Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Day 479 A Small Gain Is OK, Losing The Grip of Self-Honesty Is Not

Day 479

A Small Gain Is OK, Losing The Grip of Self-Honesty Is Not

This day was a long time coming. Every other weigh day before—success! Oh yeah baby---I was kickin' off pounds like Krispy Kreme cranks out donuts. I was hot and fresh every weigh day! Most times with a big smile on my face as I sent out that mass weigh day update that always screamed check this out! Uh Yeah! I do remember that weigh day several months ago when I lost five pounds and threw some kind of silly kid-like temper tantrum because I thought it wasn't enough. I seriously needed slapped that day. I'd give anything to trade today's weigh in for that five pounder.

I've said it many times before---I became spoiled real fast. Who did I think I was? Better question---What did I think I was? Some kind of weight loss machine? You know what starts to happen? I'll tell you. I can't speak for everyone, but here's what happened along my road:

I started taking my weight loss for granted. I started loving my newfound freedom. I stopped a little and smelled the roses. Took some pictures and started actually liking the man staring back at me. I was enjoying the journey, which is great, but then I started enjoying it to the point of altering my performance. 1500 calories a day, no problem—never had a problem with that budget. But remember how many workouts I would miss and how much sleep I sacrificed while enjoying the spoils of my success? Somewhere along the way I also started getting real lax in the hydration department. Plenty of water---that's an unbreakable rule along this road, but I broke it. In fact---I didn't give it much attention at all. Proof? You can't find but maybe a handful of post in all of these 479 days where I talk about my water consumption. Every time I've said I'm not perfect, what I was really saying was: I honestly know what I could do even better, but hey---I've still lost X amount of pounds! I'm still a success along this road.

And that's true. I'm extremely proud of how far I've traveled. I honestly believe that I had very little time left at over 500 pounds. I feel like I'm out of the danger zone now. But I'm not done. This isn't where it all ends. This is where I finally stop talking about cracking down on myself—-and when I actually start doing it. You might say “Sean, come on---don't be so hard on yourself!” And I appreciate that, I do---I understand what you're saying, but I also understand how I've been so easy on myself for a little too long. It's time to get back to the fundamentals of what brought me this far. It's time to get consistent on a whole new level. This last 40 some pounds will be the most stubborn 40 some ever if I don't. OK---there. I feel better. Oh, yeah---I gained two pounds. 272 last time, 274 today.

And it's not the two pounds really. It's a self-honesty issue. Self-honesty is the biggest element of this journey, and following right behind is consistency. A two pound gain isn't a big deal. Continuing to tell myself I'm doing OK when I know I could be doing better---that's unacceptable. My best always? Hardly. So please don't interpret the last few paragraphs as another temper tantrum---No, this is my personal get real post. This is about being honest with myself about where I am, where I want to be, and what I'm willing to do to get there. My transformation is remarkable---it is, but what kind of transformation could I have experienced thus far had I maintained consistency with weight training that I started in FEBRUARY!!! Can you even imagine the difference 11 months of consistent weight training would have done for me at this point? It's a self-honesty issue that upsets me with me. I must take off the cruise control—because my body is too adapted to what I'm doing. Ok---I can do cardio---I've proven that, but I must not ever again ignore strength training!! I'm not fooling my body anymore. This is when the work—the honest to goodness work starts.

I called my friend and fellow “Lose To Win” speaker Melissa Walden today. Melissa is a teacher, fitness trainer, and life coach. And at 4:45am tomorrow morning---she officially becomes my trainer. I always send her the weigh day update mass text, but today was different. After personally calling and texting a couple of friends---I called another---Melissa. The first thing she asked me was “Have you been under any kind of stress lately?” Oh. Let's see---uh--yeah, I'd say that's a fair statement. With the marital issues and now the cold turkey nicotine quit, not to mention a few other ordinary life stresses---yes---yes, I'm a little stressed lately. She told me that my body could actually be producing hormones to combat that stress. Hormones that make it a little more difficult to lose weight. What? Well---that stresses me out even more! She then started asking me questions about my diet and exercise habits these days. Melissa hasn't caught up on the blog lately! I answered the questions and she gave me hope. She said we can do this! She even mentioned raising my calories to 1800. By the time I hung up the phone---I was pumped and ready to work like never before. My first session with her is scheduled for 4:45am tomorrow. Let's do this.

I'm only meeting with her one time a week right now. The money I'm saving by not buying cigarettes more than covers the extra expense. In fact---I'll save so much by being a non-smoker—I could afford a couple of visits a week! And still put some back in that clear jar that was suggested. Great idea by the way-Friend of The Bear, thank you my friend! And thank you to everyone that has given such tremendous support as I face down this nasty smoking habit. It has been tough, real tough—but I have to admit---it's noticeably easier at this very moment. I feel empowered, I really do. It's good, no---it's great!

Thank you for reading. Thank you for your kind support. And in the grammatically incorrect words of Bachman-Turner Overdrive...You ain't seen nothing yet! Goodnight and...

Good Choices,


  1. yup, the old kick start the metabolism by uppping the calories deal.
    I do it once a month.
    It does work.
    Good luck sean, you can do this.
    First gain...not so bad.
    Keep on going bud.

  2. Awesome! It's a sign of your success that you're at this point. It means that your body is adapting and changing in response to the incredible amount of work you'v ebeen doing! I think it's great that you are going to continue to evolve and grow along this path. You're taking it to the next level - I love it! Good luck, and I'm out here with ya!

  3. Although it's understandable this little hiccup is freaking you out, it's really not a big deal. Think like a thin person! They experience small gains such as these from time to time. It doesn't derail them. They just keep doing what they are doing and it evens out.

    I'm not sure I agree with the idea that stress will make you gain weight (unless it leads you to eating above your calorie allocation) and the hormone-release hypothesis (if that were true, soldiers in the field would be obese). I think a more likely scenario is that your body is just taking a small rest. You'll see a drop at your next weigh in. Probably a significant one.

    Just keep doing what you are doing.

  4. I think its a great idea to meet with a personal trainer, if I could afford one, I'd be doing that. Just keep it up.

  5. Well I think it's great that she's a fitness coach and not just a personal trainer because she will be able to take a look at the whole picture - diet included - and not just give you a weight lifting schedule. Good way to spend that cigarette money and just think how much better off you'll be with Melissa than cigarettes.

  6. So what's your plan for more hydration? I struggle with it too, but have found two tricks that help. First, I always have my Camelbak bottle (the one with a built in straw - that is key) with me and I sip sip sip all day long. Second, I brew herbal tea in a really big mug- especially now in the winter, helps keep me warm!

  7. Can't wait to hear what you learn from your trainer!!

  8. Hmmm. I don't think that the weight gain and the smoking cessation are unrelated. It is assumed that when smokers gain weight when they quit smoking (and most do, according to research)it is because they've started snacking to avoid smoking. That's not what you have done.

    I wonder if there IS some, nothing to do with calories or any other weight loss issue, reason bodies gain weight when nicotine stops. What does nicotine do to the body, I wonder? And, so then, what happens when the nicotine stops doing it? Besides Sean gaining 2 unearned pounds?

    At any rate, I'm new to your blog, so have not read most of your journal. I did go back and read the first month. I am inspired. God has used you to add some wind to my sails.

    I believe, for the first time, that I really CAN stick to my plan--and that the freedom that I seek will be mine.

    I'm praying for you & grateful that I found your blog.


  9. Just a hiccupp. Swallow it and move on.

  10. Sean I have been my Peepaw used to say " Ain't no hill for a stepper!"

  11. Sean YOU GOT THIS man! You can make the changes you need to-to get back on to where you want to be on your journey. You have experinced some major changes recently that have caused stress which can cause weight gain. The 2 pounds is just small set back and you will lose those in no time. I hope the weight training went well and I am positive you will see better results next time you step on that scale.

  12. no biggie, I think it's stress too (as mentione donf FB) this to will pass!

  13. That's great you have someone in your life like that, it will really change how you think about food and exercise. Just be patient is my only advice. With weight training the scale can jump up and down quicker and the amount of calories is a huge factor in that, eat to little and your body sometimes holds onto everything, eat to much and the scale won't move either so it's a balancing act. The plus side of it all is you tone your body up, you feel really empowered and strong, you rev up your metabolism and you get to eat more. Water definitely plays a huge factor in there too so start guzzling. I can't wait to hear about your first workout with Melissa. You are just doing so amazing especially with all you're going through these days.

  14. You're going to be just fine. No biggie. Change is good, and stepping up the workouts, along with quitting the smokes, will make you feel even more fantastic than you already do. It's fun to watch your progress. :)

  15. It's a hiccup, I have the hiccups a lot;o)

    You are doing great and with a personal trainer you will be FAbULOUS!!!



  16. Sean, you are awsome.... not really anything else to say...

    2010.. the year of greatness!!

  17. Hey all you Sean supporters and my new client. How
    amazing to have this many people sending good thoughts
    and such a brave person to post his life's struggles. Oh! About the
    stress hormones...high levels of stress can cause your body to not reduce body fat as efficiently as it could under average levels of stress. If anyone has a question for me, just throw it out there. Sean can let me know because I have a 2 year old that requires alot of attention and I don't get to read sean's blog all the time. Lol.

    Sean-Another new road and I'm honored to be going down it with you. I will learn as much from you as you learn from me. I knew when I met you that god had a plan. Can't wait to see what the future brings!

    Melissa Walden

  18. A+ for self awareness.

  19. 274!!!! say it again 274!!!! now say 505!!!! say it again 505!!!! I know its easy to be hard on yourself. You even know the reason it happened. We don't want you to lose the weight at the pace you were losing. In a year and a half you will have disappeared. We need you around!!!!

  20. Great for you for changing things up. That seems to be the theme this week in my life and I keep hearing it at every turn."You can't grow if you don't change."

    My wt loss kicked in to gear when I started with a trainer. They can push you beyond what you know you can do. It's like lighting a torch to your metabolism. Hang in there with the smokes.

  21. Hi Sean. Well done for taking this on the chin. It's really gutting that you give up smoking for the sake of your health and then suffer a gain on account of nicotine withdrawal. But at least it is great motivation to up your cardio and strength training.

    I don't think there could be any better use for that money! What a great idea.

    You can do this!

    Bearfriend xx


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