Never Forget and The Missed Workouts
I ran into an acquaintance at Wal-Mart this afternoon who hadn't seen me in a while. I guess it's been a few months. This transformation has really taken dramatic strides in the last ninety days, so her reaction was “look at you—still doing great I see!” We exchanged pleasantries and as I walked away she said “Have you forgotten what you use to feel like?” I turned and smiled, then replied, “Oh no, I'll never forget.” I never will forget what it felt like to be and live at over 500 pounds. I was there too long, I became a pro at navigating the restrictions. I had just accepted the role. With it came a long list of things I couldn't do, places I wouldn't fit, feelings of self-hatred, and scary feelings of uncertainty concerning my own mortality. I was miserable all the time, even though I could put on a smile and pretend I was comfortable in most any situation. I wasn't happy with myself at all, ever. I was just existing, getting by, surviving. I would go long stretches where losing weight was the absolute furthest thing from my mind. However, my misery was always on my mind and still I couldn't have cared less about the behaviors that kept me in that state, a tragic combination indeed. So, no...I'll never forget. Just can't.
Always remembering where I've been makes me extremely understanding and compassionate to those who are still imprisoning themselves. And yes, we do it to ourselves. It doesn't matter our circumstances, our behaviors, our emotions...it's our own doing. And we're the only ones that can change it.
I've once again missed my workout today. That makes about seven, maybe eight in the last couple of weeks. It's not good at all. I feel like I'm losing still, and that's great, but I know how important a consistent workout effort is when it comes to my ultimate goal. I'm really embarrassed by this major discrepancy in my performance lately. I'm not proud of this at all. But, (look out, here comes a good excuse, right?) BUT---I've made my schedule too tight, and when it's this crunched, things can't help but suffer. My workouts have been the hardest hit.
So as we approach the 280's, I must make a promise to myself right now to always get in some kind of exercise. Nothing crazy, just some kind of movement. Just like I tell people who are starting out, move! Anything helps the process, and it feels really good!
Courtney prepared dinner tonight. She made us a lean hamburger patty with baked crinkle cut fries. The beef was that 93/7 blend I've talked about before—only 160 calories per serving. The entire plate came in at under 400 calories.
The goatee is gone. I have to shave it for the play and now was the time. As much as I complained about it at first, I kind of miss the thing. It'll be back in early November, no problem. I'll have to post a “below 300 without a goatee” picture soon. Maybe along with the “Lost” before picture I re-discovered today. This “before” picture is a big full-body shot standing next to a 210 pound 5'10” ---and i still make him look tiny. I'll get it posted soon.
The Diane—Fit To The Finish interview is still in need of editing, but will be posted in the next couple of days.
I'm headed to bed. Thank you for reading! And welcome to all of the new readers, including my cousin Debbie. She's been a Myspace reader from Day 1. Today was her first visit to this blog! Welcome Debbie! Goodnight and...