Saturday, August 16, 2014

August 16th, 2014 No Longer On My List

August 16th, 2014 No Longer On My List

My day started earlier than my late bedtime encouraged. I was scheduled for a location broadcast at a grocery store where the special of the day was fresh roasted Hatch Chili Peppers from Hatch, New Mexico. Guess what ingredient you'll likely see in some of my dishes! I started with lunch today.

One of the effects of taking extraordinary care in preparing and enjoying my food is the excitement I feel when I think of something new or something old, made new again.  I made chili relleno bean tostados for lunch. Oh my--incredible. The flavor of the Hatch Chili was phenomenal, taking my usual bean tostados to another level. I left off the usual sour cream simply because I didn't want to diminish the flavor of the chili. With the reduced fat shredded cheddar and mozzarella, it really tasted like a chili relleno!

I decided to walk, outside in the middle of a hot August afternoon. I'm not sure what I was thinking. Actually, I was thinking it would be quicker than going to the YMCA--and it's been a while since I've visited the trail. I did a short 1.7 miles that felt like 7.1 from the heat and humidity. It was hot!! I was dripping wet.

I had a very nice evening out with some very special people. I knew the plan was to ride go-carts and have dinner at a pizza restaurant. First, the go-carts: Wow. It was an amazing experience. I really thought I would need the two seater, but no--I didn't! I was able to enjoy the go-cart in the regular size. This would not have been possible 69 pounds ago, I promise you. The experience reminded me of the freedom I felt when I first rode a roller coaster. I've driven a go-cart before. It wasn't a new experience, but the thought of, I can do this now, was powerful. When you're as big as I was not too long ago--and especially when I was at my heaviest, there's a big long list of things you simply cannot do because of your size. For me, go-carts is no longer on my list of things I can't enjoy.

The pizza restaurant took some planning. I knew they made a special gluten free thin crust pizza. The question was the sauce. Does it contain sugar? I called the restaurant earlier this afternoon and expressed how important it was to me that I know with certainty one way or the other. I spoke with two different people and finally was able to confirm the sauce was sugar free! I shared a small 10 inch veggie pizza and the calorie count was much smaller than I expected. My calorie budget was a little low this evening because I drastically overestimated how many calories I needed to spend on the pizza. It made some room in my budget for something I rarely enjoy...

Wine! I'm not a drinker really, at all. I will occasionally enjoy a small amount. And by occasionally, I think my last was a couple of years ago. I allowed two measured 4 ounce servings, 98 cal each. It wasn't bad, it was a good year. Isn't that what wine drinkers say? A good year? :)

I had a wonderful time this evening. I'm feeling very good about some developments in my personal life and it has me trying to decide what is appropriate to share and what I want to keep private. I've learned many tough lessons over the last six years of this blog--and one of them involves what's appropriate to share--and what's good to keep private and personal. This is first a weight loss blog--but really, it's about so much more--it's about freedom and living, it's about life. So yeah--perhaps I'll share a little more in the coming days about this development, because it's certainly about life. And it's good.

My food Tweets today:
















Thank you for reading and for your support!
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, August 15, 2014

August 15th, 2014 I Believe It Now

August 15th, 2014 I Believe It Now

It has been a very long Friday! I had a full day at work and then a meeting this evening with organizers of a big music festival coming up Labor Day weekend. The meeting included a buffet of fried chicken wings, beef ribs and a big selection of fruits, veggies and cheese. I was planning to eat something home cooked afterward, so I opted for some fruit and cheese to hold me over. It worked perfectly.

It was neat to meet and mingle with studio staff of other competing radio stations. I felt a nice confidence within me while I was in the room and why not? I do mornings at the number one station! I'm not bragging, I'm noting something that stuck out to me. You see, I'm someone who, for the most part, has lacked confidence my entire life, except in my broadcasting skills. It's the one area where even at my heaviest I carried an air of confidence. Perhaps it's because I've been doing it since I was 16 years old. Maybe it's also because when I'm behind the microphone, my truest personality comes through, because you can't see me. 

I'm just a voice coming out of your speakers. In your radio speaker, appearance is completely taken out of the equation, the second I turn on the microphone the one element I've allowed to make me feel less than my entire life (until very recently) no longer exists. Tonight, there wasn't a microphone to hide behind and it didn't matter. I felt amazing. It was another example of the power of what I refer to as my self-worth/identity epiphany day, May 15th, 2014. I'm just now feeling the same confidence in person as I've enjoyed inside people's radios all these years. This mental dynamic is fascinating to me. The freedom it offers to just be myself feels beyond description.

It was very interesting in the room tonight. Different stations were set up at their own tables and nobody was mingling. I was the only one making my way around, introducing myself and shaking hands with people from different stations, asking names and chatting about the upcoming festival and the artists on the lineup. We weren't there competing for listeners tonight, we were all there for the common goal of making this giant two day festival a big success. I'm looking forward to standing on that big stage and greeting the thousands expected, then introducing several of the big name acts. I'm not sure I would have been looking forward to this not too long ago. Now I'm like, bring it on! It feels good. My demeanor in public has changed. It's like getting the confidence I once thought was only possible at an optimal weight, early. Because honestly--it doesn't matter what I weigh, and that's what's so special about this feeling. It is a feeling that truly is NOT dependent on what the scale says. I'm me, and me is good enough, always. It always was, actually--I just didn't believe it before. I believe it now.

A major part of the epiphanies of May 15th is the importance of nurturing the core of who we are--the likes, the talents, the things we enjoy, the things that bring us the most joy in life. Stand-up comedy was absolutely one of those things for me. So I made a phone call yesterday to a classy little place not far from our downtown studios. We're meeting early next week to discuss a stand-up comedy night, hosted by me! I've given much thought to this for the last several weeks. In the spring I plan on doing a bigger show with a few old comedy friends of mine as a charity benefit for local domestic violence programs. I already have a verbal commitment from the 800 seat theatre where our studios are located and I already have a name: Stand-Up Against Domestic Violence. Perfect! In the meantime I need a place to workout all of the new material I've been writing--that's why a comedy night at the classy joint down the street is very important!

The material has been coming so easily lately. When it does, I make notes in my phone so I don't forget. Last Sunday while driving to Stillwater and back with Noah and Amber, I had to ask Amber to make notes for me while I drove. The ideas sprout from our conversations. I haven't been this inspired, ever. And I am because I'm nurturing the core of who I am. I'm happy and it shows.

I do not have aspirations for a revival of my comedy career. I'll not be driving hours and hours to venues all across the U.S. chasing the stand-up dream and I certainly will not be moving to L.A. again like I did years ago. I simply need an outlet for something that is an important part of me. Not to make money, not to achieve fame--it's simply to express myself in a form I've suppressed and largely ignored for far too long.

I enjoyed a very colorful variety of foods today!










Thank you for reading and your continued support. It's been a very busy week and I've fallen way behind in reading and supporting my favorite blogs. I plan on catching up with everyone this weekend. If you have a question or comment, leave it below and I'll be sure to reply to each and every one. If you have a blog that isn't listed on my blogroll along the left hand side of the page--then by all means, comment with the URL and I'll be sure to check it out!

Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, August 14, 2014

August 14th, 2014 Giving My Taste Buds A Workout

August 14th, 2014 Giving My Taste Buds A Workout

When I say "I eat what I like and nothing I don't," it doesn't mean I'm not willing to try new things. It simply means I don't believe in choking something down that isn't appealing in the name of losing weight. This is why I don't eat salads. However, I've learned throughout the last 6 years to at least give some things a try and when I'm encouraged (I'll rarely do it on my own), I'll usually suspend my natural inclination to reject what isn't familiar and open up. I did that today.

I received an exclusive invite to the private home of this area's most prominent "all natural-whole foods-single source-straight from the garden-meat from the local rancher-clean eating-gourmet" type person for a lunch very different from my usual fare. Her name is Katherine, but everyone calls her Kat for short. I first met Kat and her husband Steve through my connections in our exceptionally strong local community theater scene. Kat is also a regular guest on my radio show as a representative of this area's economic development authority. Kat is passionate about food and nutrition in ways I wouldn't even begin to realize I could or should care about. Her commitment is on the highest level. She knows her stuff. I don't know my stuff too well in this department and honestly, I kind of like it that way. We'll nicely call this an ignorant bliss. But at the same time, I refuse to close my mind to learning new things or trying something different.

I almost declined the invitation, for just a second, simply because I love what I eat and I wasn't sure if I was honestly willing to try anything "too new" or "out there" at this time. Of course, what if I did try something different and ended up discovering another asparagus? There was a time when I wouldn't touch asparagus, not even on a dare. I remember writing about my aversion years ago and drawing encouragement from several, namely fellow weight loss blogger Divad in Canada. She wrote how grilled asparagus was like candy. I like candy. So I tried asparagus--and WOW.  It quickly became my favorite vegetable in the entire world. Could there be other foods I haven't given the time of day that could possibly be as wonderful as asparagus? I'll never know unless I take a bite. Or a few bites. Or an entire lunch.

I arrived at noon and made my way through the gardens surrounding their home. Kat was outside, hidden among the rows of edible foliage as she cut fresh herbs to garnish the expertly prepared dishes. And I thought I took extra time, care and attention in preparing my meals! Kat has me beat.

The table was set upon my arrival and when she pulled back the coverings, I was slightly relieved it wasn't a giant salad. I couldn't have done it--and I think Kat knows me well enough to know this, thank goodness. Still, the dishes were just outside of my comfort zone, challenging me to have an open mind and at least attempt to find something to my liking from the spread of new things.

Kat doesn't necessarily concern herself with calorie counts but for me, she did. Each dish was weighed, measured and counted. It was a very nice, accommodating gesture. I dined on a zucchini noodle pesto and lentil beans with sprouted wild rice topped with sauteed onions, mushrooms and garlic. What does sprouted mean? It isn't cooked--it's soaked until it sprouts to life. Seriously--this food is alive. In the name of trying everything, I also put some of the sweet potato/beet salad with balsamic on my plate--but after one bite my finicky kid-like taste buds deemed it unacceptable and I tossed it in the floor. I'm kidding. I "accidentally" knocked it off the table. Still kidding. Seriously now, I politely informed her "I can't do that." Kat was cool, a cool Kat, if you will. She understood.

We also had a spot of zero calorie herbal hot tea, which made me feel slightly British. I almost insisted we speak with British accents as we dined. It was an elegant touch. Kat finished off this generous offering with a half serving banana shake made with 1/2 a banana, coconut oil, raw-local honey, cinnamon, walnuts and water. It was really good, not too sweet, sugar free--and, yeah--nice. I will definitely be trying the zucchini noodles again, perhaps hot with a fresh tomato and herb sauce. The lentils with sprouted rice was different but not bad at all. Overall, it was a very good experience. Just getting out of my comfort zone was good. A little anxious, but in the end a good experience. Thank you Kat!

I was given VIP tickets for the big Michael McDonald/Toto concert tonight. They were playing 25 minutes away, but the concert had a start time of 8pm--and on a work night, especially with everything else I do--it just didn't seem reasonable for me. But then I started humming their songs throughout the day and by 4pm I decided to get what I needed to get done, then allow myself to enjoy the VIP section at what was sure to be an exceptional concert filled with hit after hit song.

I made my way to the YMCA for a solid elliptical workout on level 8, then I headed down the street from the Y to my favorite little Mexican restaurant. This little place is the home of the Hawaiian Fajitas I'm crazy about. I figured I could get my workout finished and dinner complete before the show--then all I would have left to do later was write and drop in bed.

I tightened my calorie budget for this restaurant trip, opting to skip the chips and salsa. I also turned away the cheese, beans, rice and guacamole--instead focusing my attention on assembling my "special order" entree, with crispy corn shells instead of the typical flour tortillas.

As I enjoyed my dinner, I thought about my desire to get more sleep. The more I thought about it, I realized my best move would be to skip the concert and head home--write the blog and go to bed early for a change. It was a tough decision. I was getting really excited about seeing the concert. I even performed vocal impressions of both McDonald and Toto for the tellers at the bank when they mentioned they hadn't ever heard of them. I assured them they would know the music and after my impressions, they agreed they did. Of course they might have agreed simply to shut me up. By the way, I was the only customer in the bank at the time.

Skipping the concert was a tough call to make, but an important one. Unfortunately, upon my return to my apartment, I found my internet service not working. I waited and waited. I did the trouble shooting. Then I called the customer service line for my provider. I learned they had a fiber line cut and their entire system was 100% out of service. This wasn't what I wanted to hear. It meant I would need to either wait until first thing in the morning to write this blog--assuming it would be fixed by then, or make my way to the studio across town to get this edition on the record. I opted to make the trip to the studio and get it done. I arrived and immediately remembered a work project I forgot to finish earlier today--so the first little while here was spent doing studio duties. My point is, my intentions to get to bed early didn't work out like I planned. Perhaps I should have joined Michael and Toto after all.

My food Tweets (and a few others) from today:

   












I haven't had my bedtime snack #lastfoodofday yet or I would have included it here. Might have a small pear or something else light when I get home.

Thank you for reading and as always, the blog post discussion "after party" is in the comments section of each post. Do you relate to some of the dynamics explored? Have a comment? Have a suggestion? Do you have your own weight loss blog you would like to share with me and everyone else? I'll be sure to reply to your comment. Looking forward to our virtual visit!

Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

August 13th, 2014 Weigh Day Edition

August 13th, 2014 Weigh Day Edition

My identity and self worth does not increase with weight loss and it doesn't decrease with weight gain. No matter what the scale says, I'm happy with who I am and what I'm about. And I am because I'm taking extraordinary care and my commitment will not waver. This was what I focused on this morning as I prepared for weigh day.

I was a little concerned going in especially after discovering the calorie burn discrepancy. I've been eating more intentionally because I sincerely thought I was burning more! It actually worked in my favor. All of those nights when I didn't get to my 1200 net after calories burned, I was actually making it there and beyond nearly every time. Considering I ignored this metabolism advice during my initial weight loss, opting to stay at 1500 calories per day regardless of my exercise and then I still hit my stated goal, made it even harder to open my mind enough to trust.

My goal is no longer a number. My perspective has changed dramatically. Now, my goal is to achieve a healthy weight, whatever that might be and along the way, take care of my body in ways foreign to my initial weight loss. My last weigh in was a 7 pound loss--so in my mind, I was fully prepared for a smaller loss. Considering the increased calories lately, I was preparing myself for consistency over speed. I was shocked when I stepped on the doctor's office scales today and found:
photo photo25_zps27778465.jpg
11 pounds down from last time! Actually, 11.2 from the 336.2 three weeks ago. I was stunned for a moment as I tried to remember my weight from last time. I was disoriented. I actually had to look for the last weigh day scale picture on my phone before confirming the statistics.

The doctor's office staff are really starting to get into this every three weeks. They were full of smiles and congrats today--and questions about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. It felt good.

It was mid-April when these same office staffers found me weighing my top regain weight of 394. I was incredibly miserable that day. Gaining back 164 pounds of a 275 pound weight loss was a hard thing to accept, even though we all know it could have been much worse. I could have gained it all back plus some, I mean really, that's usually how it works. And I was headed back there very quickly when I finally reached the point of enough. I remember being so relieved because I hadn't crossed back into the 400's.

I have a six month checkup appointment with my doctor on Monday and if his office staff hasn't told him about any of this progress, he's in for a big surprise.

Six months ago our appointment was about high blood pressure medicine, my sleep apnea and possibly considering some alternative methods of getting the weight off. I was a scared man in his office six months ago. Scared, disappointed, ashamed, guilty, sad and in some ways, "in hiding" from the person I wanted to be; the person I truly believed I was. Today, it goes without saying--I can't wait to see the doctor! I'm a very different person. And this difference has nothing to do with the 69 pound loss. I'm changed on so many other, much deeper levels.

I've lost 69 pounds in 16 weeks. I'm 95 pounds from my previous healthiest weight. I love that. But what I love even more is the truest and most profound self-love I've ever allowed. It's changed my life regardless of the number on the scale.

My plan was to do the spin and swim combo this evening, but when work duties called I cancelled the swimming. I strapped the heart monitor on before spinning class and ended with it registering a 437 calorie burn. This number is a little over half the 800 calories I thought I was burning . It's all good! I was able to stay just under my 1700 budget and still hit 1,245 net calories after calories burned. I love having an accurate number!

I couldn't be happier with my progress. It's very easy for me to conclude the weight gain was actually a blessing in disguise. Had I not gained so much of the weight I initially lost, I would have missed some critical elements I needed to learn. I'm open and willing to learning more and more.

My food tweets today:

 










Thank you for reading and your continued support. Join us in the comments section for further discussions!
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

August 12th, 2014 My Calorie Burn Truth

August 12th, 2014 My Calorie Burn Truth

I woke up this morning feeling good despite not enough sleep. I've resolved to not complain about this dynamic anymore because if it's going to change, I must make it happen. Me complaining about not getting enough rest gets really old if I'm clearly not making it a priority. I don't write those words to be hard on myself, it's just truth. 

I can admit it: I'm addicted to analyzing, dissecting, then communicating the dynamics of this journey from my perspective. Writing in a way that communicates simply and effectively is one of my passions. I take this road many of us travel very seriously. It's critically important to me. And for me, there's no greater joy than when I hear from someone who writes how something I've experienced, analyzed, dissected and effectively communicated has helped them in some way. In many ways, it's even bigger than the joy I feel for my own fantastic progress. 

I'm not alone. You'll find a wonderful community of weight loss bloggers listed along the left hand sidebar of this blog. I've learned and I continue learning incredible things from these beautiful people. I encourage you to scroll down and check out some of these if you haven't already. And if you have a blog I frequent and you don't see it listed--it's an oversight on my part. Let me know! And if you have a blog I haven't enjoyed--let me know the blog address--just leave it in the comments section so I, and anyone else who reads here, can check it out.

I started this morning with some quiet time; a prayer and short meditation for another successful day. I made the coffee and settled down to the computer for a few minutes while I enjoyed my first cup. By the way--I've officially made the switch from using my non-dairy creamer to using almond milk and Pyure Brand Organic Stevia with a dash of cinnamon in my cup. I can now officially proclaim 100% abstinence from sugar, instead of the 97% with a little asterisk to note the coffee creamer. I opened up the blog and found a wonderful comment from Becky in California:

"Sean, I can't tell you how much hope this post gave me. It was so beautiful to read. My weight loss efforts still feel a bit like swimming upstream against my comfort-eating desires... like this morning when I really wanted pancakes at Denny's, and went and got them. And it's more than just wanting the pancakes, it's not wanting to count calories. It still feels like being on a leash to me, and that is what I rebel against. I can't seem to get over that chasm and into a head space where I can think of calorie counting as a Tool for My Benefit and Ultimate Happiness. I guess it's kind of like wanting to be rich and not having to worry about balancing my checkbook... LOL. Yes, it's an immature attitude, I know. I just get frustrated being surrounded by people that maintain a normal weight without ever thinking twice about how many calories, or how much sugar, or any of that. I say all this not to be negative, but to let you know that I know you have been where I am now, and reading that you have reached a point of peacefulness and joy in your relationship with food truly does give me hope. Now if you could just write a guidebook on how to get from where I am to where you are, I would be so grateful! I'm so tired of yo-yo-ing."

Becky's incredible support of what I do is sincerely appreciated. I related 100% to her words. I could pinpoint moments in time when I carried the exact same perspective. I couldn't help myself, I had to reply right then and there. Becky inspired me with her comment to explore my own experience and communicate the perspective that has helped me break away from what was naturally ingrained for years. So--remember, I'm addicted, Let's strike that word and use "passionate" instead. I'm passionate about communicating (translation: A long reply on the way!), so I replied:

"I'm so glad this post gave you some perspective, Becky! Thank you for your complimentary words!
It's important for you to know that what you're feeling is very normal and you're so right, I've been RIGHT THERE where you are, in a "jealous and rebellious" place. When we see people around us who can eat whatever they want, whenever they want--without too much worry, and never gaining an ounce--and some even go as far as bragging about this wonderful ability--it stings!!! I was never happy for these people and their natural metabolic blessings because I was too busy wanting to be like them, too busy being jealous of them--and too busy chasing the idea that I could be like them too-- I wanted to be "normal," or better, I wanted to be their "normal." 


What I didn't understand was "normal" is a relative term. While I was trying to be someone else's normal, I completely rejected my own, rebelled against it and ate my way into spending two decades near, at or above 500 pounds. The frustration of this perceived injustice led to feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness and despair--and when these feelings started swirling, my solution was always to eat more in an attempt to comfort. 

Is it fair? Depends on your definition of "fair." We're simply different. Their normal isn't ours because our bodies do not naturally handle things the same way. But it doesn't make us less than, it simply is what it is, it's us--it's our normal. It's unfortunate in a few ways--namely because the coping mechanism many of us use isn't something our bodies are naturally designed to handle. Our normal doesn't match our perceived version of "normal." 

When we embrace our "normal," and we decide to let go of these very natural reactions to want to be anything other than what we are, that's when we can start getting to a more positive place--a solid ground for our foundation moving forward.

The wonderful news here, Becky--is that we can experience a wonderful life. We can decide to shift our perspective and embrace what we once rejected and resented. We can take this lot, and do a 180, looking at it from a different angle than ever before--Does it require some effort? Big time. Is it easy? No. Are we worth it? YES. We deserve to live better, Becky. For you and me--and people like us, it takes an extra effort, but this effort can give us some of the most wonderful peace and harmony we've ever known... And here's something interesting to think about: How fortunate are we to be able to reach this place of peace and harmony? Some who can eat whatever they want are not living in this place because they have other things going on in their heads. 

Willingness, accepting and embracing where you are--loving what is your normal, isn't impossible Becky--understanding that you can--you can reach a place of peace and harmony with this, is very comforting. 
Pick up the tools enabling you to experience this new and different perspective--don't reject, embrace-- and mostly-- realize that you are your normal--and that is something good. You're exceptional, you're fantastic--you are you and there's only one of you!!! Be kind to you--be compassionate--allow yourself to proceed with a feeling of empowerment, not discouragement. The difference is found in the perspective you choose.I've kind of rambled on here...I hope some of this makes sense. My best, Becky. Thank you for your wonderful support. My best."    

I told you it was a long reply! I made need to join a brevity challenged writers support group...or start one. 

Dupster replied:
"Wow, what a great reply Sean. THIS reply should be a blog all by itself. So much insight and wisdom! Thanks!"

Becky replied:
"Wow. Sean. I didn't expect you to take the time to write such a lengthy response when you have to work today-- let alone such a PERFECT response. I told you that writing a guidebook was impossible, but I think you just did it. Your words ring true and hit me in both heart and head simultaneously. Thank you for your understanding, support, patience and wisdom. So much."

This is how I started my day. After this, I knew I would be propelled toward another successful day.  

I prepared and enjoyed dinner in the six o'clock hour right before my Tuesday night weight loss support group conference call. This is a major victory for me, someone who routinely eats dinner incredibly too late!

The call was wonderful tonight. Immediately after, I prepared myself for an elliptical workout at the YMCA. I recently borrowed a heart monitor in order to get an accurate measure of calories burned during my workouts. Tonight was the elliptical. Tomorrow evening will be spinning class. I entered my current weight, height and sex into the device, strapped it around my back and chest and headed toward the Y with an air of excitement about the revealing statistical information to come!

I did my usual 30 minutes, this time on level 8 instead of 6. My heart rate reached 152 at its highest--but mostly stayed in the 140's. I was dripping with sweat by the time I finished. I stepped down off the machine and immediately stopped the device. Then, instantly--my suspicions were confirmed. This incredibly accurate device, linked directly to the heart in my chest, registered a calorie burn of 344 calories. That number is HALF what My Fitness Pal has been saying for an elliptical workout on level 6--and this was level 8.

What does this mean? Well-- it means on some days I've eaten more than I needed. It also means on some days when I was stressing about hitting 1200 net calories after calories burned--and not making it, I actually did! I suspect spinning class will burn much more than this tomorrow--but not the 800 calorie burn I've been counting. This is great information to have! I'm sold 100%--I'm buying one of these heart monitors very soon!

Today I consumed 1,582 calories. I entered a 15 minute elliptical workout into MFP instead of the 30 minutes I completed in order to get the closer to accurate reading of 342 calories burned (actually 344). My net calories after exercise calories burned was 1,240. Perfect. Tomorrow I'll likely need to eat more because I guarantee the burn will be higher in spinning class. Plus, I'll do water exercises. I can't take the heart monitor into the water, so I plan on cutting the calories burned to half of whatever MFP reads.

What a wonderful day! I even stopped by the farmers market this afternoon to grab some fresh veggies for dinner (see tweet below). 

My food tweets today:





Thank you for reading and your continued support! The comments section below is the blog post "after-party" where we can discuss your thoughts about today's post, so please don't hesitate to ask a question or simply offer your perspective on the topics explored.

Strength,
Sean
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Monday, August 11, 2014

August 11th, 2014 Harmony Still Surrounds

August 11th, 2014 Harmony Still Surrounds

I felt really alive today. You know what I mean? It's a wonderful harmony. I use that word a lot lately, "harmony," but what does it mean? My only explanation for this sudden and frequent usage of a word I rarely noticed before now is, perhaps it took authentically feeling it to genuinely use it in my writing and speech.

Despite the struggles and challenges, harmony still surrounds when I choose to recognize its existence. It's a feeling of acceptance, no matter how imperfect this journey is at times. It's still beautiful. And the fact that: I don't drink enough water. I may or may not be getting enough calories each day or maybe too many. I eat too late, too close to bedtime. I often don't get enough rest--are details needing adjustments, modifications, things that simply need patience, time and a willingness to change. Consistency is critical, perfection isn't. I carry a confident patience as I move throughout each day.

I'll weigh again on Wednesday and I know that no matter what the scale says, I'm doing well. And I know I will keep doing well. If the loss this three week period is something that brings a big smile, great! If it's a loss that raises an eyebrow of concern, then okay-- perhaps I'll make some adjustments--maybe move some disciplines up the priority list.  

The point is, I'm in this for the rest of my life. I will make it to a healthy body weight and I will be in the best physical condition I've ever known. The practices I'm making important are things I will always do. I don't plan on ever returning to sugar and that's a big deal for me. I'm not proclaiming I'm beyond relapse--oh, I've made that mistake before--none of us are beyond relapse, ever. I know if I'm to have the best chance at avoiding relapse, I must continue making support, accountability, abstinence from sugar and taking extraordinary care important, non-negotiable ways of life. That's my plan. And it is the plan that gives me the best shot at continuing to feel this wonderful peace and harmony. 

I'm so happy. Why? I just am. Happy. To go from a deep dark place to where I am now, is--just a miracle in so many ways. I honestly believed it might be impossible to feel like this again. So grateful it wasn't impossible.

I love receiving messages from people who are feeling empowered again. I opened the most wonderful message today from a reader named Beverly. She said something so wonderful: "I know I've said things before about getting on track ... I guess those were just times when I wasn't willing to get WORSE. Now I'm determined to get BETTER."

 I have a feeling Beverly is about to embark on the most amazing transformation of mind, body and soul. Having been on the edge of commitment, I'm fairly good at recognizing the same in others. It's a place where willingness meets action and actions meet consistency and it comes together in a way unique to us and what we need, what we can handle--what works for us. 

My workout tonight was the spin and swim combo. Cycling, as it's called at the Y, was brutal!! And by "brutal," I mean it was fantastic. Remember me writing a while back about running into the spin instructor at the grocery store? He was the one leading our class this evening. When I walked in he made an elated sound to greet me. His elation and smile coming my way felt amazing. He too has gained some weight from his previous healthier weight, something he shared with me as a way to encourage and relate. And it did, beautifully. He's the one who told me to just get in there and do what I can, as I can--and I did. My "can" was really good today. 

The swimming tonight was really good. I did strain my neck a little by doing pull ups on the side of the pool. I was pulling myself up, nearly half way out of the water and holding it there for more than 20 seconds. Every muscle in my arms, back and shoulders were engaged. Afterward, I realized my neck muscles were in on it too. It is feeling better now, so that's good. I need to be careful in my "freestyle" water workouts!

You wouldn't believe how confident I feel by the pool and in the locker room. In one week, I've gone from a paralyzing fear to 100% comfort and confidence in this area. I don't hide in a bathroom stall to change either, nope. I do what I need to do in the locker room just like everybody else. I shower before getting in, I dry off, I change clothes, whatever! It's a dramatic shift in perspective--these are things I couldn't, uh--wouldn't do before.

I took the heart monitor I borrowed from a dear friend to spinning class but waited too long to figure out how to enter my weight in an effort to get an accurate calorie burn, so that experiment will wait until tomorrow. I'm anxiously awaiting to see those numbers and how they compare with what MyFitnessPal says I'm burning. This information will help me make any adjustments I might need.

I enjoyed my food today. It was good. With the spinning/swimming combo, I fell short again on the net calories after exercise goal and I'm okay with this for now. I need more data before I can confidently claim the need to eat too much more than I do. The question is: Am I exercising enough--burning enough calories to justify the added fuel? The nutrition science behind this "eat more-lose more" philosophy is solid stuff. We must give our bodies what it needs to operate on an optimum level. Anything less and this road gets rough with potholes full of frustration.

I think about Michael Phelps, the USA Olympic Gold Medal swimmer. I'm NOT comparing myself to him--I'm just saying, when he trains he eats 10,000 calories a day. When I first read that I found it hard to imagine. Some time later, I heard him say that exact thing in an interview. 10,000 a day!! I don't think I've ever consumed that many even on my biggest binge days of old.

Food tweets today:












Thank you for reading and your support! I look forward to conversing with you in the comments section below.
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, August 10, 2014

August 10th, 2014 Weekend Calorie Management Issues

August 10th, 2014 Weekend Calorie Management Issues

I've really enjoyed the extra sleep lately on the weekends. I slept a full quality eight hours last night and I've felt amazing all day as a result. When I'm feeling well rested, my workouts soar to new levels like it did today on the elliptical at the YMCA. I killed it today (I'm fairly certain that's a good thing).

One of the big challenges for me on the weekends is managing my calories properly. I sometimes don't eat my weekend brunch until sometime after noon. On days like this, I bump up the calories during brunch because an "official" lunch isn't happening. This strategy often leaves me short, regardless.

Dinner was at a restaurant with family in my hometown. My oldest daughter Amber, my grandson Noah and I made the trip. We dined with mom, aunt Kelli and uncle Tim. When I'm in a restaurant, I'm very cautious and on guard--so it's very difficult to allow myself to "bump" anything up. I have strict personal guidelines when I dine out. It was a Mexican restaurant (of course it was--when I dine out, it seems like it's Mexican 85% of the time). My personal rules are fairly simple:

If I decide to have chips (sometimes I don't depending on my calorie budget), I count out my chips on a napkin, separating them from the bowl--and I stick to it-- These are my chips. I can eat them as fast or slow as I desire, but I cannot reach for another once they're gone. I counted out twelve today. I stick with entrees I feel confident about--like fajitas, and I order them "special."

This is me ordering: "I'll take the smallest portion of chicken fajitas you have. Is there a lunch portion? Okay--let's do that. And please ask the kitchen staff how many ounces of chicken comes in an order. No cheese, no pico (I just don't like it), no flour tortillas. I want corn tortillas instead (and sometimes I ask for corn taco shells). No beans, no rice, and the sour cream and guac in separate containers, please. And an extra plate for assembly."

I'm not difficult at all! Sometimes I skip the guac too. On rare occasion, I might ask for the cheese on a separate plate, just to use a 1/2 serving. It would be incredibly easy to eat a thousand calories or more in a place like this--and I have, many times. But I don't do that anymore. I get in and out feeling confident about the meal, my calorie budget and the experience--and I never leave feeling deprived, hungry or left out of anything. It's all good! I also enjoy smiling great big when the server enthusiastically asks, "Did you save room for a sopapilla ice cream sandwich or fried ice cream?" I smile and say no and then I think, if this server only knew. How fun!

I checked my budget after dinner and it was still shy of a thousand fifty. I recently acquired some super nutrition Shakeology packets and I have bananas, all natural peanut butter and unsweetened all natural almond milk--Easy!! I'll just make a big Shakeology when I get home! It'll be my dessert, if you will!

I used a packet of vanilla Shakeology, two cups of the almond milk, a small banana, 16 grams of all-natural peanut butter and a dash of Pyure Brand Organic Stevia. I blended it real well and enjoyed the most amazing 367 calories of solid nutrition. Oh--and by the way--what does 16 grams of sugar free all natural peanut butter look like?
photo 950E522F-5C0A-4A9A-A6E1-B0FD9928D4FC_zpskagcb6mn.jpg
See where I scraped the paper towel? That took off 4 grams, arriving at exactly 16g. I scrape it off the paper towel and into or onto whatever I'm having.

The peanut butter calories are dense!! Good thing I'm measuring with a digital food scale. If not, I would be drastically underestimating calories in things like this. It's funny, when I'm handling peanut butter, it's as if I'm handling plutonium or something else considered very dangerous! I need a haz-mat suit!

I was still short even after 367 calories of dense nutrition. So I decided a pita pizza was in order. After that 205 calories in my #lastfoodofday, I finally registered above 1700 for the day, but still 150 calories shy of 1200 net calories after exercise calories burned. I'm okay with this today. 

And honestly, the answer isn't "calorie bumping" late--the answer is better planning and calorie management throughout the day. Eating late isn't something I should be doing because my body doesn't burn as much overnight. It's busy trying to repair via rest, not digest a recently consumed meal. Obviously I have some adjustments to make. But you know what? I'm very happy to be where I am. I don't binge and I don't have the urges to binge. That's HUGE.

My next weigh day is Wednesday and we'll see how this adjusted approach is working according to the scale. Regardless of the number I see on Wednesday, I'm feeling fantastic these days and I can tell I'm getting smaller and smaller. I feel it in my clothes and see it in the mirror!

Food Tweets today:














I've made it a priority to reply to each comment left on this blog. So many times in the past I haven't because I thought you might not come back to read the reply. I've enjoyed this new "feature," so to speak--because some interesting dialogue often comes from these interactions. It's like a blog post "after-party" where we hang around and discuss the issues and dynamics explored in the post and how they relate to you and your experience. If you have any questions or comments, simply leave them in the comment form below and as I can throughout each day, I'll reply. Might be several hours later, but I will reply!

Thank you for reading. I sincerely appreciate your amazing support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, August 9, 2014

August 9th, 2014 Relax Day

August 9th, 2014 Relax Day

This entire week has been amazing on so many levels. I took it easy today. I picked it to be my off day on the exercise schedule. I had a location broadcast from the big New Balance event at a shoe store. I dropped by the studio afterward to finish up some production duties then I headed home to prepare an amazing lunch! It's been awhile since I've enjoyed a pita pizza and since yesterday was a "no cheese" day, I decided to make today a good cheese day!

I had a nice evening, complete with a home grilled meal, good movie and great conversation. I tried grilled peaches and grilled avocado!! Please try this if you like avocado--it's amazing. The grilling alters the flavor of the avocado in a wonderful way. Simply cut an avocado in half, leaving the peel on, then turn it upside down on a hot grill until it's hot and soft, then scoop it out whole and enjoy!

Even though I worked some today, it was certainly a "relax day." A relax day doesn't mean I relaxed my resolve to take extraordinary care, it just means I slowed down today and was perfectly okay with the shift in speed. This relax day reminds me to keep this post short and get in bed!

My food Tweets today:








I plan on spending some time tomorrow with one or both of my daughters and my grandson Noah as we travel to Stillwater to visit and dine with mom.

Thank you for reading and your support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, August 8, 2014

August 8th, 2014 Just One Bite

August 8th, 2014 Just One Bite

I was offered "just a bite" of something sugar laden three times this week. It didn't phase me in the least, I just smile and say "I don't eat sugar." Not "I can't have sugar," because clearly I can. I choose to NOT eat sugar because after forty-two years of research, I've concluded that it activates a reactive addiction cycle within me. One of the offerings came with "Oh, come on, a little tiny bite won't kill you!" Another was "It's not big enough to hurt you!" I don't blame these people, it's fine--I get it. It's interesting to me that I'm the one most at peace with giving up sugar, while some around me seem slightly perplexed and in a way, sympathetic. "Oh, that's right, I'm sorry...how are you doing with that?" Like it's a huge burden on me. It isn't at all. 

It's easily one of the greatest food experiences of my life. To be released from the constant urges to binge, where I felt possessed, has been nothing short of a miracle. Remember--I'm the man who would fantasize about his upcoming late night binge while driving to a big dinner at a friend's house. Or, after telling myself I had to stop the three or four times a week giant ice cream shake habit that not another soul knew about, I'm the same guy that would then put on his shoes at 10:25 pm and drive like a maniac to make it into the drive through by 10:30 pm for another "fix," not because I necessarily wanted to do it--I felt compelled to do it, driven to do it. I was scared out of my mind because I was doing it. In the middle of that fierce addictive cycle, I feared I was too lost to ever make it back.

Richard Pryor was once asked if he could ever imagine getting his addictions under control, to which he replied, "I got the demon." And although the addictive substances are drastically different, I understand what he meant, completely.

We would never ask an alcoholic in recovery to take a sip of vodka because "a tiny bit won't kill you." And if we did, the recovering alcoholic would likely disagree with that statement.

I have traded the terrifying chaos for peace and sacrificing my peace for a piece of anything full of sugar, isn't worth the trade, ever.

It will happen again, the offers, just like the three times this week and it's perfectly okay. Unless someone has lived these dynamics, it's nearly impossible for them to grasp the magnitude of "just one bite" for someone like me. I don't have any issues with someone encouraging me to indulge. I'll continue smiling and simply saying, "I don't eat sugar."

The fact that I am here, doing what I do and doing better than I ever have, is nothing short of a miracle from above. I'm immensely grateful. 

My planned workout tonight was a nice combination of elliptical and swimming. I hit the elliptical hard for 30 minutes then took to the deep end of the family pool because the Y closes the lap pool at 7pm on Friday. It wasn't as good of a workout as I get in the lap pool, but it was still good. Instead of swimming various strokes, I did several different aerobic movements in my corner of the pool. At some point I'll stop mentioning the following--but for now it's too fresh to not: No anxiety, no hesitation, no worries about what anyone thinks, stood alongside the pool in a bathing suit, without a shirt as I prepared to deal with the initial "cold dip" and everything was fine...in fact, it was better than fine. It was beautiful. I swam three times this week and it felt INCREDIBLE. The transformation of perspective is one of the biggest along this road.

In an effort to bump up my calories in consideration of calories burned, I've added some nutritionally dense foods. This is the compromise I'm making with the part of my brain that resists adding calories for fear of gaining. Adding the extra calories is giving my metabolism what it needs to properly work and if the metabolism is working properly and the body is getting what it needs, I'll continue losing weight. The deal is simple: I'll break my 1700 calorie bank, but only with the most nutritious foods. I've added some Shakeology, as you'll see in the tweet below. After burning 888 calories today, my 288 calorie vanilla-banana-all natural peanut butter smoothie #lastfoodofday still didn't bring me to 1200 net calories. I ended the food day at 1,904 calories and 1,016 net calories after calories burned. It takes some careful planning, for sure.

Also, I'd like to make extra sure that MyFitnesPal is calculating calories burned accurately. The app considers my height and weight, so it should be close. In an effort to "check" it, I'm borrowing a monitor from a dear friend. It will give me an accurate reading for comparison to the MFP numbers.

You'll find something missing from my meal Tweets today. Be one of the first three to correctly identify what's missing and you'll win an MP3 audio version disk of my book Transformation Road-My Trip To Over 500 Pounds and Back. Good luck!

Meal Tweets:








What's missing in today's food tweets? Be one of the first three to answer correctly and you'll win! Good luck!

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, August 7, 2014

August 7th, 2014 Difficult To Unlearn The Lesson

August 7th, 2014 Difficult To Unlearn The Lesson

When we experience a discovery so profound that we're positive it will affect us for the rest of our lives, a couple of things seem to happen--at least for me. First thing is the thought of why didn't I confront this years ago? This question brings up all kinds of negative regretful thoughts and emotions. Monday night while I was exercising in the water, I took a break for a few minutes along the side of the pool. I was watching families frolic about in the adjacent family pool. I noticed the big guy who unknowingly had an impact on me had moved from the hot tub to the pool and now was enjoying water games with what I assume were his kids. I couldn't help but think of all the potential good times and memories I sacrificed with my daughters because I refused to break free. The only comforting thought I could zero in on in the moment was all of the future fun I'll have with my grandson Noah. He'll never see his overly dressed grandfather in 95 degree weather waiting alongside or waiting in the car while he has fun. We'll be laughing and having fun together.

The other dynamic I've noticed is the coming down from the "high" of the experience. So many natural signals, previously set in stone beliefs and mental/emotional issues were blown to bits Monday night, replaced by a freedom and euphoria found in this new, authentic reality. I swam last night and it was good. It almost felt normal, without hesitation and without anxiety eating me alive. It was just, okay. Everything was okay. I didn't snap any pictures or make any videos. I didn't invite my daughter to help me out and be there for needed support. I just enjoyed the water. I didn't feel naked. I actually marveled in the differences between before and now, especially while I was walking past the full water aerobics class. I would have never stepped foot in the lap pool area with that many people around, before. Yesterday it wasn't a big deal to me. It just wasn't. Now, I'm confidently looking forward to swimming at least twice a week and maybe three times, depending on my schedule. My swim trips from this point forward will never be as intoxicating as the first but I assure you, I'll never forget the feeling and it would be very difficult to unlearn the lesson.

A good question came up on my Facebook page today about my food, Susan writes:

"Sean, this is not a criticism, but just an honest question- Your food choices seem a little redundant (omelet, pita, taco, cheese on almost everything, etc.). Do you not get tired of eating the same (or similar) things everyday?"

 My reply:

 "Susan--no offense taken! I eat what I like and nothing I don't. I abstain from sugar and avoiding this one substance seems to be working wonders for me. Although widely suggested by the likes of Bob Harper and other experts--I came to eating very similar foods for breakfast and lunch quite naturally. Often breakfasts and lunches are similar with rotating varieties of fruit. I try to occasionally mix it up and find some variety with dinner selections. It works for me-- I haven't necessarily become tired of anything because I love what I prepare and eat. I'm gradually adding a few things here and there in an effort to mix it up--for instance adding in the all natural peanut butter. If you look through the Twitter feed of the last 4 months--that is easily the most nutritious approach to food I've ever experienced. And it's no surprise I feel better than I ever have in my life--even better than when I was at 230. Yes--I LOVE cheese, obviously... The important thing to keep in mind is, the only reason I keep the twitter feed and post the tweets on my blog is for my own personal accountability. It isn't a suggestion of what anyone else should eat. It isn't a food plan. It isn't recommended and designed for anyone but me. If it occasionally gives someone some new ideas (some tell me it has), then awesome! I had one person tell me that seeing the food pictures gave them a new perspective on how food while losing weight could look--it was a needed visual for that person. But seriously, I do it simply because it keeps me accountable.  You don't need a Twitter account to view the twitter page-- you can find it here: www.twitter.com/seanaanderson Thank you for the question."

 My workout tonight was a solid elliptical performance. I've noticed the more I get into my music the better the workout. If I climb on the machine and I'm thinking about a multitude of other things while I workout, not so much. Now, right before I start my workouts, I take thirty seconds to a minute to stand still, close my eyes and prepare my brain for exercise. I'm clearing the thoughts during this time, letting it all go to the side while I work on me. This centered balance and awareness, or presence idea came from an exercise we use before starting most of our group weight loss coaching sessions. It really helps!

Food Tweets:











I came in 69 calories under my 1200 net calories after exercise goal. I'll call this close enough today. My total calories for the day registered 1,816.

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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