The Most Amazing Feeling and The End of The Binge
You know what thrills me? When someone sends me an e-mail like Tina did today. She told me that she had spent the last few days reading every single day of this journey—all 346 days, and that she's never felt more inspired. She compared it to the first time she listened to a Jillian Michaels podcast. That's a huge compliment my friend. Are you sure about that? Well, here...I hope you don't mind Tina, here's some of what she had to say: “I just finished reading the whole thing (instead of getting any work done for the last few days!) and I can't say I've ever been so inspired.”... “I could go on all day about how much I was inspired by your blog but I'll try to sum it up. I feel like I felt the first time I heard one of Jillian Michael's podcasts. Everything makes so much sense and seems easy but Jillian was never obese. Hearing these things from you, a real person, someone like me, was exactly what I needed.” I never get tired of hearing these “reader reviews,” if you will. And it has nothing to do with patting myself on the back. It's not about me. It's about you. It has everything to do with the power of your journey. You have the power to really demonstrate a positive change to your friends, your family, and to complete strangers from all over the world. You have the power to inspire change. I'm nobody special or different than you. I'm a guy who spent nearly two decades at over 500 pounds and who finally broke it down for myself and family into easy to digest simplified terms. That's the wonderful thing about sharing your journey. It's the most amazing feeling to know that maybe your story has helped someone help themselves. Tina, thank you! You can find her blog at www.fatgirldivesin.blogspot.com
The other day I was visiting Jack Sh*t's blog and I ran across a comment that bothered me a little. It doesn't bother me really now. OK, it still does a bit or else I wouldn't be writing about it. I don't remember the exact wording, but it was something to the effect of: you (speaking to Jack) sounded like a real person, not like a character Sean has to be...” I immediately told myself this person doesn't know you and has obviously never read your blog, she doesn't understand what she's saying. So just so it's clear to anyone new to these pages: I'm not playing a character. I'm me. I'm a real person. I'm not perfect and I'm definitely not playing a “character.” She was really just trying to make Jack feel better because Jack said he thought he sounded like a doofus, considering her intentions...I'm good with it all. And Jack, you seriously do not sound like a doofus. You sound like a real person. A real honest, intelligent, and super talented person. I'll admit, there may have been some bad acting on my part in that fun little intro---but I was playing the part of me.
A blogger friend of mine asked me a question recently. She wants to know how I deal with the urge to binge. That urge doesn't happen these days, but early on---Oh my, it was an issue at times. So what got me through? From the very beginning, I knew that if this time was really going to be the last, if it was really going to be different, I had to analyze my past failed attempts. One key flaw was that I never really gave this journey the importance level it deserved. When I felt that crazy unexplained urge to binge, I would always rationalize my way into feeling OK about “letting loose” a little. I would binge and then rarely ever be back on track in a solid way. Binging was no longer an acceptable thing this time. When those crazy thoughts would come---I would have to be honest enough with myself to recognize the danger threatening my journey. It's a real war inside the brain. But I had given this journey the utmost of importance in my life, and if I binge---it's going to surely be ripped away from me. I couldn't let that happen. This is too important. So I fought those crazy thoughts---I beat them down. Just tonight I commented a struggling friend and suggested this: Whenever something is threatening your journey---anything really---a thought, a circumstance, an emotion, an unexplained yearning---whatever it is---treat it like it's an intruder trying to kidnap one of your kids. Treat it like it's someone trying to kill you. If either one of those situations were happening, you would fight to the death to defend your family and yourself. Make your journey that important. Because it really is. You have to be strict with yourself. A gradual decline in your resolve can eat away at your journey slowly---with equally deadly consequences. Defend it with everything. Don't let anything steal this away from you.
Here's an excerpt from Day 24: My level of strictness is equal to my desire to be successful on this mission. I want it and I want it bad, and I know myself better than anyone, I know that if I give myself an inch, I'll eat the whole thing. I feel like this is training for a healthier lifestyle. I'm training myself to understand food better, to discover flavors, to understand proper portion amounts, to really better understand exercise and nutrition benefits, I'm in training for a healthier, longer, more satisfying life. And I have to do it on the straight and narrow. When I put my head on that pillow I have to feel good about my calorie and exercise performance. And when you feel good about what you're doing, your confidence goes way up, your results start to add up, and you'll never be kept up by guilt. Guilt makes us feel bad about ourselves and that's when we're the most vulnerable to temptation, and I understand how that can snowball into a complete crash. I'm keeping it between the lines.
The only acceptable level of binge control is complete prevention. Fight for your success. Fight hard and soon it's not a fight anymore. Those crazy urges go away because they know that you'll stand up for yourself against them. Tricky, because the enemy you're fighting is the old you.
Thank you for all the well wishes and prayers for Courtney. She's feeling much better and continues to take her medication. She'll be back in school in the morning. After dinner tonight, Courtney had a math tutoring class at the high school. Didn't we just talk about math recently? Courtney has aced every math class so far, I'm so proud of her! But she's done it through hard work and consistent effort in learning. She'll make tutoring a twice a week requirement if she needs it to fully understand the work. Irene and I headed off for the YMCA for some weight training and a friendly little game of racquetball. We took along the camera for some pictures in the weight room. We're both sore now.
Irene is at work and the morning alarm will sound soon. Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
That was a tough rep
Smile through it baby! She may be stronger than me!
She's so sweet---working the biceps
Working the “serious” pose
Good form baby, good form!
I always get this look when I'm lifting...fifteen pounds.
Oh, be careful baby! So beautiful...very nice.