Today is a red letter date for me. It was three years ago today that I experienced what I'll always refer to as "Epiphany Day." In essence, it was the day I finally realized the truest source for my self-worth, identity, happiness, and joy. These things were no longer tied to something that naturally fluctuates. These things were no longer found externally. These things could exist and flourish regardless of my weight, the size of my bank account, my relationship status, or any other external circumstance.
My initial 275-pound weight loss was supposed to "make me" happy. And it didn't. And I'm glad it didn't, because it would have been an illusion of happiness and illusions eventually reveal their truth one way or another. It was working through this monumental let-down that helped me discover what I truly believe is a major element of real happiness.
It wasn't an accident that Epiphany Day came not long after starting the turnaround from my 164-pound relapse/regain. I feel like it was Devine intervention, as if to say-- here, look at it this way and be free. Lose the weight because you're taking extraordinary care of yourself--not in an effort to obtain some magical level of happiness, but simply because you're worth every ounce of effort in this care. You deserve this level of care.
I stopped searching for something I already possessed. I'm not writing about happiness itself, I'm writing about the capacity--the ability to choose happiness regardless of whether or not I possessed the things I felt certain were requirements for such a revelation.
Anyway--this day, very powerful for me.
You can read May 15th, 2014 Epiphany Day simply by clicking here.
And May 19th's entry four days after Epiphany Day expands on the thoughts and ideas that haven't left my brain since.
Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, I enjoyed a great workout at the YMCA, and I stayed connected with excellent support contacts.
Today's Accountability Tweets:
2 cups water, 20 push-ups & 20 squats equals Monday #morningdeal done✅ Coffee X pic.twitter.com/xEyTL8vTmM— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 15, 2017
2 tablespoons half & half in the first cup. Another 3 tbs half & half in the to-go cup, soon. 100 cal. pic.twitter.com/UAkm1FpvT0— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 15, 2017
Breakfast in MyFitnessPal... pic.twitter.com/hdrgFBz8c0— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 15, 2017
2 egg whites, 1 whole egg & 2 slices provolone on toasted Ezekiel. 4.5oz pink lady apple & 5.3oz orange. 517 cal. pic.twitter.com/3ghQMPMlZD— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 15, 2017
2 tablespoons half & half in this midmorning cup of dark. 40 cal. pic.twitter.com/ifbc6bkPUA— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 15, 2017
Lunch in MyFitnessPal. Not shown in screen shot: 15g sour cream, 30g lettuce, and 103g red seedless grapes. pic.twitter.com/LulhSCAndP— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 15, 2017
Tostadas w/154g FF refried beans, 2 tbs salsa, 32g olives, 1 slice swiss, 98g avocado w/15g sr.cream & 30g lettuce. 103g red grapes. 647 cal pic.twitter.com/i1n6Z3Blff— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 15, 2017
After lunch cup of coffee with two tablespoons half & half. 40 cal. pic.twitter.com/P3WUVSCmcT— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 15, 2017
Dinner in MyFitnessPal. Not shown in screen shot: 5 seconds olive oil spray. pic.twitter.com/aViaa8rASJ— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 16, 2017
1 fish. 2 fish. 183g grlld catfish, 7.3oz grlld cod, 210g swt.potato w/5secOOSpray, 97g red pepper, 73g red onion & 3oz mushrooms. 639 cal. pic.twitter.com/ivdyRcQxxP— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 16, 2017
Solid max level 20/30 min elliptical ride. #needshower #endorphinrelease #endorphinparty #whydontidothismore #feelsgood #imsingingrightnow pic.twitter.com/KDljbXhi6I— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 16, 2017
21g smoked almonds, 5.8oz pear, and 140g red grapes #lastfoodofday 316 cal. pic.twitter.com/LJrBsXSifx— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) May 16, 2017
Thank you for reading and your continued support,