Friday, January 22, 2010

Day 494 Letting Go of Irrational Fear and What Good Choices Mean Along The Way

Day 494

Letting Go of Irrational Fear and What Good Choices Mean Along The Way

Thursday is my training session morning. That means the alarm sounds before 3:30am, which is fine, except I couldn’t sleep last night for various reasons. Too much on my mind I guess, good and not as good. Plus my left arm injury was horribly painful this morning. What am I getting at here? I had to cancel this mornings session with Melissa. I hated to do it, I did, but with less than three hours sleep and what appears to be tendonitis in my left elbow---it just wasn’t happening. Melissa was awesome, promising to call me later and offer some advice for the arm situation. She did call and we talked about what I could do to help speed the healing process, the possibility of seeing a doctor, and what I could easily do in the workout department without further aggravating the blasted thing.

I’ve been super lucky to have gone this long without any kind of injury. I remember when I started walking in the beginning at 505, I didn’t fear an injury---it was sudden death that consumed my worried brain. So I took it easy and did what I could. I walked slowly, waddled really, just anything considered moving, and I did it everyday without fail. Now I can do things I couldn’t even have imagined back then, 5K’s on a regular basis and I even survived a 10K walk/jog. Still, I’m careful, always scared of over doing it and dropping over. I seriously need to get over this fear. It was a valid fear at one time, now it’s completely unlikely and irrational, and perhaps even somewhat of an excuse to go easy on myself. Part of my smile after that 10K was because of the relief that came with survival. I haven’t talked too much about this irrational fear, but it is a real thing, and something that I will overcome. I’m overcoming everything else, so why not?

I enjoyed three whole eggs over easy this morning. No cheese on my eggs, no---I only do that with the egg white omelets. The whole eggs checked in at 210 calories and I added a ½ cup of steel cut oats with ½ a banana. Total breakfast calories: 345. I can do that, no problem. I might even boost that up a little more. I didn’t realize how accustomed I was to eating 1500 calories. My choices and routine pace always marched right along in perfect harmony with 1500 calories. Upping the calories to 1800 has given me room to eat that bigger breakfast and perhaps an extra snack sometime during the day. I even lost three pounds during the first two week period of 1800 per day, and considering the slow down I’ve experienced---this was welcomed news! I’ll admit something to you: Even though I know that adding calories can actually help give the metabolism the boost it needs to burn even more fat, it was and is still hard to accept. Natural instincts tell us to cut the calories. Isn’t it a nice thing to be told you have to eat more?

I received an e-mail message today from a good friend requesting that I talk with one of his loved ones about my story in hopes that it might spark something in him to change. To cold call somebody on his or her dangerous weight and food issues is something I’ve learned is a generally bad idea. But this loved one of my friend seems to be in a critical state, and according to his family---in need of an intervention of some kind. I normally wouldn’t even consider attempting something like this, but this friend of mine has been a huge supporter of me for many years, mainly during my stand-up comedy days. I owe it to him to at least try my best to make positive contact with this individual. I will be doing this in the next day or two. I’m really nervous and concerned, but it will be fine. I’ll treat him with respect and compassion. He’ll sense my genuine passion for this journey---and maybe, just maybe it will make the difference my friend is hoping it will.

It reminds me of how I use to worry my family. My mom would call in the middle of the night just to ask me when I was going to “get serious” about my critical weight situation. My obesity has killed me numerous times in mom’s nightmares. It’s good not to worry her anymore. It’s one of the most wonderful things about this entire transformation. Mom still worries, she always will about something, but it’s not my weight that keeps her up at night these days. I’m such a mommas boy, and you know what? That’s fine by me. She’s an amazing woman and I love her dearly.

Yesterday I decided to workout instead of nap. Today I napped. I didn’t have a choice. I shorted myself horribly last night. After not napping yesterday, in order to go to bed earlier last night, I was unable to clear my head long enough to fall asleep. I was on fumes today and as soon as I had the chance, I dropped. I meant to sleep an hour and a half---yeah right, you know me…three hours later I awoke and realized that I had just wrecked my schedule a tad bit more.

I prepared a wonderful dinner tonight---turkey breast, mashed potatoes with gravy, yes gravy—green beans, sliced tomatoes, and the other half of that breakfast banana. It was a balanced meal and full of great taste. I had two apples at work today, bringing my fruit and vegetable count to 7 servings. I may not be a clean eater, but I’m learning all about evolving choices. I’m progressing nicely in the right direction. I have zero desire to ever be perfect, I’m too laid back and imperfect for that pursuit, but I’m starting to really get excited about eating good wholesome food.

Day 494 Sean and Day 1 Sean are two different people with different requirements and abilities. What do I mean by that? It’s simple really. My “nothing is off limits” approach was the only way for me at the start of this road. I believe it was for me and is a critical element to success for anyone trying to lose weight and change a lifetime of bad food habits. I knew that if I tried to change them all overnight, I was setting myself up for another failed attempt or temporary success at best. It was important for me to start with the simplest approach possible. I was considering my mental development, avoiding feelings of deprivation, and having a blast enjoying my favorites in responsible portions while dropping over thirty years of accumulated fat. Along the way I promised myself to eventually explore and remain open to better choices.

I’ve ended every single blog from Day 1 with “good choices” for a reason. It doesn’t mean perfect choices. It simply means good choices. And good choices are different for each individual at different times along this road. Good choices for Day 1 Sean meant simply limiting my calories to 1500, regardless of content. Good choices for Day 494 Sean means trying to eat better all the way around. I’ve dealt with the internal issues that have promoted my food addiction for years. I’ve accepted responsibility for my obesity and choices of change. I explore this examination now because I’ve had a large number of brand new readers lately that e-mail me questions regarding food choices as they start their individual journeys. I hope this paragraph clearly explains my position on the topic.

I did my squats, some kicks, three sets of sit ups, and walked two miles on the treadmill tonight. I’m not even going to say how late it was when all of this went down, my nap scrambled my schedule tonight—but I had to have that nap. OK—it was midnight. I know, horrible, just crazy really.

Thank you for reading. We’re approaching Day 500---and that sounds so crazy wonderful. I went back and read Day 18 today and had to laugh at how I talked like I’d been doing it forever. I was so solidly confident in my performance—you would have thought it was Day 200 judging by my attitude. I’m still confident in my performance and we’re getting where we’re headed in fine form. Yes, yes…we’re making it happen everyday---and that feels so good. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,


  1. Hi there, I'm new to your blog but just wanted to say congrats on such an awesome journey! Ill be back to read more and track your progress, you are truly motivating!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I am confident in your performance, too ;) You are a rockstat Sean. Try. I do wish you would try to get more sleep though. :)

  3. Just to clarify, I am not stupid. I am commenting from an iPod touch so forgive the typos!

  4. I'm sure it was that Day 18 confidence that has gotten you to Day 495. Keep working on the food, you'll get it. 7 fruits and veggies is great!

  5. Sean,

    It is a special calling that allows you the opportunity to save someone's life. It isn't something that everyone gets the opportunity to do.

    You deserve this blessing.


  6. I fear about my heart too! The women in my family all have pacemakers by 60, I am over 40 and I was once over 380 lbs. I think I have made the doctor check my heart every year since I started this.

    I am unsure how rational or irrational that fear is, but I have it too. My oldest stepson passed away at age 21 in the middle of the night from sudden cardiac death, he was active athletic 6ft tall and 145 lbs.

    Have you had a physical lately?
    I find it almost impossible to get my doctor interested or even willing to order tests, I even had to push her again recently to test my sugars because just about everyone in my family has diabetes. NO they are all close to normal size I am the only obese family member.

  7. Sean I wish I could eat as clean as you do!

  8. Man you are a true inspiration. I am at the beginning of my journey with 150+ to go for my goal. It just seems so far away, but your story really show me that it can be done. Seems like you have found the self discovery behind why you got heavy. I am working on that too.

    Follow my journey at
    "I Hate Green Apples"


  9. Almost 500 days. That's commitment but it's worth it.

  10. Hi Sean. I think this post is all about how you have evolved in many ways during this journey. It's great that those extra calories seem to be allowing you so many more healthy foods in your diet.

    Bearfriend xx


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