Thursday, October 30, 2008

Day 45 Untied Shoes and No More Blues

Day 45

Untied Shoes and No More Blues

I stopped long enough to notice some things today. Sometimes we just get busy in our day to day routine and we don't stop and give ourselves an assessment. Today I gave myself an assessment. First thing I noticed? I can breath so much better. At 505 pounds even a simple walk down the hall would leave me out of breath. Friends would call and I'd answer all out of breath. They would voice immediate concern: “Are you gonna be alright?” And I would say (in between big gasp of air): “Yeah, yes, I just uh, ya know, uh, tried to tie my shoes.” Tyeing shoes at 505 pounds is impossible for some, for me, well—I could do it, but I'd need some recovery time afterward. I always hated it when my shoes would come untied in public and someone would say: “Hey, your shoe is untied”. Because that's when I would have to make a critical decision. Do I try to tie the shoe in front of people and risk humiliation over the breathless struggle? Do I put my foot up on something and ask “Do you mind?” Do I pretend that I didn't hear them? What I would normally do in that situation is acknowledge the untied shoe, then do nothing, remaining untied until I was alone and could fix it. The person who pointed it out would never point it out a second time. They knew there was a reason I didn't jump to it. I would just act like it was no big deal. Like it was cool to have your shoes untied. Like it was a fashion statement. I would leave 'em untied to send a message that I wasn't giving in to societal norms, just a small way to get back at “the man”, and claim my individuality. At one point I even switched to Velcro. I just did away with the shoelace problem all together. I realized I had a serious problem when I had trouble keeping them fastened. A completely unfastened Velcro strip looks much worse than an untied lace. Either I needed to buy bigger/wider shoes or lose weight. I would just buy another pair. Maybe some slip-ons. Yeah, slip-ons would be perfect. I know that people just wanted to prevent me from tripping on my laces, but trust me, the best thing to do when you see a morbidly obese person with an untied shoe? Ignore it. Don't say a word. They know it's untied, and they'll get to it when the time is right, just let it go. In my assessment I noticed that it's no longer hard to tie my shoes. I can do it quickly without almost passing out! I also noticed how deep and full I can breath. It was always so scary to feel like I couldn't take a full breath. I noticed how much room I have while driving. The dash looks further away, I'm serious, especially when I drive Irene's little car. I still have a ways to go to be completely comfortable in it, but it's much easier to fit and look somewhat normal, instead of stuck. When people roll down their windows and ask if you're OK, you're too big for the car. Alright, so they never did that, but they were thinking it! I guarantee! In the shower I've noticed there's a little less real estate to cover. The valley's are a little easier to navigate. That may be TMI for you, but if you're morbidly obese like me, you know exactly what I'm talking about. And this positive assessment of my progress comes after losing the first 50 pounds! What will it be like at 100? Or 150 and 200? It's a really fun and exciting thing to think about!

Today, for the first time, I went back and read some early days of this blog. It was making me smile from ear to ear. It was making me incredibly proud of my progress so far. The integrity of this mission hasn't been sacrificed one time. And that's critical to my success. You get the straight talk every time you read this blog. I'll tell you like it is, like it was, like it's going to be, and like it should be. If you've followed every one of these blogs so far, then you know not every post is humorous. Some are deeply personal reflections of how I feel as I struggle with the psychological and emotional excuses that have held me back for so long. Going back and reading the first ten days really gave me another boost today. If you're struggling with your personal mission, go back and read some of these. I hope you can relate to some of the things we talk about and maybe you too can get a burst of motivation. I've had so many “burst of motivation” lately it's unreal! That's what happens when it starts coming off and you see the results. It's the results/motivation snowball effect. Success breeds success!

Our workout at the Y tonight was off the chart! I start with a mile on the treadmill, and trust me, this isn't an ordinary mile at the old walking trail, this is a mile that gets my heart rate above 160. This is a mile that leaves my hair wet. This mile challenges me like a leisurely stroll around the park never did. Then I slowly stop and regain my composure just long enough to get a drink of water and climb into that racquetball court. And let me tell ya, tonight I was on fire! At one point I must have hit 25 to 30 in a row without stopping. My game is simple: Keep the ball moving at all times. It doesn't take long to know you've had an amazing workout.

I'm really behind at replying to comments on these blogs. I sincerely apologize! I want you to know how much your continued support and readership means to me during this journey. If you take the time to leave a comment, you can bet I'll be taking the time to send you a private message real soon! Today was a fantastic day. I can't say enough how much I appreciate everyone who congratulated me today on the 50 pound loss. It feels really good. I've already started on the next 50! And for everyone that is going through the daily experiences trying to lose weight, like My wife Irene, Daughters-Courtney and Amber, My mom, Kelli, Debbie, Dana, Candi, Rachel, Russell, Taylor, Brandon, and anyone else that reads these writings, please know this: You can do it. I know it sounds cliché, but seriously...If I can do this, you can do this. And as you do, please leave comments with your updates! We all want to know how you're doing! And if you start blogging too like a few have, I'll be one of the first to subscribe and I'll read every
blog you post! Take care, Good Night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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