The Excitement In Doing

The Excitement In Doing

There's an excitement in my step and it's one I recognize from the early days of my weight loss success.  I'll be weighing again in a little over a week and every two weeks after and I know, without doubt, I'll find results.  I've been straight up walkin' it.  I've been doing.

And when we're doing, and we're being true to ourselves along this road, there's an alignment of joy that comes over us like no other.  This is what we're looking for.  This is what it's been about.  This is the road to where we want to go.

The other day on my facebook page I posted a "micro-blog" that generated a couple of questions--and I'd like to answers those...

The post:

"At my heaviest, I often asked an endless amount of questions “in search” of the answers I wanted about weight loss. And asking questions is a good thing. Often though, I would keep asking—collecting answers until I heard what I wanted to hear. There comes a time when the questions have been asked and answered, the advice given and received—and there's never a shortage when it comes to this exchange. But there comes a time when we must simply start doing. Simplifying our approach and simply doing what we already know—then occasionally reaching back and incorporating nuggets of advice we've collected along the way, is, in my experience—the way. There comes a time. And it's here. The time is now."

Questions: 
 
Peggy: "You got that right keep it coming because I need all the info I can get. Doc say stop eating this and that and it is not working. How about you? Any answer to that as well?  Hope to hear from you."

Peggy--There's no shortage of advise, of course.  Often, we're told exactly what would be an optimal diet.  We're told lean meats, vegetables, fruits and whole grains--or whatever.  We're given a menu of what would be this ideal consumption list.  And we're given another list of everything we should avoid--and of course it's three times as long.  First of all--The doctor is right in an ideal or "perfect" sense.  I don't know about you, but I'm not perfect.  I'm sure, in the "do and do not" foods listed, he's spot on.  What isn't addressed in this approach is what we've been doing, who we are and what it will take to get us there.  An all or nothing approach might work for some--a drastic cleaning of the cupboards and fridge---and an immediate shift to only what would be considered ideal.  For me, an approach like that would have been going to bed and expecting to wake up a completely different person.  And I might have been able to keep up the charade for a while--but eventually, I would return to my natural inclinations--my familiar territory.  This is why I'm a big proponent of changing the focus from this "ideal" list of foods--and putting it on a gradual evolution of good choices.  Doing--is setting a limit and sticking to it.  Holding a calorie limit sacred--making it the most important goal everyday...and allowing room in your food selection to naturally evolve as you go.  The focus is less about what you're eating and more about the mental dynamics keeping you honest and within the bounds you've set.  First of all--You'll naturally start making better choices simply because you're wanting to get the most value, food, for your available calories.  Secondly--By allowing yourself a natural evolution of good choices, you're eliminating the negative mental effects of "I messed up," when you eat something not on the "perfect" list.  You'll learn much about yourself along the way when you're taking the approach of portion control--eating what you like, but strictly adhering to a set budget.  Eventually you can arrive at a place where you're eating habits are drastically changed in a very natural, productive way.

Nicole: "Figuring out why we do this would be MONUMENTAL, would it not?" 

Nicole-- We do this because it postpones the moment where we take control once and for all.  As long as we convince ourselves we're ill prepared, without the answers we need--it alleviates the responsibility to take charge of ourselves.  And because we're ill prepared, we feel justified in delaying our transformation--it alleviates the feelings of guilt, because we're convinced it's not our fault--we're still a victim because we haven't received the answers we need.  We simply must do.  Enough with the seeking... The answers will come along the way.  And since we're doing, so will results.

I'm headed to Tulsa's Hard Rock Hotel for the Oklahoma Osteopath Association Winter Conference.  I'm a featured speaker Saturday morning.  The name and focus of the conference is "The Ravages of Obesity."  Indeed...yes indeed... It does ravage.  I can't wait to speak to a group very different than any other I've ever encountered: 350 doctors and medical professionals in a room. This will be good.

I'm happy to share my mom's wonderful success!  She, along with my aunt Kelli and her husband Tim are all doing well--on Day 6 of their journey.  They're all supporting one another and all three are experiencing success already.  It was pure joy to hear mom's voice last night as she was telling me how she had already lost 2 pounds... She's feeling the same excitement I talked about earlier.  She knows success is coming.  she's doing.  It's such a great feeling.

I look forward to sharing how this conference goes and what I've learned from the experience.  

I'll be facing "road decisions" with my food---navigating a Toby Keith's Bar and Grill for dinner tonight.  I'll be live tweeting that experience for sure.

I would love for you to follow me on Twitter-- @seanaanderson

More later, my friends...

My best always---thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean   

That's The Cough Syrup Talking

That's The Cough Syrup Talking

Me: I haven't been sick like this in years.  I can't remember the last time.

Long time friend:  This is like "fat Sean sick."

Me: Yeah, it's been that long, sure has.

This conversation has been on my mind all day.  And it's not what I want on my mind.  And still, I've chosen to allow it to bother me.  Has gaining back nearly 60 pounds weakened my immune system?  Do you see what I do to myself?  I know it's raised my blood pressure.  At and around 230--for a year and a half--never sick.  Gain nearly 60, sick twice in the last couple months.  You know what?  This isn't productive, this train of thought.  There's silver linings and a wonderful future to think about.  Like "fat Sean sick," I keep thinking about it. He (my friend) didn't mean anything bad by it, it was simply an observation.  500 pound Sean was sick all the time.  500 pound Sean probably missed a month or more of work a year.  If not a month, pretty close I'm sure.  Anyway... What about those silver linings...

Enough of that garbage.

The good news is, I feel better.  The 2nd trip to the doctor was a great idea.  Oh--I didn't share that here did I?  Yes, Wednesday I made it to work--and made it home even worse than before.  I tried to nap Wednesday afternoon but the throat pain accompanied by headache and nausea wasn't letting me sleep.  My over the counter plan (suggested at my first doctors visit) wasn't working.  Late afternoon (Wednesday) I decided to return to the doctor.  This time it was a different doctor, a PA actually.  She was good--she immediately recognized a sinus infection and seemed to understand exactly what I needed. I needed my throat to stop hurting.  Hurting to swallow is expected with a sore throat, but hurting to breathe and laugh?  That's super sore.  She prescribed an antibiotic, a steroid and the best--worst tasting prescription strength cough syrup with narcotic pain killer in the mix.  Three prescriptions later and I'm doing much better.  My throat pain is gone.  And that's a big one for me.

It's a good thing I'm hardly ever sick, because I'll admit--I'm a BIG BABY. 

Let's discuss healthy stuff, like exercise...

The Sean that's super hard on himself: You realize you haven't had a good workout all week?

Me: I've been sick?

The Sean that's super hard on himself: Yeah yeah, whatever...And you wonder why you've only lost one pound in recent weeks.

Me: I hadn't mentioned that yet.

The Sean that's super hard on himself: Well, what are you waiting for?

Me: I was getting to it.  I thought I would talk about my walk tonight first.

The Sean that's super hard on himself: You mean that little two mile stroll in the park?

Me: You're not good for me.  It wasn't little.  I've been sick.  Two miles outside was enough tonight. It's cold and damp out there...honestly, I shouldn't have been out there to begin with...

Okay--enough of that nonsense.

It was a conversation like this that led me to the trail tonight in the first place.  I made it a couple miles and called it good.  It wasn't my best, but I'm not feeling my best.  It was good for me, right now.  Good for me tonight.

Yesterday at 5:40am I was standing on the scale inside the locker room at our local YMCA.  It's one of those balance scales. I know these are supposed to be the best, but I prefer a digital readout.  I'm seriously contemplating driving every two weeks to the health department in Stillwater just for the trusty digital scales I used during the first three quarters of my initial weight loss.  I'm not complaining because I lost 1 pound.  I'll take it.  I'm okay.  I was expecting a few more actually--and I'll get them, they're coming off.  No worries. For now, at this moment--I weigh 288.  I don't like that at all.

I stopped at the post office today to ship a few orders from my website and I ran into someone who's known me for some time.  She asked how I was doing--and of course I immediately thought she had recognized weight gain--and so naturally I start explaining---"well, yeah---I've gained some, 59 pounds and..." And she interrupted me and asked... "Really?  I hadn't noticed. You still look great."  Now--I'm not sure if she was being nice or if she just didn't pay close enough attention before...or maybe I feel and notice it more than anyone.  There's a noticeable difference.  I've had a couple people come right out and say it... So I know it's noticeable.  59 pounds--well, now 58...Is noticeable.  I'm lucky I'm 6'3 and carry my weight as well as I do.  By the way-- I did say thank you to the nice lady at the post office. (even if I didn't fully believe her)

Tomorrow I'll be doing what I love to do: Speaking to a group of people about weight loss and all of the dynamics I've discovered and continue to discover along the way.  I'll be speaking of success, struggle and the balance we find along the way.  I'll be speaking of this blog and my book too and how sharing my life so openly has helped me while at the same time, challenged me.

Next Saturday I'll be traveling to a speaking event at the Hard Rock Hotel in Tulsa where I'll be speaking to a conference of doctors.  I'll be giving them my experience, philosophies and insight on obesity and weight loss.  It'll be an interesting experience, I'm sure!  I'm truly honored to be invited to their big conference!

I haven't been doing my metabolism any favors the last several days.  I've come in under budget because I simply haven't felt like eating. Lots of eggs, soup and jello.  Easy stuff.  I'll be back to feeling like me again 100% in a day or two, maybe three tops as I continue to take this arsenal of medication. 

I better call it a night.  Thank you for reading...goodnight and,  (if you think this post is loopy--I blame the cough syrup)

Good Choices,
Sean

We Don't Need Any Stinkin' Blogging Rules

We Don't Need Any Stinkin' Blogging Rules

A return to daily posting is something I've resisted for some time.  And if you've followed this blog, you know I've done a stellar job resisting.  Why?  Oh, now--I could come up with a dozen excellent sounding excuses, all of which you could easily argue against, and you would most likely be right.

My biggest excuse (the one I used frequently) was the time commitment.  I once treated this blog like there was a rigid list of rules stating:

All Posts Must Be At Least 6,000 Words
Every Post Must Include Multi-Media Content
Each Post Requires a Minimum Time Commitment of 1.5 Hours

I enjoy the occasional "mega-post," I do indeed, (and I'll occasionally have the time and material to crank out one of these super-post) but since this isn't currently my full time job, I can't abide by these self-imposed imaginary rules any longer. Tony Posnanski is a brilliant example of quality over quantity.  I'm pretty sure he's written entire blog entries on his phone--in between sets in the weight room at his local gym. 

My most honest excuse (one I've rarely said--and usually to my therapist only--Yet, it's the most obvious) is this: When I'm not doing my best, when I'm struggling--I'm not as motivated to write.  It's as simple as that.  It doesn't mean I've struggled the entire time spent away from daily posting, after all--I stopped posting daily in August 2010, hit goal in November 2010 and maintained for nearly a year and a half before I started struggling again.  I credit my regular facebook "micro-blogs," for sure.  But the point is this: I give myself the greatest chance of success when I'm posting daily right here on The DAILY Diary of a Winning Loser.  The ups and downs, the struggles--the victories...That's what this blog is all about... a complete picture, an unvarnished example...The good, the bad and the awesome.

I woke up this morning feeling sick.  I didn't sleep well because of a tooth ache.  This issue had progressively worsened (as these things tend to do) and this morning it decided to grab and hold my attention.  I took some ibuprofin and decided to somehow make it through my radio show.  As I settled into the studio, so did the pain, for a little while at least.  As soon as I was off the air I started making calls for available appointments.  The second call I made had an opening at 1:30pm.  It wasn't my regular dentist, but it didn't matter. I needed out of pain as quickly as possible. And after a couple hours in the dentist office, I was out of pain--oh yes I was...and the right side of my face was completely numb.  I was drooling and I didn't even know it--that's how much I wasn't feeling any pain.  Obliviously drooling...it was great.

I was told not to chew on my right side and to only eat soft things, "like ice cream."  Yeah--they don't know me very well, do they? ;)

By the time I reached my apartment after 4pm, my calorie budget was sitting at a very low 350 calories--all from lunch and my morning coffee.  I had tortilla soup with four crackers and some cheese.  I rarely skip breakfast, but I did this morning because of the throbbing tooth pain.  I opened another can of soup this evening--added a few crackers and cheese on the side and cut up an apple--and still, I'm under 1,000 for the day.  Again, not typical--but circumstances took away my desire to eat.

I decided to rest after the dentist and at least have a walk before nights end.  I planned on a 5K...ended up only doing two laps for 1.75 miles.  Everything considered, I'm happy with today.  I'm also hungry.

But it's way too late to eat anything.  I'll have a good breakfast in the morning.

I'll leave you with this thought from my facebook micro-blog today:

"I've said it many times: “I know myself.” What we know is based on what we've experienced, the choices we've made—the patterns of the past. That is what we know. Do we know of what we are truly capable? Believing in ourselves requires faith in what we haven't known, an unwavering faith in our ability to choose change. It truly does not matter what we've done, where we are starting or what we know. Believe, and this time will be like nothing you've ever known." 

Thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean 

Staying In The Present

Staying In The Present

Yesterday was my two year anniversary of hitting goal.  (Click here to see the post from Goal Day) It was a magical day I'll never forget. I had mentioned it earlier in the week on facebook, yet I DID forgot about it all day yesterday.

How could I forget?

It was a very busy Friday in radio land with my morning show, commercial production and a remote broadcast from 1 to 5pm.  Not once did I reflect on the significance of the day.  I focused exclusively on staying within the limits of my calorie budget.

It's appropriate really.  I've spent way too much time celebrating my victory and not enough time taking care of myself in order to maintain.  Instead of celebrating yesterday, I was planning my strategy for a successful food day.  I was staying in the present.  Being aware; realizing these are critically important times for my development is a constant focus.

I made sure to get up early enough to prepare and pack items to get me through an eleven hour day.  I started with an egg white/mozzarella/turkey bacon breakfast taco with a couple extra strips of turkey bacon.  I packed apples, carrots, and yogurt as snacks for the long day ahead.  I came home and prepared lunch right before my 1pm broadcast.  A good lunch was exactly what I needed, insuring I wouldn't feel hungry when the free pizzas arrived during the event.  Because yes--free pizzas, and plenty of them are a regular feature of many of these.  Of course hunger, with or without, hasn't necessarily been a binge factor to me.  In other words, I never had to be physically hungry to dive into a binge.  Not being hungry during the broadcast would be one of the elements helping me avoid the free pizza table, but really--probably the smallest element.

Learning how I react to certain foods has been and continues to be an ongoing education.  Identifying my personal trigger foods is invaluable information for my continued success.  Identifying foods and meals that satisfy me without torturing my resolve, without triggering the compulsive side is equally important.



This lunch was a delicious 300 calories.  It was satisfying and it didn't send me into a feeding frenzy fight for my life.

I ignored the pizza table at my broadcast.  Two different people suggested "better grab some pizza" and "there's pizza back there..."

Yeah...I know exactly where to find the pizza.  I also know where I want to be mentally and physically and a mid-afternoon pizza snack doesn't fit into that plan. "Thank you, I'm good" was my response.

By the way--My broadcast was at a water company.  It was a nice reminder to up my water consumption.  Getting enough water has been an ongoing challenge over the last four years.

I finished my day with turkey burgers (yes two) and a late walk in the park.  It was a very nice anniversary day.

Thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

Day 1,222 Please, Let's Go Behind The Curtain: The SCZ Examined

Day 1,222

Please, Let's Go Behind The Curtain: The SCZ Examined

I have spoken and written about the “Steel Curtain Zone” many times. The SCZ is simply a barrier I have erected between me and my old behaviors where food is concerned.

It was born from necessity when I made my ICD, or “Iron-Clad Decision” to choose change.

This ICD meant I wasn't going to allow any person, place, thing, emotion, circumstance, celebration, misfortune, stress, or whatever else, be used as an excuse for failure. This time, I wasn't letting myself off the hook easily, or ever again.

I have a calorie limit daily and although I choose to eat any type of food I want I cannot violate the Calorie Bank and Trust©. That is an unbreakable SCZ rule and it requires a level of self-honesty in my choices and portions I never knew before this incredible blessing started.

It also forces me to naturally make better nutritional choices, because it's my intent to get the most value from my calorie “dollar.”

I started thinking about how many times I have used the term “Steel Curtain Zone” and how you might get the wrong impression. The term “steel curtain” brings to mind something unmovable, as it should.

However, it was never my intention to lead you or anyone to believe that behind the steel curtain stands a man of steel. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It dawned on me that out there somewhere, reading my words, might be someone else who sees the term steel curtain zone and feels "I could never do that. I don't have the willpower. I'm not made of steel"

If that's you, then you really need to know this right now: I'm not made of steel either.

The curtain is steel, but I'm not.

Maybe you think I'm just playing verbal gymnastics with you, but no, honestly, I'm not.

There is a world of difference between me being a man of steel and me being behind a steel curtain. You see, it is precisely because I am NOT made of steel that I need the steel curtain.

The SCZ protects me.

I am weak. It is recognizing my weakness that has brought me victory. There has been a lot of struggle behind the steel curtain. Inner changes that had to take place in my mind to allow me to change physically. The steel curtain didn't just keep food out, it kept me in.

While food was out there on the other side of the steel curtain, I was left on this side doing whatever I had to do to not violate the steel curtain.

In the end, I discovered this was the REAL battle. Me learning to allow myself to win. The SCZ coupled with the CB&T© made it possible for me to focus on the real inner battle for the first time in my life.

I was no longer battling food. I was no longer fighting the wrong battle, and I didn't have to, because I was safe behind the steel curtain.

I had to watch myself and learn all the different ways my inner self would try to rip away the safety of the steel curtain.

There, safe behind the curtain, I was finally free to learn about myself. Learn my weaknesses AND my strengths. I don't know if this helps you, but I know it helps me to look at this. Mainly I just wanted to let you know and remind me, that I am not a man of steel.

If I ever actually believe I'm a man of steel, I would quickly become lost again.

Before this transformation I saw myself as helpless, hopeless, and a lost cause. I believe one can be just as lost on the other side of the road if they start thinking of themselves as invincible.

I know that I am not and that is why I, Sean A. Anderson, a mere mortal, still need the “Steel Curtain Zone.”

Thank you for reading, goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

It would be an honor to personally ship you a signed copy of my book "Transformation Road-My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back," available for purchase directly from my website www.transformationroad.com

Also--I would be thrilled for you to join me on Facebook. My personal page is www.facebook.com/seananderson505 and I hope you'll also "like" the book page: www.facebook.com/transformationroad