Sunday, January 24, 2010

Day 496 A Powerful Force That Can Propel Us To Our Goals

Day 496

A Powerful Force That Can Propel Us To Our Goals

I woke up this morning to the sound of my phone ringing. Dad was calling from his home in Alabama to catch up and offer encouragement. It's a very casual-comfortable relationship we have, a wonderfully refreshing exchange for a troubled past. If we don't talk for weeks on end, it's just fine. We're not constantly trying to reassure each other that we care. We have a very basic understanding for each other and we both walk with confident patience. I enjoy our relationship immensely. It's a father-son love that's completely devoid of past animosities and future expectations. When I say we wiped the slate clean and started over, that's exactly what we did. It was a requirement for my emotional development along this journey. In these travels I've learned that real forgiveness can set you free, and I'm not just talking about a father/son relationship. By the way, Dad is hanging in there---doing remarkable actually, and we're both looking forward to spending some time together later this year.

Wait a second, let's back up. If I'm not just talking about a father/son relationship, then to what am I referring? Self-forgiveness., that's a big one. I've talked before about how important self-honesty is to this journey. Without it, it can't work. We have to be honest with ourselves about our behaviors with food and the resulting obesity---and honest about how those behaviors changed, limited, and imprisoned our lives. But quickly after this self-honesty trip, I had to embrace self-forgiveness. It was the obvious next step in recovering life.

Forgiving myself for a lifetime of morbid obesity wasn't easy. The toll I took on my body, the worry I created for my loved ones, the strained and often complete lack of intimacy with my wife, the perfect recipe for morbid obesity that I so carelessly taught my children, the selfish self-centered wallow amid a pile of bad habits that I pretended didn't exist---this isn't the fun part, but I believe it's critical to my long-term success. I've heard it said by many that you can't love completely without first loving yourself. It's so true my friend. And that love blossoms with self-honesty, forgiveness, and if you really want it, sweet redemption. Imagine a love that's free of the past and gazing at the future with a confident clarity. It's a powerful force that can propel you to your goals. It's passion.

I recently talked to a friend struggling with constant negative emotions that seem to be loaded with her past and aimed directly at her future. I may not be able to relate to or fully understand unique situations, but I know all about allowing the past to complicate our struggle for a better life. I became a pro at doing just that. I asked her if she had read Day 327 in my archives, she said she hadn't---I told her to read it immediately. Now let's get something straight. I don't know everything and I'm not any kind of expert at this stuff. I highly recommend seeking professional counseling services. I'm far from a professional. But if I think something I've discovered along the way can help a friend, then I can't help but share. My knowledge and insight has grown solely from my experiences along this road and before I ever took this exit. I don't have all of the answers for me, let alone for someone else, but I know what that post has done for me. That Day 327 self-examination was assisted by friends with the knowledge and understanding and some universal truths about the way our brains work. I recently posted an excerpt of that day. Instead of doing that again, just click the link if you wish to read.

My workout today was inspired. My consumption was as rock solid as ever. My focused determination along this road is dependent on the importance level I've set for each facet. Obviously those importance levels are not all equal, if they were I'd be getting eight hours of sleep a night, I'd be completely organized, and I'd look like a body builder. You can bet I'll arrive at those places for sure. I do know this: Losing weight is 80% mental and 20% food and exercise.

Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,


  1. Sean, I NEEDED this post today. Thank you.

    - Lisa

  2. After (too long of!) a break, I finally finished reading the rest of your archives today. I had no idea that you and your wife split so recently. I hope things are going as well as they can for you two. I'm glad you haven't let the stress of the situation throw you back into bad habits. I know that's exactly what I would have done. :( I hope to have your strength one day.

  3. Sean,
    Your blog mostly makes me smile, sometimes laugh and more then not makes me cry. This one really touched me because I have had a hard time not beating myself up for treating ME so badly. How could I abuse my body in the way that I did all those years? I have asked myself that so much and I can't really figure out why. All I know is that now it's different and I am different. Thanks for this post....


  4. Hi Sean. I really think it's amazing how you are getting on with your Dad. It shows you have a very big heart. Not to mention a highly evolved personality.

    I don't know where I am on the self love thing at the moment. Certainly the complete self hatred of the past has gone. But loving myself? Hmmmm.

    Bearfriend xx

  5. After two weeks or so into my journey on my blog I started to write about my life. Starting from a baby on up. I think it will help me to figure out why I stayed fat, and got fat. By being able to go back and read it will give me the motiviation to change the things I can now change. I totally agree with you about you have to be mentally prepared for this.

    Follow my journey at
    "I Hate Green Apples"


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