Thursday, October 2, 2008

Day 18 It's Hard! Or is it?

Day 18

It's hard! Or is it?

My entire life I've always thought of weight loss as something that's really hard to do. I've convinced myself that it is so difficult, the mere thought of it makes me want to eat a Twinkie out of complete terror. But isn't that what most of us think? I can't count how many times I've heard someone say “it's so hard to lose weight!”...And I agree, if that's what we decide it is, then it is hard. The big multi-billion dollar weight loss industry loves this perception, because it's a perfect mindset for them to drop in and say... “hey, we have an easy solution for you to try!”. I always get a big kick out of weight loss product commercials that tout an amazing solution, only to include the disclaimer... “with regular diet and exercise”. Ok, so we eat less and exercise more and we take these expensive little pills too, and like magic, wallah! We're slim and fit! So many people fail to listen closely to this, or they'd realize that if you eat less and exercise more, you're more than likely going to lose weight---whether you're taking some expensive pills or not! It's all about your mindset. I've talked about this before in this blog. This journey to lose weight and get in shape is hard if I say it is. But I say it's not. It's not hard! There, I said it! All I am doing is eating normal portions, I'm not over eating, and I'm exercising...and everyday I feel better than the day before. And along the way I'm learning how to eat better and how to exercise right, and these are skills that will keep me fit forever. When you're completely focused and determined it is easy. And once you're in this mode it's very difficult for something to shake you away from it. I knew I had to find this mode, this gear if you will, I knew that if I didn't find this attitude, then I would forever be a victim continually suffering from the consequences of my size and bad habits. I've encountered extremely stressful situations during this first 18 days, yet one thing that hasn't changed is my calorie counting and exercise plan. It doesn't change, no matter the circumstances. Circumstances that would normally send me to the nearest convenience store for a pint of “comfort” food (ice cream), don't stand a chance against this rock solid determination. If I lost my job and became homeless tomorrow I believe I would still be counting calories and probably be walking much more than I do know. It's that important that I lose this weight. The effects of losing this weight and getting in shape are really exciting to think about! I truly believe that my excessive weight has held me back for many years. I often wonder where my family would be had I done this years ago...What could all that confidence have done for us? At the risk of sounding boastful, I know I have the talent to be in a big market, with a big station and a big salary...So after 20 years in radio, why haven't I made it there? Lack of confidence? Breaking chairs during big interviews? I've been way to busy gravitating to the line of least resistance! It's too easy to settle at that line and get by and accept the current situations that make up our daily lives. It's way too easy to NOT take control and do this. But once I made a real committed decision to change it became easy to do this. I'm excited to dream of what the future may hold for my family and friends at the end of this journey and the beginning of the rest of our wonderful lives! By the way, a Twinkie is 150 calories.

I've never really liked the role I've played as the “fat guy”. I've always been very self-conscious and embarrassed about my weight in public. One of the things I didn't like about the short time I spent in Hollywood was: If you're a fat guy they want you to fully embrace it and flaunt your fatitude. Is fatitude even a word? A prime example is the relationship I started developing with Jimmy Kimmel Live. The first time they called me I turned them down. Imagine that! I told a network TV show NO! It was Valentines Day 2003 and a segment producer for the show had been given my name and number from a friend of mine. They wanted me to be on the show that night! I was really excited until they told me they wanted me to wear a diaper and wings, a halo, and a bow and arrow...and nothing else! They wanted me to be a 500 pound cupid! There was no way! I didn't care if it was network TV, I'm not prancing around half naked knowing that the main joke would be my size. I really thought I had blown any chance of them ever calling me again, but then a few months later the phone rang. This time it sounded fine, and since they always called at the last minute, I raced down to the El Capitan Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard for my network TV debut. They wanted me to be a bit player in a skit and here was the premise: Airports around the country had announced new x-ray technology that would allow them to see undergarments through a persons clothing. So Jimmy would set it up by saying that they too had installed this amazing new machine at their entrance. When they cut to the bit you would see two women going through the machine ahead of me and you could clearly see their undergarments, then I'd go through and you would see that I was wearing a bra and panties underneath too! Big laughs! I knew that my size was a big factor in the punchline, but as long as I wasn't asked to really wear these undergarments or take off any clothes I was ok with it. Hey, it was a TV paycheck right? The bit was produced about an hour before the “live” broadcast, and it wasn't long into the shoot when the director told me that Jimmy wanted me to really put on some womens undergarments so they could photograph it and then make it look like an x-ray image during the bit. This was never mentioned beforehand, and despite the fact that I was so excited to get to hang out and be a part of this show, I told them flat out NO! I said “If that's what I have to do here than I'll just leave now”. The director and segment producer left to consult with Jimmy somewhere backstage, and after what seemed like 10 minutes, they came back and told me that they would use one of their overweight production assistants as a stand-in. I would still be in the bit, but this poor guy would have to be the one they take the fake x-ray picture of in panties and a bra. He was happy to do it, and I was happy to still be in the bit. But I certainly realized that I wasn't one bit comfortable as the “big fat guy”. I didn't want to be that guy. I never have wanted to be that guy. After that initial appearance they called me several times to do other “let's laugh at the fat guy” type bits. One was a take off of the TV show “The Bachelor” called “The Fatchelor”...and I wasn't in town to do it. I'm glad I wasn't. They ended up using that same overweight production assistant...and I bet he was thrilled! I want to be that slim, neat looking, in shape, well dressed guy. That's what I dream of being, even if Jimmy Kimmel doesn't think it's as funny!

I will get there too! Day 18 is history on this long journey. I sincerely thank you for reading my blog and your continued support and comments are greatly appreciated! Your encouragement has been and continues to be my most powerful resource. I'm gonna go eat a banana and walk a mile!

Good Choices,
Sean

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