Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Day 351 She Started Crying and Learning How To Act

Day 351

She Started Crying and Learning How To Act

Today started in a rush. I slept right through the alarm. One of the first things I learned in radio was be on time. I need to remind myself of the importance. The show is suppose to start at 6am sharp. I made it, barely, but it was a mad dash. I even prepared Courtney and me an egg and mushroom high fiber wrap. Notice I didn't say “egg white.” When you're trying to prepare breakfast in less than five minutes, separating the eggs becomes really difficult. Good thing I took a shower before bed! I do not like mornings like this. I much prefer a nice quiet relaxed breakfast with Irene and Courtney, and if I'm lucky, Amber too! The major difference from the old days this morning? Skipping breakfast wasn't an option. If it would have been any later I would've at least grabbed an apple and a banana. I'm very aware that the metabolism needs something to get it started in the mornings. I don't always make the healthiest (whole eggs) choice. But I always make a choice.

My sister-in-law is staying the night with us. Irene has several sisters, and this one hasn't seen me in a really long time. I really don't know how to take her reaction to the much smaller me. She was shocked, I mean in total disbelief. She told me I looked great and that she was happy that I was healthier for the effort and then she did something unexpected. She started crying. It wasn't tears of happiness, these were grieving tears. She was grieving the loss of the old me. She said “My entire life you've looked the same and now that person is gone.” I assured her that I was still me inside. I still have all of the memories, all of the feelings, all of the humor, I'm Sean Anderson, that will never change! She kept wiping away her tears and we hugged, to which she replied “you don't even hug the same.” I guess I didn't realize how much she loved me. It really touched me deeply. I love her too. Judging from her reaction, you would have thought I had died. And I explained to her that I would have died in the next five or ten years more than likely, had I stayed at over 500 pounds. She just kept going on about it. She'll never see the old Sean again, and that just devastated her completely. It wasn't the reaction I expected at all.

It's really a swim through a giant pool of emotions when I look at my before pictures. I can absolutely relate to the feelings my sister-in-law expressed. I look at those old pictures and I feel sorry for that guy. He's gone. He'll never be back. He'll never walk into the room. He'll never walk onto that stage. That guy died a long time ago. Oh sure, it's still me now, but the presence of that big guy will never return. And I don't want him to come back. He can't. I've completely cut off the mental hangups that gave him a thread of hope on ever returning. I guess we'll just have to get use to it, because I feel amazing---and it keeps getting better and I keep feeling sorry for that big man, but I shouldn't. It might be possible that even at my heaviest, I still loved myself enough to feel a sense of loss now for who I was then. OK---this is getting waaaayyyy too emotional and crazy deep. Let's move on to happy stuff, shall we?

Night two of auditions for “Call Me Henry” were held in the Wilken Theatre this evening. I had some good reads I believe. We did an exercise where the director had us read from a book while he directed what kind of emotion we were to use. He would change it up to see how we handled each. It was really nice. I left the auditions feeling really good about the experience. I would have never had this kind of confidence before. I arrived home at around 8:30pm and it wasn't that long after when my phone started singing “Video Killed The Radio Star” by the Buggles (I loved that song long before I had a career in radio) It was a number I didn't immediately recognize, but I had a feeling. And I was correct---It was the director calling to give me the news. I got the part! Me! Sean Anderson, in a lead role of a dramatic stage play! Can you believe it? Yes my schedule is going to get even tighter now, but this is something I've always wanted to do, always. And I'm doing it! Making the impossible possible again, that's what this road leads to my friend. This is living. I wasn't completely living before. I'm living now.

You can visit the ReAct website at www.reactatnoc.com there should be a cast and crew list posted. You'll see my name by the role of Henry Cecil Grant Jr.---I still can't believe it. I'm thrilled! Oh my, I have a bunch of lines to memorize. The two lines from that 9th grade production were so easy I still remember them to this day, how could I ever forget. But this, this is a lead role! By the way---the play is set in 1940, so my hair will be cut to fit the period. And get this---I have to shave the goatee completely off for this part! Maybe I shouldn't put an exclamation point after that last sentence, sounds like I don't like the goatee, huh. You know what, it's grown on me—literally and figuratively. Irene loves it. I had to call her first thing with the good news. She was so happy for me. Then I told her about the goatee and the haircut. She was still happy for me, but kind of disappointed. I assured her that as soon as the run wraps, the goatee returns! Then she asked the question. “If you're a leading man in this production, surely you have a leading lady?” Uh, yeah, of course! “And do you kiss her in this play?” Only a couple of times and nothing heavy (I'm pretty sure). It's acting! Irene handled this very well I thought. I only had to call her back seventeen times. I'm kidding. She didn't hang up or anything. She understood that it goes with the territory. After twenty years of marriage, I think we can handle a little on stage kiss in a dramatic production. Or two. I love you baby, thank you for your understanding and support! I could tell my girl was so happy for me. She knows I've always had the desire to try acting, she knows this. It's always been a dream of mine. A dream held back no more! I'll be in my trailer.

The audio promo for the next Daily Diary of A Winning Loser audio interview will not be posted until tomorrow night. In case you missed it in Friday's post, the next subject will be Tony “The Anti-Jared” Posnanski. Tony has lost over two hundred pounds with a no-nonsense approach---and without eating foot-long subs everyday. He's 100% straight forward honest and is unapologetic about his attitude and approach. He's a man that has turned down feature stories about him on a major TV station in Florida because the reporter asked him something that infuriated him. Imagine how nervous I am. I'm going to be talking to him in less than 24 hours! The interview will be ready for “air” and posted by Thursday evening. I hope I don't upset him, have you seen his arms? The guy has certainly built a body to be proud of. I'm impressed and inspired. Visit the “Anti-Jared” at www.theantijared.blogspot.com

After a cardio workout with the rope I'm dropping in bed. We're less than 48 hours from my next weigh-in...and this time I will certainly be below 300 pounds for the first time since I was 15 years old. I can't wait! Thank you for your continued support. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

35 comments:

  1. Congrats on getting the part!!! I've just started reading your blog and you're very inspirational. I can really relate to feeling the loss of the old you. Good luck in the play (or should that be break a leg)!

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  2. Congratulations, Sean!! Making the impossible possible again...this is so encouraging...brings tears. And what a wonderful supportive wife Irene is...
    I hope we get photos of you in costume!
    Loretta

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  3. YOu never cease to amaze me ....Wow I speak to an actor!!!! I can say that now hehee

    what a reaction from the SIL, How wonderful that you are so loved

    Please tell Irene for me I totally understand her with the kissing question.... I would ask Ross the same thing a million times, I truly understand...
    You will just have to do a lot of practice with Irene..:-P

    congrats my friend..glad your dreams are coming true


    www.kathiejourney.com

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  4. Congratulations on the play. Just want to say too--one of the reasons you are so inspiring is that you have approached your journey with kindness and compassion for others. None of that arrogance that says "do it my way or else" or that says "if you screw up you are wasting my time." Just a thought. Thank you for being the kind and considerate friend that you are. When am I going to get my promo stuff? Blessings--Bonnie

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  5. Jim and I are going to come watch it...I'm soo excited for you! Congrats!! You can do any thing you put your mind to! WOOHOO!!

    Whit

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  6. Woohoo! Yay YOU! Congratulations, enjoy every single bit of it xx

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  7. The news of you getting the part welled me up with tears (I'm such a cry baby lol). I'm soooo happy and excited for you. Too bad all your blogging friends couldn't all be sitting out in the audience for opening night, you'll just have to pretend we're there *smile*.

    That was a different reaction than I've ever heard of from someone about someone else losing weight. That's great though that you two got to share those feelings together.

    Can't wait to hear your next interview with Tony.

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  8. Way to go my friend! I am so excited that you got that part. You will be fabulous. And you know I will have to come see the play at least one night, right? Can the general public come? Well, if not, you can sneak me in as a prop or something. LOL

    x's and i's

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  9. I meant x's and O's, of course.

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  10. Sean, you are the best example ever for reinventing your life - grabbing the life you really want. Congrats on getting the part.

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  11. How exciting! Congrats!

    I can't wait to feel that kind of confidence, thanks for another reminder of why I'm doing this!

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  12. Sean, you're always such an inspiration. Congratulations on getting the part. It's wonderful that you've become so comfortable in your skin and you're enjoying your new life. Or should I say Act Two?

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  13. WOW Congrats Sean!! You totally deserve it and you will be great!!

    Hearing you talk about your people's reactions to the new you reminds me of when I lost 100 pounds and how great it felt when people didn't recognize me at all. Thanks for the reminder :)

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  14. Congratulations. You are truly inspiring.

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  15. Congratulations Sean! That's fabulous that you got the part!

    Are you going to be archiving the audio somewhere? It would be nice for people to be able to go back and listen to the old interviews. (And you should totally include the Jack Sh*t preview piece in the archive, that was hilarious.)

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  16. Wow, that is so awesome! I was in a couple of plays back in middle school as well, but I had the lead role both times because I was freakishly tall for my age (try being 5'10" in the sixth grade), and could therefore play the part of a believeable adult.

    I miss acting. It gives a rush and a sense of pride that nothing else can quite touch. Perhaps I should say that one of my rewards for losing weight should be to try out at the local theater myself. You are so inspiring, Sean!! :)

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  17. I knew you would get the part :)
    Congratulations!! And i'm looking forward to your next interview. I enjoyed the first one a lot!

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  18. Congrats on your part. When you lose 200 pounds, your personality can't help but to change...in a good way.

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  19. Congratulations on making a dream come true!

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  20. CONGRATS on getting the part Sean! Can't wait to get the text of your weigh in news and next milestone. Keep up the good work!!

    Way to go-Toby

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  21. from Alan at(foolsfitness.blogspot.com) Sorry away from my computer here and can't seem to log in.

    You know it's funny, listening to your other interview... it doesn't sound like you had a goatee anyway. :)

    I wonder how I'm going to adjust to a whole new me dropping the weight. Even at my heaviest ironically I don't think I felt really heavy, odd. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a little arrogant, not that I'm not now.

    The dramatic weight thing... it's odd, your still you in a way but your someone else too- seriously changed priorities- new confidence, essentially a whole new body (or loss of one complete one)

    And remember it's all about finding yourself in a bowl of ice cream at Foolsfitness- Alan

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  22. Soo......can I have your autograph????

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  23. When you get rich and famous, don't forget us little people. (and in my case not so little) Congrats man. Look out Broadway!

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  24. Aww wow.. Acting is soo much fun and you will love it I am sure!

    Aww your sister in law that is lovely and well very scary that people are worried you have changed. Its soo hard sometimes for peeople to realise you are still you it is just your shell that is changing.
    I haven't been to see my family since december 2008, and I am heading there very soon. I have lost nearly another 20 kilos since I last saw them so it will be a fun trip, they have seen photos etc though. But one of my friends husbands has not seen me since december 2007 nd his reaction will be the most intersting to see, not only have I changed the shell but my hair colour etc have changed too.

    I love the fun part this journey brings but it also brings change for other people and we as they directors of this journey need to remember not everyone is going to like the new us. But they will have to accept it.

    So proud of you for getting out and doing another thing you really want.

    Vic

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  25. Congratulations on winning a part in the play; break a leg!

    Have you considered putting the interviews out on iTunes as an occasional podcast?

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  26. Firstly, well done on landing such a great role - Irene will be so proud indeed!

    Also, reading about your SIL's reaction to the loss of the old you is a bit of a revelation to me and a bit of an eye-opener. It has given me an understanding of some of the odd reactions I have been getting recently.

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  27. Brilliant News, yes I want an autograph too.
    Congratulations.

    I got choked up about you SIL, never thought about it like that before but can see where she is coming from.

    Well Done you are getting Fabulouser and Fabulouser by the minute...( I know there is no such word but you are FABULOUS!!!)

    love and hugs

    Sheilagh

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  28. Break a leg, Sean, as they say in theatre circles!

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  29. Wow! What an awesome reaction from your sister-in-law. If that doesn't show how much she thinks of you, nothing will. I can sort of understand her thoughts on feeling like she's lost you. I know the few times I've seen you since you started this journey, I found it a little awkward looking at my cousin, knowing that you were, but yet you were so different. And I agree...the hugs are not the same at all. This is all just an expression of how much you are loved by your family. We're happy for your change because it means you're going to be with us for a lot longer. But it also is a message to you that we love you, the man inside...the old Sean the same as the new one! We're proud of you! Congratulations on getting the part in the play. Wish I could be there to see it. I can understand Irene's question about the leading lady. lol But she loves you and knows how much you love her...so it will be okay. She's a beautiful, wonderful woman...you are a lucky man! So, what's the play about? What's the storyline? It sucks you'll have to shave the goatee, but I'm glad you like it enough that you're going to grow it back after the play wraps. I haven't got to see it yet other than pictures. I like it.....it goes really well with the new you! I'm looking forward to Wednesdays weigh in report!!! Love ya, Cuz....keep up the good work! YOU DA MAN!

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  30. I have started reading you from day one to get a bigger picture about you and you are truly amazing. I have read comments on others blogs that you have written and I wonder how you have so much time for others and also do the amazing things you are doing. You are truly an inspiration and please keep up the writing because you are helping so many people.

    Thank you

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  31. That's great that you got the part. You've given me a lot of courage the past couple of posts. Thought I would let you know this more practical matter though. You can separate a lot of eggs at once, wisk them up a bit, then pour them into ice trays. After they freeze, pop them out and put them in a bag. OR, you can just separate them directly into the ice trays without wisking and then do the same. Then you have egg whites and just have to defrost for a minute in the microwave.

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  32. Congrats on your weight loss to date and an even bigger congrats on your play! Isn't it funny how such a little word like "weight" can hold a person back from life in such a big way?!

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  33. Hey, my friend:
    I want to be the first to day about tomorrow:

    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

    WOOT! WOOT! 1 YEAR DOWN!! NEW MAN FOUND! OPTIONS SOARING HIGH!!

    Congratulations. If I knew your address, I'd send you balloons! :)

    Thanks for helping us all out and for being a big inspiration.

    Warmly--Sandy

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  34. Drama is my greatest love....in high school Pam and I had big plans to go to New York...I was going to act and dance....she was going to write and sing....alas, it wasn't meant to be. I'm glad you're getting to do what I've always loved....it's a passion that I'm sure you'll embrace. :)

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  35. YOU GOT THE PART!
    THATS AWESOME DADDY!
    I LOVE YOU!
    xoxoxoxooxox

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