Thursday, October 22, 2015

October 22nd, 2015 In Defense of This Place

October 22nd, 2015 In Defense of This Place

From Day 37 --October 22nd, 2008:
Tomorrow is my 37th birthday. Another year older is much easier to take when you realize that you're doing something positive everyday. Bring it on 37!

From Day 403 --October 22nd, 2009:
Tomorrow will be my 38th birthday. As I reflect on what will forever be known as the age I finally got it together and lost the weight, I have to smile and give thanks. Thank you to my beautiful wife and daughters for being by my side. Thank you to Irene for never giving up on me. After twenty years of telling me how worried she was about my obesity, I finally listened. My 37th year has been monumental, easily the best year of my life. It’s really kind of ‘Dickens-esque’ “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” could accurately describe the last year. But you know what? It’s mostly been fabulous! Yes I said fabulous!! Turning 38 tomorrow doesn’t really bother me like it would if I still weighed over 500 pounds. I’m no longer one year closer to an early grave, I’m one year closer to being healthy and living my dreams. It’s going to be a great year ahead, it really will be.

From Day 771 --October 28th, 2010:
Saturday the 23rd was my thirty-ninth birthday. And even though I don't necessarily like the idea of quickly approaching forty, I couldn't be more thrilled about a birthday. Age thirty-nine is poised to be the most rewarding, personally and professionally, than any other year in my life. As much as I like to kid around about being "upset" over growing older, deep down--it's contrary. I'm still young and since losing all of this weight, I feel like my entire life has been redefined, opened up to a fresh new start where anything is possible. My weight loss makes me feel like a kid again, with unlimited potential--unaffected by the turmoils of life and the restrictions we grow to believe exist. This freedom, well--it's amazing really, so thirty-nine? No problem. It will be what we make it, because if I've learned anything in the last 771 days, it's this: The outlook for the future is determined by the attitude I apply and the choices I make along the way.

There weren't any birthday related postings in 2011, 2012 or 2013. My blogging discipline had become sporadic at best--The "Daily Diary" became the "Every Once In A While" Diary...And although I maintained fairly well for nearly a year and a half after hitting 230 in November 2010, the decline of my fundamental elements caught up to me. Reading my birthday post from last year was fun. The turnaround from relapse/regain was of course, in full force.

From October 23rd, 2014:
I woke up today feeling good about it being my 43rd birthday. I tried to go back into the archives to read how I was doing on my 42nd birthday, but I didn't blog a single page the last half of 2013. Honestly, I didn't need to read about it, I remember it well. I woke feeling depressed a year ago. I had gained back a big amount of weight and I was in the middle of the 'I've got to get a handle on this, now' cycle. That cycle was two or three days of doing well followed by two weeks of doing bad--and repeat. 

Waking up today and feeling alive again felt incredible. A year ago, it felt improbable to ever feel like this again. When I looked in the mirror last year, all I could see was someone getting older and looking older--and worst of all, a man who was quickly losing hope for anything better. Honestly, it was mild to moderate depression. 

I looked in the mirror this morning and staring back at me was a man who has a renewed spirit, new hope, dreams and most of all, a new attitude and perspective. My state of mind is one hundred eighty degrees what it was on this day a year ago. My whole world has opened.

Only I know how truly bad it became--because it hit levels I haven't shared with anyone. Suffice to say, this turnaround, in my opinion, is nothing short of a miracle. I am truly blessed.

I turn forty-four years old tomorrow (Friday the 23rd). Seven years after starting this experience, I find myself at a weight I haven't experienced since eleven years old. My blood pressure is normal. My blood work numbers are all in the excellent or normal category, I sleep well and truly, I feel physically better than ever before in my adult life. 

Even better than the numbers, is the peace and calm--mentally, emotionally and spiritually, like I've never known. This place of being, is precious to me. Every day that I maintain the integrity of my fundamental elements, I do it in defense of this place. It is not a burden, a chore, a departure from who I am or anything like that, because it has my embrace. It has my respect.

It is not a given or a guarantee. I don't "got this," and it isn't "all me." It's one day at a time, each day--staying connected with support in a variety of ways and expressing heartfelt gratitude every day for the recovery I've found. I hope and pray I never again abandon what's critical for my long term recovery.

Forty-four is young. I'm lucky. Of course, occasionally I notice a few more gray hairs--and the pigment-less old man bushes growing out of my ears--coupled with Andy Rooney-strong eye brows that require trimming monthly...but honestly, at the end of the day, those things don't matter. They don't even matter in the morning or middle of the day.

I feel the love. From my family, my colleagues, my friends in weight loss support, my listeners, the readers of this blog and more. And I don't reject, I embrace, because...

I feel loved by me. Truly, deeply.

Letting the Tweets tell the tale of today. Goodnight and thank you for reading.

My Tweets Today:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

12 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday and many more.

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  2. Happy birthday - you've come a long way! -Beth

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  3. No celebrating on your birthday? Mine is in 2 weeks. Happy birthday! Did you ever drink alcohol? I don't think I have ever heard you mention even having a beer. Of course, I know one doesn't have to celebrate with food or drink LOL but at least a special meal cooked by someone who loves you is nice. I don't care for take out or most restaurants but a nice home cooked meal, AWESOME.

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  4. HB2U :) Hope you (or your loved ones) treat yourself to something not food-related, like a movie, concert, a new pair of pants, or just spending time together. Life's celebrations do not have to revolve around eating. Hope you have a great day!

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  5. A Happy pair of 4's to you this Oct. 23rd day of 2015! Sean you are the greatest!!!!
    N~

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  6. I hope you are having a wonderful evening celebrating your big 44 birthday! You can feel proud of the hurdles you have cleared in your past.
    ~~ Megan

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  7. Happy Birthday , Sean!
    Make it spectacular!
    :)
    Rosie

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  8. Happy, happy birthday! Enjoy. I know you will. :)

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  9. Happy Birthday Sean, I hope you enjoyed your day to the fullest!

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  10. Happy Birthday. Just think that at this moment, you're as young as you're ever be!!! You're an inspiration, my friend!!! Many more birthdays!!!

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  11. Your food choices amaze me!! Such creativity and diversity!! Taking snapshots and headed to grocery store now, I needed some good dinner ideas, thank you so much.

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I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. Thank you for your support!






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