Monday, January 18, 2010

Day 490 No Desire To Let Go and The Undefined Finish Line

Day 490

No Desire To Let Go and The Undefined Finish Line

I’m excited to be where I am physically. I look in the mirror and sometimes it’s like looking at a stranger. I wonder if my brain will ever catch up with my body and accept that I’m smaller now? That’s a really good question.

Today was filled with writing, planning, cleaning, and preparing. I stayed busy, because when I don’t, that’s when it can get tough. I have many different personal issues crowding in on me these days and it’s sometimes difficult to shield my mission from the emotions that always derailed me before. But I’m doing it. I’ve said from the very beginning, “no emotion, no circumstance, person, place, or thing will steal this away from me.” They can’t. I refuse to let go. It was so easy to let go in the past because I really had a desire to do it anyway, then the first excuse that came along…I’d jump on it. That’s the big difference these days. I don’t have the desire to let go, in fact, it’s exactly the opposite. Now that I’ve experienced significant weight loss, I wouldn’t trade it for all the ice cream in the world.

I enjoyed a movie with Amber this afternoon, with the understanding that we would go workout together afterward, and then we fell asleep. By the time we woke up, it was time for Amber to travel over to her mom’s house for their evening plans. I was left to workout solo again tonight. This time I stayed in the apartment. I’ve decided that there is no reason that I can’t do some of these movements inside and before work of a morning. I love the way I feel after doing them---and it always makes me have a better day, so enough said. Let’s do it!

I’m making this a short post today. The one thing I’m taking from today? I’m staying positive, I’m staying on track, and I will get where I’m headed. These challenges we face, they’re not different than any number of people face everyday. We have many issues in common with many people. The difference is in how each person handles the circumstances and emotions.

I’m in the home stretch my friend. As I approach the “finish line,” that imaginary line isn’t well defined. Is it 230? Or is that too small considering my body fat percentage of 16.5%? So do I stop measuring my success by pounds lost? I have fat to lose, no question. But if weight training adds muscle and that adds good pounds---then at a point I may have to find another way of measuring my success. I’ve pretty much decided that I will not worry about all of those details. I’ll do as Melissa says---weight train and 1800 calories with cardio mixed in too. I will not let the scale make or break how I feel about my success. That’s ridiculous, but it’s all I’ve known so far.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…

Good Choices,


  1. I think you're at the point where your success has to have other measurements - how you feel - how much you can lift - how far you can run..etc. because you're right, the scale issue is giong to change once you start gaining muscle.

  2. This is my first visit to your site, and I WILL be reading from the archives forward! I'm just beginning a similar journey, started at 291 and going down to 170, and then we'll see. I've been told I'd be lean and very fit looking at 190 but, seriously? So, we'll see. You have an inspiring story, look forward to reading all about it in the next several days.

  3. Where is the finishing line? That's a tricky one. I picked an arbitrary one based on BMI but have since decided to go for a little more - to help with my running not for any other reason.

  4. Sean, I'm so excited to follow the rest of your journey. I think having flexible "finish line" is wise, given that you're in uncharted territory with your body now. Keep up the amazing work!

  5. Maybe a bucket list of accomplishments not attached to a number on a scale or anything else technical in nature but more accomplishing active things you have always wanted to do is in order. Try kayaking or flying in a glider plane or a small rock climb, or a triathlon, or a half marathon, roller skating, skiing, ballroom dancing. Start additionally measuring yourself by those things too.... the things you couldn't accomplish in a way that was fun before.

    Just my 2 cents ...and thanks for inspiring me.

  6. Sean, I think midlife_swimmer has an excellent idea! I'm just starting my journey, about 20 pounds down from my highest ever weight, but still with a lot to go, and even now I try to measure my success by meeting my smaller goals, which are not all tied to a number on a scale. Otherwise, if I gain a pound of water weight, I'll feel like a complete failure.

  7. This will be cool to watch you transition from weight loss to maintenance and whole body improvement.
    Keep up the good work.

  8. I wish I knew how to stay positive.. Like you, I am going through a hard time and feel much better when I am busy. But I think that you are much, MUCH more positive in general than I am, and I really want to learn that! It's been one of my biggest problems all my life - this negativity!

  9. I think that since you are focusing on weight training then I wouldn't worry about the number on the scale so much(this coming from someone who has to get on the scale everyday). I would go with how you feel,clothes fit and then go from there. We are all here cheering you on!!

  10. You are so inspiring. I have just restarted my journey and found your blogs a few weeks ago. I have read all of them! I wish I could get my husband to read them too - I think your blogs could change his life too!

  11. You'll know when you get there Sean. I promise. You are a rockstar.

  12. You'll probably gain some weight at first while your torn up muscle tissue holds onto fluids to protect itself. But it really is only temporary. Ultimately, you'll get to where your body needs to be. Patience really is a virtue in this process.


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