July 9th, 2014 It Felt Doable For The First Time

July 9th, 2014 It Felt Doable For The First Time

Today was a good, solid, feel good kind of day. I ate well, I exercised and I accomplished a lot at work. I napped beautifully, good sleep napping. If you go back to January and read this post, you'll get an idea of what a dramatic difference horrible sleep vs. quality sleep makes. I read that old post and I see how positive I was trying to be and how, even in the face of extreme exhaustion I was desperately trying to regain control instead of weight. Of course, we know what happened. At the time that post was written, I still had 3.5 months of struggle ahead of me, peppered with periods of good, but mostly deep, dark struggle. Even though my time management skills needs a major overhaul and I often don't get enough sleep, now, when I do--it's quality and I feel as rested as anyone can possibly hope to be with an equal amount.

Now, looking back, I clearly see where this "confrontation" with the sleep issue was really the beginning of my comeback, if you will. Had I continued ignoring it and fighting each day to stay awake and maintain some kind of balance, by now I would have been well on my way back to over 500 pounds, instead of where I am today--headed toward my healthiest weight. I encourage you, if you're suffering with untreated sleep apnea, do whatever you must do to get some kind of treatment and therapy. It's robbing you of life. And life is too short. 

I've decided to share my meal tweets each night in this blog. I made this decision after receiving a message from a long time supporter in Tennessee. After listening to my radio show with mom the other morning via the online link, she writes: "To put a voice with the pictures and words made your story and journey so much more real, and the same is true with the photos of what you eat as opposed to a written down food plan. It was seeing the food in a picture that made me know I could do this. It felt doable for the first time."

I was keeping the food pictures exclusive to Twitter because I didn't want to over do-it, you know? I understand not everyone is into Twitter. Although I have no control of how my food pictures are received-nor should I care regardless, I still don't want my food choices to be misconstrued as some kind of example of what you should eat. I never tell anyone what they should eat or not eat. My twitter feed of every bite, every calorie is simply an accountability tool I felt I needed, as a modification to what I did before. I eat what I like and nothing I don't. That simple statement was a big part of my initial weight loss blogging and is prominently featured in my book, Transformation Road. What is right and good for me, may not be anything you like.

We all must find what works for us. I believe we shouldn't ever force ourselves to choke down things we can't stand for the sole purpose of losing weight. How can we develop eating habits and behaviors to last a lifetime if we hate what we're eating along the way? When that very dear supporter said "It was seeing the food in picture that made me know I could do this. It felt doable for the first time," it touched me and gave me a slight shift in perspective. As long as you know, the food I eat is customized to my likes/dislikes and personal restrictions (nearly 100% abstinence from sugar) and it's not a suggestion or "food plan" for anyone but me, then I'll feel better about also sharing the tweets here each night. Of course, if you like the same things I like--I highly recommend all of it!! I love what I'm eating!

Big breakfast! Mushroom, muenster & avocado omelet using 3 whites, 1 whole. Yellow apple & cantaloupe (256g) 460 cal. pic.twitter.com/5M0ik9RnIO
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 9, 2014

Turkey and muenster on sandwich thin w/avocado (59g), 1/2 srv rice chips, gala apple, strawberries, LC wedge. 574 cal pic.twitter.com/SmkiUrIZOD
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 9, 2014

Tilapia loin, grilled squash & zucchini w/93 cal olive oil spray. Baked/diced swt pot, cinn/stevia apples. 359 cal. pic.twitter.com/jeoDaTg0g9
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2014

As you can tell from my recent food tweets, avocados have been on sale lately for 50 cents each.

My mom turned 69 today! I've already wished her a happy birthday four times today, but I'll do it again here because I know she reads everything I write: Happy Birthday Mom!! I'll be celebrating her birthday with a visit to Stillwater this coming Sunday.

My workout tonight was inspired and productive. I recently raised the resistance on the elliptical a notch, thinking it wouldn't make a big difference...I was wrong, it makes a big difference. I plan on adding spinning classes to my workout schedule next week along with some resistance weight training in my "spare bedroom gym." 

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

June 23rd, 2014 A Different Kind of Monday

June 23rd, 2014 A Different Kind of Monday

The storms rolled in last night and I was activated, covering weather until the early morning hours. I have done this many times and still made it through my show from 6-9am. I knew before I left the studio, there wasn't any way I could come back and do a show. I was a zombie. I left a note for a colleague to cover my show and it was decided, I was at least taking a half a day--personal day, sick day--whatever we needed to call it, I needed it!

I slept until after 10am, got up and it felt like the weekend all over again. I slept well too. You know the kind of sleep where, maybe a handful of times a year you wake up and think--wow, that was the best, and you feel amazing?? It was that kind of rest. I'm only four and a half months removed from some of the worst sleep of my life and I can tell you, the first thing I do when I wake up feeling great is give thanks for this amazing blessing. If you've ever felt the frustration of severe untreated sleep apnea, where no matter how many hours you're in bed, you still look and feel completely exhausted--then you understand the joy of a good night of real, rejuvenating rest. Oh my--it's like you want to burst open your front door and prance through the neighborhood in your robe singing uplifting Disney songs. I've come close a few times.

I cooked a big hearty breakfast!!

Beef (4oz sirloin) stir-fry omelet w/mshrms, peprs, onion, red pot., swiss, inside 3 egg white omelet & pear. 466 cal pic.twitter.com/DjSKqZz5HU
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 23, 2014

I returned to work mid-afternoon for production and various duties. I made sure to pack some things for lunch. I left shortly before 5pm, ran a couple of errands, requested assistance in moving some exercise equipment into my apartment (more on this in a moment), thought about what to cook for a late dinner--threw a couple of dry seasoned chicken breast in the oven, wrapped in foil--changed clothes, headed to the store to get a few things I forgot last night, then to the YMCA for a good workout.

After the Y, the chicken was still cooking at home while I met Alan, my ex-wife Irene's boyfriend and KL, my oldest daughter Amber's boyfriend. Alan has a truck. They both graciously agreed to help me pick up some exercise equipment from a friend's house and transport it to my apartment--and help me get it up the stairs and into my spare bedroom (which is currently being used for storage). It was almost impossible. Almost...we made it up the stairs with a little help from the insanely strong MMA fighter dude that lives in the building adjacent to me. Okay-- we don't know if he's really an MMA fighter, but we're pretty sure he could be one, easily.

A very dear friend of mine surprised me about three or four months ago when he called to tell me he and his wife had agreed to gift me their big treadmill and Nordicflex weight training machine. They're moving away and they didn't want to take it with them. Rather than deal with the process of trying to sell them, they thought I would get a lot of good out of both and they wanted me to have them. Isn't that amazing? I've volunteered to help them move later this week. It's the least I can do to show my extreme appreciation.

I waited this long to pick up the machines because I wasn't sure I could have them in my upstairs apartment. After careful consideration for the downstairs neighbor, I figured out a plan to minimize the effects of the treadmill vibrations. I'm going to buy a horse stall pad at the local farm supply store. It's a large, hard foam pad--the perfect size to fit underneath the treadmill. It will absorb the vibrations. The NordicFlex isn't a problem, it doesn't move in a way that might cause noise downstairs.


The decorating will soon begin--as I transform my spare bedroom from a storage room into a workout room! I'm already thinking of cool posters and other inspirational things I'll put on the wall!

The chicken enchilada crispy tacos were amazing tonight.  I ran short on my calories, so a little more than an hour and a half after dinner, I had another taco with a side of cantaloupe as my #lastfoodofday.

Chicken enchilada crunchy tacos!! 4oz shredded chicken breast, enchilada sauce, cheese, lettuce, tom. Sr crm. 468 cal pic.twitter.com/2ls9WVwPPq
— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 24, 2014

I'm continuing this trek back to a healthy weight with a new kind of stride. I welcome you to follow along on Facebook (www.facebook.com/seananderson505), Twitter (www.twitter.com/seanaanderson) and my username on MyFitnessPal is SeanAAnderson.

Thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

May 1st, 2014 In Search of Good ZZZZ's

May 1st, 2014 In Search of Good ZZZZ's

I slept horribly last night. I made it to work looking half dead on a morning I needed to be at my best and somehow I made it through and did well.  I had nine in studio guests and one special co-host this morning. I have no idea how I got through the show. I suppose after 26 years I've learned how to "fake it" when I'm not feeling my best.  I doubt anyone listening could tell, and that's good.  My in studio guests had to have noticed; I was rough.

I've employed the same strategy with this sleep issue.  It's something I should have addressed a very long time ago, instead I put it off--pretended to be okay, sought therapy and when it didn't work, carried on pretending I could be fine, while the effects of sleep deprivation were wreaking havoc on me in multiple ways.  Just as we say "never give up" with our weight loss efforts, I declared the same on this sleep disorder.  I reached a point where it was breaking me down, making everything harder and becoming an immediate hazard to everything important in my world.

Yesterday I ran around trying to get everything done and I missed my opportunity to get my sleep monitor reading and some kind of suggested solution. Today I did make it in and the statistics clearly supported the obvious effects on my face, or is it the other way around?  Anyway, for whatever reason, I can't seem to keep my mouth closed during the night--and that's a must with most cpap masks.  An open mouth, even just a slight bit, is enough for the positive air pressure to escape thus rendering the therapy pretty much useless. Tonight I'll try a full face mask. I can't wait to experience the difference good sleep will make in my day to day.  It really doesn't matter if my mouth droops open while using the full mask. Considering I've been a lifelong nighttime drooling kind of guy, I probably should have had a full mask from day 1.

It's strange to say what I'm about to say, but I'll say it because it's true: I didn't feel much like eating today.  I know! Strange! I fell a little short of my 1700 calorie budget, checking in at 1544.  I didn't do a mid-morning or mid-afternoon snack. The urge to eat didn't occur. I still ate well today.  Despite feeling completely exhausted, I held my ground on food--because I wasn't having any compulsions to do otherwise.  That's a good thing.  I don't understand it, but I'm not complaining.

You're invited to take a peek at my daily food pics on Twitter. Most all of them get posted--simply follow @SeanAAnderson
My corresponding food and exercise diary is online too at MyFitnessPal, username: SeanAAnderson

The best thing I can do right now is fall into bed.

Goodnight and thank you for reading,
Strength,
Sean

April 29th, 2014 Staying Connected

April 29th, 2014 Staying Connected

When I look back at the fundamentals that kept me going strong while losing weight, I must recognize the power of sitting down and writing things out.  And when I look at where things started to get bumpy, it was when I stopped writing consistently.  And even after this short time of daily blog postings, I can tell a major difference in how I feel.  My focus has sharpened, my attitude and resolve is in an optimal place and I'm getting back my confidence.  My challenge to me is to explore other ways in which I can add to this positive effect. Reaching out more to others, being supportive, increasing the time I spend in meditation and prayer---all of these can only strengthen my stride and they're once again assigned a very high priority.

This feeling of renewal and strength doesn't mean it's easy.  It's about being better prepared to handle the challenges as they come. Sometimes a giant ice cream shake seems like the perfect move. Putting some space, just a little, between the thought and the action--long enough to identify the what and why of the situation, is often all that's needed to correct the skid.  If it doesn't quite work--reach out to someone and share the experience and feeling. It's very powerful.  Expose it, shine a light--and discuss it with someone who gets it.  As a food addict, I'll tell you this: I've had times where I've felt driven to the fat and sugar.  Have you felt this too?  When, despite the consequences--despite what you know is true, that a binge isn't going to fix anything and in fact make it all worse, you're driven like a moth to a flame?  That's when it's really scary. The isolation that often accompanies such a leap is a dark, depressing place. And the only way out is to get connected, not only with your spiritual side, but also with people who understand what you're experiencing.  And stay connected.  Because you're not alone. We're never alone.  If we isolate, then we're still not alone, but it sure feels that way. I'm staying connected.

Today's schedule was a little challenging for me because I wasn't feeling rested, yet I had important appointments keeping me from a nap allowing split shift.  Remember HALT?  (Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) Yeah, I was getting too tired, too quickly and finally, a little after 2pm, I had to take a break for a refresher nap.  I was back at 4pm as planned and finished what I needed to finish by 4:40pm.

I prepared a wonderful dinner tonight (menu on MyFitnessPal and the picture is on my Twitter feed) and then I settled in for a good conference call with the weekly support group.

It's 9:15 and I've decided to post today's blog and hit the pillow early.  I've been battling exhaustion like crazy today, so I'll give myself a pass on the walk tonight.  Tomorrow I'll get a look at the results of my sleep monitoring.  It's the next step in figuring out an immediate solution to my sleep issues. The long term solution is on me--it's getting the extra weight off and getting truly fit, and even then it may not be 100%, but there's a great chance it will be if it's coupled with effective therapy.

I'd love you to follow me on Twitter: @SeanAAnderson and Friend me on MyFitnessPal: SeanAAnderson

Thank you for reading and for your support,
Strength,
Sean

April 24th, 2014 The Puzzle

April 24th, 2014 The Puzzle

The visit with the sleep specialist was powerful to me, like a wake up call of sorts. "How fit were you at 230?" Wow, great question Doc! Not too much, really. Sure, it was all cardio that got me there, never really kick starting the weight training I often fantasized about accomplishing.  I was satisfied with being much smaller and discovering the body underneath the thickness that was me for so long.  It wasn't the fittest body for sure, but miles from the five hundred pound body I maintained for so long. The fact that body composition plays a role in getting good sleep makes perfect sense.  Time for a new goal?  Time to strive for not just weight loss, but overall fitness? Time to hit the weights? Sure! But I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

First thing is getting regulated on a consistent schedule of maintaining the calorie budget, exercising and writing in this blog.  Those are the elements that worked before. Now here's the deal: For various reasons, namely the automatic compulsion to compare my performance today to what I did back then, I've found it isn't as simple as doing what I did from the beginning. There's a whole new awakening, volumes of study about myself that I was blissfully unaware of in the Fall of 2008. I may have referred to myself as a food addict back then, but I wasn't educated to know what all that meant and how it played a significant role in my life. So now, maintaining a calorie budget, exercising and writing consistently, requires an additional commitment to fundamentals all recovering addicts must embrace. Getting to a healthy weight and being more physically fit and living a life of good practice conducive to proper maintenance, is the goal.  It's about so much more than simply losing the weight.

A big part of this journey is being okay with me. Before I go into a thousand word explanation, I'll just leave it at that.  You know what I mean--self compassion, turning off (or at the least-turning down) the critical voice inside that keeps insisting I'm not good enough or not deserving enough or whatever. I'm not a therapist, but I talk with one regularly. What I've learned has been invaluable to my understanding of the human science, the petri dish of experience that has grown into me today.  The common misconception is that knowing and possessing a better understanding of these connections automatically makes breaking away from their hold easier. It does not. I've gained significant weight throughout my therapy process but I've also gained an invaluable education about me.  So what good is it?  The important thing, in my opinion, is to realize it's only a piece of our puzzle. And putting our puzzle together requires more than just having the knowledge of what we do and why we do it, it requires deliberate actions. Simply having a good idea of where the pieces fit doesn't solve the puzzle, you gotta get hands on those pieces--you gotta be willing to physically work the puzzle.  Is it always easy? NO.  Will we get stuck occasionally? YES.  Do we give up and wipe the puzzle into the floor? NEVER.

And from this day forward, this blog will be about deliberate actions. If you've read from the beginning of this blog or at least part of the first couple of years, you'll recognize exactly what it is.  A daily diary.  Now...I can't guarantee I won't go off on a philosophical tangent every now and again, because it comes very easy for me to do---and I'll occasionally get creative--but for the most part, it could get a little boring along the way...at least until you see what's happening and how it's unfolding.

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I hit the snooze bar twice this morning for an additional 18 minutes of sleep.  By the time I hit the floor there wasn't much time for anything but the routine of getting out the door on time. Abbreviating my time for prayer and meditation isn't the best thing to do, but it's often what happens after a night of restlessness.

I make coffee and start breakfast (three whole eggs wrapped in a 60 calorie Joseph's Pita) cooking on low while I get showered and dressed. Multitasking all the way to the door with exactly enough time to drive to the studio, sit down, key the mic and sound as if I'm the most refreshed person in the world.  "Good morning, it's 68 degrees--warm start for us as we go to New York for the latest from ABC..."  I made it.  And I'll be okay until the 10am split.

My employer has allowed me to adopt a split shift schedule throughout this sleep crisis and it's worked relatively well.  I'm toast without the midday nap, so for the most productive version of me in the afternoon, it's become fairly important.  This split schedule isn't ideal really and I look forward to getting my sleep puzzle sorted out and put together so I can function in a more normal way.

I cooked a large and lean sirloin steak during my midday split and it served me for lunch and dinner.  I prepared steak and cheese crunchy tacos for lunch with mozzarella and salsa and for dinner I made a big steak and cheese omelet. I also snacked on apple slices today. I brought a bag of apples to work this afternoon to keep in the studio kitchen.

I arrived home shortly after 5pm and although I didn't plan on taking another nap, I quickly realized my body was insisting, so I complied to a regulated hour (alarm set) nap.  Prepared dinner, listened to a small portion of one of my favorite podcasts (Marc Maron's WTF), made a trip to the store and then to the trail for some exercise. I had a good walk.

My right leg seems to be improving and that's good. Because when it's swollen, it's very hard to justify any kind of exercise that might stress the leg and cause painful sores.  It's a catch 22--because the exercise helps me lose weight and the weight loss dramatically improves the leg swelling.  In order to continue exercising consistently, I'll likely need to start wrapping with compression bandages designed specifically for lymphatic issues. And that's okay.  Whatever it takes.

As I write this, I'm under my calorie budget for the day, I've exercised and I've written a blog post.  I'll be hitting the pillow shortly with the confidence in knowing that I did well today.  And this feeling, when duplicated consistently, has the power to create some seriously positive momentum!

Goodnight, thank you for reading,
Good choices,
Strength,
Sean

What's Going On With Me?

What's Going On With Me?

Several friends have expressed concern for me lately and I sincerely appreciate their inquires. I thought it best to update anyone else who might be concerned: After two sleep labs and a new cpap machine, my body is still rejecting the therapy. This constant state of exhaustion has taken its toll on me in several ways. It's affected my job, my weight loss, my attitude and emotional well being—basically, it's wreaked havoc. 

It's now affecting my voice, and for someone like me who makes a living by speaking—that's pretty scary. 

I've done okay with food because I know eating more isn't the solution to the issue, even when you're too tired to care most of the time. As far as exercise goes, I haven't lately. Why? Aside from the obvious exhaustion, the lack of rest has had an effect, as if I were staying on my feet constantly, causing extreme swelling to my right leg with lymphatic issues (something that, thanks to weight loss, hasn't been an issue in over 4 years). This effect has left me very cautious about putting too much pressure on it for fear of skin breakage. That hasn't happened and I'm doing whatever I need to do to keep it from happening. 

I received a facebook message from a reader who asked, “You're obviously struggling because you're not posting regularly, so how can you “coach” others in your group with Gerri?” Great question, a fair question indeed. First of all, Gerri is the certified life coach in our group. I am a “coach” too, based exclusively on my personal experiences along this road and my ability to communicate and effectively encourage and offer support, as I've done with hundreds of people over the last five years. My struggles with this medical issue hasn't affected my ability to relate to group members, offer suggestions, inspire and motivate in my unique way. The group helps me too, especially with the support and guidance of group members—and of course Gerri Helms, one of the best life coaches in the business. 

 My goals and plans are wonderful and they're still valid, waiting, if you will, while I attend to my immediate health concerns. I'm taking care of me and doing it the best I can with self- compassion and a realistic approach. I'm scheduled to see a specialist tomorrow afternoon and I'm looking forward to finding solutions to my health concerns.

Thank you for reading and for caring,

Sincerely,

Sean