Saturday, September 26, 2009

Day 376 A Crazy Dream and Praying For Jodi

Day 376

A Crazy Dream and Praying For Jodi

This time it's for real. Nothing can convince me otherwise. Not even a nightmare. I had a dream last night that I had gained back over a hundred pounds. It was a vivid dream, but I wasn't buying it. Have you ever done this? Where right in the middle of your dream you remind yourself that it's just a meaningless dream? Just a collection of your subconscious thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams, and experiences---all blended into one crazy late night movie playing inside your brain. It didn't startle me at all, not even a little. In my dream I had a third person thought of yeah right. I guess even my dreams don't quite realize just how different this time is from all the others. Dreaming about gaining a large amount of weight back and binging on ice cream and pizza didn't scare me, but it does make me wonder if deep down---like seriously deep down, do I really worry about that stuff? The mental changes I've made make it nearly impossible to go crazy on anything. I feel too good these days. I love the way I'm starting to look. More than all that, I love the way I have a clear perception of my success that includes a profound understanding of why I never had it before and why I'm having it now. This time it's for real. That crazy dream did nothing to shake my confidence, it simply gave me something to think about, and a paragraph for this blog. Because when it's for real, it's just too solid to ever believe we could go back. There is no gear for reverse on this happy train. So there! Take that crazy dream weaver!

We received some horrible news about JoEllen, my oldest sister in law. She has a cyst on the back of her brain. It's effecting her vision and giving her severe headaches. Many more doctors visits and maybe some kind of surgery is in her very near future. She just found out right before going in for surgery to remove her thyroid. She's still in the hospital. Our thoughts and prayers are with her always and even more so now. I keep reassuring Irene that it is possible for this to turn out alright. She could survive this and have a normal life again. It's too soon to try to convince JoEllen of this. While visiting her hospital bed tonight, she made mention of her hopelessness to survive this situation. I can't hear someone say something like “it's all over,” without offering positive words of encouragement and hope. That's just me. Old Sean-New Sean, doesn't matter---I have to hold onto something positive, always have. JoEllen politely snapped at me when I offered something positive. She has the right, she's the one facing this situation, I never have. It's easy for me to say. I understand. My prayer for her includes that she will be given as much hope as possible. Even just enough for her to grab a hold and pull herself up a little. It was heartbreaking in that room tonight. She's been through enough, why this? Why now? She did offer a smile and a laugh a couple of times. They were short and not super convincing, but it was a nice break from the constant sadness. Her next appointment with the doctor that discovered the cyst is on the seventh of October. I wonder if he'll move that date up?

Irene and I ran lines for a few hours last night. We worked on a very powerful scene and finally, I feel like I completely have it down. We're also planning on running lines on our trip to Frontier City tomorrow. I don't need a script to do this, so both hands will still be on the wheel and both eyes will be on the road. The other drivers along I-35 South will probably think I'm crazy, that's alright by me.

I've reached a point along this journey where the serious fun begins. Where everywhere I turn I'm experiencing things I could never do before. Tomorrow will be one of those days. I've written about my desire to go to a theme park with my family and actually fit on the rides. Well, tomorrow is the day that dream becomes reality. It'll be a completely different perspective from any theme park experience I've ever had. I can't wait to share the stories and the pictures of tomorrow's visit to Frontier City.

The Diane—Fit To The Finish interview is posted and ready for listening. Just click play on the player you see in the upper left hand corner of this blog page. It's very interesting. Anyone that's struggled with weight can relate and appreciate, and gain inspiration from her success. I've also posted archived interviews from Jack Sh*t and Tony “The Anti-Jared” Posnanski. You'll find those previous interviews further down the page on the left hand side. I hope you're able to listen to Diane's interview, I really enjoyed the conversation!

My calories and food choices were wonderful today. Irene and I worked out right here at home. We have so many wonderful workout choices at home thanks to Richard Simmons, the jump rope we purchased, the fitness trampoline, and a new DVD I won from Ang in her summer weight loss challenge! There's never really a good excuse for not working out when all you need to do is move, right? The other day Chris Williams, the director of the play I'm a part of, commented on this blog. I had talked about not working out as much lately because of my crazy schedule. He reminded me what a workout rehearsals can be, and they are. Movement of any kind. “Just move,” I need to remember my own words sometime!

Thank you for reading and following along on this most incredible journey. Wow, that sounded kind of boastful, and I'm not even apologizing about that. It is incredible. This has been everything and more than I ever thought it could be. And to think, I'm not even at my goal yet! This is pre-goal stuff! I still have a ways to go, but there's no denying---We've all come a very long way in very little time! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

10 comments:

  1. Hi Sean. I think deep in your mind there's a fear that all this happiness can't be for real. But during your dream you were able to tell the doubter that it's the fears that aren't for real.

    Really hope your SIL has a positive outcome. She has been through so much already. Good that she has such loving family around her at this toughest of times.

    Best wishes to you all,
    Bearfriend xx

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  2. It's helpful for me to read your positive outlook and your success, as I'm only on day 25 of my 365 journey to 100 pound loss. It's very inspiring to have you to learn from.

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  3. BTW, my 14 daughter was thrilled to hear the Jack interview and she doesn't believe he exists. She thinks he's just a comedian and pulling us all along!

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  4. Wow!!!I was so inspired by your pics and journey! congrats on the 101 pounds and a great day at Frontier Land ( I have our first family vacation coming up to Disneyland) let me know how you avoided all those theme park empty calories... :)

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  5. I wandered over here today by way of Diane's blog... Have fun tomorrow! I can't wait to do some of the things I have not yet been able to do because of my weight. My thoughts are with you and your family; I hope your sister-in-law pulls through this difficult time alright. And - like you - I hope she finds hope.

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  6. Had to giggle at the Dreamweaver comment. Boy did that take me back...wasn't there a song called Dream Weaver? I was in middle school and we had an assignment in Art class to create an album cover for a song. I chose that one. I separated it into two realms, which was separated by a rainbow. Sitting on the rainbow was the grim reaper. He was enveloped in clouds, rain and lightening. Below the rainbow was sunshine, flowers, green grass and the like.

    I think you've chosen your side of the rainbow, Sean and it is a good choice. Sometimes visits to the other side are just gentle reminders to never forget where we started and make us appreciate where we are today.

    Best,

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  7. I loved the interview with Diane! She is such an inspiring - and NICE - person.

    When I stopped smoking I had no desire or intention to start again. I experienced no withdrawal symptoms (I used Alan Carr's Easyway) and cravings. I was cured. But a few months later I started having the odd dream where I was smoking and it would FREAK me out! Then I realized that it was totally insignificant, in the same way that having a semi-erotic dream about someone other than your spouse does not mean that you are in any way dissatisfied with your relationship or looking for an affair. So I think you are right not to worry about this.

    Best wishes to JoEllen.

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  8. Wow, how inspiring is Diane?! Great interview.

    Dreams, the subconscious way our minds work out our problems and issues...sounds like you have a great grip on it!

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  9. I feel that could shoulder of hopelessness...reading about Irene's sister. Such horrid sickness is something we can't understand. But I will pray that God heals JoEllen's shadows, bringing light to an otherwise dark situation. I pray for the skills of the doctors and the patience of your family. Most of all...HEALING for JoEllen...God please!!!!

    I also dream and think in my dreak, "Wait. This is just a dream." And then I patiently wait to wake up.

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  10. Sean, I think it's great you've been doing these interviews. I really enjoy getting to know my fellow great bloggers better.

    I think we all have those fears of going off the deep end. I know sometimes I've found myself slipping but I do think we've changed enough to never let ourselves slip that far. Glad your inner self told the inner doubter to get lost.

    I'm so sorry to hear about Jodi. I hope she can find some hope. Prayer is an amazing thing and it can make miracles happen. Lots of prayers for her and all of you.

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