Tuesday, September 15, 2015

September 15th, 2015 Seven Years Ago

September 15th, 2015 Seven Years Ago

I'm so grateful for where I am. I give thanks every day for the spiritual, emotional, mental and of course, physical transformations I've experienced. These have been some of the biggest blessings in my life.
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A simple "before and now" side by side comparison doesn't begin to tell the deepest and most important elements of the story. It's fun. It's dramatic. But unless you're aware of the multi-faceted transformation below the surface, it's shallow. If you've followed along for years, you're very aware. Tonight's post revisits the mind of "the before."

I sit here tonight, on Day 2,555-- September 15th, 2015, writing this blog just as I did on Day 1, September 15th, 2008--exactly seven years ago.

As a way to commemorate this 7 year anniversary, I'm republishing the blog from my Day 1:

As written on the night of September 15th, 2008:

Today was the all important day #1 of a long hard battle. Losing weight is something that I've always known how to do, but just didn't do. Oh yeah, I did lose 115 pounds back in 2004--But I gained it all back and then some. And honestly, I think my family is tired of hearing "someday". I know I am.

I also know that losing weight and being healthy and looking good will have tremendously positive effects on every aspect of my life. I've always known that. I firmly believe that I've allowed my weight to hold me back in my career, and more importantly: It's held my family back from fully enjoying life. That's pretty big stuff.

I'm writing this blog as a self-motivation tool. I need to write, I need to express my feelings and experiences, I need to continually remind myself of what I need to do and keep doing. That's what this blog is all about. 

If you read this blog and have a laugh or feel inspired to lose weight too, then it's all the better! But I'm doing it for me. And by doing it for me, I'm also doing it for my beautiful wife and two daughters. 

How important is it that I lose the weight now? Well...every now and then I day dream a nightmare where I envision my family at my funeral. I know...it's dark! And very scary. But every time I have a little pain I wonder, is this it? Am I about to collapse? Will my funeral be Thursday?? That's very depressing and scary stuff. But when you're as big as I am, it's something that you have to think about all the time. 

Again, the question comes: Then why is it so hard to lose the weight? Well, it's hard because there are so many psychological factors that play a part in our daily choices. I eat because it taste good...I eat because I'm stressed out over something...I eat because "we're celebrating"...I eat because it's much easier to eat whatever you want than count calories and make healthy choices. I never exercise on purpose because it's way easier to not. But all of this must change. 

I convinced myself that my eating and lack of exercise was controlled by my stress level and emotions. So surely I can convince myself that despite a high stress life, I can still eat less and workout. And that's exactly how to lose weight. Eat less and work out. I don't want a surgery or a lapband or anything other than complete control of myself.

This is all about making choices. Every choice we make has a consequence...some good, some bad...Some real good, Some very, very bad. Choices and consequences, that's what it's all about.

So what am I doing? I'm choosing 1500 calories a day and exercise. I've proven this combination works for me (see 2004 reference above). 

Tomorrow I weigh. I'm really scared at what I might weigh. I guarantee it'll be more than you think. But one thing I promise in this blog...I'll put it all out there...As much as it might be embarrassing to announce my weight tomorrow night, I will. I have to...because I must make myself accountable. 

I know it will be over 500 pounds...It will for sure. I'll report on my weigh in tomorrow night.

Today was day 1. A successful day 1. I even turned down fresh baked Otis Spunkmeyer cookies! Ya see my bank has cookie days every Monday and Friday...so naturally I do all my banking on those days, because even though you're suppose to come inside to get the free cookies, they know me so well, that they will send them through the tube in the drive-through. Today was cookie day, and without my asking, they sent me some cookies with my cash. It was a test! I politely declined the cookies and pushed the button jetting them back to the teller. I explained to a shocked panel of tellers that I was trying to count calories, and although I can have 1500 a day, I couldn't waste 250 on that delicious little cookie. Day 1 and already a test of will power. This is gonna be fun.

I look forward to this blog. I believe it will help me stay on track and maybe along the way it will inspire someone else to stay on track.

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Okay...I get emotional reading that post. I haven't read it in quite a while.

A lot has changed over the last seven years. Everything has evolved in the way it needed to evolve. That thought is sometimes difficult to accept with 100% conviction because some things sure didn't seem like it needed to be the way it was, in its time. The most challenging moments of the last seven years provided incredible opportunities for learning and growth. And, sometimes, I think that's the best we can hope and pray for.

I read this Day 1 post and so many things pop out at me, leaving me thinking--just wait, buddy--you've got a lot of learning ahead of you. Thank God I opened my mind and heart to learning along the way. 

I'm still learning to this day. That never stops. If ever I boldly proclaim I know it all, that will be the beginning of the end, because I'll be too content in my knowledge to notice the natural evolution of growth trying to get my attention.
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I doctored my injured running toe. It's feeling better after my minor bleed while running last night. I didn't realize it until today, but the pain in the right foot must have triggered my left leg to overcompensate, because my left leg has been exceptionally sore all day.

I've taken the night off from exercise. I think that's the right thing to do.

The part about weighing tomorrow on that Day 1 post is interesting, because...

Tomorrow I weigh. I'm no longer scared of what I might weigh. I guarantee it'll be somewhere close to the number from two weeks ago. The promise continues in this blog...I'll put it out there. There's never any embarrassment. I will share it. It's been an important part of my accountability for seven years.

Your support has been a critically important part of my transformation. Thank you, my friend.

My Tweets Today:






















Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

18 comments:

  1. I've read every one of your posts, Sean! Such a journey.

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  2. Been following you since 2008 and you are my inspiration. Am expecting your video blog to bring many more people with our "needs" (large amounts of weight to lose) aboard, to be inspired by you, Sean. Thank you for being there for us!!!!!
    N~

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    1. Nancy, thank you!! I have high hopes for the video blog. It'll be fun to produce along the way.
      Your support is amazing to me, Nancy. Thank you. And you're very welcome, always!

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  3. I only found your blog a year ago so I it was nice to read this first ever post! What an incredible journey you've been on! I will be 59 in seven years which feels really weird to me. I am so grateful that you decided to share your stories and lessons with us because you inspire us daily to keep going on our own journeys. Thank you!

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    1. Kerstin, I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for this! I'm surprised how this blog has truly sparked so many other blessings in my life. I'm so glad you've found inspiration in these pages. Very welcome, always.
      It's always fascinating to me how we can be very different in so many ways, yet--so many of the dynamics seem universal.

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  4. Excellent post, boy does that help. I would love to start from the beginning because I too just found your blog recently. So you even blogged as you were regaining? Well anyway thank you, so well written.

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    1. Robin-- during the deepest-darkest points of relapse/regain, I didn't write anything. An occasional "I'm lost and I'm proclaiming to turn it around" type post would pop up...but no, the simple answer to your question is, no. When I seemingly threw it all away, I came very close to wiping this blog from the internet. I'm glad this post resonated with you!
      I'm glad I didn't wipe this blog off the map!

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  5. High five and congratulations, Sean! Just think, you are an entirely different person from seven years ago. Inside and out. I read somewhere once that your body, skin, pretty much everything is re-generated on a cycle of 7 years. So that old Sean got you here but now you are new and better than ever. Keep on keepin' on! =)

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    1. Allyson, thank you!! The regeneration thing is super fascinating.

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  6. Seven years ago. I bet looking back to then and seeing now you can't believe that you are in the place you are. Incredible. Something you wrote holds true to me also like many I'm sure. But you wrote 7 years ago .. you said "I eat what i eat because its just easier to do then to count calories." SO damn true! I get so sick of it. How many times have I stopped counting because I just get so tired.. mentally it just exhaust me. My emotions have been high recently because of this. I want to throw in the towel. I want to say and excuse me.. "F" it all... and I know I can't because I'm smart enough to know this isn't a diet its a way of life. Its how "normal" people eat.... I'm not doing anything spectacular.. I'm just being.. but damn it.. some times I just want what I want and not worry about what goes in my mouth... I want to be that skinny women who can eat what she wants and or not care.... that being said... I do care. I do want health... and for that... I continue to read your blog and others and to be inspired to get out there and move myself to being better!
    oh and sorry to vent! :)
    Rosie

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    1. Rosie, I think you may have read a post or two where I've discussed this idea of how I wanted to be someone else's normal. I would love to be someone who didn't need to ever worry about any of this. But the fact is, I'm not. And the quicker I embraced my authentic reality instead of constantly trying to be something I wasn't, the quicker things became much easier to embrace.
      And it gets easier, Rosie. Good tools help. MyFitnessPal has been a fantastic tool for me. The more you use it, the smarter it gets--because it remembers everything you've eaten over the history of usage--eventually logging meals becomes something entirely simple and fast.
      Rosie-- you're doing great things. You're moving in a wonderfully positive direction. Don't give up and don't stop, please. You're worth the effort. You deserve this level of self-care. You deserve the best!

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  7. And I'll bet you never could have dreamed, all those years back, how many people you would be helping as you shared your journey here. So thank you for that, too, Sean. :-)

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    1. Oh Retta, it's indeed been one of the most unexpected and beautiful blessings of my life. I just wanted to stay on track. That's it. And I figured if i made myself sit down each night and recount the day, it would do something special for me. And wow, has it ever!
      You're welcome. And thank you for your longtime, loyal readership and fantastic support!
      I appreciate you, Retta. Very much.

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  8. Congratulations, Sean! So inspiring! I agree, you have done great things not just for yourself but you have helped so many other people both directly and by your example!

    Dede

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    1. Dede, thank you very much! I'm a very lucky man. That's for sure. I never dreamed things would evolve the way they have--and be where they are today. It's been an enormous blessing on multiple levels!

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