Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with exceptional support.
That "today:" thing each night is literally the most important thing I put on this blog. Those things listed don't really cover it all in detail--"exceptional" support means several things to me, direct communication, of course, but it also includes the private personal mental/spiritual time I make important each day. The accountability measures and support I embrace help keep those elements of my daily maintenance plan stable. And if it's stable, I'm okay-- it keeps me well. And well is good!
I was able to work on some personal projects tonight. I'm excited about some upcoming things around here! I also visited with mom for a little while. She's doing very well--much better and seems to be in excellent spirits. She got her hair done today--that might explain some of her elevated spirits tonight!
Continuing a look back into the archives--tonight's time travel takes us back four years. Keep in mind--this was written near the end of the relapse/regain period and right before the "turnaround."
I'd be grossly misrepresenting if I pretended this week has been a cakewalk. Poor choice of words. It has been very difficult to maintain balance. I've stayed within my calorie budget. On the surface that's a wonderful thing indeed. Below the surface, I've fought very hard to keep the calorie budget intact. Call it steel curtain zone or whatever you want, it's been a battle. But why?
Stress triggers reactions and for someone like me, those reactions are hard-wired and often circumvent the rational part of the brain. This dynamic is the addiction, pure and simple. I've watched some incredible documentaries on the subject, the best being "Pleasures Unwoven."
The only way I've been able to survive is through prayer, meditation and reaching out to friends in moments of weakness. I've been staying "visible," instead of isolating. It's amazing how something as quick and simple as sending a tweet, sending a text or responding to an email or facebook message, empowers me, brings me back around and gives me strength. And hope. Because there's plenty of hope. And that's an important thing to hold tight, especially in the face of stress.
So what to do? I mean really, stress is a part of life, right? Yes, it is. The question is, can I face the stress and handle it in ways that work to alleviate the stress? In other words, deal with issues head on? Yes. Yes I can.
My recovery is very important to me. It's much more important to me than it was during the initial weight loss. Why? Because I understand it better now. I understand me on a level much deeper than before. And this understanding is met with a greater respect.
Suddenly, my goal isn't a number, or a particular size of jeans, or anything external. Sure, some of these will be visible milestones. And I'll be sharing those along the way. But I'll always, forever-more keep my eye on a higher definition of success. My truest and most important goal is raising my level of self-care and self-love to where it needs to be for optimal living. Having compassion for myself is the biggest component in this quest. No longer is self-loathing and internally abusive thoughts okay. I'm worthy of more than I've given myself. Let me say that again:
I'm Worthy Of More Than I've Given Myself.
Thank you for reading along. You're worth more, too. Do you believe that?
Today's Accountability Tweets:
2 cups water, 20 push-ups, and 20 squats✅✅✅Done! #morningdeal Coffee Pass earned! pic.twitter.com/dY4r1Bb0Gp— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 1, 2018
3 tbs half & half in the first cup, another 3 tbs half & half in the refill, to-go. 120 cal. pic.twitter.com/i6obnDkYHU— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 1, 2018
Earlier: Breakfast in MyFitnessPal. Not shown: 126g Cara Cara orange. pic.twitter.com/xkuX43IKx8— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 1, 2018
Earlier: Ezekiel toasts. One with 47g avocado, one with 2 egg whites, 2 whole eggs, and 1 slice muenster. 4.3oz apple & 126g Cara Cara orange. 595 cal. pic.twitter.com/masuKiNxy6— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 1, 2018
Lunch in MyFitnessPal. Not shown: 61g banana. pic.twitter.com/0p3DG0fcyD— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 1, 2018
Tostadas with 141g fat free refried beans, 2 tbs salsa, 56g shredded cheddar-jack and 49g avocado mixed with 15g sour cream. 61g banana. 651 cal. pic.twitter.com/4SUU84Lyma— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 1, 2018
3 tbs half & half in this cup of coffee 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/A7l8M7xLGd— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 2, 2018
Dinner in MyFitnessPal... pic.twitter.com/BZsfeCk86D— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 2, 2018
6.2oz grilled petite sirloin, 33g fire grilled red onions, 282g red potatoes prepared with 2 tbs half & half & 7g butter. 88g mixed veggies. Yum. 627 cal. pic.twitter.com/wmUqNJAeyQ— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 2, 2018
I always look forward to my #lastfoodofday It establishes a clear boundary for me- and I make it enjoyable. Fruit bowl! 2 cups water meets today's #watergoal 4.5oz apple slices, 124g Cara Cara orange, and 107g banana. 222 cal. pic.twitter.com/V6A4rS2Dnt— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) February 2, 2018
Thank you for reading and your continued support,