Saturday, August 15, 2015

August 15th, 2015 I Receive The Same

August 15th, 2015 I Receive The Same

The social differences that come with weight loss can be interpreted in different ways, good or bad. I've noticed how I'm treated differently at a healthy body weight. I attract more smiles and attention than I did at 500 pounds. And on the surface it's easy to fault the other person. But since allowing myself to dissect it a little further, I've drawn some alternative conclusions.

I believe it starts with me and what I'm projecting in any given situation. Let's be real, at 505 pounds I was fairly miserable most of the time. I didn't like getting out too much and if I could help it, I didn't. I was super self-conscious and my confidence level was extremely low. Doing what I've done and what I do for a living, I could put on a smile and show, as if it were a uniform--and get the job done, all the while projecting how I felt about me onto everyone else.

If I didn't like me, they didn't either. If I was judging me, they were judging me. If I considered myself grotesque, so did those horrible people! Perhaps a few might have been doing these things--I mean, some people just suck, sure--but I would safely bet 90% were never really treating me the way my self-loathing brain perceived.

I was giving some fairly negative energy a lot of the time. It's no surprise I received the same. And not necessarily bad things--just less smiles and much less attention.

I now walk with more confidence. The physical changes have made an impact, or course. The mental/emotional changes--the strength of perception and source of my self-worth and identity, have changed too, and it's really created a different, more positive energy around me and emanating from me. It's no surprise I receive the same.

I'm a firm believer in we get what we give. It isn't a flawless law of course, some get way more than they give and others still get short changed, receiving much less than they give. But on average and most of the time, we get what we give. If I'm now projecting something completely different from once upon a time, I shouldn't be puzzled by the different returns.
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I had a location broadcast this morning from a grocery store. The main draw to this broadcast was fire roasted Hatch Chili Peppers from Hatch, New Mexico. This is Hatch season, a short window every year when these world famous peppers can be found. I bought some near the end of my broadcast. After two hours of talking about all of the wonderful ways you can cook with them, I had to come home and give it a try. Lunch was incredibly flavorful; amazing, really.

Amber and I had a great dad/daughter night out. It was dinner and the big Sara Evans concert. We had an exceptional time. The best part is always found in how much alike we are in some of the smallest details, like what we notice and what we find humorous. Our sensibilities and sense of humor are almost identical.

My workout today was a walk/jog in the park, on the trail and in the sun. It really wasn't too bad. I've discovered the differences between real world terrain and an indoor track. I have a much more challenging time jogging outside. I'm making some great progress, though--and I'm confident I'll be ready for the 5K come the end of September.

My Tweets Today:








































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

5 comments:

  1. I totally agree about us projecting our own self image onto other people. Most don't care how much we weigh, or aren't thinking about us at all. But if we radiate self-disgust then we won't seem very appealing to approach.

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  2. I used to totally fly the "victim" flag pretty high. That effected my negative thinking and no, people didn't want to interact with me as the obese me.

    Once I dropped that negative cycle (which was of my own doing) and got onto a positive dynamic- I changed how I interacted with people. Nobody was looking at me and my fat pants. Everyone was looking at me looking down, me hiding out of photos, etc.

    Smiling, being comfortable in my own body changes how I interact with everyone, including my family. It starts with me. It ends with me.

    Great topic, Sean. All the reflection is very valuable.

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  3. Trying to get people’s approval is a form of control. But in doing so, you are the one who ends up controlled. Just being your true self is a big job, and you are the only one qualified to do it...
    Megan

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  4. You're awesome Sean! I have dealt with negativity regarding my weight by some people in my past as well as recent past. The irony was when I was 118lbs and I was told by an abusive spouse that I was gaining weight. I let those words hurt me but eventually I fought back. I still sometimes feel bad but then I have to realize that the abuse was the problem of the individuals who bullied me, that no matter what size I was I was never going to make them happy. I had to get past it and know I was a worthy person, that took a lot to get to that point believe me. But you are gorgeous and weight does not define you. P.S. your meal examples look delish!

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  5. I've been pondering some very similar things recently, though I'm on the way down from the TOP of my weight curve (you appear to have just hit the bottom). I am fairly certain, intellectually, that people aren't staring at me all the time, shaking their heads at how much weight I gained back. But it's very hard not to remember the comments from people when I lost all of the weight, and then extrapolate the opposite. If they noticed the loss, why wouldn't they notice the gain?

    But NONE OF THAT HELPS. Or even matters. The only thing that matters is what I can do today.

    Still, the echoes of what I imagine other people think can't help but bounce back and forth inside my head...

    -Silas
    http://fat2fit2fat2fit2fat2fit.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete

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