"Soon" and "Someday" and Unexpected Blessings Along This Road
In the lyrics of Jimmy Buffet, I find my sentiment toward my normal, calm, confident demeanor: "Come Monday, it'll be all right, come Monday, I'll be holdin' you tight. I've spent four lonely days in a cloud and a haze and I just want you back by my side." The last five days have been crazy busy, and full of exciting new experiences. Some, like the wedding weekend, I've written about, others--not yet. I'm very reserved, a realist with a capacity to never let current reality stand in the way of aspirations, but with a careful, firm grip on the ground below--I confidently proceed toward my highest goals, goals that are closer than they've ever been---all thanks to my weight loss.
This total mind and body transformation is so much more than fitting into booths, airplane seats, and smaller clothes. It's all about living the life you truly desire, and having the health to do and enjoy exactly what you dream. It's big picture thinking, my friend, big picture, the kind of thinking that easily became lost, dusty, and forgotten when I was at my heaviest. It's hard to dream when you're so busy just trying to survive morbid obesity. I challenge you to envision your transformation and for goodness sakes, dream again!
I prepared two whole eggs over easy this morning. No pita, no mushrooms, no cheese...Just a couple of really good--perfectly prepared (thank you very much) over-easy eggs. A little salt and pepper, and it was a very tasty way to start the day. I really should have had a little more---that was only a 140 calorie start. But I needed to make a grocery trip, something my schedule of late has prevented--so I was short on veggies and fruit, and a few other things.
I ended up at the grocery store late tonight--and can you believe that I forgot the mushrooms?? How does that happen? I love mushrooms in my cooking...mushrooms are a staple in the Anderson kitchen, along with mozzarella, Joseph's 60 calorie flax, oat bran, and whole wheat flour pitas, tomato sauce, chicken breast, coffee and non-dairy creamer.
My day today was jam packed from 6am to 5:30pm, with a very small window of opportunity for a nap before play rehearsal. Soon, my schedule will return to normal---"soon," a word I can't stand--because I always said "soon" at my heaviest. When my mom would call me at 2am, consumed with worry and asking, "Son, when are you really going to get busy losing this weight?" I'd always reply, "soon Momma, soon--someday I'll get it together." Yeah---"soon" and "someday," not a big fan of those words.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, a quick nap...I know better, I really do. I don't take "quick" naps. It's all or nothing in the nap department. I woke up in a mad dash to get dressed and on the road to the theatre. I put on my baggy slacks and realized, I've lost enough in just the last two weeks to really notice a difference. I'm constantly pulling up these pants. Really, I may just go out and buy another pair of pants. It's time to completely let go of these 40-42's and fully accept and embrace my current 36-38 waist. I'd look smaller on stage, and that should be motivation enough to get that done at least by Wednesday.
This transformation road is full of unexpected blessings. When I started on Day 1, I never realized that this blog would give me anything more than an accountability factor and therapeutic value in writing out all of my feelings along the way. I was hoping that it might also inspire others, you know---family and friends, and those blessings have and continue to happen, absolutely. But the biggest unexpected blessing for me along this road is when I read something like this from someone I've never known. Here's a couple of comments left on yesterday's blog :
Sean, The day I saw your story featured on AOL is the day that my life changed. I'm 25 years old and I've been overweight for at least 15 of those years. I've struggled so hard with so many of the same things I've read about in your blog so far, and I can't begin to describe how much of a difference in makes to really SEE that I'm not alone, and not just hear someone tell me I'm not.I was on the bandwagon for about two an a half inconsistent weeks, counting my calories and exercising--when I could convince myself too--when I saw your story before work on the 14th. I wrote a journal entry that day, and officially started my own blog the very next. I'm on day 5 of my own journey. Every night I've posted my own blog to my facebook before reading more of yours.I can honestly say that these five days have been some of the most amazing ones of my life, and I've cried almost every one of them! They have been some of the happiest, most relieved tears I've ever shed. In fact, I had to pause writing this response because I teared up when I KNEW my life had changed.Thank you so much.And I'm proud to report that since the 28th of June, I've lost about nine pounds, even with the struggles of the first few weeks." --Melissa S. Anchorage, Alaska
"You can make a new friendship with food that will benefit you the rest of your life" "WOW... breakthrough time! What a great perspective, when for years I've viewed food as more the enemy, than a friend. AND its so true. OMG..I am adding this as a Sean Quote to my 'My Motivational' list!!! Thanyou... you're such a legend Sean!!!" --Mwah
I get tears when I read stuff like this. First of all, let me say this: I'm flattered and completely honored that you use "Sean Quotes," but legend? Uh--no...Thank you though...There's only one weight loss legend in my book, and that's Richard Simmons. There will never be anyone like him. Seriously, I'm just a guy who's been a lifetime food addict, a former 500-pound mess of a man who's finally found a way out of the vicious cycle of morbid obesity. I've found peace with food and have benefited greatly in sharing that transformation process through these writings.
It's a strange dynamic really---the one thing in my life I always hated, always blamed for everything, always feeling suffocated and trapped by my morbid obesity---it's the very experiences and weight loss failures of the past---that have armed me with exactly what I needed to be free today. Morbid obesity has made me who I am. I guess it was either going to kill me---or I was going to pick it apart until I found the answers to break free. It was just a race to see who would win. It certainly doesn't own me anymore, and it never will again. I win.
Play rehearsal was decent. Everybody but me was incredible, I was off...really---I was dropping lines, missing cues---and pulling up my pants.
Tomorrow is Courtney's 17th birthday. Wow, I feel old now. I got married at 17...luckily we always instilled in our girls how ill prepared we were for marriage and parenthood, and how they should be patient--and embrace their own personal growth and independence before rushing into a family. But yeah---her turning 17 tomorrow is kind of messing with me. Don't you know I give thanks for my blessings everyday?---and these two incredible daughters are always at the top of that list.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Tammy--Friend and proud member of the PEWC, tipping it up! You can read Tammy's weight loss blog at www.foodaddict-fromfattofab.blogspot.com
This was my sandwich on the trip back home yesterday. Without mayo, the Jr. Roast Beef Deluxe at Arby's checks in at a very nice 210 calories. Add extra veggies for an even bigger, more satifying--remarkable calorie value! Say what you will about fast food, every now and then---not all the time, but every now and then I've found a way to enjoy fast food and still be successful at losing weight. I always remember--it's not the food or the restaurant, it's my choices that make me win, with a balance of common sense and self-honesty in those choices.