Wednesday, August 19, 2015

August 19th, 2015 Without A Net

August 19th, 2015 Without A Net

This certainly isn't what I expected at the doctor's office this morning. 1.2 pounds down. I don't need to lose anymore weight. Perhaps a little more aggressive approach to weight maintenance is needed. It's early and I'm not getting too concerned. I'm bumping it up another 200 calories a day starting tomorrow.

I've never been in this position. I've never weighed, had a loss and thought, "well crud." I can certainly see where this might come off annoying to read-- but seriously, if ever there was a week I thought I would surely see a gain, it was this week. I fully expected a small gain.

I searched the archives from my initial weight loss, hoping to find some words to help--and I didn't find anything. I hit 230 back in November 2010 and it was awesome. I'll never forget it. But here's the deal: I didn't have the same mindset as I do now. I didn't have a solid list of non-negotiable fundamental elements. I mean, really--I posted 5 blog pages in the entire month of November 2010. I was out there experiencing this wonderful feeling of freedom--completely without a net. My accountability system was the blog only--and I clearly wasn't fully committed to maintaining its consistency. I had some support, but not like I have now. I wasn't approaching it from a recovery standpoint, like I do now. So I just didn't get too caught up in the details of it all.

This relaxed approach I embraced back then was a very slippery slope for someone like me. I did maintain fairly well for a year and a half before the relapse/regain period started. So, surely there's something I can use from back there--something...anything?

I stand behind the mental and emotional explorations and epiphanies back then. And the elements too, it wasn't a bad plan. It just wasn't all I needed for long term success.

Do I have all I need now? Only if I maintain the fundamental elements of my recovery--and even then, it's not a guarantee. I'm only as strong as my next choice.

So it's no wonder I'm taking a very careful approach this time around.
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I will add the extra 200 calories per day and I'll weigh again in a week. If I get another loss, then I'll get more aggressive. The key for me is reminding my brain that it's okay. It's perfectly okay to eat more. My body clearly needs more--even if it feels like I eat sufficiently already. What's not okay would be sacrificing my abstinence from sugar and resorting to binge mode. That's not the solution. Given my experience and track record, it's imperative I proceed with well measured caution.

I took Noah back to his Nana's house this evening. We stopped at a little fresh-mex fast food place for dinner. I like this little place because I know the ingredients are fresh and I can order things the way I want/need.

Leaving him wasn't easy. He's well cared for and loved there, too--so it's all good. Still, tough. I was missing him as soon as I pulled away. I was feeling exceptionally emotional. He's just the greatest. I love him so much.

I immediately shared how I felt with several of my support team. When emotions swirl, that's when I'm most vulnerable. Instead of eating the feelings, I shared them--and instead of taking a fourth consecutive day of no exercise, (I was seriously contemplating this--simply because I felt off from the emotional challenges). I laced up and took a nice refreshing walk. I didn't jog tonight. Just a good, long, 45 minute walk. It helped tremendously.

My Tweets Today:

Thank you for reading and your continued support,


  1. You're doing great Sean! As far as grandkids go I can identify. When my Grandkids come out from Enid to stay for the holidays or a weekend then they leave my house is quiet and I'll miss them soon after they're gone. I try to keep busy so I am not temped to eat instead. Best wishes, Jules

  2. So happy you are not panicking - following your plan and just adding calories. What does Gerri have to say about adjusting to maintenance? Good you took a walk to release the emotions you were feeling from turning Noah over to his Gma. I understand that moving our bodies releases our emotions and it can only be done through movement. Have you heard anything like that?

  3. Very interesting. But let's face it your putting awesome foods in your body. No junk. And I totally agree about the sugar thing, I wouldn't start that back up either. How great you're able to go back to the old blog and see the difference in how you handled maintenance. Have you talked to your Doctor about a recommended weight for you height? Maybe you are suppose to be this tall lean guy. Maybe this is your bodys way of getting to its natural set point. Great post.

  4. Sean, honestly, 2200 calories is very low for a man of your size, as well. You may want to check in with a nutritionist about your calorie requirements per day--they might surprise you. For example, I'm a 135-lb woman and I require 2200 calories per day to maintain my weight (with about 45 minutes a day of vigorous activity). Now think of yourself, with 85 more pounds of muscle and bone to carry around and a male metabolic rate, to boot--which is by necessity higher. You do know that 2000 calories per day is the RDA for WOMEN? 2500+ for men; really, at your size, if you want to build muscle, you'll likely need to eat closer to 3,000. And it may take some denser foods like more fats and grains to get there, or eating more frequently. You also mention being sleepy a lot. That can come from inadequate calorie intake. The more you eat the more energy you'll have.

    Here's a nice daily expenditure calculator if you want to check it out:

    1. For a minute there I thought I blacked out and commented on this post without realising already! These are my thoughts too and this is a great comment (particularly pointing out the low energy issues) and I commented a couple of times already on older posts mentioning that I feel like you, Sean, will probably have to eat closer to 2500-2600 calories to maintain longterm (even posted the same calorie calculator, haha) and I've also been holding off on mentioning — because it triggered (and honestly still triggers) a lot of anxiety for me at the time — that in order to build muscle seriously you need to eat over maintenance and aim to gain weight.

      Since you've overshot your weight loss goal once your weight has stabilised and you feel mentally ready to do it this would be something to think seriously about pursuing (i.e. shooting for a calorie surplus and making sure to eat sufficient protein while engaging in strength training 3x a week to gain weight primarily as muscle). I promise, as someone who's been there and done that, you won't go off the rails and regain all your weight if you do it in a controlled way and don't make it carte blanche to binge eat. I vaguely remember someone posted Obese to Beast's loose skin video and although he's a fair bit younger than you he lost a comparable amount of weight and is now "bulking" for a bodybuilding competition while working through a lot of the same anxieties around food that are common to those of us who have lost weight in the past and found we need or want to regain some of it. It's worth checking his YouTube channel out to reassure yourself that this can be done and is okay to do.

      I also wanted to say since someone mentioned height/weight charts in another comment: BMI needs to be taken with a huge, huge grain of salt and I wish it would just get thrown out because I used it to justify staying within a weight range that for me was underweight because according to the chart it was "healthy" (if on the low side) for my height. It was never intended to be used for assessing individuals and is kind of ridiculous when you think about it — how can height be the one metric that determines what every single human being's ideal weight should be? I think you know your body better than a standardised chart and you know better what weight (or, really, size) you want to be at and what is right for you. After I started serious strength training I took a break from calorie counting and the scale and did the intuitive eating thing for a while. I gained about four pounds over the course of three months and ... zero inches. (I don't think at that point I could have psychologically coped with tracking calories and deliberately trying to gain so the only way I could do it was allow my body to dictate how much food it wanted in response to the training it was getting.)

      All of this is just food for thought, I mostly wanted to chime in to agree with the other anon and wish you luck in figuring out your own path to maintenance and health. :)


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