She Started Crying and Learning How To Act
Today started in a rush. I slept right through the alarm. One of the first things I learned in radio was be on time. I need to remind myself of the importance. The show is suppose to start at 6am sharp. I made it, barely, but it was a mad dash. I even prepared Courtney and me an egg and mushroom high fiber wrap. Notice I didn't say “egg white.” When you're trying to prepare breakfast in less than five minutes, separating the eggs becomes really difficult. Good thing I took a shower before bed! I do not like mornings like this. I much prefer a nice quiet relaxed breakfast with Irene and Courtney, and if I'm lucky, Amber too! The major difference from the old days this morning? Skipping breakfast wasn't an option. If it would have been any later I would've at least grabbed an apple and a banana. I'm very aware that the metabolism needs something to get it started in the mornings. I don't always make the healthiest (whole eggs) choice. But I always make a choice.
My sister-in-law is staying the night with us. Irene has several sisters, and this one hasn't seen me in a really long time. I really don't know how to take her reaction to the much smaller me. She was shocked, I mean in total disbelief. She told me I looked great and that she was happy that I was healthier for the effort and then she did something unexpected. She started crying. It wasn't tears of happiness, these were grieving tears. She was grieving the loss of the old me. She said “My entire life you've looked the same and now that person is gone.” I assured her that I was still me inside. I still have all of the memories, all of the feelings, all of the humor, I'm Sean Anderson, that will never change! She kept wiping away her tears and we hugged, to which she replied “you don't even hug the same.” I guess I didn't realize how much she loved me. It really touched me deeply. I love her too. Judging from her reaction, you would have thought I had died. And I explained to her that I would have died in the next five or ten years more than likely, had I stayed at over 500 pounds. She just kept going on about it. She'll never see the old Sean again, and that just devastated her completely. It wasn't the reaction I expected at all.
It's really a swim through a giant pool of emotions when I look at my before pictures. I can absolutely relate to the feelings my sister-in-law expressed. I look at those old pictures and I feel sorry for that guy. He's gone. He'll never be back. He'll never walk into the room. He'll never walk onto that stage. That guy died a long time ago. Oh sure, it's still me now, but the presence of that big guy will never return. And I don't want him to come back. He can't. I've completely cut off the mental hangups that gave him a thread of hope on ever returning. I guess we'll just have to get use to it, because I feel amazing---and it keeps getting better and I keep feeling sorry for that big man, but I shouldn't. It might be possible that even at my heaviest, I still loved myself enough to feel a sense of loss now for who I was then. OK---this is getting waaaayyyy too emotional and crazy deep. Let's move on to happy stuff, shall we?
Night two of auditions for “Call Me Henry” were held in the Wilken Theatre this evening. I had some good reads I believe. We did an exercise where the director had us read from a book while he directed what kind of emotion we were to use. He would change it up to see how we handled each. It was really nice. I left the auditions feeling really good about the experience. I would have never had this kind of confidence before. I arrived home at around 8:30pm and it wasn't that long after when my phone started singing “Video Killed The Radio Star” by the Buggles (I loved that song long before I had a career in radio) It was a number I didn't immediately recognize, but I had a feeling. And I was correct---It was the director calling to give me the news. I got the part! Me! Sean Anderson, in a lead role of a dramatic stage play! Can you believe it? Yes my schedule is going to get even tighter now, but this is something I've always wanted to do, always. And I'm doing it! Making the impossible possible again, that's what this road leads to my friend. This is living. I wasn't completely living before. I'm living now.
You can visit the ReAct website at www.reactatnoc.com there should be a cast and crew list posted. You'll see my name by the role of Henry Cecil Grant Jr.---I still can't believe it. I'm thrilled! Oh my, I have a bunch of lines to memorize. The two lines from that 9th grade production were so easy I still remember them to this day, how could I ever forget. But this, this is a lead role! By the way---the play is set in 1940, so my hair will be cut to fit the period. And get this---I have to shave the goatee completely off for this part! Maybe I shouldn't put an exclamation point after that last sentence, sounds like I don't like the goatee, huh. You know what, it's grown on me—literally and figuratively. Irene loves it. I had to call her first thing with the good news. She was so happy for me. Then I told her about the goatee and the haircut. She was still happy for me, but kind of disappointed. I assured her that as soon as the run wraps, the goatee returns! Then she asked the question. “If you're a leading man in this production, surely you have a leading lady?” Uh, yeah, of course! “And do you kiss her in this play?” Only a couple of times and nothing heavy (I'm pretty sure). It's acting! Irene handled this very well I thought. I only had to call her back seventeen times. I'm kidding. She didn't hang up or anything. She understood that it goes with the territory. After twenty years of marriage, I think we can handle a little on stage kiss in a dramatic production. Or two. I love you baby, thank you for your understanding and support! I could tell my girl was so happy for me. She knows I've always had the desire to try acting, she knows this. It's always been a dream of mine. A dream held back no more! I'll be in my trailer.
The audio promo for the next Daily Diary of A Winning Loser audio interview will not be posted until tomorrow night. In case you missed it in Friday's post, the next subject will be Tony “The Anti-Jared” Posnanski. Tony has lost over two hundred pounds with a no-nonsense approach---and without eating foot-long subs everyday. He's 100% straight forward honest and is unapologetic about his attitude and approach. He's a man that has turned down feature stories about him on a major TV station in Florida because the reporter asked him something that infuriated him. Imagine how nervous I am. I'm going to be talking to him in less than 24 hours! The interview will be ready for “air” and posted by Thursday evening. I hope I don't upset him, have you seen his arms? The guy has certainly built a body to be proud of. I'm impressed and inspired. Visit the “Anti-Jared” at www.theantijared.blogspot.com
After a cardio workout with the rope I'm dropping in bed. We're less than 48 hours from my next weigh-in...and this time I will certainly be below 300 pounds for the first time since I was 15 years old. I can't wait! Thank you for your continued support. Goodnight and...