That must have really stung her and she has every reason to be upset. I can tell that you still love each other, and everyone makes mistakes, just sometimes it is time to branch out solo. I don't know you or Irene and I can assure you no one knows who I am (I'm from Canada), and again I would like to apologize if I caused you any distress. I am guessing that URL means my email address and not my blog site (I don't have one) and this time I will choose that option. Actually I just tried to put in my email address and it wouldn't accept it, so I have to just go with my name....

  5. Sean... anonymous another word for spineless. There is a reason they use that name. Only You and Irene know all the reasons for the cicumstances of your pending separation. No one else. I'm sure even you girls do not know all the details. So for anyone to pass judgement on you from your blog is just well....nieve.
    Irene can have her opinion on her blog this is yours. Yours. Your journey. Your success. Your doing. o one elses. Your success is based on what choices you make.
    I bet anonamous is just some dumb*ss who feels that they have some inflated opinion that needs to be shared. Hate to pop their balloon but it wasn't.
    I appreciate all that you have shared since Day 1, and if that person had read since Day 1 they would know about the challenges, struggles and hurt you have gone through. Again YOUR blog if he/she doesn't like you view then they are welcome to not read. The rest of us enjoy your honesty.
    Thanks for your inspiration to get me on my healthy journey!!

  6. Don't regret your choice to mention the divorce...we all know there was no way around it...especially those of us who have taken the time to read from Day One. This HAS been a family effort, and there was just no way to avoid explaining how you would no longer be living under the same roof. Unfortunately divorce is a part of life. You'll move past it. The fact that you've stayed on your 1500 cal/day plan and stuck to your daily exercise during this time is just phenomenal....you're doing so much better than a lot of people out there. I'm proud of you Sean....you continue to inspire us with your honesty, candidness, and sheer will to reach the goals you've set for yourself, no matter the obstacles. :)

  7. anonymous posted have no courage to post their opinions with who they really are. It they must hide behind "anonymous"...they are not worth listening to or giving a second thought.

    You've handled this entire thing with class...you own the "blog world" nothing really when it comes to your personal business. Forget the haters and blamers.

  8. Those who lack the capacity to be honest with themselves (and others) have a tendency to fire back at the courageous individuals who prossess this wonderful and rare ability. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, life, and story with us. I cannot tell you how many entries I've read and said out loud, 'Wow, that is EXACTLY what I am going through/discovered/feel.' You're so real it hurts. In a good way. Like after you've finished a 10K. ;)

  9. You know where I hate the upsell? The movie theater where they offer you unlimited refills on gigantic sizes of popcorn and soda. Really? We always just laugh and pass.

    Don't apologize for what you've written. It really is too bad that Irene is upset but this is YOUR blog, YOUR journey, YOUR accoutability. She will figure out how to work things out for herself too.

    I'm glad you put yourself out there. You were the first blog I ever followed simply because I was amazed at the honesty pouring out through the words.

    I have an award for you on my blog today - you are more than deserving.

  10. Well, I'll jump in here a second. Sean never said the marriage break up was all Irene's fault. He very clearly and eloquently said that they married very young and have hurt eachother many times over the years. Sounds to me like whatever happened this time was just the last straw that broke the marriage's back.

    Sean, keep writing about your own reality. Like someone said above, it's your blog, your life, your opinions and it's all very helpful to the rest of us who are going thru the same things in our life (but you write it down so much better than I could).

  11. Sean, thank you so much for sharing your whole, real story with everyone. Everyone needs to see the real struggles of losing weight. Its not just about the food or the mental aspect. We all have other things going on in our lives that can derail us from losing weight. Someday (maybe even today) someone going through the same exact thing will read this and see that even through the toughest times it is possible to stay on the track and not give up!

  12. Oh and one more thing: Congratulations on you new job!!! Will you be streaming live so some of us out of towners can hear?

  13. Congrats on your new job. I knew it would be a good reason you were leaving your old one.

  14. Hi Sean. I think you had no choice but to tell us about your situation - what was the alternative? Pretend you are still married even after the divorce? There is always pain when people split up. I think you said it as eloquently as you could and this is your blog so of course it is from your perspective. Irene has the right also to say things from her perspective on her blog.

    No outsider will ever know for certain what has happened and therefore cannot stand in judgement of either of you. The only thing we can do is to support each of you at this time and hope you both find happiness in the future.

    Brilliant that you are staying on track with the eating and exercise. It is a considerable achievement - but then so are the last 429 days.

    Good luck with your new show!

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

  15. My dear cousin...I only wish I had the strength and stamina you have for staying focused and on track. That ability is what got you where you are and away from where you were headed. I'm proud of all your accomplishments and whatever you have done to get you where you are, is exactly what was right for you. Don't ever change that method...or your inner self! Your family and friends love you just the way you are! You know that opening up your personal self in a world-wide blog is subject to all opinions, so you have to take the good with the bad. Sometimes critical criticism can be a little much, especially coming from someone you only know through this blog, but you still have to accept it, good or bad, and move on. I think you handle this blog with a phenominal amount of class and I'm proud of you for that! By the way...when you have a comment from 'Anonymous'...it can be from anybody. It's not necessarily the same person. You have to hit the little arrow and select your profile. If you don't...you are listed as anonymous. When I was first introduced to this blog after reading the myspace version from day 1, I accidently posted as anonymous once before I figured it out. I love your day 327 Blog. I think it's my all-time favorite. I have reread it many times, especially when I get weak in my efforts, and it brings me to tears each time. I'm so sorry for the strain this blog has put on you and Irene. I agree with you, how could you not put it out there considering the total and complete honesty of this blog. I have not yet read Irene's blog, so I don't know what her reaction was that everyone is talking about. However, I do recall your writings suggesting that her 'bad choices' caused the divorce. Since this blog is all about honesty, I'll be honest too...I think you could have put the word about the divorce on the table, without placing blame. I don't think that was fair to Irene. No failed marriage is all the fault of one person and that's what it sounded like to me. You made Irene a part of our family many years ago. I have come to love her like my own and that will never change the same as my love for you will never change. You absolutely do need to keep this blog honest for your own success on this journey, but in this particular instance, I think you could have told us all the same thing without stating the cause as Irene's bad choices. We don't need to know the personal details, and you don't share the personal details with us...that is class. But you don't have to tell us anything other than 'for personal and private reasons, we are divorcing'...that would have been enough. I know you, and I don't for a minute believe you would have publicly hurt and humiliated Irene intentionally. But others may not see it that way, so be careful. I apologize if I stepped on your toes. I love and support you both. Congratulations on your new job! Have you given any more thought or gotten any more ideas for your crossing point title yet??? I'm still thinking on it...but I promise no more stinking thinking like my suggestion of 'half-assed' LOL. That was all in fun, not a real suggestion! I love ya, Cuz...you are still and always will be DA MAN!!!

  16. Congrats on the new job! And thanks for always keeping it real. That's what you do-no apologies. That's what helps us who are faithful readers. Not to judge but to learn. I believe the real keys to successful and forever weight loss are diet, exercise and emotion. Each is equally important. Seems you have your head in the game and are holding tight to the keys. I appreciate your courage.

  17. OMGosh, Sean. Bless your heart....that's all I'm saying.

  18. Totally off topic here, and I apologize for that...but if you are ever in Stillwater, and wanting a good 5K walk, Boomer Lake is awesome! I used to walk around it ALLLLLLLL the time! It not only helped me stay fit, but it healed the soul too....so very pretty and peaceful, and when you are done, there are fantastic places to sit and just enjoy...being.

  19. Congratulations on your new job, Sean! I know you'll be a big success :).

  20. Sean - congrats on the new job. And thank you for your refreshing honesty!

  21. Isn't it funny out of many, many positive comments, we so quickly focus on the negative? Your blog is personal, and I personally applaud you for being so open and honest. It is what sets your blog apart as special :)
    Congras on the new job!! Very cool. Good luck transitioning :D

  22. That's always the risk you take with a blog. And it really is the great thing is that you read all view points. It would be really boring if everyone agreed with everyone else and their actions all the time!

  23. I hope you truly love and appreciate your cousin Deb--words of wisdom! Congratulations on the new job!!!! :-)


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