For Me, For You, For Anyone and Navigating The Concession Stand
I laid in bed last night, staring up at the ceiling, thinking about all the changes that I've enjoyed, encountered, endured, survived, and triumphed through. While my mind took me on an introspective trip around my world, my left hand was busy feeling my ribs and what's it called? oh yeah...my hip bone. I do this routine on a regular basis---kind of a personal inventory of where I've been, where I am, and where I want to go. And I know—it's all up to me and my choices. That never changes, and it's a feeling of control that I never knew before. It's always been a universal truth, this “good choices” philosophy, but when you're so buried underneath the crud, the truth—especially when it required getting real honest about behaviors and habits, was always the hardest to see, never mind understanding. I always felt like a victim of my own personal circumstantial situation, completely helpless and hopeless—surely I wasn't meant to be this way, over 500 pounds, extremely unhealthy—trapped, or so I thought. When the empowering emotions start to stir, and the key becomes completely visible---and it was right there within reach the entire time, it's a beautiful thing. For me, for you, for anyone.
I enjoyed a banana, coffee, and several dry shredded wheat biscuits this morning. It wasn't my typical breakfast, but it was the light start that felt right at the moment. I didn't feel like cooking and this was easy. It wasn't going to be a busy Saturday really, I mean—I did have a broadcast from the speedway on my schedule from 4 to 6pm, a pre-race hype fest that's always very easy—and over quickly.
Our radio station has been scheduled at the speedway for the last six seasons—and what I looked forward to and didn't look forward to has changed dramatically right along with everything else that is me. I never looked forward to walking around that place. A tour of pit row? I'll pass, unless you have a vehicle of some kind to get me there. I always looked forward to the concession stand---oh yes, the speedway food was and is still incredible. And they will not charge me for anything, and I've tried to pay. I'm the radio guy—whatever I want here, it's on the house. Oh how I looked forward to that perk before. I would seriously be thinking about it on the drive North. Hmmm, maybe start with a big burger and some nachos, then finish with some pizza—oh, and a couple of straight Cokes. It didn't matter if I was actually hungry—I was lusting after the food, with the only consideration being the taste and the good feeling it gave me on the way into my mouth.
Now---I look forward to the “wow” reactions from people that remember the 500 pound version of me. I look forward to getting out and walking around the speedway—I could run it if I wanted or needed, and I know that for sure. My visit to the concession stand was very different today. With a chicken parmigiana dinner planned at home, I really wanted to conserve my calorie budget. But I still needed something. I opted for a grilled hamburger patty and slices of the most delicious home-grown tomatoes in the world! It would have been easy to just accept the menu presented—but seriously, I have the power to choose---and I did---the best calorie value choices I could make, 325 worth---and I was in good shape for dinner later.
I travel back in time to the exact day a year prior—everyday, just to see where I was—and I never know what I'll find. Today's excerpt touches a subject I haven't had to worry about in over a year: Not fitting in theatre seats. And dancing---uh yeah, never been a dancer. Maybe that will change. From July 10th, 2009:
The Theatre was packed when we arrived, so we decided on balcony seating. It's amazing how comfortable the seats are to me. These are the classic theatre seats that I always avoided. I couldn't sit in them at all at over 500 pounds. If you've experienced this, you know exactly what I mean. Seats so small that you can tell just by looking that there's going to be a problem, a big problem. I wouldn't even try for fear of embarrassment. Several times in the past, I would enjoy a production or concert at the Poncan only if I could have an armless chair placed in the back of the gallery in the physically disabled area. Having to sit back there in a regular chair was really humiliating, but I would just try to forget about it and enjoy whatever it was on stage. The feeling of sitting down in that theatre seat and not only fitting perfectly, but really enjoying the comfort and design, is a giant breakthrough. The show was fantastic. I couldn't get over the level of talent in this show...(Grease!)
...After the show, the cast burst into the street for an old fashioned street dance with the audience members. I was a guest DJ, introduced as The Real Vince Fontaine, sure---we'll go with that. I spoke a few times in between records and left the DJ work to Dave. It's funny, I originally took over the KLOR morning show from Dave in November of 2000. Dave is a major talent---so it wasn't easy to fill those shoes. I did the show until stand-up got in the way a little too much by the spring of 2002 and after a brief time away for the L.A. Adventures, I came back and have solidly established my show over the last six years. It's always at it's best when I have Dave as a guest in studio. That guy is an all around entertainer! I spent the street dance doing exactly what I did as a kid at school dances. I stood around and watched people dance. I've never danced. I want to let go and dance someday, and I know I will, but I guess I'm just not ready for everything right this second. Getting accustomed to the many changes this transformation creates takes a little longer than the transformation. And sometimes it takes reminding myself, hey I can do that now!
I enjoyed a nice dinner tonight, it was amazing really! Chicken parmigiana with spaghetti marinara and garlic toast. The entire plate was 650 calories—now just so you know, that's an educated guesstimate---considering all ingredients. The chicken breast, the breading, the small amount of oil for frying, the spaghetti, sauce---and 150 slice of garlic toast. Honestly---I could have easily cut the toast, I'm not a must have bread kind of person---and it would have brought my reasonable serving to a respectable 500 calories. But tonight—the bread just fit nicely with the dish. The old me would have consumed at least double what you see in the picture below. Learning to appreciate, enjoy, and feel satisfied by a normal portion of anything---is a big change in me along this road.
My 5K walk/jog/sprint tonight was absolutely just what I needed. Yes, I said sprint. I made this 5K work me tonight, I made it an amazing workout. This wasn't just a casual walk in the park. The sprinting was in short spurts of course, 50 yards at most per sprint---but I'm really loving them. Making the decision to accelerate, then pushing my body to move faster---with my knees coming up high and my arms pumping like an Olympic athlete, I was runnnnnning. It's not something I'm used to doing, so I can't do it very long---yet, but that feeling of acceleration—oh my, it's the best feeling.
Today was really good. I'm looking forward to the Positive Effect Water Challenge. It starts Monday, are you signed up and ready? Just leave a comment here saying you're in and ready to drink 64 ounces of pure water a day for three weeks! If you already do---join anyway, and share your tips and tricks for always hitting your water goal. Big thanks to Kenz—she's really inspired me to wrap myself around this challenge, and well---she's just really inspired me.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Not your typical Speedway concession stand items. Funny—they put it in a plastic nachos container!
Eating good food in normal, completely responsible portion sizes---that's what it's about for me. This was an amazing dish!
Big before shot with mom. That was a favorite shirt of mine!
Recent “in-progress” picture---working out at YMCA
Join today! Challenge runs July 12th-August 1st.