Saturday, August 22, 2015

August 22nd, 2015 Confident Patience Revisited

August 22nd, 2015 Confident Patience Revisited

I'm proud of my day. My location broadcast from a local car dealership went well. I prepared a wonderful breakfast before the broadcast and it easily carried me through to a late afternoon lunch.

The free hamburgers and hot dogs at the broadcast wasn't an issue for me in the slightest. This is a change from the beginnings of this turnaround from relapse/regain, when I didn't feel as confident and strong. I can remember, very easily, times when a table full of burgers, dogs, chips and whatever else would require me to reach out for support in an attempt to strengthen my resolve in maintaining the integrity of my food plan. I still have numerous moments where support is critical, they're just not created from a table of free food.

I enjoyed a good lunch and a good 2.7 mile walk/jog tonight. I spoke with an experienced marathon runner last night. It was a table of a few who regularly train together in preparation for the NYC Marathon in November. I explained about my endurance on the inside track and outside trail. She suggested doing intervals instead, exactly like the C25K app would coach-- a few minutes of walking, a few minutes of jogging--start low and slow and gradually work it up. Smart.

What isn't smart is trying to do it my own improvised way! There's a reason why so many regular runners have one big thing in common: They started with a C25K or C210K program. It works. I must trust the process.

I occasionally go back a year into the archives and revisit where I was and what I was doing. I found a nice piece I'm proud of, and I think it's worth re-publishing. Let's go back in time to August 22nd, 2014--

DDWL Excerpt from one year ago, today:

Do you proceed along this road with a “confident patience?” Our physical transformation doesn't happen overnight. It takes weeks, months and for many of us, years. Finding confidence happens easier when the main focus is taken away from wanting immediate results and placed on the daily fundamentals of our extraordinary care.

If we center our focus on what we can do today, we can find confidence. And this confidence gives birth to patience.

When you proceed with a confident patience, you'll experience a peace and calm over the process. Results may come euphorically fast or frustratingly slow, either way, adjustments can be made. Releasing ourselves from the frustration and often times derailing “fast and furious” results based focus and focusing instead on the smaller goals of today, gives us the best chance at waking up someday to incredible results.

I've lived this "confident patience" and I'm telling you, it all comes down to the age old philosophy of one day at a time.

I can remember weight loss attempts where I mapped out my weigh days for an entire year, complete with a goal weight for each and a place to write my actual weight. On the surface it seemed like a great idea for me. I'd proudly gaze at the calendar and say things like, "See that date? I'll weigh 100 pounds less by then. Isn't that amazing?" It was such a matter of fact tone--not at all considering the different variables I would encounter along the way.

How could I have known? I'd never experienced long range success. And keep in mind this "projection calendar" would typically be created in advance of actually starting anything. I had to wait until a predetermined start day and that meant I was free to gorge as much as I wanted in the meantime. In fact, I'm pretty sure I made several of these projection calendars while eating a giant bowl of ice cream at midnight.

The problem with this was, as soon as I didn't meet or best the written goal on the calendar, I'd become severely discouraged because now I was behind!! And after a couple of less than expected weigh-ins, another marked up calendar would find its way into the junk drawer only to be found months or years later, prompting a wave of "calendar regret," as I realized aloud to anyone within earshot "Wow, you know that failed weight loss attempt? Yeah--had I stuck with it I'd weigh 250 by now." 

Sticking with it was almost impossible because of my enormous impatience and high expectations. I was setting myself up to be disappointed. And personal disappointment breeds all kinds of negative self-talk. Learning to relax into a day by day approach and allowing a natural evolution of good choices has been a very difficult perspective to adopt--and critical to my success. Not once have I recently sat down to "map out" where I'll be by a particular date in the near future.

I'll be wherever I am and it will be okay. If this was a race or a competition, perhaps a results now focus would be useful, but it's not a race--it's life. And I'm confident in my day to day practices and the results they'll bring.

This isn't what I'm doing for the duration of a calendar--taking extraordinary care is what I'm making important for the rest of my life. Losing my previously narrow focus has made a monumental difference for me in successfully losing weight.

I'm really excited about several things on the horizon. The next 10 week session in the weight loss teleconference coaching/support groups I co-facilitate with Life Coach Gerri Helms start Monday and Tuesday. If you're interested in joining one of the groups, email me at for details.

My Tweets Today:

Thank you for reading and your continued support,


  1. Loved this post! I have a lot of weight to lose and the mountain ahead can feel so daunting at times. But almost without intending to do so, I am slowly finding myself adopting a one day at a time approach. I am beginning to feel more confident in my food choices and try to be more aware of my own fundamental elements although I will admit that this is still a work in progress! But I really like this approach of confident patience and the peace that comes with it. I joined your coaching group! Things are going well for me right now but I've been here many times before and I really want to push past the point where I usually give up so I figure I should try something I haven't done before, like a support group :) Looking forward to it!

    1. Thank you, Kerstin! It can feel daunting, but you're moving your perspective in the right direction--and this will make it less daunting!
      We're all works in progress, really! I'm so happy you joined the group! You're getting in at exactly the perfect time... "The point where I usually give up..." Kerstin, you're about to make some personal history, my friend! :)

  2. I loved this post and especially the part about confident patience. I am in a weight loss group on FB that has a lot of big losers and when they post their before and after photos, I've noticed there is always so many people asking the same 2 questions...what are you doing and how long did it take you. To be honest, those were also my own questions to people who had been successful in losing weight for most of my life. I wanted an easy, fast way to lose it so I could then get back to eating the things I craved. And I did lose, many times and always regained more afterwards. I wish I had a dollar for every calendar I have used to figure out how fast I could get to goal by trying a new plan. What I needed was a deep change on so many levels and a confident patience that the weight would come off as I learned to nourish my body with healthy foods and moving my body. Along the way, my real change has been in my thinking, my emotions, and in my spirit. If those things don't change as deeply as the physical, I know my efforts will be temporary. You posted my 200 pounds lost story a while back and I am now down 209 lbs. I am at 171 and am just getting up one day at a time and eating those things that will bring me good health, and that I enjoy. I will get to my goal when I get to my goal. I am on a walker due to MS, so I cannot exercise in a way and at a level that would help me get to where I was years ago, but I am grateful and amazed that I am down to 171 and still losing. I can't run or jog but I walk a half mile a day with my walker, do balance exercises and use weights to build muscle and strength. Sean, Thank you for the reminder of confident patience and for your transparent journey that you share with us on here every day. It helps me. Shirley from TN

    1. You are such an inspiration, Shirley! I think I remember when Sean shared your story :) I love how you still exercise your body despite your physical limitations. Not everyone is a runner or walker and there are many other ways to keep active, so well done for choosing activities that work for you. I cannot walk much or run because of a permanent ankle injury and I get heart palpitations which have made me reluctant to exert myself. But I decided that I wanted to get fit anyway and started cycling and I am beginning to feel the benefits and am so grateful that I found something that works for me. Your weight loss is awe inspiring, thank you for sharing more of your story :)

    2. "Along the way, my real change has been in my thinking, my emotions, and in my spirit. If those things don't change as deeply as the physical, I know my efforts will be temporary."
      So beautiful, Shirley. Thank you.
      Your strength and courage is incredibly inspiring. You're doing amazing things, Shirley. I have to believe that what you're doing in taking extraordinary care, is benefiting you and your daily abilities.
      You give incredible perspective and insight into the power of determination and positive spirit.
      I think the world of you, Shirley.

    3. Kerstin, I'm so glad you've found a way to exercise that fits your needs in consideration of your injury. I'm looking forward to getting to know more of your story. I'm excited! Isn't Shirley incredibly inspiring? Amazing.

  3. I'm also finding real help in the one day at a time approach. When I achieve all my daily goals it feels so good! And if I miss one of my elements, I'm not giving up but instead put my focus on the next day. I do have to figure out how better to maintain my elements when on the road for business. The disruption in routine and even the fatigue are definitely challenging! But I'm working on some strategies. A microwave and fridge in the hotel room should help.

    1. My husband also needs to lose a lot of weight and he travels a lot for business, too. Like you he now tries to always get a hotel room where they have a microwave and fridge and then he just goes to a local supermarket and buys some fruit and a ready meal. Dieting while on the road it tough but this really seems to help him :)

    2. SLM, you've identified one of the big keys found in progress, not perfection. Not giving up--moving the focus--staying positive and doing your best. Yes!!!
      Maintaining your fundamental elements while traveling takes some planning, for sure. You're in tune with it--you're making it important and you're making the adjustments. I agree 100%, a microwave and a fridge in room is a great plan.
      If you ever get a chance to book in a Staybridge Suites (I have a couple of times), they have FULL kitchens in each room! And it's a decent price! As I travel more in the future, I'll be looking for Staybridge Suites again!

    3. Good on your husband, Kerstin. It is all about the planning and making those key decisions, like the fridge and microwave--and the supermarket trip, important.

  4. Your friends with you look lovely! Taking the time to feel our emotions, honor them and let them have their moment when they come up can be beneficial. So many times we have a snack when what we really want is a hug from a parent. If the parent is not available or failed us in the past we found another form of comfort. I think we all need to have some warm, loving, non-romantic friends in our lives. If we take that time to be there for ourselves when we feel those emotions that need to rise, and also be there for our friends at times, we have a much better chance to use food only for energy and health as it is intended.

    1. Megan, you bring up a very good point. Honoring them is very important. I agree, totally. Good friends is always a good thing. Good support is critical when we start thinking of stuffing those emotions down with food.
      Well written, Megan. Thank you for that!

  5. Thank you for re-posting the one year ago post. It emphasized for me the failure techniques I have used for 3 of my 5 large weight losses. Not doing that this time. Have lost 35 pounds 6 years ago and can't seem to get back with it! Feel like I am committed and 3 or 4 days might be close to good food choices (if the overwhelming evening eating doesn't rule) and then schedule changes, visiting friends or being invited to someone's house for dinner - etc, throws me. I don't know if I can insult the inviters by bringing my own food or making requests. Very often it is a last minute invite. They already have the food prepared. I know this sounds like I am OK with being the "victim" and I'm not, but it sure is a dilemma. I have 100 pounds to lose. If not now, when? Have read all the books (including yours Sean) - know the nutritional values, have worked through emotional triggers AND food triggers (still allow them on occasion) - - will joining a support group (which I tried with WW and many others) even had a weight loss business like WW when we were the only 2 groups. After hitting goal weight started gaining again, sold the business, joined other support groups after that which didn't work for me. I feel hopeless. Have had major life changes and wonder if after this settles down - will I be able to get back to treating myself as I know I should? Sorry for going on like this but I am wondering if joining the 10 wk support group would possibly help me.

    1. Nancy, it's not hopeless. You're NOT hopeless. I understand it can feel that way, certainly--but truly, there's hope, my friend.
      If you can join the group (Tuesday is full--but Monday still has a few spots), I know it would help with accountability and support. If you don't join, I highly recommend putting together some accountability and support measures to help you through each day.
      Nancy--the big thing: You're worth the effort. You truly deserve extraordinary care. You know this is true.
      About the dinner invites-- I understand how offending your friends might be a concern. Express to your friends how important this is to you and your well being--thank them for the ivitation--go and enjoy their company--and if the menu isn't within the boundaries of the plan you're making exceptionally important--then by all means, have a backup plan--whether that means bringing food or eating later. I think you'll be surprised how many will be delighted you're taking good care--and would likely be accommodating to a special request or two--depending on how good of friends you are with one another.
      Sacrificing what's best for you on the assumption that if you don't, your friends will be offended, isn't, in my opinion, a good perspective. It is normal though. How many years have folks like us sacrificed ourselves in order to keep the peace, while caring about how others will perceive what we're doing?
      If a friend has a problem with you taking extraordinary care--and gets upset because you won't indulge with them, that's good information to have about that friend!
      My guess/assumption is, you'll find the opposite to be true most of the time.
      It's the other side of our brain--the part that tries to convince us this can't work, that creates these scenarios.
      Prove that side of your brain wrong and watch what happens!! Wonderful things!

  6. Spot on today. The projection calendars. I'd hate to say how many I have done over the years. Good to know there is someone as crazy as me. Oh the mental part of weight loss is so much bigger than the actual "diet" yet everyone wants to know "what diet did you follow?" I like photography and dabble in it. I take multiple shots of a scene, various exposures, lighting, composing the scene. Someone looks at the finished picture and says, "Wow, that is amazing, what kind of camera do you have?" as the. Go on to say they need to buy THAT camera. The camera is only a small portion of that photo. There were a lot of failed attempts when I got frustrated because it didn't appear on paper like I imagined in my mind. It's the same with weight loss. Picture that! :-)

    1. Laobeau, yep!! I've done many of them, for sure! You're not alone. And--you're spot on about the "what diet did you follow" type questions... and wow--the photography analogy is SPOT ON. Exactly the same with weight loss. So good... Thank you!

  7. I love that analogy! We humans want "simple, quick, easy" answers to everything!!! Weight loss is SO much more than "what did you eat?"

    1. I do too, Nancy! The food and the exercise part is a small part of it, for sure. The mental/emotional parts-- the perspectives we hold--oh my, those are the biggest elements!


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