Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Day 658 My Strong and Not So Strong Suits

Day 658

My Strong and Not So Strong Suits

Today was a different kind of Monday. I was off work, so it felt like another Sunday around the Anderson apartment. I’ve been getting good rest all weekend, but still feel slightly compelled to nap. You think it’s out of habit? I completely let myself down today because of this napping habit…I’ll explain, give me a minute or two.

I got up this morning and made my way to the coffee pot. How addicted am I to coffee? I’ll actually stand there and wait for the first cup to brew. I’m not kidding. That’s nuts, don’t you think? But I do it, because I want that really strong first cup---now, if I can just learn to drink it black instead of spending anywhere from 60 to 150 calories a day on coffee creamer. But some things, you know---are hard to give up.

I did my morning non-weighted strength training exercises today. I’m ashamed to say how long I’ve been out of this regular routine. It’s not good. And really, there’s no excuse. None. It takes less than 15 minutes. And I call them my “morning” exercises…why? Can I not do them any other time of day? Nonsense!!! It’s a choice, everything is a choice. I feel so good when I do them---I wish I understood why I sometimes choose to skip them.

My strong suit along this road has always been battling food addiction. It’s resisting the temptation to gorge, giving in to little indulgences—within limits, learning how to handle food in everyday situations and circumstances. I’m most proud of my ability to separate my food performance from the everyday stress that is often times my life. Oh, don’t get me wrong---my life is good, and I’m grateful. But you know what I mean. The emotional ups and downs---I got this. The stressful situations---I got this. The celebrations---I got this. Food doesn’t control me anymore, I control food. I’ve put food in its place, where it belongs. It doesn’t comfort me---it does nourish me, it gives me energy, food is a friend to my metabolism. It’s no longer my crutch through every storm of life.

The exercise portion of the program, well---that’s a different story. I’m not proud of my performance. Yes I have done ok, especially in the beginning---everyday, everyday, everyday---It didn’t matter how late or what the weather was doing---we were out there moving. It was a non-negotiable daily activity. Somewhere in the last 100 pounds along this road—I started to get very comfortable with my success. Oh man---that’s not a good place to be. Had I remained in the non-negotiable—consistency in my workout schedule frame of mind---I would have hit goal a while back, I guarantee. I’ve prolonged this journey to 230---taken a detour of sorts. Oh, I’ll get there---I just took the scenic route. And really---that’s not too bad when you think about it. I’ve been living life and enjoying that scenery. WAIT A SECOND!!!!!

---OK---I was really close to justifying my inconsistent workout schedule. Did you see where I was going there? Uh—nonsense!!! Because even people who enjoy the scenery along the way, workout regularly. Geez Sean!!! And this is truly one of the biggest assets for me on this mission: Being able to call my own BS for what it really is: Nonsense. That’s self-honesty my friend.

Talk about stressful days. I remember 365 days ago vividly---One of those days where everything started breaking at the same time. My “Steel Curtain Zone” was working overtime a year ago today. From July 5th, 2009:

Staying on track in a solid way no matter what circumstances surface is something that is extremely important. Today: The van broke down. Our air conditioner for our house stopped working. And then our fridge and freezer stopped working. We'll need to summon three different repair technicians tomorrow morning. All of our food is thawed and spoiling. Talk about stressful and expensive. But it will not get me down. It will not shake my resolve. It'll try real hard, but it will not win. I refuse to let it beat me! I never thought I would ever get to that place. It's a place where our eating and exercising behaviors are not affected by daily emotions, setbacks, sorrows, or even celebrations. It's a place where we're on level at all times. In order to be consistent I had to find this place fast. Thank goodness I did.

Perhaps I have allowed things to affect my workout consistency. Hmmm…but it isn’t stress of circumstance. It’s comfort in my physical condition, so that’s a little different mental dynamic. It’s certainly a mental dynamic along the way that I wasn’t planning for---didn’t see it coming, so obvious—but I guess I thought I was above it. Nope. I’m human, I’m flawed, and I’m light years from perfect. And that really is OK. No nonsense there.

This afternoon my plan was simple. Wow, how many of my paragraphs have started like that? You know exactly what’s coming don’t you? My plan was to sit in my recliner and run lines over and over until I had every line memorized for the male lead in my latest acting project. I did memorize, I did study, I did get sleepy, I did fall asleep---and I did miss the 5:30 spinning class at the YMCA. Completely ridiculous, inexcusable…disappointing myself with this one…I’m OK now---I’m not big on beating myself up, but a lesson or two needs to be learned from this part of my journey.

On the way to play rehearsal tonight—the warning sounded. I was almost out of town, headed for the NOC-PAC, when thunderstorms became severe. I was the only one on call this evening---I hadn’t a choice. I called the director, because for some reason, I couldn’t find the stage managers number—and explained my situation. I had to be on the air for severe weather coverage---and there was not a thing I could do, but head to the studio. It was just bad timing on the part of Mother Nature.

I shopped for groceries tonight and couldn’t believe my eyes---Wal-Mart had the Joseph’s Flax Seed, Oat Bran, and Whole Wheat Flour Pitas!!!! These are the 60-calorie wonders that make the best low calorie personal pizzas! I LOVE them. And of course---I hurried home and made a 180-calorie pizza. They were out of mushrooms—and so am I, so I’ll wait on my favorite little fungi…Instead, I enjoyed an onion and mozzarella personal pizza---with 100 calories worth of cheese, instead of 50 and a tablespoon of sauce. It was very good---did I mention how much I love these 60-calorie pitas?

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,
Sean

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Yes!!! Here they are!!! Thank you whoever made this happen! Now, I hope they keep them stocked!

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My cheese and onion pita pizza---60 calories for the pita, 100 for the cheese, and 20 for the tomato sauce

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You lookin’ at me? Huh? I’m sooo kidding. I was just trying to be tough, and don't you know tough guys always squint their eyes---and never smile? Yeah, don't be scared... Snapped last night at the Freedom Festival.

6 comments:

  1. Sean, I need my morning cup of java too - and years ago I slowly weaned myself off the cream by going from light cream to half and half to 2% milk to skim to black. It can be done. Ever consider buying yourself a coffee pot that has a timer? We have one so when I get up at 4:15 am before my run, the coffee is ready and waiting!

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  2. Hey, I just stumbled on your diary during my day off yesterday and read a whole bunch of it. Fascinating! Congratulations. I lost 60 pounds in 2002-3, have largely kept it off although every now and then I get a bit complacent, satisfied with my success, and it starts to come back. Got to watch it like a hawk. I have been justifying a little inconsistency here and there, time to cut that out and lose the last bit (only about 10 pounds but watch that last step, its a doozy) and you've given me a little inspiration to do better at that. I hope you can get back on the exercise train with the kind of consistency you want.

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  3. I worked out a few minutes ago though I didn't feel like it. And you know what? I almost always feel incredible when I'm done. Today was no exception. I feel so good...I can't wait to workout with you later this month. We'll rock it together. :)

    The pita pizza looks amazing. Can we put that on our list of things Sean will make for Kenz please? :)

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  4. I dunno, Sean. I really think that there is some allowance for taking the scenic route...I suppose it is different for everyone. I think you can take the scenic route, as you are adding to other quality areas of your life.

    Your call, my friend. But I think you are awesome, regardless of the pace.

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  5. WooHoo for Pita bread! I was going to message you Sean this morning! I don't have to now. My daughter-in-law told me they had it! I am getting some today:)

    You said..."I’ve put food in its place, where it belongs. It doesn’t comfort me---it does nourish me, it gives me energy, food is a friend to my metabolism. It’s no longer my crutch through every storm of life." LOVE IT!

    Take care and God Bless!

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  6. Oooh, I have to make a Walmart run later on today, I will look for those. I know you will continue to grow. I struggle with daily exercise choices. I am much better about making the good food choice vs. the bad. But the daily exercise is still a struggle. But it's a journey, right? Not everyday is going to be perfect. If we had all the answers, we wouldn't still be traveling. Keep your chin up.

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