Tuesday, October 13, 2015

October 13th, 2015 The Truth Never Gives Up

October 13th, 2015 The Truth Never Gives Up

Making it through challenging parts of a particular day's schedule is sometimes tricky. The past two days have included evening job commitments and even though I sometimes get a midday break, it still makes for a long day. Days like this require me to plan better. My continued maintenance and recovery depends on my unwillingness to compromise the integrity of my personal plan.

I didn't plan well for tonight. We had a huge annual event at a big casino. It was Ladies Night Out 2015! It's plenty of free wine, free food, vendor booths and prizes! My job was greeting people and walking around making occasional announcements. I really thought I would make a dinner plate from the free food selections provided. It was really good food. But it just wasn't clicking with my plan. I did allow for some fried mushrooms--simply because I love them and these looked worth the investment. And they were, for certain.

In hindsight, this would have been a great night to have my go-to meal on the go of almonds, cheese and fruit. Instead, I opted to use the mushrooms as a holdover, and cook a late dinner at home. I don't like eating so incredibly late, but I'll allow it because it's not the rule, it's an occasional exception. And as long as what I'm eating meets certain criteria within my plan, I'm fine. 
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It feels strangely fantastic to receive so many compliments at once. In other words, it can feel strange and fantastic at the same time. An annual event like this has found me at every physical condition along my trek: At my heaviest, during weight loss mode, during relapse/regain, during weight loss mode part two and now, during maintenance. Many of the people at this event are ones I rarely see but once a year, at this event. 

Simply saying thank you isn't always easy. I did say a simple, "thank you, I feel great," most of the time and simply "thank you." But a couple of times I also caught myself saying, "you're too kind."

The key for me, is not getting caught up in these. Does it feel good? Yes. Do I have loads more confidence? Yes. But I continuously remind myself, it's still me--I'm the same guy--The 500 pound Sean, the 220 pound Sean--same person underneath. And it's in these thoughts where I find comfort and peace. 

The realization that my self-worth and identity isn't attached to a number has easily been the most profound epiphany I've experienced along the way. In this embrace, I'm no longer dividing myself in two, with a bad and good version. I'm good, period. I was good then and I'm good now. I'm simply at a healthier weight. And that's a wonderful thing.

All that I do--the accountability measures, the support measures, the weighing, measuring, the logging--it's all part of my normal, my personal list of fundamental elements---and it's holding these in the highest regard that will bring me the greatest opportunity for continued maintenance and recovery.

There isn't ever a time in my future where these elements aren't needed. For some, the thought of finding a life groove that's sustainable seems like a burden. It might seem unfair, too.

I mean, let's be honest, we all know someone who can eat whatever they want when they want and hardly ever gain an ounce. Those people are normal. People like us look at a pie and gain three pounds. And guess what? We're normal, too. The difference is, this is my normal and that's theirs. We're all different.

We're all trying to identify our normal. And once we do, even if it isn't the normal we wanted--the quicker we love and embrace it as ours, the quicker we can get on to experiencing a freedom and peace unlike any other experience in our lives. 

It really comes down to acceptance of personal truths. The truth never gives up either. The longer we try to ignore it or pretend it doesn't exist, the more it asserts itself until eventually it can't be denied. That's the point where loving acceptance makes most everything fall into place.

Tomorrow is my bi-weekly weigh-in at the doctor's office. I haven't a clue what I'll find. Honestly, given the minor, yet very painful medical condition I've had for the last two and a half weeks coupled with an unforgiving schedule--and how I've certainly sacrificed my consistent workout schedule as a reaction to the circumstances--it could be another gain.

It's important that whatever the number is tomorrow, I'm okay. I'm healing and although I may not be back to 100%, I can workout--especially on the elliptical (proved that the other night). If I see a gain, I'll likely not change anything food/calorie wise. I'll just see what effect resuming a consistent workout schedule might bring for the next two weeks.

I've stayed up plenty late tonight. I think there's enough separation between dinner and bedtime. I'm hitting the pillow knowing I maintained the integrity of my food plan. I feel very well.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

6 comments:

  1. Great post, Sean! Really crystallizes some concepts for me. Appreciate the insights.

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    1. I'm glad it resonated, Lance! Certainly!

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  2. Thanks for the psychological approach to our journey. Finding OUR normal and embracing it! Needed that, especially today.
    N~

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    1. Nancy--happy it impacted you that way. :)

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  3. Ya look good , Sean!
    And why oh why do casino's have the worst rugs?
    Do you think they do that to keep us on our toes?
    To distract us because we lose money? ha... now that's funny!
    I notice the oddest things, Sean..
    Sorry so random..
    And Not sure how you do it with all the temptations. So question and I know you don't have time to answer me... but maybe you can address it someday in your blog...
    What in life turns you on.. or turns you off? Now that your thin , do you look at heavy people differently ? Say in a store or just an outing? I know you wouldn't judge them. I just mean.. do you want to walk up to someone and say.. "Hey! I've been there!" You can do it when your ready?
    If thats to personal.. I would understand. I just get curious what others start to feel towards other people around them.

    Thanks!
    Rosie :)

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    1. Rosie, you're hilarious. Excellent questions about the carpeting.
      I don't know how to answer some of that. Not sure what you mean. :)
      But as far as how I see others who are heavy? I see myself in them.
      I get it. But I don't ever pull anyone aside and say anything about their weight or about my experience. I did a few times and it was never a good idea. But-- if someone approaches me and asks for direction of some kind, I will always try to help. But I'll never impose it on them. I certainly don't judge. I lived as a 500 pound man for twenty years, I know how it feels. That experience leaves me very compassionate and understanding about the different dynamics involved.

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